Chapter 26
The process got easier the emptier my champagne glass got.
But actually, Penelope had been right. Once I relaxed into it, I actually started enjoying myself which was something I never thought I’d say about trying on clothes.
Here, with my best friend and the kindest, sweetest lady who was quickly becoming one of my favourite people, I was more relaxed than I had been in ages.
The only other time I could compare to it was when I had my hands in the soil.
That was where I unwound. That and just chilling out with Freddy like we had last night.
London and all its bustle no longer seemed the Mecca that it had once been for us.
And then I’d told rather a big fib and landed on my feet.
Until the moment another big fib knocked me off them.
‘Oh! Now that is perfect! Don’t you think?’ Penelope asked Freddy as she topped off her glass once more.
‘I do like it. Is it the right thing?’ I asked, giving a tentative swish of the tea-length, wide skirt.
‘Entirely the right thing. You look absolutely darling in it, doesn’t she?’
‘Totally hot.’
I laughed at the contrast in their expressions of appreciation but loved that they both felt the same as I did.
Turning, I looked back at the reflection and saw a version of myself that I hadn’t seen in a long, long time.
My mum would have loved this dress. Mum would have loved me in this dress.
And then both of my friends were up and wrapping me in the warmest, kindest hug as tears dripped off my chin.
‘My darling!’ Penelope pulled back and wiped the tears gently with her thumb. ‘Whatever is it? Is it too much? Oh goodness, this is all my fault! I should never have let it go on. Right, I’m going to ring Fenella now and—’
‘No, no,’ I caught her hand. ‘It’s not that at all.’
‘Is it your mum?’ Freddy asked, her hand wrapped around mine.
I nodded and the tears began again.
‘Let’s sit down,’ Penelope said.
‘I’m just going to change. I’m not a pretty crier,’ I laughed a little snottily.
Penelope placed her hands, more firmly than her frame would suggest, on my upper arms. ‘You,’ she began, ‘are a beautiful everything. You have the kindest, purest heart of anyone I’ve met in a long time, and yes, this darling girl is ridiculously stunning,’ she said, releasing one hand to take Freddy’s, ‘but don’t think that dims your own beauty.
You are beautiful, my darling. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently or make you feel that you aren’t. ’
‘I tell her that all the time,’ Freddy added.
‘I’m sure,’ Penelope said, lifting Freddy’s hand and kissing it.
‘Anyone can see you would walk through fire for each other. You’re both very lucky to have such a wonderful friendship.
Now, you go and get changed and I’m going to order up some tea and cake.
I think that’s what’s needed here and we can have a nice sit down and you can either tell me or not tell me about your mother. ’
‘Sounds perfect,’ Freddy agreed and I nodded. And I found, for the first time in longer than I could remember that actually, I did want to talk about Mum.
* * *
When I’d finished, I felt wrung out but also lighter. Sharing the pain and the joy of Mum with Penelope, with Freddy there beside me, felt right, if exhausting.
‘I’m just going to go and wash my face, if that’s OK?’
‘Of course. Turn right and third door on your left is the green bathroom.’
‘Green?’
‘Yes. It’s just a name. Thank God, the avocado suites have long gone!’
I followed the directions and came upon said bathroom.
It was, as per its description, green but in the most gorgeous way.
The white suite was offset with dark-green paint, antique gold fittings and a mass of plants.
A freestanding slipper bath reclined beneath a fantastically ornate gold and crystal chandelier.
Now a bathroom with a chandelier is definitely a trend I could get behind.
It was absolutely stunning and I decided I could probably live in this room quite happily.
Running the cold tap, I bent and splashed my face a few times.
There was no hope of erasing the tear tracks but it would at least cool my skin and make me feel a little fresher.
Straightening up, I looked into the gilt-edged mirror.
The frame was as bold and intricate as some of the frames I’d seen on the oil paintings in the entrance hall and stairways. I loved it.
‘That’ll have to do,’ I said to the woman looking out from the mirror at me and headed back to the others.
‘Emmeline!’ Edward’s voice made me turn. The smile on his face dropped as he saw mine, a concerned frown replacing it as he picked up speed along the corridor. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ he asked as he reached me, his arm wrapping around my shoulder.
‘Nothing, really. I’m fine.’
‘Emmy, you’re clearly not. Please.’ His voice softened. ‘Please let me help.’
I don’t know what made me do it. Emotional exhaustion perhaps but I reached up and laid my hand on his cheek and when he turned his head and kissed the palm before gently taking it in his own hand, I didn’t even pull away.
Even though I knew Dad was always in my corner, I’d made my own way and learnt to fight my own battles.
In that moment, in that house and in that family, I felt cared for and now, looking into Edward’s concerned eyes, his hand wrapped around mine, his body close, time momentarily stopped and all I knew was his touch, his scent, his… love?
I stepped back. ‘Sorry. I…’
I really was exhausted if my brain was coming up with fairytale endings from a picture book. Of course it wasn’t love. We’d both got caught up in this charade and he seemed a genuinely nice man, part of this genuinely nice family. But that was as far as it went. And as far as it should go.
Edward’s hand still held mine. ‘You haven’t told me what’s wrong. Did something happen?’
‘No. I was telling your mum about mine and it all got a bit emotional, I guess. Silly really.’
‘Why is it silly?’
‘Because!’
He waited a few beats. ‘Is there any more to that sentence?’
I gave him a look.
‘Because you know that isn’t actually an explanation and emotion isn’t silly, especially when it’s concerning someone we love and miss.’ His voice cracked on the last word and I squeezed his hand. ‘It’s crappy sometimes, isn’t it?’ he said, returning the gesture.
‘It really is.’
‘Come on. I’ll accompany you back, if you don’t mind.’
‘It’s two doors up. I’m pretty sure I can find the way,’ I chuckled.
‘I have no doubt but I’d like to.’
My chest felt momentarily tight and my stomach did a tiny flip. Both of which I was determined to ignore.
‘Did you find a dress?’
‘I did.’
‘Great.’ He stopped at the door. ‘I look forward to seeing you in it.’
‘Something wrong with my day-to-day clothes?’ I teased, hand on hip. The champagne and tears were really having their way with me this afternoon.
‘Absolutely nothing. Off the record and, as your fiancé, I think you look great in everything. But as your employer, obviously, I could say nothing of the kind.’
‘Edward?’ Penelope pulled the door open. ‘I thought I heard you.’
‘Hello. I met Emmeline in the corridor and she looked upset. I wanted to check she was all right.’
Behind Penelope, Freddy was grinning.
‘Come in, darling. We’re just having some tea and cake. Why don’t you join us?’
‘No, I don’t want to intrude.’
‘You’re not intruding at all!’ Freddy was now up and practically dragging Edward into the room. ‘Come on!’
He sent me a slightly panicked look and I realised he was still holding my hand and had now gripped it tighter.
Freddy was a force of nature wrapped in gossamer.
While it looked like a stiff wind might blow her away, she’d weathered enough of her own storms to have a sturdy anchor.
And Edward was currently being dragged along by it.
I followed by default as he clearly had no intention of letting go.
‘That bathroom is amazing, by the way,’ I said as Edward and I flopped down onto a cuddle chair by the window, under Freddy’s direction. ‘You have to go and see it, Freds. You’ll love it.’
‘Third door?’
‘That’s it!’ Penelope agreed. ‘I’ll pour, shall I?’ As she was about to, her mobile rang and she glanced at it, clearly prepared to ignore it but then changed her mind. ‘It’s the doctor. Do you mind if I take it?’
We both made a gesture that she should and she began speaking as she walked towards the dressing area for a little more privacy.
‘Are you really all right?’ he asked. The chair was big enough for two but Edward was broad, and there was a reason it was called a cuddle chair. When one of the two sitting on it took up over half, it was very cuddly indeed. I’d sat in worse places.
‘I am. I promise,’ I replied, resting my head on his shoulder for a moment and looking up. He really was strikingly handsome.
‘I feel like I’m under a microscope.’
‘You wouldn’t fit.’ I giggled. Note to self: you cannot process alcohol quickly in the afternoon. But that was for later. ‘But I am studying you.’
‘And what do you see, dare I ask?’
‘I was looking at the portraits in the hall one day and I’m still trying to find likenesses.’
‘Perhaps if I dressed up in Elizabethan ruffs and Georgian powdered wigs, you might find it easier.’
‘Would you?’ I said, sitting up.
‘Most definitely not.’
‘Spoilsport,’ I said, flopping back again, partly against his chest, inadvertently pinning his arm behind me. He wiggled it so that it rested along the top of the chair instead.
‘As my brother said, I’m no fun.’
‘And I disagreed. Just because people are quieter doesn’t automatically mean they’re no fun. I should know. I’m excellent fun.’
He was smiling down at me now. ‘You are indeed.’
‘Bloody hell! That’s the best bathroom I’ve ever seen in my life!’ Freddy declared as she re-entered the room just as Penelope re-emerged having finished her call.