Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Why the hell didn’t you call me sooner?” Aunt Joan’s voice startles me from my tears.
“I didn’t call you.”
I have no idea how she’s here, how she knew to come.
She’s got my purse slung over one shoulder and her purse slung over the other.
The crease between her eyebrows is as deep as a trench.
Kiara is standing directly behind her, looking at me with a soft expression that makes me look away. How are they here?
Julia pats my knee. “I’m gonna go, but I’ll come back and check on you.” She gives me a tender smile, stands up, navigates around Aunt Joan and Kiara, and leaves the waiting room.
“Good thing I was already on my way to visit when that doctor friend of yours called,” Aunt Joan says, plopping down in a seat across the aisle.
Cosmos. He called them? After everything?
Kiara takes the seat next to me and pulls me into a side hug. “How are you holding up?”
I don’t have an answer. I’m trying desperately to pull myself together so they don’t see what a mess I am.
The last thing I need is to lose them, too.
But, it’s impossible to contort my features into any semblance of normalcy.
My world is hanging by a thread. Dangling over a black abyss.
Damocles’ sword is poised to cut the string.
The universe will probably laugh as I sink into oblivion.
It’s like a cruel joke. Give someone one thing in the world that they love, one person who really sees them, then rip that person from their grip.
“Sorry, that was a ridiculous question,” Kiara says.
“Yeah. It was.”
Surprise flickers across her face—I’ve never snapped at her before—but she quickly wipes it away. “We brought muffins.”
Aunt Joan takes the seat on the other side of me and pulls a package of cinnamon coffee cake muffins out of her bag. I don’t feel like eating, but when she hands me one, I take it, and pick at the crumble topping without eating it.
“Now, tell us what happened, kiddo, or I’m gonna go crazy worrying.” Aunt Joan shoves a massive bite of muffin into her mouth and waits.
It takes a long time to get through the story, even though there’s not much to tell. Aunt Joan occasionally asks questions—most of which I can’t answer. Kiara occasionally makes a low, soothing hum and exclaims, “I’m so sorry.”
When I finish, they both surround me in a hug. Fresh tears pinch my eyes, but I don’t let them fall.
Someone clears their throat, and we break apart.
Aunt Joan looks up and smiles. “Hey, Handsome Doctor Man. You save my best friend yet?”
I follow her gaze and find Cosmos. I can see all the words we said before in his eyes, all the hurt. But there’s something else there too, something guarded that makes my lungs constrict.
“I’m going to take you back to a private room so you can talk to Dr. Newberry, okay?” Each word is careful, precise.
“I’m coming too.” Aunt Joan hops to her feet, but mine won’t cooperate. I’m glued to the chair, stuck looking at Cosmos’ face. It’s not good news.
If I stay here, I won’t have to know. I don’t want to know. If only time would stop, so I’d never have to move forward. I want to go back to yesterday, when Mom was fine, when everything was perfect.
Time doesn’t obey me. It just keeps ticking. One second after another.
“Can we all come?” Kiara asks.
“It’s up to Hazel.” There’s more in those words than permission. There’s a question. An offer.
I shake it off. I can’t have them there. It’s too much work to hold myself together, and I can guess what’s coming. I already know. What happens when I actually hear the words, when I have to face the reality? I don’t want them to see me like that. I can’t let them. Any of them.
“I want to talk to the doctor alone.”
Aunt Joan is clearly offended and starts to argue, but Cosmos puts up a hand. “It’s up to Miss Berton.”
The formality of it pierces through me and confirms what I already know. Mom isn’t okay. And neither are we.
I follow Cosmos out the door and down the hall. He’s silent. He doesn’t touch me. One part of me wishes he would. I want to grab his hand and hold on to his strength. But I know the truth now. Without the ability to stop time, he doesn’t want me.
When we come to a closed door at the end of the hall, he blocks me from opening it. “Let me come in with you. You don’t have to face this alone.”
“This doesn’t concern you, Cosmos.”
“You’re wrong. Anything that concerns you, concerns me.”
“Stop.” I hold up a hand. He’s so close my fingertips brush his chest before I pull back. “Stop pretending it’s all still fine. It’s not. Just drop the act.”
“Act?” Cosmos huffs out a breath and takes my wrist. “You think you can scare me off with a few tears?”
“It wasn’t a few tears. I’m barely holding it together. Just let me go. Before it’s even worse.”
He pulls my hand to his chest, holding it against his heart. “Hazel, you have every right to be emotional right now.”
“But it’s not just right now. That’s what I keep trying to tell you.
You might be fine with it now, but what about when I come home sobbing from the grocery store for no discernible reason?
What about when you forget to kiss me goodnight, and I take it too personally?
What about when my anxiety is bad and I can’t handle you touching me without washing your hands first or I have a panic attack in front of your whole family on Christmas morning? It’s not worth it.”
“Not worth it?” Cosmos drops my hands and steps back. I’ve never seen him like this—completely crushed. “How can you claim to know how I’ll react to any of that? Don’t you trust me—trust us?”
The door swings open and slams into my toe. I curse under my breath as I grab my foot and hop on one leg.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Dr. Newberry apologizes from the doorway. “I was just coming to find you both. Are you okay?”
Of course I’m not okay, but I grit my teeth and nod, stumbling into the small room. The only furniture is a round table and a few chairs. Mom’s oncologist, Dr. Kim, is sitting in one of them, and Viraj and Samantha are in the others. Two seats remain empty. Cosmos hoovers in the doorway.
“Cosmos can stay if you’d like the support,” Dr. Newberry says. His expression is a little stiff, but his smile is kind.
“No.”
I don’t need more heartache in this room.
Cosmos turns and walks away without closing the door. Viraj and Samantha exchange confused looks before Samantha stands and shuts the door with a decisive click.
Dr. Newberry leans forward. “I’m so sorry, Miss Berton, but…”
And the sword drops.