Chapter 15 #2
‘Shit. I didn’t mean it like that. I promise. Although,’ he made a rolling motion next to his head with his finger, a family tick it appeared, ‘now I hear it back. I can understand why you’re all pissed off with me.’
‘I’m not. You spoke the truth, albeit with absolutely no sugar coating whatsoever.’
‘It did sound a little harsh, darling,’ his mother berated him gently.
He leant over and kissed my cheek. ‘I really didn’t mean it the way it sounded.’
‘I know. Don’t worry about it.’
The sincerity of his apology showed in his eyes and the truth was, it didn’t matter.
Barney had stated the raw facts. Even in this day and age, it would be expected, or at least hoped for, that Edward would marry well.
The estate was obviously in good health and being managed competently but a rich wife, I’m sure, wouldn’t go amiss.
Edward’s expression had barely eased.
I nudged him and he seemed to jolt out of his thoughts.
‘So, we have a deal then?’
‘A deal?’
‘Yes. You know, everything I just said.’
‘Ah. That.’ He paused. ‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘What? Why? And you two can stop smiling.’
This comment brought a flicker to Edward’s own lips.
‘Because I’m not ready to be jilted yet.’
I let out a huff. ‘I’m not jilting you. You weren’t paying attention. It’s a joint decision.’
‘But I’m not joining the decision.’
‘But… but you have to.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Yes, you do! We agreed!’
‘We agreed that it was temporary but… well, isn’t it a bit awkward to have it end with the engagement party?’
‘Seems a little harsh.’ Barney slung his arm around his elder brother’s shoulder. ‘Poor bloke.’
I threw Barney a look.
‘OK, so when is it going to end?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘We have to have some sort of schedule. And today is perfect! The whole party thing was the ideal excuse to show me that I don’t belong.’
He turned further towards me. ‘Is that how you felt?’
I paused. Had I?
‘Not especially, no. Only when it came to Fenella and Verity.’
‘No one feels comfortable with Fenella and Verity,’ Edward stated.
‘That’s true. William and Kate could walk in and she’d still find something to quibble about and criticise.’ Penelope took my hand. ‘But I’d feel even worse about the mess if you felt terribly out of place.’
‘No, honestly. It was all a bit surreal and unexpected but other than that, and other than them, it was OK.’
‘It was definitely surreal,’ Edward echoed.
‘See? If we “split up” today, you won’t have to deal with any more surrealism either.’
‘I’ve dealt with a lot worse things in my life than that so I’ll cope. And, as I said, I’m not ready to be jilted by you just yet.’
I looked up. He thought this was funny.
‘Fine,’ I said, sticking my hands on my hips. ‘Then you dump me.’
‘Never.’
‘OK. Then I’ll dump you and it doesn’t have to be mutual. I can cope with everyone thinking I’m mean and out of my mind.’
His gaze met mine and I wasn’t sure if it was in amusement, challenge or surprise. Perhaps a bit of all three.
‘Go on then,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘Dump me on the day of our engagement party.’
‘Well, don’t say it like that. That makes it sound worse.’
‘It’s true, isn’t it?’
‘No, Edward, it’s not true.’
‘Did we not have an engagement party this afternoon?’
‘We did. But what we did not have is a real proposal, ergo there is no real engagement so stop laying it on and trying to make me feel bad.’
‘I thought you said you could cope with people thinking you were mean.’
‘I meant people I don’t know and therefore whose opinions don’t matter.’
‘Are you saying that you value my opinion, Esmerelda?’
I narrowed my eyes. ‘Less and less so by the moment.’
‘Esmerelda?’ Barney asked.
‘Oh, you have pet names already? That’s adorable!’ Penelope beamed.
‘Definitely not a pet name,’ I said, glaring at Edward, which only made his smile wider.
‘Verity “mistakenly” called Emmeline, Esmerelda earlier.’
‘Oh, the little moo.’
‘It could have been a genuine mistake,’ I said, determined to be the bigger person.
‘Bollocks,’ Barney stated.
‘Barnaby. Language.’
‘He’s right, though,’ Edward said.
‘Well, of course he’s right but there are ladies present,’ Penelope chided.
Barney sniggered.
‘Oh, Mum.’ Edward grinned. ‘We’ve both heard you swear like a sailor. There’s no need to try and impress Emmeline now. Especially as she’s apparently about to break my heart.’
‘I am not about to break your heart. Stop making out to be an injured party. I’m the one who’s been dragged into this in the first place and you were supposed to sort it.’
‘This is true. And I will.’
‘When?’
‘Do you need an exact date?’
He folded his arms across his chest. Barney and his mum stepped back gingerly. I mirrored his stance. Admittedly, it didn’t have quite the same effect but still. Anything he could do and all that. The act seemed to amuse him even more.
‘Stop smiling at me.’ I was moments shy of stamping my foot.
‘I like smiling at you.’
‘It makes it harder to do what I need to do.’
‘Is it really that hard when, as you point out, it’s not real?’
‘That’s not the point.’
‘What is the point?’
‘Don’t you agree it’s a good idea? You know, before everything gets too out of hand?’
Edward shoved his hands in his pockets. His mum and brother had now tactfully made their way to the other side of the room and were sitting talking between themselves on a couple of overstuffed armchairs that looked out over the grounds.
‘I understand what you’re saying but I’m concerned that people will think of us as flighty.’
‘What you mean is that you think people will call me flighty. It’s not generally an adjective that gets applied to men.’
He cleared his throat but didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.
‘I can look after myself, Edward.’
‘I have absolutely no doubt of that, Emmeline. Anyone who has spent any time with you at all could see that. But the truth is, I don’t want you to have to deal with this.
As you rightly said, you were dragged into this charade unwillingly and therefore it is up to me to fix it.
But I want that fix to be one that ensures you’re not looked down upon or gossiped about. ’
‘I knew I shouldn’t have told you about… things.’
He reached forward and took my hand. ‘I’m glad you did but this has absolutely nothing to do with that. This is exactly how I would have felt anyway and I’d like to do what I can to protect you from the worst of the fallout.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s not your job to protect me, Edward. Even if this was real, it’s still not your job to do that.’
‘No, it wouldn’t be my job. It would be my honour and my duty.’
‘Oh my goodness, you really are from another age, aren’t you?’
‘Because I believe in chivalry?’
‘Something like that. For the most part, chivalry has seemed dead for many a year.’
‘I’d like to hope not but it can also be hard to know whether it will be appreciated. Barney held the door open for a woman last week and got bawled out and called misogynistic.’
I huffed out a sigh. ‘Life is pretty complicated these days.’
‘People make it complicated.’ Edward reached out and gently took both of my hands. ‘If you really want this to end now, I will make it happen, as I promised earlier.’
‘To be fair, you didn’t know about the party when you promised that.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I will make it happen and it will be my fault. I am not having any blame settled on you, whenever it happens.’
I could see I wasn’t about to win this argument any time soon.
‘Fine. OK. What’s the plan then?’
‘The summer.’
‘The summer?’
‘Yes. We remain engaged, act engaged, for the summer. A situation occurs and we decide to go our separate way at the end of the summer.’
‘What situation and what do you call the end of the summer?’
‘September time? Depending on invites, functions, etc? We can decide on the situation nearer the time.’
‘Wait, what? Functions?’
‘Yes. There’s always weddings, garden parties and so on over the summer.’
My stomach lurched at the thought of it. ‘I have a job, Edward,’ I said, diving on the best, and most accurate, excuse.
‘I know. And you have holiday.’
‘Which I might want to use to do something myself.’
‘Oh, yes, of course. Did you have anything planned?’
I hesitated. ‘Well, no.’ I felt a bit daft having made such a fuss about it now. ‘But that’s not the point.’
‘No, of course not.’ There was something in his tone…
I whacked him on the arm. ‘Don’t be an arse. My point is that I can’t go taking time off willy-nilly.’
He grinned.
‘Don’t be a child just because I said “willy”.’
‘Thankfully, I’m a little past that.’
‘Unless he’s had a few,’ Barney bellowed over.
‘Bloody ears like a bat, that one,’ Edward stated before continuing. ‘There’s only one thing I do need you to do.’
‘Oh God.’
‘It’s an easy request, don’t worry. I want you to be yourself.’
‘Not sure I have much option. I’ve definitely not had any experience of being a “Verity type”.’
Edward leant down and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. And strangely, I didn’t think I’d mind. That actually, it might be quite nice. I’d definitely had too much champagne.
But he didn’t kiss me, instead whispering close to my temple, his breath tickling the baby hairs there.
‘And for that, I’m most thankful.’