Chapter 22 Killian
TWENTY-TWO
KILLIAN
Twenty-five years I’d been staring at the same view and had yet to grow tired of it.
A set of blue eyes that stared so deep into my soul that I worried she’d remove it all together.
Silky blond hair that slid through my fingers when she lay on top of my chest while we watched our favorite shows. She was my everything.
My boots echoed as I stopped on the top floor of our house.
It was reserved for my wife and her songwriting.
It was a space that we’d converted into a bit of a studio where she could record music.
I’d convinced her to record ten of her songs within the past twenty-five years, but she loved writing them.
She’d even offered to write for a few bigger artists, but she did so under a different name, so no one knew they were even her songs.
I was still so in love with her that when she’d get angry with me, fear would wedge somewhere inside of my sternum, making it difficult to breathe.
I fucked up too many times to count, never over anything other than the stupid club.
Staying too late or not communicating. Choosing danger when there were two little girls waiting at home for me, and a wife. My beautiful, patient wife.
“I’m in no mood to talk.” Her sharp tone made smiling difficult, but I did it just the same, desperate to lighten the mood.
I shoved away from the door and sauntered into her space. A long seat ran the length of the large window, with a soft cushion and various throw pillows. That was her favorite place to sit when writing, but occasionally she’d head to the plush chair in the corner, or her piano.
“Wanna fuck then?” I joked.
She didn’t look up from her notebook, which meant she was incredibly pissed.
“Daisy, I—”
She slammed the pad shut and threw it across the room as hard as she could. It crashed into the small table, knocking over a vase of flowers.
“How could you keep something that big from me?” Her voice rose about ten octaves, and I saw how red her eyes were, probably from crying. It made me feel like shit.
I kneeled where the flowers tipped and fixed them, trying to figure out exactly how I was going to explain myself. The truth was difficult to accept; I still hadn’t grasped it even after knowing for months.
“You know that I would never lie to you. Ever,” I said softly.
Her thick black lashes gathered more tears as she angrily swiped them away.
“That’s what I thought, Killian. Our entire marriage, you’ve been honest with me.
You’ve been devoted and loyal, but you know, that for me, if there’s even a hint of doubt…
it can’t work. I can’t be worried that you’re not being honest with me. Not when you’re in that club.”
Rushing to the space in front of her, I kneeled and placed my palms on her thighs. “How could you ever assume in any lifetime that I wouldn’t be loyal to you? There is no undoing what we are, Daisy. Not ever.”
Her hand came to my chest, where under my shirt was my tattoo. It was the flower I’d had stained into my skin when I wasn’t even legally old enough to get it. A daisy to represent the dream of finding that one person who would get you when the whole world didn’t.
Her voice was rough as she asked, “Then why keep this from me? I don’t understand.”
My head lowered in shame. “I’ve wanted to explain this for nearly a year, but every time I opened my mouth”—I shook my head back and forth—“I can’t find the words.”
Her fingers ran through my hair, then over my neck. “Killian, you need to tell me. I’m with you to the end, you know that. Through thick, thin, and all the fuckery in between. I’ve stood by your side as your woman, your old lady, your wife. Tell me.”
She was right, and it wasn’t like I didn’t believe that.
But I knew she’d panic once I explained all this, still I tipped my head back and told her.
“Silas came to me about six years ago with a letter he’d received.
There was no return address, and no stamp.
It arrived on their front step. It was addressed to Rook, asking if he’d picked a side yet. ”
Laura’s lip wobbled. “Max.”
“A week after that another letter arrived. This time it was a warning for them to get out of Rose Ridge.”
“That’s why you were so insistent on getting everyone out…” she trailed off.
I nodded. “I kept expecting the shit to hit the fan, Daisy. If you remember, I tried to get you to leave with the girls…it’s why I begged Connor to propose to Royce. I was desperate to get everyone out of here.”
My wife nodded absently while staring across the room. “I remember. You were panicked on a level that I hadn’t seen before. It scared me.”
“It forced me to make some choices that I wasn’t proud of.
There were deals I began making that slowly pushed us away from being legitimate.
Mostly we flirted with the line, but it helped me feel a little bit safer.
Time passed, everyone left, and then nothing happened.
I kept waiting and waiting for something to go wrong.
We filled the tunnels, and increased security.
Then, about a year ago, another letter arrived, but this time it arrived on our doorstep. ”
Daisy had gone pale, her fingers gripping the edge of the window seat. “He was here?”
“Someone was.”
“What did the letter say?” she asked nervously.
I didn’t want to tell her this part. This was the shit I’d been hiding and burying for the past year. Why I gave up the club, and why I was here, fucking up and about to defend idiot Ford if he decided to go to war.
“It was a question, asking if Royce or Taryn had picked a side or not. Two pictures were included in the envelope of both girls.”
She’d stopped speaking and instead wiped at her brow with a shaky hand. I continued confessing.
“I knew then that we needed to do something different. He was still coming for us, but I didn’t feel as sharp as I did back when we first got together, Daisy.
I felt old, like a worn-out picture, folded in too many places.
I didn’t feel equipped to do what I knew needed to be done, so I went to Wes with all of it, and Ford walked in on our conversation.
Because he heard that Max had left a photo of Royce, he offered on the spot to take over in secret.
He wanted to do whatever it took to protect everyone.
It was his idea to keep it a secret, that we needed to take Max by surprise when he showed up again.
Ford’s been making the decisions for the club, which has led us to new business ventures and reluctant allies. ”
My wife finally stood, letting out a heavy sigh. She ran her hands through her thick blond hair while pacing. “How bad is it?”
“Archer Green connected us with his brother-in-law…a man named Juan Hernandez…he’s Mafia.
We’re working with his sons who have taken over the business since Juan retired.
They’re rather unconventional in their methods, but just as ruthless as their father.
We do things for them, bury evidence, hide what needs to be hidden.
Funnel product, all through Ford’s construction business. ”
“Killian, this could put you in prison. If the Feds find out…”
“This is why I haven’t wanted to say anything, Daisy.
By trying to fix it, we’ve inadvertently made things worse.
Ford is keeping up with what we owe the Hernandez family and ensuring they don’t come to collect.
I’ve been trying to make it look like everything is okay in the club.
Meanwhile, no one knew that Ford had been acting president of the club all this time. ”
Laura’s face twisted. “I’m confused. What good does it do to have him be the president secretly if none of the men will follow him? They’ll all follow you into a war not him.”
“Max will come for us assuming I’m the one in charge.
We’re going to have the advantage of a surprise.
Ford will have a whole new regiment of men who are loyal to him.
He’s already made an ally out of Lance, and I have a fairly good idea that the Hernandez boys don’t hate Ford.
They’re Archer Green’s nephews, and the group have met on a few occasions.
Which means if it came down to it, we’d have Archer’s club, as well as his tie into the Mafia. ”
My wife rubbed at her eyebrow, still pacing.
“Honey, this is insane. I can’t even believe you’d risk so much, and all because of one man…why haven’t we gone on the offense with him and hunted him down?”
I shook my head, frustrated, but only with myself. “We weighed that option. Heavily considered it, but in the end, we agreed that it was too dangerous. Why run after a bear after it decided not to make you it’s meal?”
“But he’s been toying with us. He sent photos of our children, Killian. It’s not like you to hide in your tower while someone threatens your family,” Laura argued, tossing her arm out while wearing a path into the carpet.
This part was what I’d been subconsciously avoiding. I felt depleted, and empty. As if I had nothing left to give.
“I feel like a wolf with no teeth, Daisy. How was I supposed to tell you that I was scared? How was I supposed to explain that nothing had ever scared me so much in my life than during that Christmas when we were all stuck here, and Silas nearly died. We would have all died that night if Archer Green hadn’t showed up.
Max seems to always have the upper hand, and he wants to erase this club from existence. That fucking terrifies me.”
She paused walking and sucked in a sharp breath. Then her feet moved quickly as she got to her knees in front of me. “You’re allowed to get scared, my love. Growing old scares me too. Let’s be scared together.”
I placed my palm over hers, which was against my jaw. “Deal, Daisy.”
When she lowered her mouth to mine, I smiled and let her kiss linger. Right as I slid my hands around her waist and pulled her into my lap, my phone rang.
Laura’s brows dipped as she watched me fish my cell out. “Who is it?”
“It’s Silas.” We stared at one another as worry threaded my heart. Silas Silva wouldn’t call me for any reason, ever. Unless someone’s life was in danger. Natty would call Laura if anything. With a bit of hesitation, I answered.
“Silas?”
There was a pause before a gruff voice replied, “Killian, we’re back.”
I didn’t reply because I wasn’t sure what this meant, but then he added, “Do you know why there’s a pink motorcycle parked in front of my house? The only person I remember seeing who had pink everything was your kid.”
The world seemed to tip sideways. Getting to my feet, I began pacing frantically as I tried to process what he was saying.
“Is anyone inside your cottage?”
“No, it’s empty. We’ve checked the perimeter. No one is here.”
Laura’s eyes rounded, and then she darted for the door.
“Silas, I need you to find tracks, whatever you have to do…I’m not even going to waste time contemplating. Royce is missing.”