Chapter 31
I shut the van’s engine and got out before locking it. I jogged up the small flight of stairs, and once I was near her front door, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent her a text.
Me: Knock-knock.
I hadn’t spoken to Rina much during the day, what with me being busy photographing my annoying niece for the gram.
And, because Rina was going to be at the shop tomorrow morning, and I would hardly get to see her with all the work that I had to do in the storeroom, I’d decided to spend some time with her tonight.
Rina: Who’s there?
I chuckled.
Me: Honeydew.
Rina: Honeydew who?
Me: Honeydew wanna build a snowman? Or ride my cock until it’s dawn?
Rina: OHMYGOD.
Her next message was a string of cry-laughing emojis.
Rina: Why are you like this?!
I blew air into a fist and laughed after reading that.
Me: Baby, I was born this way B-)
Rina: I do not doubt it :’)
I shivered at the cold and stepped closer to the door.
May God damn the damn snow.
Me: I’m freezing; come get me ·? ? ,·?
Rina: Coming, hold on!
Me: Yay! My savior ???
I slid my phone back into my pocket, just as the front door opened and I was pulled inside by a grinning Rina.
She didn’t even let me get a breath out before she pressed our bodies together and began kissing me.
I moaned into her mouth.
Christ, her warmth felt so good against the chill I was experiencing. Her tongue felt so good; her touch felt so fucking nice. And she smelled amazing, too – like marshmallows and chocolate and desire.
Rina pulled back, much to my dismay, and quickly locked the door.
I took off my shoes and hid them under the carpet behind the coatrack.
We’d come up with the idea after realizing that there was a chance Mr. Ribeiro could walk into the kitchen one of these nights and discover my shoes by the threshold. Because the coatrack was in a corner and provided ample shadow behind it, Rina and I’d decided to hide my shoes there.
I didn’t like that we had to do all of this – the sneaking and hiding – but there was nothing else we could do until her grandfather came to his senses.
It wasn’t like I could go on a run with her.
We were educated people, and all we wanted was for someone important in Rina’s life to acknowledge her happiness and support her in it.
So, until that miracle occurred, we’d have to pretend we were characters from one of Shakespeare’s romantic plays or something.
Rina took my hand in hers and dragged me to her bedroom, and I tried my hardest not to trip and fall in the process of following her as my socked feet kept slipping against the hardwood floor.
Once we were safe inside her room, I took off my coat and beanie and threw them on the plush chair to the right.
Rina slowly clicked the lock shut, and just as she turned, I wrapped her in my arms and all but crashed our lips together.
Who says making out is off-fashion for adults? I find the act to be just as hot and necessary as sex, if not more. Especially when your partner tastes and feels like Rina does.
I began pulling her silk shirt over her head, but stopped when I remembered…
“Wait.” I was panting, and so was she. “I wanna tell you something.”
What’d happened at the café had been the highlight of my day, and the only reason I hadn’t texted her about it was because I wanted to tell her everything in person.
What? Rina signed.
“Let’s sit.” I walked her over to her bed, and after the two of us settled in – cross-legged, face-to-face – I told Rina about Annabeth.
“I’m…I’m so damn happy, Rina,” I said without restraint, and then laughed.
“I’ve been bubbling with emotions the entire day, waiting to talk to you about this, and now that I have, I feel…
good.” I grinned at her, and found her looking at me with so much joy on her face that I couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her.
She fisted her right hand with the thumb sticking out. She then used the thumb to trace a path up the middle of her chest, and went on to point at herself first, then me, to say, I’m proud of you. And that right there – that meant so fucking much to me.
“None of this would’ve been possible without you,” I told her, and when she shook her head, I took her hands in mine. “Listen to me, Rina.”
She blinked and inhaled softly.
“If I hadn’t met you, I never would’ve known what it’s like to feel this accomplished at something I never even knew I could be good at,” I began.
“I know it isn’t exactly a huge deal, but for me it is a monumental one.
Every moment I spent with Annabeth today made me realize how important bringing her momentary relief and comfort was to me.
When I first saw her, she looked lost and frustrated, but when I said goodbye to her, the smile she gave me – it made me wanna burst.” I sniffed and squeezed Rina’s hands.
“Thank you for inspiring me; thank you for being so damn special. I don’t wanna say I’ll owe you one for the rest of my life, but I will, and there’s no changing that. ”
She started crying, so I leaned in and touched our foreheads together.
“You mean more to me than words can explain,” I said to her, “and I’m so fucking grateful that you chose to forgive my initial screw-up and decided to give me a chance.”
She ran her knuckles over my jaw and smiled at me. You are worth more than everything in my world, she signed. I have never doubted that, and I never will.
“That high on your list, huh?” I quipped.
She chuckled softly and slapped me playfully. Yes, you idiot, she signed.
“Jeez, no pressure or anything, right?”
She rolled her eyes, and then sat back before asking, Can I show you something?
“Of course,” I answered.
Rina shifted and turned on her bedside lamp, then grabbed an album from her nightstand.
What you said to me at your house that day made me want to face this part of my past, she signed, and then opened the album.
I moved closer to her and looked down at it.
The album was full of pictures of her as a kid – some with her friends, while others with her family.
“Wow, those are some serious cheeks,” I mused as I pointed at a photo of a very tiny yet chubby Rina sitting next to a pile of plushies and looking blissfully at them.
She elbowed me, to which I chuckled.
“I’m serious,” I told her. “It’s kinda sad you lost all that baby fat. You’d look even hotter if you had at least a little bit of it now.” I turned the page, and immediately felt a weight on my chest as I looked at the picture on the bottom right.
It was Rina with her parents – in a bedroom, I think. She looked to be four in the picture, and was sitting between them, laughing, while they shared a carefree smile with each other.
Rina ran her fingers over the photo.
I swallowed. “You look so much like your mom,” I managed to say. Her dark hair and complexion were most definitely courtesies of her dad, but her facial structure and eyes…
I looked away from the album and glanced at her. Rina’s cheeks were wet with tears, so I swiped a thumb over them, which made her meet my gaze.
This photo – it’s one of those standstill memories I can’t even remember making, she signed, and then licked her lips. Why can’t I remember them, Myles? It’s like a different kind of incapability – one I can’t even find validation in. More tears slid down her mournful eyes.
“Trauma infests deeper than we can comprehend, Rina,” I said.
“It takes away the good and leaves you with nothing. Those who refuse to let it win are usually the ones who come out of it empty-handed.” I wiped away her tears.
“You’re one of them, but just because you’ve lost the fragments of your past, doesn’t mean you can’t fill the space you now have with fresher, happier memories.
Life’s brutal, that’s for sure, and you can either let your fallen memories haunt your thoughts, or let the possibility of a positive future excite your days.
The choice, if you ask me, is very simple.
You just have to make up your mind and go with it.
Don’t let yourself feel regret or guilt.
What happened wasn’t your fault, but what you choose to do next will definitely define the kind of path you want to take.
” I placed a kiss between her brows. “Whatever you decide, though, know that I’m here with you – here for you.
I’ll walk whatever road you pick, and I’ll walk it with so much confidence that it’ll shake the whole damn cosmos.
I’ve got you, baby. All the way to the end. ”
Her breath hitched, and a second later, she began sobbing.
I immediately took her in my arms and hugged her close to my chest, and as she cried into my hoodie, I kept pressing soft kisses on her temple.
We stayed that way for a few silent moments, and then Rina slowly moved back before looking up at me.
Thank you, she signed. You are a blessing to me, Myles.
I gave her a smile. “And you, Rina, are my devotion.”
She lowered her gaze and pushed some of her hair behind her ear. Stop it, she signed, her cheeks flushed.
I smiled further. “But it’s true.” I pulled at a stray thread on her checkered sweater. “Can I ask you something?”
She gave me a nod.
“Do you…” I started, but stopped to think. I then touched the tips of my index and middle fingers to my throat before lifting them up twice to say, Voice.
I still have it, Rina signed.
I shook my head. “I know that.” I swallowed. “I don’t mean to pry, Rina. I just…I guess I just wanted to know if you ever miss…” I swallowed a second time.
Talking? she signed.
“Well, yeah,” I said.
She grabbed a notebook and pen from her nightstand drawer, and then started writing.
I’ve lived almost all my life without words, Myles.
My silence is my comfort, my advantage against the occasional screams in my head.
It’s strong, and it makes me feel powerful.
I like myself with my silence, and I don’t know if I’d feel the same if I knew how to physically use my words.
I stared at her after reading that, and my heart all but warmed with pride for her.
The positivity she exuded was nothing short of inciting, and yes, her decision to stay the way she was, was selective, but it was still her own decision – one she’d learnt to use as an advantage rather than an outlet of pain and despair to hurt herself for what happened all those years ago.
We don’t always do things the right way when we’re hurting, but when we do, it definitely comes from a place of ease for ourselves, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong in being slightly selfish and thinking about yourself when you’re down and need a way out.
Everyone has a different way of dealing with things, as they say. Rina’s was unconventionally amazing, and I appreciated her unconditionally for telling me about it.
When I told her just that, she closed the album, put it aside, and surged forward before wrapping her arms around my neck.
I chuckled, and she rose on her knees so she could straddle me. The moonlight pouring into the room illuminated her features as she grinned, while the lamplight acted as a dim halo behind her.
I scanned her face for a beat or three before touching our foreheads together. I then reciprocated her grin as I slowly ran my thumbs over her wet cheeks.
“Tell me how you feel,” I urged her.
She shifted closer to me, and our noses brushed. Happy, she signed.
“Why?”
She lifted a shoulder, then signed, You make me happy.
I let go of an unsteady breath. “I do?”
She nodded and kissed me softly.
Everything inside me tightened, and then expanded at the sincerity in her gaze.
“You make me happy, too,” I told her honestly. “So much that I can’t believe you’ve picked me, of all people, to be yours.”
She sucked in a breath at my words. Say it again, she signed.
I furrowed my brows. “Say what?” I asked.
Her sable eyes gleamed against the nightlight as she touched the tips of her fingers to my mouth. That you are mine, she signed.
I inhaled, and then exhaled against her skin. “I’m yours, Rina,” I said. “I sometimes can’t believe it, but it’s true. I’m yours, and I think I always have been.” I kissed her once. “I always want to be.”
She placed a hand over her heart, and then brought it over to mine in a way to say, I’m yours.
God, this woman was everything. I didn’t know what to say, what to do.
She bent and kissed me, full of honest need, so I gripped her waist and pulled her closer to my body.
“Rina…” I breathed against her, and pressed my lips to hers again.
She was perfect – the kind that fit so well with my crazy. I was at her mercy as she rocked against me; I was all but swimming in her gentle moans and delicate gasps.
And, when my words began to waver under the weight of our growing desires, I couldn’t hold back, and so, I caved.
Until I couldn’t hear past the roaring in my head; until we couldn’t feel our legs or much less care about what was happening around us.
Because nothing else mattered when we were together, especially not the world or its limitations and boundaries.