Chapter 38
I felt like a pendulum, bouncing between emotions of absolute shock and shame.
Shock because I’d never have even dreamed of assuming that my av? would say something like that, and shame because I didn’t know how to look Myles in the eye and pretend like I didn’t feel utterly humiliated on my grandfather’s behalf.
But then again, feeling anything on his behalf didn’t seem right, especially when I was so hurt by the offer he’d made to Myles.
It was past eleven, and when I’d let Myles into the house and my bedroom around thirty minutes ago, the very first thing he’d told me was, “Your grandfather took me on a walk this afternoon and proffered to pay me money to break up with you.”
I’d gone completely numb after hearing that, so much so that he had to shake me multiple times in order to snap me out of it and tell him I was okay.
“Rina?”
I stared at my turquoise blanket, at the totem designs printed on it, at every single fiber of it that was visible to me – anything to avoid meeting Myles’s gaze.
“Rina.” His voice sounded insistent this time, but I still didn’t look at him.
“Rina!”
I sucked in a breath and finally brought my eyes to his.
Myles’s brows were pinched together, and his lips were turned down. When I blinked at him, he gave me a barely-there smile and swallowed.
“Hey,” he said, then ran the knuckle of his forefinger over my left cheek once. “Why are you avoiding my gaze?”
You know why, I signed.
He shook his head. “Miguel’s words or actions don’t define you or the kind of values you like to follow, Rina. What happened shouldn’t alter your behavior towards us. I don’t blame you for any of it, and I don’t want you to think I’ll see you any differently after today.”
Still, I am sorry, I signed.
Myles clicked his tongue. “Don’t do that; I’d never want you to apologize for someone else’s fuck-up.”
Does not mean I don’t feel mortified.
He tugged me towards him, and when I leaned in, he grabbed me by the waist so that I could straddle him.
“Listen,” he began, then tucked a few short strands of my hair behind my ears, “just like you, even I couldn’t believe when your av? made that absurd offer to me.
And why? Because he wanted to say ‘I told you so’ to you and get the satisfaction of being falsely correct?
” He scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, and you and I both know that.
But hey, it happened, and we can’t change it, as much as we’d like to.
” He wrapped his arms around my middle, and this time, gave me an all but magnetic smile.
“If anything, Miguel’s offer made one thing very clear to me.
It’s crazy I didn’t realize it sooner, but I guess I wasn’t sure I could feel something like this so early on in our relationship. I was definitely wrong.”
My heart was in my throat as I waited for him to continue.
“Rina…” Myles searched my face before smiling again.
“I love you,” he said, and my world all but turned on its axis.
“I love you so fucking much, babe, that it’s almost insane.
At first, I thought my restlessness during the hours we spent apart was because of the newness of what we had, but now I fully realize what it is that I was really feeling.
” His bubblegum breath brushed against me.
“Now I realize that it was love all along – growing every second of every day to become what it is in this moment.”
I looked at him – really looked. There was a welcoming chaos of emotions right in the center of my chest that was begging to be released, so I took an essence of it, cupped Myles’s face, and poured every inch of myself into the kiss I gave him.
When you know someone is right for you, you mold into them with everything you have.
It’s a raw, trustworthy back-and-forth of reliance and desire; of hope and happiness.
And with Myles, it’s been like this from the very beginning; it’s been a journey of absolute certitude from the moment our eyes met three months ago.
I touched my forehead to his after breaking the kiss. Then, when he gazed openly at me, I stretched up my right thumb, index and pinkie fingers, held the hand out with the palm facing away from me, and moved it back and forth slightly to say what I’ve known for a short while now.
I love you.
Because I did, so much so that I felt a buzz go up all the way from my toes to my scalp after finally having signed that.
Myles grinned as he pulled me closer to him. “Do that again,” he said.
I chuckled and did as he’d asked.
“Again.”
I love you, I signed, and he kissed me.
I moaned and cupped the nape of his neck with both of my hands before opening my mouth for him.
Myles groaned, fisted the sides of my t-shirt, and pushed our bodies impossibly close together.
“Fuck, how I yearn for you, Rina,” he rasped, then gently bit my bottom lip.
“How my very soul aches for yours because I can’t get you close enough.
I can breathe you in right now, but it’s still not enough.
I can feel your heat against me, but I still want more.
I can hear your heartbeats in sync with mine, but I still want them to be louder, faster.
The more you give me, the more I’ll want, and the more you take from me, the more I’ll want to give you.
Baby…” He kissed me slowly, almost delicately.
“You’re my everything; you’re my fucking sanctum.
You lift me up and make me whole, and when my words waver against my feelings for you, you know just how to bring me back to myself.
I’m so grateful for you, and my God, I love you so much. ”
We kissed again, not only because we loved each other, but also because everything he’d said, he’d said it for the both of us.
He’d mirrored my conviction and feelings perfectly, and I knew for sure that if I ever ran out of signs, Myles would know just what to say to make things meaningful for us both.
I grazed my tongue over his lower lip and pulled away, and when he smiled lazily at me, I let go of a breath and signed, I may not have words, but everything that I do have is yours.
You complete me in ways no one ever has, or ever will.
You have changed my outlook on life and hope ever since you walked into my life, Myles, and I can only hope that I’ll continue to be enough for you – enough for you to want to stay forever.
“Rina…” He swallowed and took my hands in his before pressing sound kisses on the inside of my wrists.
“You’ll always be enough – so much more than just enough.
You’re a damn blessing to me, and I promise to never take you or your humanity for granted.
” He tapped my chest first, then his, stretched up the index and middle fingers of both of his hands, and orbited them around each other once before bringing them together in an X to say, You are my universe.
And you are mine, I signed. Slightly crazy and highly awkward sometimes, but still mine.
Myles chuckled. “Good, because I wouldn’t belong anywhere else anyway. I like myself here, with you in my arms, and me ogling you with absolutely no shame whatsoever,” he said.
I laughed because he was right, and then, I kissed him yet again because I just couldn’t help it.
And also because I loved him so much that the instinct was pretty much natural.