Chapter 8 Royce
EIGHT
ROYCE
Age Fifteen
The Christmas party was beautiful.
The Ryans always knew how to dress up their tree and decorate their home in such a way that it made me feel like we were in a storybook.
Covered in gold and white ribbons, bulbs, and twinkle lights, the tree had to be fifteen to twenty feet tall.
With it set against the huge window, we could watch as the snow fell.
It would have been perfect if Ford Ryan weren’t attending. He’d told me I should try letting Connor breathe once in a while at the start of Christmas break. Then, when I saw him again, he had touched my hair, and when I asked him why, he told me because it looked fake.
I’d harbored a small crush on him since we were nine years old, after the one Christmas where he’d kissed me on the cheek.
I kept thinking I could convince him to do it again.
So, year after year, I’d make a total fool of myself trying to get his attention.
I’d do just about anything to have him look at me.
Which included sleepovers with Ellie, even though she was Taryn’s friend.
I had also asked his mom if she’d let me come over and clean the house for a few bucks.
I never needed the money; I just wanted to see Ford.
By the time I was thirteen, I finally got over the crush and let him go then fell headfirst in love with Connor.
Which was infuriating because as soon as I released my crush on Ford, he started paying attention to me.
He was always watching me, always trying to sit next to me in the car if we were going somewhere, but never talked to me.
He always snuck up to see what Ellie and I were doing, and when I hung around Connor, he acted like I had the plague.
Now at fifteen, I just wanted him to disappear because he was so cruel to me.
He walked into the living room wearing a black turtleneck and tan pants.
It was the nicest I had ever seen him dressed.
He held a card to his chest while he nervously watched the group.
Connor had made a joke that I laughed at, then Rook said something funny.
Ryle was off playing with Nova or Ellie, and Taryn was trying to prank Connor as usual.
Ford held the card so tightly we all made fun of him, saying it had to be his letter to Santa.
Then he extended his arm to me. The card said “Rose” across the front.
Rook and Connor watched us, even going as far as to make kissing sounds. Ford’s face was pink, and I realized that was my moment of vindication. I didn’t take the letter from his hand.
I let it hang there until Connor barked out a laugh and Ford dropped it to the table next to me. Turning my back on him, I flicked my hair over my shoulder and began laughing with Rook and Connor once more. When I finally glanced back at Ford, the card was gone, and so was he.
The memory of when I was fifteen played in my mind while I wrapped the basket in cellophane.
A painful jolt rattled my heart as I combed back through the memory.
The heartbroken look on Ford’s face, the way his hand had extended, but shook.
I couldn’t bring that version of things and line it up next to the pain he’d caused me back then.
I had felt so justified in how I snubbed him.
Perhaps he didn’t care, but maybe he did. Maybe he’d clung to how I treated him that Christmas all these years and used it as a way to punish me. I let out a heavy sigh, breathing through my nose as I added a dark green bow to tie off the crinkly plastic.
Once I finished, I stepped back to inspect it.
Ford was probably going to hate it, and not even open it, but I had to do something to apologize for what happened.
It had been two days, and I hadn’t seen or heard from Ford.
Which was fairly normal, since we barely ran in the same circles, but for some reason ever since this thing with Rodney happened, it felt like I was seeing Ford all the time.
Not seeing him suddenly felt unsettling.
Butterflies swarmed my stomach as I paced my bedroom. What if he didn’t want to see me, or he laughed in my face? What if he tossed it in the garbage?
Worrying my lip while staring longingly at the gifts secured inside the gift wrap would not magically solve this. I had to try.
My phone pinged with a text, drawing my attention.
Dad: Can I talk to you, honey? I’m in the garage if you have a second.
We also hadn’t really talked in two days.
He was at the club, and when he wasn’t, he was on a ride or off somewhere.
I was mad at how he’d handled everything, even though I was the one to set it up…
he didn’t have to punch Ford. I never thought he’d hurt him.
Then there were things he’d said to me that had dug a hole and planted a seed of bitterness in my heart.
But I loved my dad, and I didn’t want this wedge between us.
After pulling on a hoodie and jeans, I ventured toward the garage.
When I opened the side door, I heard a basketball game playing on his television while Dad was half inside the hood of the older Chevy that he’d been restoring.
My gaze flicked up to the wall, where several framed photos hung.
Shaded images with outlined drawings, made up of erased material.
It was like reverse art, and I loved it.
I couldn’t draw, so I tried doing what my dad did with shading paper only to erase designs into them, mine never turned out like his did.
His were beautiful. The one he did of my mother was my favorite.
Running my finger along the gold paint of the car, I dropped to my elbows. “How’s it coming?”
Dad lifted his head, his green eyes so severe and sad as he took me in.
“About as well as it was the last time you popped in.”
So not super far. “How come you aren’t over at the club?”
All my life, Dad had been busy with the club.
He set the socket wrench next to him and then placed his palms on the edge of the frame of the car.
“Just decided to hang here today and work on this.”
I watched him work while my brain wrangled that response into something coherent. But I couldn’t make it make sense. “But it’s Friday. You always have church on Friday.”
I knew this because the last Friday I had been at the club, I’d had my ass chewed by Ford for innocently showing up in a viral video. Something that was still on the internet, and I could not figure out why. I’d reported it and asked others to, but it was still up.
My father wouldn’t look up from the engine as he continued to work.
Eventually, he cleared his throat and changed the subject.
“Look, honey. I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said to you.
It was wrong and fucked-up. You aren’t causing me problems. I was just caught off guard by him being in your room.
I know Ford isn’t a bad guy, but I can’t stand the idea of you being with a guy from the club. ”
I shook my head, feeling my throat swell with emotion. “You were right. I wore that pajama set on purpose. I wanted to get under Ford’s skin, but we’re not dating or anything like that, so you don’t have to worry.”
My dad let out a small laugh while shaking his head. “Think you’ve been under Ford’s skin for a while, honey.”
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I kept going. “I know what I agreed to when I was eighteen, Dad. But Max never came…isn’t there some way we can negotiate some freedoms? Besides, I’m older now. Most of your fear was over the fact that I was just eighteen.”
My father tilted his head back, searching the ceiling. “Your mother told me the same thing. However, the video you showed up in has changed the situation.”
“Changed it how? I know it’s never okay to draw attention to the club…I get that, and I know I’m your daughter, and you don’t want anyone to be able to target me—”
“No, honey…it’s this Max thing. That video is essentially a map for him to follow, and a red flag being waved in front of a bull.
Whoever released it to the public platforms knew that.
I have my suspicions that they’re working with Max and making a play for us.
So, I want you here now more than ever.”
We sank into the chairs in front of the sixty-inch flat-screen, while Dad let out another heavy sigh. Meanwhile, I let out a shuddery breath that felt more like a sob which was lodged in my throat. Just when I thought my cage had broadened enough to slip outside of, the door slammed shut.
“I can’t risk anything happening to you, Royce.”
“So, if I leave and run around like Taryn, then I can move out and lose the detail of Stone Riders who follow me everywhere, but if I want to live anywhere within Rose Ridge alone, I can’t?”
Dad reached over and pulled my hand into his. “Max can’t find you out there, baby. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Here, you’re a pin on a billboard, he can simply yank out whenever he wants.”
“But what if he never comes? I’m stuck in this limbo?”
He paused, considering my words until he pulled back and slapped his thighs. “Okay, how about a compromise?”
“I’m listening.”
Dad’s green gaze locked on mine, “You find someone who can keep you as safe as I would, then you’re free to leave.”
I was chronically single, so this seemed like a losing opportunity for me. “I mean, there’s Julian, but we’re really not dating, it’s casual.”
My father’s nose scrunched in disgust. “Julian won’t keep you safe, honey. He’s absolutely not an option.”
Okay. I withheld the urge to roll my eyes. “Then who would meet your standards, Dad?”
He stared off to the side for a long time until he sighed. “I’ll figure this out. Just give me some time.”
Great. That didn’t sound cryptic at all.
Dad stood and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Love you, honey. Thank you for being willing to listen, it makes me feel better knowing you’re safe.”
My heart melted like it did when I was a little girl and he’d pick me up and place me on the back of his bike.
We used to ride all over the property, and he’d give me and Taryn turns, returning only to leave again because we begged him to.
He built us Barbie houses, sewed our ripped stuffed animals, painted our nails as little girls, and best of all, he treated our mom like she was a queen.
Taryn and I both grew up seeing true love in real life, and now that I was older, I realized how rare of a gift that was.
My dad was the best, so really, this request he had wasn’t that big.
I’d do this for him, and I would find a way to withstand whatever he came up with for this compromise.
“Can we do karaoke tonight?”
My Dad hung his head, but I didn’t miss the smile that lit up his face. “Guess it has been a while since we’ve done that.”
Hope and excitement lit me up. “Mom would love it. She’s still sort of mad at you for hitting Ford.”
“She’s mad at me for more than that.”
I knew that but didn’t want to say anything about it. She was pissed at Dad for coming down so hard on me about what I was wearing.
“So you’ll do it?” I brought my hands together excitedly.
Dad pulled me into his side. “Yeah, I’ll do it.”
Growing up, our mom would throw the best karaoke nights.
We’d have a themed dinner and ambiance. A few times we were able to even go to the Hollow for our fun, using the stage.
That was ages ago though. Now I was more than happy with gathering in our living room with the lights dimmed, fresh margaritas made up, and cozy pajamas.
“Okay, which decade are we singing tonight?” I asked.
Taryn was wearing an oversized tshirt with sweats and thick socks. “I vote for early 90’s pop. Like Brittany Spears and Christina.”
“Oooh, that’s a great era.” Mom yelled from the kitchen.
Dad was drinking a beer while reclining on the couch, wearing his sweats.
“When was the last time we were all together like this?” I asked, sifting through songs on the karaoke machine.
Taryn glanced up at me briefly before lowering her gaze back to the song choices. “Well, we’re growing up, Royce. It’s natural for us to be apart sometimes.”
I didn’t like that. It made me realize how lonely I truly was.
I missed my sister, but aside from that, I missed my family.
Our unit had always been tight growing up.
Dad and Mom created this epic childhood for us, and even with Dad leading the Stone Riders, it only enhanced our connection.
My family was everything to me, and feeling them grow distant was the worst.
“I know, I just miss everyone.”
Dad watched us intently before saying, “We’ll always be here, you know that. I honestly hope neither of you ever move out, but when you do, we’ll be here.”
Mom walked in holding two frozen margaritas.
“I remember when you girls were little and you asked to wear those matching dresses. Royce you’d always pick pink, and Taryn you always wanted purple.”
Dad joined in with a smile. “And those shoes, you both always had to have those shoes with the little heels.”
Taryn laughed. “Mine always had to have gems on them. I liked having rings too for when I held the microphone.”
“Until mom bedazzled our microphone’s.” I added with my own laugh.
Abandoning the machine, I curled into the couch. Mom handed me a glass which I accepted and sipped from. Taryn remained by the mantel, where we’d placed the karaoke machine on top of a side table. She flipped through a few songs while holding her microphone.
“How about we promise to do a family karaoke night once a month no matter where we go, or move to?” My little sister suggested.
Mom and Dad searched the space between us. “What if one of you moves out of state?”
“Right now I don’t think that’s going to happen, at least not for me.” Taryn said then looked at me.
I shook my head. “Not me either.” Not that I had any prospects at all of moving anywhere, which again brought on a deep sense of sorrow. I just wanted to stay in Rose Ridge with my family, and never lose this feeling.
“Well, then let’s plan on it. Once a month, karaoke.” Mom promised.
I looked over at my Dad who had pulled my Mom under his arm. “Only if dad promises to sing every time.”
He groaned, but Taryn pointed at him. “Yes, he has to promise!”
We all laughed before the first song was queued up and my little sister broke into a ballad.
My face hurt from smiling, and after all the laughter, I couldn’t remember the last time I had so much fun with my family, and it made me completely forget all about Rodney, the Hollow and best of all, my guilt over Ford.