Chapter 28
Isaac said he’d walk from our place and he and Freddy stood by the door to say their own goodbyes as Edward and I said ours. Ideally, I’d have just shot in the door and been done with it but I knew Edward well enough to know that wasn’t an option.
‘Sorry!’ I blurted in a whisper as we stood together, partly blocked from the others by the Range Rover.
‘For what?’
I stared at the floor.
‘For the kiss?’ he filled in the blank.
‘I don’t know what came over me.’
‘I’m hoping it might come over you again.’
‘Edward…’
‘What?’
‘This is already complicated enough.’
‘Agreed. But this seems like a way of making things far less complicated.’
‘It’s not. Believe me.’ I’d had time to think about things on the drive home and I’d wondered the same as him.
Maybe this was right. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be and we wouldn’t have to pretend any more.
But then the sensible, rational, usual part of my brain stomped over and grabbed the reins.
Of course this wasn’t right. It wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
I’d been in a very similar position before and I was not prepared to put myself back in another.
‘It’s the other bloke, isn’t it?’
‘What? No! There isn’t anyone else.’
‘I mean your previous fiancé.’
‘Of course not. I certainly don’t care about him any more.’
‘No, but you care about what he did to you and to your confidence.’
‘Yes. But that’s got nothing to do with this.’
‘Hasn’t it?’ Edward shifted himself so that he was back in my line of sight as I’d gradually shuffled myself so that I didn’t have to look at him as I lied.
‘Look me in the eye and tell me that’s got nothing to do with it.’
‘That’s got nothing to do with it.’ I rushed out the words, hoping that the quicker I got them out, the easier it might be.
Edward sucked in a deep breath then let it out again slowly.
Freddy laughing softly drifted on the gentle night breeze that also brought with it the scent of jasmine and roses.
‘You’re a terrible liar.’
‘Then perhaps we should call this all off now.’ I steeled myself to look up at him. ‘I’m bound to mess up again at some point.’
‘Was kissing me messing up?’
‘No! I don’t mean that. But like you said, I’m a terrible liar and that’s what we’re doing here, isn’t it?
Lying to everyone.’ I was cross now and I had no idea why.
‘Why can’t we just call it off now? Tonight was the perfect excuse.
Verity pointed out the folly of you getting mixed up with someone like me and it can be that tonight is the night you realised she was right. It makes perfect sense.’
‘No! It doesn’t! It makes no sense whatsoever! I refuse to agree to something when I don’t believe in it. And what the hell does “someone like you” even mean? Someone I find attractive and funny and kind and sexy? Is that what you mean?’
‘Don’t!’
‘Don’t what, Emmeline? Tell the truth?’
‘I have to go.’ I stepped away but Edward caught my wrist.
‘We agreed to do this until the end of the summer.’
‘People break up all the time. Why does it even matter? Why does it have to be the end of the summer? We could just do it now and be done with it.’
‘Because we had an agreement and I don’t know about you, but I keep my word when I give it.’
I glared at him.
‘I’m sorry if you feel this is something that needs to be “done with” but I’d appreciate it if you could put up with it just a while longer, as we agreed.’
My chest was heaving and my stomach twisted. Isaac and Freddy had moved further away, clearly in an attempt to give us some space, but in the quiet of the night, there was no doubt they had still heard every word.
‘It’s Giles and Harriet’s housewarming party next Saturday. Are you still going to attend? If you really don’t want to, I’ll make your excuses, although I know Harriet was very much looking forward to meeting you properly.’
‘Because she thinks I’m one of you!’
‘No, Emmeline! There is no you and us.’
‘Don’t be obtuse, Edward. Of course there is.
There always has been and there always will be.
It doesn’t matter where you go, there is always snobbery.
Even on the army bases we lived on, some neighbours wouldn’t speak to us because my dad was a rank below them.
It’s ridiculous! And if you think just because you don’t believe it that it doesn’t exist then you’re being purposefully blinkered to the real world. ’
‘Believe me, Emmeline. I know plenty about the real world.’
‘Do you really, though?’
Edward took a step back. ‘I’m going to leave now before I say something I regret.
Thank you for the rest of the evening. Up until now, it was one of the most pleasant ones I’ve had in a long while.
’ He strode back to the car, gave Isaac and Freddy a brief wave then got behind the wheel, slammed the door and drove off.
I turned away, refusing to watch the tail lights retreat. Pulling the keys from my bag, I marched up the front steps and swore as I missed the lock with the key twice. As I was about to try for a vicious third time, a large hand closed over mine.
‘Give it here,’ Isaac said, although it was clearly a rhetorical request as he’d already extracted the small bunch from my hand. ‘You’re going to mess up the paintwork or break the key.’
I gave him a glare too.
‘Glare all you like,’ he replied, unruffled. ‘You’re the one who’s going to be back shovelling shit if you don’t get off your high horse.’
‘I’m not on a high bloody horse!’
Isaac opened the door without drama, took my hand and plopped the keys, not terribly gently, back in the palm. He stood aside so that Freddy could enter. I was about to follow but he grabbed my arm.
‘Oi.’
‘What?’
‘You need to get your facts right before you start spouting accusations at people.’
‘What are you on about?’
‘Edward.’
‘Well, of course, you’d be on his side!’
‘It’s not about sides, Emmeline! Do you know anything about him, really? Apart from the fact he’s rich and a good bloke from a nice family.’
‘Yes. Actually. We had a get-to-know-you picnic.’ I gave him a so-there face.
‘Then it clearly didn’t work.’
‘What the bloody hell do you want from me, Isaac?’
‘I want you to open your eyes, Emmeline! You’re a good person and Penelope has been so much happier since you got here.
Yes, she’s dropped you both into this charade and clearly Edward’s more keen than you to continue it.
But don’t think I didn’t notice that you started that kiss tonight.
So, if that’s backfired, don’t put that on him! ’
‘I’m going in now.’ I looked down at his hand meaningfully.
‘Do you know what Edward’s career was before he came back here to run the estate when his dad died?’
I swallowed. It hadn’t occurred to me that Edward had ever had another job.
‘No.’ The anger had died away now and my reply was quiet.
‘He was an officer in the British Army. He’s been to war, Emmeline.
More than once. He’s seen things that you and I will, hopefully, never, ever see.
You of all people should understand what that can do to a person.
That something like that never goes away, not truly.
And you stood there tonight and accused him of not knowing about the real world.
He’s seen more of it than you could possibly imagine. ’
Isaac let that sink in for a moment before turning his back and descending the steps. He didn’t turn as he spoke. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow at eight.’
I stepped inside and closed the door. Freddy was sitting on the second stair up. She held out her arms and I fell gratefully into them and sobbed at the upset, at the mess, at the thought that a man I cared deeply about and had just pushed away had also experienced horrors just as my dad had.
Half an hour later, I was exhausted.
‘Go and have a shower. I’ll bring you a hot chocolate.’
‘I’m not sure I could drink it. I feel a bit sick.’
‘It’ll help you relax. Go and shower and get into bed.’
I did as she said and a short while later, she knocked on the door as I was pulling the sheet back to get into bed. The window was open to the warm night air and somewhere in the distance, an owl was calling, its hoot a sad and lonely sound tonight.
‘Here you go,’ she said, placing the smoothly whipped chocolate drink on my bedside.
‘Thanks. I’m sorry I ruined the evening.’
‘Don’t be silly. You did nothing of the sort.’
‘You and Isaac looked like you were getting on well.’
She smiled. ‘Yes. I think we are. We’re taking it slowly. He knows all about my last disaster and is happy to wait until I feel ready.’
‘Do you think you will?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I really do.’
I leant forward and hugged her. When her last relationship had ended badly, she was in so many pieces, I wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to put herself back together.
And even when she’d arrived here, there was still the odd bit missing.
But in the weeks since, those pieces had gradually begun to mend too.
I didn’t know if it was solely down to Isaac or if it was the peace and the nature that living at Rose Cottage offered.
At some point, we would have that conversation, I knew.
But right now, even if he was a tiny fraction of that reason, I was glad of him, even though he’d just torn me off a strip.
He was right in that too. I’d had no idea.
I hadn’t asked the right questions. I’d been worried about how people perceived me, how I felt I didn’t fit in.
I’d assumed everything was fine for Edward.
He’d lost his dad and, of course, I felt sympathy for that.
He’d shared that with me but I hadn’t shared back and he hadn’t pushed me, just accepted me.
I hadn’t asked about the rest of his life, merely assuming it was perfect and rosy.
That he’d been landed into this privileged position and therefore everything had been easy for him.
‘I don’t think I like myself very much right now.’