Holden
Chapter Forty
“My father died last night.”
I’ve never seen this look on Lizette’s face before. She’s staring at her phone, and there are no tears, but she’s blinking rapidly, and her mouth is slightly ajar.
I grab one of her free hands and hold it. She lets me, but she doesn’t react otherwise. After a solid minute, something in her flips like a switch. Her face immediately goes into get-things-done Lizzie mode and she pulls her hand away.
“Okay. Shut down the bakery for a few days. Cancel the bachelorette event...” Her face falls. “That’s going to cost me both money and reputation. Pack Simon’s things. Pack my clothes...”
She’s not talking to me. No, she’s making a to-do list in her phone and pacing. After a minute or two, I’m able to guide her to a chair, and she sits, but keeps adding items to her list.
I kneel before her and carefully remove her phone from her hand, then take both of her hands in mine.
“Lizette, look at me.”
She doesn’t. She continues to stare down as if she’s still looking at her phone.
Her hair is a beautiful mess. Some of it is getting in her eyes, and I know that makes her crazy, but she’s ignoring it. So, I take my hand and brush as many of the stray strands behind her ears as I’m able to. Then, I hold her hand again.
She looks up at me.
“My da—… my father died last night.”
“I know, sweetie.”
“He died,” she says again.
I nod.
This reaction is probably normal, but I’m worried about her. Her eyes gloss over for a few seconds, before they return to normal.
“This is the worst time. I know that sounds horrible to say, but this is truly horrible timing. And the funeral is the day after tomorrow in Texas. I need to book flights. I need to—”
“Okay, okay. Let’s slow down. I’m going to help you.”
Her eyes meet mine, and the doubt and anxiety she’s feeling are on full display there.
“No. I have to do it. I have to do so many things.”
Over the next hour, I stay with her as she packs and unpacks various items of clothing.
I texted Georgie to come help a few minutes ago. Relief washes over me when there’s a knock at the door and it’s her.
“We need to make a plan. She’s spiraling, and I’ve never seen her do anything like this before.” I keep my voice low so Lizette won’t overhear.
“Her father was a piece of work, too. He doesn’t deserve any of this. He never deserved her. Not with the way he treated her.”
“Have you ever seen her in a frenzy like this?” I ask.
“Just once in Elladine when—” Her eyes widen.
“What were you going to say, Georgie?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Tell me, please.”
“Holden, don’t push. This isn’t the time.”
“Anyway, she came out of it, but her thinking was kind of unclear for a bit.”
“This throws off her plan in a major way, and that has her shaken,” I say, more to myself than her.
“Yeah, it does,” Georgie answers. “And she doesn’t do well with that.”
“All right. I’m going to need your help big time. Can you get our friends together?” I ask.
An hour or two later, I’ve convinced Lizette to sit at the table with me. Her long list—which she’s now transferred to a small notebook—is in front of her, filled with all the things she thinks she needs to handle or cancel because she won’t be here.
“What?” she asks, glancing up from the paper she’s scribbling notes on. Within seconds, she’s back to studying her list.
“Can we talk for a minute? Like full-attention talk?”
Her hand stills, but she doesn’t look up immediately. After a few seconds, though, she sets down the pen and makes eye contact with me.
“Can we talk through what’s going to happen now?” I ask.
“I guess. But it doesn’t necessarily affect you.” There’s no edge to the words, but they sting. I hate that she doesn’t realize I’m here. That I’m staying, and she doesn’t have to do this alone.
What I’m going to ask her to do will go beyond anything she would normally be comfortable with. This is going to stretch her in ways she may never have been before.
“I could go with—”
“No. I don’t want you to do that.” Her response doesn’t surprise me, but I wish she wanted me with her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I want to do this alone. I have to.”
I peer at her for several seconds and remind myself that I need to keep showing up for her until she realizes she doesn’t have to do everything alone.
“Okay. Then if I don’t go with you, I have a few ideas. First, I don’t want you to cancel the bachelorette event.”
“I have no choice.” Her voice is firm.
“Yes, you do. Can I tell you my thoughts?”
“I guess.” She leans back and stares at me, waiting.
“We can get everything prepped before you leave, and I know how to hold the event. You taught me when you were practicing. I can do it, and I’ll have Hayden and either Tillie or Delaney assist me. I promise I can do it.”
“That’s very sweet, but—”
“It’s not me being sweet. Let me do this for you. For your business.”
Her eyes look pensive as I imagine there’s a war of emotions and conflicting thoughts on her mind right now.
“And while we’re at it, I want to talk to you about keeping the bakery open.”
“Holden...”
“Between my mom and me...” I shake my head. “Actually, my mom can do the baking. We can do a limited menu, but keep it open for your regulars.”
“I don’t know. This makes me nervous.”
“If something doesn’t work, then we’re no worse off than if you have to cancel the event at the last minute or shut down your bakery when it’s so new and building customers.”
The look that passes over her face gives me a sliver of hope that she’ll let me, and everyone here who cares about her, help out.
“Can I just take a minute? I need to think through this.”
“Sure.” I force myself to give her the time.
She sits up straighter. When she nods, I assume she’s ready for me to continue.
“There’s one more thing we should talk about, and this might be the biggest ask of them all.”
“I can’t skip the funeral, if that’s what you’re about to say. I… I need the closure.” Her words are so hushed that she’s almost whispering. She looks at the floor.
“It’s okay. I’m not proposing that.” I suck in a deep breath, then exhale. “What I’m suggesting is that Simon stays here, and I take care of him.”
Her eyes fly to mine.
“I’ll get him to school. Go to his field day. I’ll pick him up and I’ll make sure he eats and takes baths. All the things that you would normally do.”
“I can’t. I can’t pawn my child off on you.”
I scoot my chair closer to her and take her hand in mine.
“It’s not pawning him off. It’s giving me an opportunity to spend one-on-one time with him. Maybe even take him fishing on Saturday morning. I’ve been promising him that, and we’re running out of time before it turns too cold.”
“You don’t have kids. It might be too much for you.”
“I want you and Simon for the long term, so it’s a good chance for me to practice taking care of him. Plus, it gives me an opportunity to show you that you can trust me with the person most precious to you.”
She scoots her chair back and stands.
“I need a few minutes to think. I’ll be back. Okay?” I nod, and she’s gone faster than I thought she could move. Everything in me wants to follow her, but I know that’s not what she needs right now.
Still, I’ll watch the time, and if it’s too long, I’ll go and find her to see if she needs me.
In the meantime, I shoot out some text messages.
Thirty-five minutes later, I’m done with most of my communications and sitting on the couch in Lizette’s living room.It’s time to look for her.
I don’t find her in the kitchen or the bakery, so I walk over to the event space. I stop when I see her. She’s there, with her head down on the table and her eyes closed, used tissues lying scattered on the table and floor around her.
Good. She finally let herself cry.
From what I can see, it appears she fell asleep, which is also probably good.
I’m not as quiet as I meant to be, and she startles.
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
A mild, amused chuckle escapes my lips as I pull out a chair and sit next to her. There’s no doubt she was sleeping.
“While you were not sleeping, I took care of some things and got some plans lined up.”
“Holden—”
“Please, hear me out. I promise, this is a solid plan.” I take her silence as agreement to listen. “So, Hayden and I will do the bachelorette party as planned. Georgie will help us set up and Delaney and Tillie will be on deck in case we need any help.”
“While we’re doing that, Ruthie and Lester will be upstairs with Layla, Lena, and Simon, watching them.”
“Then, after that’s all over, I’ll stay at your house. Simon doesn’t have to leave his home and can sleep in his own bed.”
Lizette nibbles at her lower lip and scratches one of her fingernails with another.
“We’ll rise in the morning, and I’ll get the shop ready, then Ruthie and my mom will take turns running it. My mom is going to prepare some bakery items ahead of time and some the morning of.”
I pause but she doesn’t speak yet, so I continue.
“On Saturday morning, Lester and I are going to take Simon fishing. And then you’ll be home that afternoon. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“Holden, I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t ask any of them to do that.”
There’s anxiety in her voice, which I expected.
“You’re not asking me. Any of us.”
I cup her cheeks in my hands. “Give me a chance. Give me a chance to help you with this.”
She ponders it for a minute or two before I get an answer.
“I need to think about it longer. Maybe a couple of hours, and I’ll let you know. That’ll still be time to buy the flights.”
I’m a little disappointed she didn’t agree right away, but I don’t want to push her.
“Yeah. Sure.”
As the next couple of hours pass, I pray that she takes me up on the offer. I want to spend time with Simon, but I also want to help her. It would mean the world to me if I could somehow support her through all of this.
Simon is at a friend’s playing, and after he gets home, Lizettes sits down to talk with him. I watch with awe as she gently tells him about her father. She tells him of his option to stay home.
“Would you rather come with me? You’d miss school and field day, but I’m happy to have you with me.”
Simon’s eyes are downcast. When he glances up at her through long, thick, hooded lashes, I can tell whatever he wants to say next isn’t easy for him.
“Do I have to go, Mom? Will you be okay without me? I’ll go if you need me, but...”
“But what, sweetie?”
Lizette bends forward, cups Simon’s face, and kisses the top of his head. Then, she sits upright before leaning back and focusing her attention on his face.
“But I’d rather stay home and do field day and hang out with Holden and fish and...”
“Okay. Are you sure?”
“Yes. If you’re not going to be mad at me.”
“Sweetheart, I could never be mad at you for something like that. I told you this was your choice, and that’s okay.”
It’s touching to watch the tenderness and trust between them. I find myself wondering if she realizes what an amazing mother she is.
“All right. Then I’ll stay home.” He rises from his seat and wraps his arms around Lizette, giving her a quick hug. Then he says, “I’m going to go read for a while and let you guys do grown-up talk.”
Simon turns toward me, his expression serious.
“She’s gonna have lots of directions for you, but you’ll be okay.” He pats me on the shoulder and wanders off to his room.
A hint of a laugh escapes Lizette, and I chuckle as well. I love that kid.
“Okay. So, you’ll let me take care of Simon?”
She bites her lower lip and nods.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For the privilege of doing this.”
“Oh. Well, there’s nothing to thank me for.”
“I don’t know. I beg to differ. You normally don’t let many people help you.”
She casts her gaze downward and shrugs. “I can’t always expect people will be around to assist me. What happens when they’re gone?”
I wonder how much of this reluctance and fear she has is because of the man whose funeral she’s about to attend. The man who made promises to his daughters and broke them over and over again.
“I still think I should close the bakery. It’s a lot—”
“No, that’s not necessary. My mom would love handling it for you. She thinks it’s a great idea—as long as you’re comfortable.”
“Well, I don’t know. What if—”
“I’ll make sure it runs smoothly.”
“You can’t do all that stuff at once.”
“I can. I’m a structural engineer, remember? I build plans for the foundations of heavy structures for a living. I know I can get a support system in place so that when you come home, you only have to rest.”
“I guess, if they truly don’t mind. But don’t coerce them into it.”
I laugh. “How am I going to coerce this group of people into anything? Let’s be realistic.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The hint of a smile teases at the corner of her mouth. “Okay. I’ll try it.”
“You won’t regret it. I promise.” I pop up out of my seat. “So, I’m going to prepare for the gig tomorrow.”
“Oh, my God. I forgot about prep. Maybe I should reschedule.”
“It’s somebody’s bachelorette party. Do you really want to cancel this late? I promise you, I got this. You’ve tasted my culinary masterpieces. Plus, Hayden loves to cook so—”
She presses a finger to my lips and it silences me. She’s quiet for a moment as she studies my face. Then she wraps her arms around me and rests her head on my shoulders. I cocoon her in my embrace.
“Holden?” she whispers.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Can I tell you something that might make you think horribly of me?”
“You can tell me anything. But I would never think horribly of you.”
“Well... this isn’t...” She clears her throat. “I’m not going to the funeral because I cared about him any longer. Not like a dad, anyway. I’m going because it’s the right thing to do, I think. And to make sure that I won’t have any regrets… for me. That’s selfish.”
I kiss her temple and allow my lips to linger on her skin for a few beats.
“Baby, selfish is the last thing you are. It’s okay to take care of yourself, to do what you need for you. And I’m never letting you go again, so if you forget how unselfish you are, I’ll be there to remind you.”