6. Myer
M yer~
I was still scrubbing my hands, and I didn’t think that I’d ever get them clean again.
When the door had swung open, that’s when we’d learned that the basket had been leaking, and after doing our best to trap all the flies in the trash bag, we had to clean her floors and her door step from whatever the hell had been oozing from the fruit basket, and I still wasn’t entirely sure that I didn’t need a tetanus shot or something.
“You know, you won’t have any more skin left if you keep that up.”
“I’m willing to take the risk,” I said, finally shutting off the water, then drying my hands on the towel that hung from a little bar on her cabinets.
“Well, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, can you tell me your name?” my neighbor asked. “Not for nothing, I don’t know you, and I usually don’t make it a habit of inviting strange men into my home.”
“While that’s valid, I’d think that I’d get some points for saving the day,” I countered. “Plus, if I was a bad person, wouldn’t your dog be chewing my face off about now?”
As soon as the mess had been cleaned up, a beautiful German Shepard had begun barking out of nowhere, and when my neighbor had let him in, I had immediately gotten on my haunches to show him that I wasn’t a threat, and now we were the best of friends.
“Since my flyswatter could have also saved the day, that gets you nothing. As for Harvey, his judgement has always been questionable,” she retorted.
“So, what’s your name, so that I can plug it into my phone.
I need to make sure that you’re not wanted for a triple-murder that you committed in Tennessee, and all so that you could finally get your inheritance from your ailing grandmother. ”
I leaned back against her kitchen counter, crossing my arms over my chest. “Myer Justus, and I’ve never been to Tennessee, nor do I have any inheritances coming my way.”
“Says you,” she snorted as she actually did an internet search of me on her phone.
“And what’s your name?” I asked. “After all, how do I know that you’re not wanted in seven different states for a crime spree that ignited after Taco Bell got your order wrong?”
“I don’t have time to go on a crime spree and still make my mortgage payments,” she replied, almost making me laugh.
“I’m not sure you understand how much time you need to commit to being a criminal, but it’s not anything that you can half-ass if you don’t want to get caught or if you want to make decent money from. ”
I stared at the stunning creature before me, smiling like I hadn’t smiled in a long time, and it wasn’t just because of her looks, though her looks were definitely something to write home about.
While she had to be only standing at about five-foot-two, her five-foot-two packed a powerful punch.
She looked to be around my age, and she had light blonde hair, hazel eyes, and she resembled a damn Ringdoll.
She was also a bit on the slim side, but since I was six-foot-two, almost all women seemed petite to me.
Nonetheless, even in her simple jeans and t-shirt, it was easy to see that the woman had enough curves to turn a man’s head.
She was certainly turning mine, and that was without all the fruit basket nonsense.
“What’s your name?” I asked again.
Finally looking up from her phone, she grinned, and she really was a fucking pretty piece of work. “Well, now that I know that you’re not a headline for some atrocities committed before you moved in next door, I am Calista Glenn. Nice to meet you.”
My lips twitched as I lowered my arms to my sides. “Nice to meet you, Calista Glenn,” I said. “So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I need you to explain about Louise, the fruit basket, and how God got dragged into this.”
She let out a heavy sigh before saying, “Well, you better take a seat and get comfortable for this. In fact, we probably need drinks after all that. What are you drinking?”
“I’m a beer guy, but I can also appreciate water,” I told her as I made my way to her couch, Harvey following me dutifully.
“I think beer is appropriate for this situation,” she said, and I just grinned as she disappeared into the garage, arriving a few seconds later with two beers in her hands.
Once she got comfortable on the couch, I said, “Okay, lay it on me.”
“Across the street, four houses down, lives one Louise Mackrell,” she said. “She’s thirty-six, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and has the body of a Barbie. Her parents are farmers, and apart from the fruit, I’m not all sure what they farm, but they’re definitely farmers.”
“Okay,” I drawled out. “So, what else do I need to know about Louise Mackrell?”
“Well, apart from the fact that she tries to buy your friendship with rotting fruit baskets, she belongs to a cult,” she announced, and I was lucky that I had just opened my beer.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Oh, I meant a religious prayer group that meets once a week,” she amended, and I honestly didn’t know if she was serious or not.
“Are you kidding me?”
Calista let out another tired sigh. “Louise moved into the neighborhood about six months ago, and when I found out that she was single and around my age, I thought that I’d finally found someone that I could befriend since most of the families in this neighborhood have nothing in common with a single thirty-six-year-old. ”
“Okay, makes sense,” I said, but all I’d really heard was that she was single.
“Anyway, I found out rather quickly that God speaks directly to her, and from that gift, she discovered that I was the reason why she moved to this neighborhood,” she went on, serious as fuck.
“At first, I hadn’t entertained her beliefs much, but when she kept insisting that God had messages for me, and that she’d been chosen to deliver them.
..well, I started to pull back a bit. Hence, the fruit baskets. ”
“She’s trying to bribe you with fruit baskets?”
Calista nodded. “At first, I’d been getting them weekly, but when I finally explained that we just weren’t compatible, they stopped. Until today.”
After taking a few seconds to process that, I asked, “Have you ever gone to one of her prayer group meetings?”
“Nope,” she answered. “Before discovering that she was completely off her rocker, I’d been curious and had asked about them, and the more that she explained what all they did, the more like a cult it sounded.”
“What do they do?” I asked, absolutely invested now.
“Well, in addition to looking for guidance from God on all things, they strongly offer their opinions on what you should eat, drink, wear, and who to befriend.”
I just stared at her.
This couldn’t be real.
When I finally snapped out of it, I asked, “Are you serious with this?”
Calista just shrugged. “Honestly, I’m surprised that she hasn’t knocked on your door yet to introduce herself.”
“Okay,” I said as I leaned back against her couch. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“If I were you, I check to see if my home loan has a thirty-day clause in it,” she snorted, and while the rest of my neighbors might be a bit...odd, Calista Glenn was fascinating enough to even out the scales.
“Well, thank you for the beer,” I told her before polishing it off. “And thanks for the warning about Louise Mackrell.”
“No problem,” she replied easily as she stood up, signaling that our quality time was officially over. “And good luck out there.”
That had my lips twitching again. “Thanks.”
When she took the empty bottle from my hand, Harvey let out a bark, and so I immediately lowered myself to his level to give him scratches. “Be a good boy, Harvey.”
“All you’re doing is reinforcing his diva ways, I hope you know,” Calista remarked, and she really did know how to make a man smile.
“He’ll be fine,” I replied as I stood up.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Myer Justus,” she said. “And thank you for your help with the fruit basket.”
“Next time, just report her to the health department,” I told her, half-ass serious.
She cocked her head at me. “What kind of monster do you take me for? Do you honestly believe that I would drag innocent people into this matter? Yeah, no.”
That got a laugh out of me, and I officially had a crush on my new neighbor, despite how she didn’t appear interested in me at all. “Yeah, okay.”
Two minutes later, I was walking into my house, making sure to close all the blinds when I normally let the sun shine brightly through the windows.