Chapter 19
‘I still can’t believe your mum is Lady Penelope.’
He grinned. ‘Then I have an even better revelation. We had a chauffeur called Parker.’
‘You did not!’ I said, laughing.
‘Cross my heart,’ he said, doing the action.
‘That’s hilarious!’ I took another sip. Maybe this evening wasn’t going to be as bad as I’d feared after all.
An hour later, we’d both enjoyed a dinner of smoked trout, fresh spring vegetables and creamy, garlicky dauphinoise potatoes.
‘Pudding?’
‘I shouldn’t really.’
‘The sticky toffee pudding and fresh vanilla custard here really is something special.’
‘Between the homemade bread, baked brie and the main course, I’m not sure I have any room.’
Edward frowned. ‘There’s always room for pudding. It’s kind of the law.’
‘The law?’ I said, giggling. Possibly the third of Gerry’s ‘Emmeline’ cocktails might not have been the best choice. But God, they were delicious.
‘Absolutely,’ Edward replied, his manner serious.
‘But I’m stuffed!’ I said, still laughing. But then the laughter fell away and I put my hand up to my face. ‘See? This is what I mean. I’m not cut out to be posh fiancée material, Edward. I’m sure no one says that in your circles.’
‘Actually, my dad used to.’
I looked up from where I’d been studying the condensation on the bottom of my cocktail glass.
‘He did?’
‘He did.’
‘Oh.’ I paused, debating whether to voice the question in my head.
‘What?’
‘What?’ I parroted back.
‘You clearly have something you want to ask, so go ahead. As I said earlier, you can ask anything.’
I flickered a smile. ‘I just… I wondered when he died? But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s absolutely fine, of course,’ I hurried on.
‘I’m happy to.’ A shadow of grief passed across his handsome features. It was a look I knew well.
‘It was six years ago, just gone. I’m sure you noticed when you visited with Isaac that Mother was not looking her usual self.’
‘I did. I was concerned she was unwell but it didn’t feel like my place to ask, or pry.’
‘Believe me, neither my mother nor I would have considered it prying for a moment.’ He paused. ‘She’s already extremely fond of you.’
‘Thank you. The feeling is mutual. Isaac did say it was around the anniversary of the accident. I’m so sorry, Edward.’
He nodded his thanks, took a sip of water poured from the bottle Gerry had brought for the table and cleared his throat.
‘We were out on a hack, the four of us. It was a perfect day for it. Blue skies, warm but not too hot for either us or the horses. The ideal day. As we approached a fence, Mum’s horse, who had always been a very reliable girl, suddenly refused and reared.
Mum’s an excellent horsewoman, but she was thrown off.
Barney and I had already jumped the fence but heard Dad’s shout and immediately turned back.
Dad was off his horse and running towards Mum.
She was moving but not much. He’d just got to her and was bent down speaking to her.
As he ascertained she was all right, just winded, the horse bucked again and a hoof caught Dad on the side of the head.
’ He stopped and took another couple of sips of water.
‘Edward, you don’t have to go on. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—’
‘No. Really, it’s all right.’ Briefly, he laid his hand over mine on the table.
‘I’d like you to know. Besides, it’s the sort of thing you should know, in the circumstances.
’ He gave a brief frown before continuing.
‘Barney was already on the phone for an ambulance. They advised the air ambulance was being despatched. It was already en route back from a job close by so wouldn’t be long.
Dad still wasn’t responding and I couldn’t find a pulse.
Mum was screaming hysterically, trying to get to him to wake up.
Barney literally had to hold on for dear life to her. ’
I nodded. I’d seen the incredible adrenal power of panic and grief in action. The thought of the gentle, delicate Penelope giving her son any hint of competition was hard to imagine but extraordinary circumstances produce extraordinary results.
‘I had begun CPR. Barney wanted to help but he had his hands full with Mum. Unfortunately, I still hadn’t got any result.
I could hear the helicopter approaching and land in the field behind us but I just kept on.
I…’ He swallowed. ‘I felt like I had to keep going. If I stopped, it meant I’d given up and I couldn’t do that.
I didn’t want to do that. The air ambulance crew, from what I remember, had to peel me away so they could do their job. ’ He shook his head. ‘Idiotic of me.’
‘Not at all!’ This time, it was my hand on his. ‘You wanted to do everything you could. That’s entirely natural, Edward. You should never think anything different.’
His gaze met mine. ‘Thank you,’ he replied. ‘The crew continued with the CPR and a defibrillator for another forty-five minutes but in the end, they had to declare him… passed.’
In the low light of the restaurant, Edward’s moist eyes caught the glow of the candle flickering on the table.
‘Edward.’ I realised I’d yet to remove my hand from his and I curled my fingers gently around his. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Thank you.’ He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. Our hands remained where they were. ‘Unfortunately, my mother has never really forgiven herself. In her eyes, if she hadn’t come off, then Dad wouldn’t have been in the position to receive a fatal kick.’
‘What ifs can drive a person crazy.’
‘Exactly. We’ve told her that time and time again.
We’ve all been around horses our entire lives and know that they can be unpredictable, that horse riding is certainly not one of the safer sports, but we loved it.
Dad loved it and he took the risk. He was the keenest rider among us.
He’d be devastated to think that Mum was still blaming herself for his death. ’
‘It’s hard to persuade a person differently when they’re consumed by grief.’
He raised his gaze and met mine once more. ‘It is. But that doesn’t mean we won’t stop trying.’
‘From the short time I’ve known you, I already wouldn’t expect anything less.’
‘She’s not been short of offers and both Barney and I would be content if she found someone else that made her happy again.’
‘That’s good. No matter how old a child is, some still act selfishly when it comes to new relationships. It’s great that you and Barnaby are supportive of her.’
He took another sip of water as he acknowledged my words. ‘Not that it makes much difference. She’s not interested. It’s almost like she feels she doesn’t deserve to find such happiness again.’
‘Or maybe she’s frightened of the possibility that she might.
It’s a risk.’ I gave a shrug. ‘It’s always a risk opening your heart to someone in case they do make you wonderfully happy.
The “what if something happens to them?” thought can often lurk in the background but especially with what you’ve all been through. ’
Edward stared down at the table. ‘Yes. Yes, I’d not thought of it like that.’
‘Or maybe it’s a mixture of both. Life is rarely black and white.’
‘Very true.’
‘Edward!’ The cheerful voice popped the bubble that had formed around us and both of us looked up sharply.
A medium-height, stockily built man with a stomach that was on the cusp of deciding whether to run to fat was standing beside the table with a wide, expectant smile.
Edward started. ‘Giles!’ He stood and held out his hand and Giles met it, shaking it heartily. ‘How good to see you. I thought you barely left London these days. Harriet, lovely to see you.’
The petite brunette was almost in Giles’ shadow, but he quickly moved aside and made space.
‘Sorry, darling,’ he said as Harriet and Edward exchanged a hug. ‘Still getting used to this being married lark.’ Edward gave a chuckle as Harriet looked up at her husband with love. ‘Wouldn’t change it for the world, though,’ he said, his face beaming.
I liked them both immediately.
‘Talking of marriage…’ Giles gave Edward a pointed look.
‘Oh! Yes! Sorry. Where are my manners? Giles, Harriet, this is Emmeline Buchanan. Emmeline, these are two of my oldest friends who finally realised about two decades after the rest of us that they were madly in love and got married last Christmas.’
‘It’s lovely to meet you,’ I said, offering my own hand. ‘And congratulations.’
Giles pumped my hand enthusiastically and Harriet smiled warmly and gave a quiet, well-spoken, ‘Thank you so much.’
‘And when are the wedding bells to ring for you two? Not going to keep us waiting too long, I hope.’ Giles turned to me. ‘Bloody love a good wedding now. Who knew!’ He gave a guffaw and I couldn’t help but smile.
‘We… er… we haven’t set a date yet.’
‘Not surprised. Bit of a whirlwind, by all accounts!’
A ripple of anxiety passed through me at the thought of ‘all the accounts’. Of course, I’d realised it would be a topic of discussion but having successfully more or less stuck my head in the sand about that part, it had just been truly yanked out.
Edward nodded. ‘Yes, it was all rather…’ He looked across at me.
‘Unexpected!’ I finished, forcing out a wide smile.
I sensed Edward’s tension release. ‘Very! To be honest, neither of us anticipated finding ourselves engaged, did we?’ He glanced at me, mischief in his eyes.
I kicked him lightly under the table and his smile widened.
‘Definitely not.’
‘Well, very glad you did!’ Giles replied.
‘You look so good together,’ Harriet added, her soft voice a contrast to her husband’s cheerfully booming one. ‘I hope you’ll be as happy as Giles and I are.’
‘Thank you.’ My response was automatic and for the briefest moment, I hoped I would be. Not with Edward, of course, but with somebody. One day.
‘Right! Better leave you two love birds to your dinner.’
‘Ha! Yes,’ Edward replied and then looked a little surprised at himself.