15 #2
“Accept me into… into the… what?” I breathed, nasally and low.
“By the gods, young Prince. Where did you find this one?” Gliocas snorted.
“I didn’t find her,” he growled back. Switching his focus to Urram, he frowned at the grey beast. “Why her, Urram?”
I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining emotion on the reptilian face before me, but Urram looked insulted. “I could ask Gliocas the same of you, Prince.”
I couldn’t help but to muffle a laughter as I bit down on my tongue.
Raegan wasn’t giving in, though. He held that stern glare with Urram, unwavering in his stubborn stature.
It made me reconsider who, exactly, I had been travelling with.
The pixies may have been creatures of wanderlust and brilliance, but I doubted many — if any — would square off with a dragon the same way that Raegan was.
“Do not question me. If I deem her worthy of us, let that be the only answer that you need.” Urram lifted and solidified his neck from where he lay, towering over Raegan even then.
“Let it go, young Prince,” Gliocas nudged at Raegan, forcing him to stumble a step and release whatever arrogance had his jaw clenched so tightly.
While Gliocas and Raegan conversed, I settled on the edge of the cliff-side and let my feet dangle over the path we had trekked.
Even though I knew we weren’t on a literal mountain, it sure felt like one as I looked out at the lands beyond, at the stretch of green grass that waved against the faintest of breezes and the dark sea that lapped at the bottom of the rock.
I kicked my legs back and forth, far too confident for how much of a descent lingered beneath me, but caring very little as something within me continued to strengthen, to grow.
“I believe a war is coming.” Raegan’s voice carried over our little levelled out clearing, making me swing my head over my shoulder to get a better look at him.
He was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, facing Gliocas like they were two friends having coffee at a cafe.
Urram was perched between us all, his wings parted just enough to let a soft wind caress the insides of the leathery material.
“I believe that, too.” Gliocas dipped his chin, a mournful shadow climbing over his eyes.
Raegan frowned, as if that wasn’t the answer he wanted. “How do I stop it?’
“What makes you believe you must stop it?”
He pulled his lower lip between his teeth, beginning to chew on the edge of it as he scanned Gliocas’ face. “It is my duty.”
“The weight of the world does not reside on your shoulders, Raegan. No matter how heavy you may feel sometimes.”
“The weight of the world, no. The weight of my people? That is my burden to bear. It always has been.”
Guilt festered in my mind as I listened to their conversation.
I had yet to hear Raegan speak so freely, so comfortably with anyone.
Even with Killian, Shea, and Niamh, there was some restraint to how at ease he let himself become.
Yet with Gliocas, he was someone else entirely.
There was something wrong about me getting to witness it.
“I know, young Prince,” Gliocas huffed as he set his head against the ground, the end of his snout touching Raegan’s boot. “I wish it were not.”
Raegan didn’t respond to that. A part of me wanted him to — a part of me wished to understand how Raegan felt about his position.
He set a gentle hand on the scales of Gliocas’ face, releasing his own soft sigh. “Thank you, Gliocas. I must return now. Worry not, I will be back.”
Those eyes of carrion slithered to Raegan’s face. “I know you will.”
~
After half-stumbling, half-falling the entire path down from the dragon's den, both Raegan and I collapsed into the first collection of meadow-grass that our feet crossed.
We both rolled onto our backs, our hands stretched out beside us, and let the sun restore energy to our bones for the remainder of the trek.
Songbirds sang within the blades, pecking and picking at the earth in a search for sustenance just as winged insects took to the skies, soon blurring against the vast spread of blue above us.
In that slice of paradise, I shut my eyes and let the world pass me by. I remained like that for several minutes, feeling as if I was absorbing something from the dirt beneath me, before I opened my eyes and felt the awkward silence enduring around us once more.
“Thank you.”
“What?” Raegan nearly choked.
“Thank you. For letting me come with you today.”
He didn’t say anything, only made a strange noise with the back of his throat.
“You were right, you know.”
I heard him shuffling in the grass beside me, but I didn’t dare to look towards him out of fear of losing the courage that I needed in order to say what I had to say.
“I usually am.” His abrupt comment was met with a shy chuckle as he cleared his throat. “Which words of wisdom are you referring to, though? Just so I can keep track, of course.”
I let a nervous smile pull at my face as I closed my eyes once more. “I am a coward.”
“Olivia, I–”
“No, you were right.” I couldn’t bring myself to face him, to acknowledge him as more than a figure that was simply within my vicinity as I offered the world my truth.
“I wanted to escape. It’s taken me these few days to finally admit that the reason I jumped so quickly at Killian’s offer was because I wanted to escape. ”
More movement shuffled the air beside me, but I wasn’t ready to look at him yet. “Is it really that bad out there?”
“No,” I said through a smile. “For most, it’s wonderful. It’s beautiful. That short life that you all lack is what makes it so magical – everyday is a day for living. Except I wasn’t.”
Silence stretched and I was content to end it at that. I had given the earth my honesty, I had let myself place a mirror to my soul and finally address what I had harboured in my chest for days.
Raegan, on the other hand, was not content with it ending there. The silence had not been from him cutting our conversation short, but it had been to gather the words that he needed to respond.
“What does that mean?’
I let out a small breath as I finally peeled my eyes open, pushing up onto my palms and twisting awkwardly so that I could see him. He had flipped from laying on his back to sitting down, his legs folded in front of him as he stared at me.
“I lived in a stagnant state. I felt no joy, dreamed no dreams, hoped for nothing but the strength to wake the next morning. I was so filled with this dark dread, this heaviness around me that held me back.”
Normally, when I told people about my experiences, their faces changed into the same expression. Shock, mixed with pity in the softness of their eyes, sorrow for me and mourning a life that I was still living.
Not Raegan, though. He didn’t look at me like I was some broken thing in need of repair. He didn’t offer me words to stitch up wounds that didn’t need stitching. His eyes hardened, his jaw finally freed of the permanent clench that he held onto it with.
“Hmm,” he purred, “I understand.”
I frowned at him. How could he understand? He was the Prince of not one, but two kingdoms, residing in a realm of magic and excellence that I would never truly be able to look at with anything but awe. He wore a tight smirk most days, his eyes bright and alive, his stride strong and confident.
Yet how many people had said the same about me over the years? How many people had told me I ‘hide it so well’, how many had said that they ‘had no idea’?
It was there, beneath him, if I truly let myself look.
There were the familiar dark shadows beneath his eyes that one could credit to his sharp cheekbones, but they told me another tale.
There was the slight unfurling of his body when he thought no one was around, the way that all of that energy required to look strong and proud would dissipate as if it had not ever been there.
Maybe Raegan truly did understand. Maybe he didn’t. But for a little while, I would let myself believe the former.
“You seem different, here.”
I was prepared for him to shut me down again, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled his knees to his chest and resigned to watching me from where he set his chin. “I feel different here.”
A truth. A real, genuine truth. No smirk, no fox eyes, no lethal glare that could decimate.
I went to say something, but he spoke first. “It’s not that I feel bad in Choilltean. It’s just that I feel alive here.”
Furthering my frown, I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Anything that came to mind could easily be considered insulting to one or both of his kingdoms, so I resorted to staying quiet.
“You are not the only coward here, Olivia.” He smiled, raw and vulnerable. “My duty and my heart live on opposite sides of me, and I cannot decide which one I should let win.”
I had nothing to offer him. Only rawness and vulnerability in return. “My best friend died a few months ago. And with her, the last sliver of hope for me. My last chance at reprieving my soul and seeking a way out of this permanent darkness. Until your pixies found me.”
His left brow twitched even though his face pinched. “Maybe my solution resides in the human world, then?”
We both laughed, though we shared the same disbelief that we were capable of laughing together instead of at one another.
Finally, Raegan rose to his feet. He dusted off some seeds from his pant legs and extended a hand to me. Cautiously, I let him heave me up to my feet.
“I hope that you are able to find the light again, Olivia.”
I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid I already had, but that there was an hourglass attached to it.
“And I hope that a day comes where your duty can fall in line with your heart.”
Raegan cracked a small smile and bowed his head at me.
Just like I knew I already found my solution, I was inclined to believe that Raegan already knew his, too.