29. Lizzie #2
“Is it wrong of me to be happy about that?” He offers me a sad smile.
“But even if he were, your son is amazing, Lizette. You’ve done a great job.
But I’m happy to know he doesn’t have Landon Carter’s blood flowing through his veins.
I guess I’m maybe not as happy to know—okay, I’m downright unhappy to know—that you had someone else that you were involved with enough that you had a child together.
You made an amazing child with someone else.
I know I have no right to be upset that you moved on, so please don’t misunderstand me. ”
I don’t know what to say. I’m trying to unpack his words.
He sits back up and then rests his head on the back of the couch.
I’m already doing the same. I twist my head so I can look at him for a few seconds.
He’s objectively gorgeous—he always has been.
But there’s a softness—not to be mistaken for weakness—that radiates from him.
It feels like… safety. Like a place to rest for a while and not have to worry about all things in life that weigh on me.
“Simon isn’t my biological son,” I whisper.
He whips his head toward me.
“Do you remember my friend Sylvia? The one who had the fairytale romance I used to joke about with her high school boyfriend?”
“Taylor? Something like that?” he asks.
“Tyler. But yes.”
“So, when I was twenty-nine…” Suddenly, it feels like someone’s hand is around my windpipe, and I pause.
It’s still so damn hard to talk about this.
I clear my throat and swallow a few times to try to get the lump I’m feeling to go away.
“Right after college, Sylvia got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. She had to keep track of her blood sugar because it was all over the place, and it made it hard to plan snacks and meals. After failed attempts to control it, she had a glucose monitor embedded in her arm to track her blood sugar numbers. It prevented her from sticking herself so many times a day. Her finger pads...” I pause briefly.
“Anyway, Sylvia and Tyler had Simon when she was twenty-seven.” My throat thickens as I think about what happened.
“Sylvia was on a trip with Tyler and her parents. She was driving the overnight leg, and what they think happened is that her continuous blood sugar meter failed, and Sylvia... Well, if you know anything about low blood sugar, it can cause severe issues. In Sylvia’s case, she crashed into a tollbooth, and then a semi right behind her crashed into her. ”
“Jesus,” he whispered.
“When it happened, everyone who was in the car was critically injured. Sylvia’s parents were gone almost instantly. Sylvia herself was critically injured, as was Tyler. He succumbed to his injuries twelve hours later, but Sylvia lingered for four days.
“I… I was with Sylvia when she died. I stayed by her side. How could I not? She was always there for me, especially during my most difficult years.”
I take a few seconds and try to steady my breathing. When I do, I continue.
“A few days after she was no longer with us, I received a call from an attorney regarding her last will and testament. I was super proud of her for actually having one and making sure she protected her son. Turns out, there were two people left who could take Simon in. His paternal grandmother, who doesn’t really drive much, so that’s a problem, or me. ”
“And in Sylvia’s last will and testament, she made it clear that she wanted it to be me, but if I didn’t want to do it, there were other options: the grandmother, Leslie, a cousin down south. I immediately said yes. That little boy is the last connection I have to Sylvia and Tyler.”
“Jesus. I’m so sorry. It’s so scary that it can happen,” Holden says in a hushed voice. He reaches over and takes my hand in his. My breath stutters, but I don’t pull away.
“It definitely is. I was twenty-nine when I got Simon, so there was a lot to learn, and a lot of my set ways had to become more flexible to accommodate having a child around, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world.”
“Does he know about them?”
“Yes, he knows about Sylvia and Tyler, but he still considers me his mom, which both makes me happy but also makes my heart break a little bit that he doesn’t remember his biological mom, and he never got to know her.
I loved both her and Tyler, but Sylvia was part of my soul, and I think I would have broken if it weren’t for Simon needing me.
The only family he really has now is his paternal grandmother and me. ”
“What about your mom?” he asks gently.
“He spends time with her, but I have to be careful. Sometimes she doesn’t use as much forethought about the safety or needs of a child his age as she should. So yeah, I know I’m probably overprotective about him. But he’s lost a lot in his life, and I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
“I think it’s right to be protective of him. And he’s not the only one who lost somebody. You did as well.”
“I know.”
“Do you? In your heart and not just your head? Because I’m not always sure you take enough time to do something for yourself. To let yourself feel your emotions in the moment. Back then, I saw that, but we didn’t get enough time together for me to—”
I jerk upright and stand. My emotions are raw right now, and I can’t let myself go there in this moment. I don’t have it in me to talk about how I walked away from him, from us. It’s both my deepest regret and something I’d do all over again.
“Are you getting tired?” The words come out so rapidly, it’s clear I’m uncomfortable. “I’m tired.”
He doesn’t rise, but he does pierce me with his gaze.
“Lizette,” he whispers. There’s an unspoken question in the way he says it, and I know if I don’t stop it, he’ll lead this down the path of asking what really happened to us. And I can’t do that.
I wrap my arms around my torso, trying to hold myself together.
“I can’t. Not right now. Please.”
He looks dejected for a few seconds, then his eyes soften, and he rises. He steps forward, then ever so slowly, as if he’s waiting for me to freak out, he leans in and presses his lips to my forehead, holding the kiss for a moment before he pulls back.
“Goodnight, Lizette.”
And he’s gone.