Chapter 43 #2
He flips the title page to the back of the stack and looks down at the dedication. I say it aloud from memory.
“I wrote this book for my mom, who will never get to read it. But, I’m dedicating it to someone else (I don’t think she’ll mind, because I know how much she loved love).
This is for the man who taught me it’s okay to love romance novels, then swept me into one of my own.
To the man I pushed away because I was too afraid.
To the man I love. To Cosmos Romero, romance novel bucket lists, and hope. ”
His eyes lock with mine and hold.
“Um, so… no one else has ever read this. I want you to read it first. I can change it if you don’t want your name in it. I’m sorry I…” My voice breaks on a sob. “W-would you give me another chance?”
“Oh, my sweet darling.” He steps fully into my space.
One hand holds the pages of my book. The other wraps around my waist and pulls me close.
“I was so nervous when I got your text. I was prepared to grovel and beg. I thought maybe the romantic setting,” he wiggles his eyebrows, gaze flicking to the single candle, “would help my case.”
I can’t help laughing and leaning into him.
“It broke my heart that I couldn’t be with you as you grieved. I want to be with you when you’re hurting.” He brushes the back of his hand across my cheek. “On good days and bad ones, too. I want to know every facet and color and shade of you, Hazel.”
“What if you don’t like what you find?”
“Impossible.”
“I’m serious.” I pull back, trying to see him more clearly.
“Hazel, we might not like everything about each other at every moment for the rest of our lives. We’ll fight.
We’ll get annoyed. Maybe we won’t be together forever.
I don’t know. I can’t see the future, and I can’t stop time anymore.
” His palm gently cups the side of my face.
“Life doesn’t come with guarantees. All we’re offered is hope and love.
I love you. I chose you. For as long as you’ll have me. Will you have me?”
I know why Emily Dickinson called hope a thing with wings—it flutters.
A teasing smirk deepens his dimples. “I’m not quite as perfect as I seem, either.”
“You do think very highly of yourself. Cocky, even.” I laugh, the noise watery, but full of happiness.
He bends slightly and tilts my chin up so we’re looking at each other. Barely an inch separates his lips from mine. “I think very highly of you, Hazel Berton.”
That fluttery feeling takes flight, spreading out from my heart. “I love you, too, Cosmos Romero.”
He looks a little surprised, like he didn’t expect me to say it. But it quickly morphs into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. His dimples are so deep I could balance dimes in them.
He’s still smiling when he kisses me. We both are. A happy, playful kiss. Until we’re interrupted by a single knock, followed by three quick ones.
“That’s Viraj. Dr. Newberry must be looking for me.” I’ve never seen Cosmos pout before, and it’s kind of adorable. “I should go.”
I step back so he can open the door, but he grabs me and gives me one more kiss, this one full of all the ones we’ve missed while we were apart and the promise of more to come.
The knock sounds again, and we pull back and look at each other, knowing this is just goodbye for now. The rhythm cuts off halfway through. It couldn’t be… could it?
Cosmos’ expression mirrors the excited uncertainty I’m feeling. He swings open the door.
“You two kids—” Viraj doesn’t finish the sentence before Cosmos grabs me by the shoulders and stares right into my eyes. Viraj goes silent. Everything and everyone is silent.
Time stands still.
Cosmos’ eyes sparkle with mischief. “I think we forgot something in the storage closet.”
“What’d we forget?” I play along, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt.
Cosmos kisses my nose, then looks away.
“Stall,” he says to Viraj before pulling me back into the closet. He slams the door shut and turns his eyes on me. “We need to cross something else off our romance novel bucket list.”
“Whatever do you mean?” I say in my best imitation of a Regency heroine. The fire in his gaze smolders, heating every part of me. I want to make this feeling last forever—the feeling of being desired so completely.
“Don’t act coy with me, Miss Berton.” Cosmos lifts my chin, so we’re eye-to-eye. His thumb grazes over my bottom lip, and my knees go weak.
“I have it on good authority, that you know exactly how to please a man.” His hands slide down my back, skimming down my outer thighs until they reach the hem of my dress, fingertips finally touching skin. I’ve never been more thankful I wore a dress.
He grabs my waist and lifts me in one smooth motion. My legs wrap around him, back pressing against the wall. Our eyes tell each other stories more clearly than any words on a page, communicating all we’ve missed, longed for, and hoped.
“Hmmm. But do you know how to please a woman?” I tease, riling him up.
“You had no complaints before.” He breaks eye contact to stamp kisses down the slope of my neck, making me arch into him. Breathless with longing.
“That was a very, very long time ago.”
“An eternity ago.” His hands rub up my side, and his thumbs brush the underside of my breasts. I moan, wanting more. He bites my shoulder. “I’ll have to prove it to you again.”
“If you must, you—” I don’t finish the sentence, because Cosmos is making it difficult to think straight. He’s looking at me again, and the dark center of his eyes swallows the dark brown outer ring. I swear I can see his soul staring right into my heart.
His every touch speaks of love. Every impassioned whisper shouts love. And when I come, I scream his name. Loud enough for the entire world to hear if it wasn’t silently paused.
We hold hands as we step out of the storage closet only four minutes later, though for us it was hours.
This time, Cosmos doesn’t let go when we round the corner and run into Samantha.
I don’t push him away when Dr. Newberry joins the conversation and tells me again how sorry he is about my mom.
I let the tears come and lean into Cosmos.
He wraps his arm around me, and Dr. Newberry tells him he can sign out early, sending us on our way with his regards.
By the time we get to the elevator, Aunt Joan and Kiara have blown up my phone with texts. I show Cosmos the messages from his cheering squad and tell him about the book club. He’s already read this month’s book—because, of course, he has—so I invite him to join us for tomorrow’s discussion.
When I first walked into this hospital with Mom, I was terrified. Now, walking out the sliding glass doors, hand-in-hand with Cosmos, I’m still afraid. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly stop being scared, just like I’ll never stop missing Mom. But I know I’m not alone.
I have Aunt Joan and Kiara and Cosmos—maybe even Jeremy.
Cosmos looks at me out of the corner of his eye and squeezes my hand. I squeeze his back. I don’t know how we’ll spend the rest of our day or what will become of the rest of our lives. But that’s okay. Because, even in her death, Mom gave me one last gift.
Hope.