Chapter 40
Breezy
The scent of grilled steak and cold Vermont air mingle as I trail after Norah through the yard, the heels of my boots sinking into damp grass.
She’s carrying a massive bowl of salad like it’s the Hope Diamond, and I pull up beside her, lowering my voice even though there’s no one else within ten feet.
“Quick question,” I say, tugging lightly on her sleeve. “Why exactly are we having dinner out on the lawn with heaters, in forty-degree weather, while you’ve got a twelve-person dining table inside?”
Norah cranes her neck toward me like I’m the one being unreasonable. “Oh. Yeah. Well. Technically, Bennett still says Logan isn’t allowed in the house. So, technically, this isn’t in the house.”
A shocked laugh leaves my lungs. “Norah.”
“What?” She just shrugs. “Plus, there’s no need to worry about Grandma’s china, so I’d say, overall, it’s a win.”
“Norah.”
She’s already sidestepping me, moving toward the long table set up under the string lights. “I’ve gotta get this salad down and grab the sides. Make yourself comfortable. There are drinks by the firepit.”
Behind me, Tad brushes a hand along my back as he passes, his fingers warm through my sweater. The touch is easy and natural and reminds me of how good the past two days of living together have been. I’m honestly starting to feel like we could give this real couple thing a run.
He’s been fun and flirty and attentive, and I’ve done my best not to put up my usual force fields. Of course, we haven’t dived into the deepest, darkest pools of intimacy and secrets, but it seems like somewhere we’ll get eventually.
It honestly feels like we’re only growing closer with each day.
I catch his grin as he moves toward the drink station, pretending not to eavesdrop, and I shake my head before following Norah again.
“Listen, Norah,” I say, keeping my voice low as we stop by the table she’s busy filling with food.
“I know you want to heal the relationship with my brothers, but as the woman who’s been in the middle of their crisis management for going on two decades, I have to tell you, it’s not easily solved.
Maybe we’re better off just letting them hold their own space rather than forcing them together. ”
“Maybe,” Norah agrees, flitting toward the table while I follow her. “But we’re going to try this first. And who knows? Maybe it’ll fix Bennett and Logan’s relationship and yours and Logan’s too. Stranger things have happened, you know,” she singsongs.
I sigh. Goodness, she’s feeling way too hopeful.
“Logan wants to be here,” she adds, setting the salad beside a bouquet of withering roses, little ice crystals forming in the water of their vase, and spinning to face me before lowering her voice.
“He wants a relationship with you and with Bennett. And I know he’s wronged both of you, but I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s not here to be an enemy anymore. ”
“I hear you, I do. No one wants my brothers to find a way back to a relationship more than I do, but some burned bridges cannot be rebuilt.” I swallow, the turmoil of my own conflict with Logan over Bishop Galleries edging in.
Hell, even the massive bridge my father burned is mere ashes now with absolutely no chance at closure.
I mean, he’s dead. I can’t talk or sort anything out with him.
I literally just have to live with the deceit and find a way to make my own peace with it.
Norah starts to open her mouth, most likely to refute, but I keep going.
“I’ve only gotten a little taste of the bitterness Bennett has been feeling toward Logan for years, but I still have to actively work not to smack our youngest brother upside the head.
” I reach up and squeeze her bicep. “Just…don’t get your hopes set too high on a miracle, okay? ”
“I promise. I’ll manage my expectations.” She nods and steps away from me, calling back toward the house, “Lillian, can you bring the dressing, please?”
Shaking my head, I drop the clearly futile subject and move on to interest in Norah’s Manhattanite best friend. “How is Lil enjoying Red Bridge this visit? Thinking about moving here too? If she does, we could be making a dent in the NYC census within a couple of years.”
Norah scoffs. “Yeah, I don’t know about that. Earlier today, in the middle of Main Street, during the Spring Fling Cider Festival, she used the word ‘desolate’ as a descriptor.”
I laugh, of course, envisioning myself saying the exact same thing on every other visit I’ve ever made to my brother’s sleepy Vermont town.
It’s funny how a big life change can shift your perspective entirely.
Red Bridge’s population isn’t vast, but the warmth of its hug is unparalleled.
There aren’t even a fraction of the people here who are in New York—but they care so much more.
I’d wager if it weren’t for Eileen Martin’s questionable journalism practices and out-of-towners, there wouldn’t be anything but sunshine and rainbows all the time. And, you know, the occasional poker tournaments because nothing says “for the kids” like a little competitive gambling.
“What’s so funny, Breezy?” Lillian, the new topic herself, asks, skipping down the stairs with an armful of every variety of salad dressing known to man. Norah passes her with a brush of elbows, headed back toward the house for more food.
“You are, Lil,” I say directly, taking a load off on one of the folding chairs set up at the outdoor dining table that we’re apparently going to freeze our asses off at and eat dinner at the same time.
“Well, of course I am.” She winks. “I’m also incredibly smart and beautiful too, if any men happen to be sniffing around, by the way.”
Norah cackles, returning with a Crock-Pot full of something steamy, thanks to Bennett’s handoff at the door. He doesn’t look thrilled, but I’ll be honest, sometimes that’s just my brother’s face.
“Oh, Lil, Lil, Lil,” Norah tsks. “Didn’t you say you were taking a break from the bruter sex for a little while?
Since that thing with the billionaire’s son and the other thing with the musclehead from Jersey and then the final, final thing with the mystery guy you refuse to give any details about whatsoever? ”
Boy oh boy, does that description of the dating scene in New York sound familiar.
I see myself in Lillian a little and, I suppose, have had a soft spot for her since the moment I heard what she did for our Norah.
Helping her run out on a wedding destined for disaster, giving her the tools to get out for good, and facing harassment from Norah’s mom and ex-fiancé, all without complaint, are the markers of a great woman and an even better friend.
Frankly, without Lillian’s intervention and support on Norah’s behalf, my brother Bennett might still be self-destructing in the wake of Summer’s passing, and as much as I’d have wanted to, I don’t think I’d have been able to save him on my own.
“You doing okay?” Tad asks, settling into the chair beside mine. He sets a glass of lemonade on the table in front of me, and I smile over at him.
“Yes. A little chilly, but I’m sure I’ll be hot-flashing soon anyway.”
He reaches out to rub my sweater-covered arms. “Want me to go get your heavier coat?”
“Hell no.” I snort. “It’s covered in glitter from the pageant parade earlier. The girls were tossing it with both hands! I don’t know if I’ll ever get it all out.”
He laughs. “To be fair, I tried to warn you. The Spring Fling Cider Festival never lets you out of its clutches without physical consequences.”
I stick my tongue out at him. “I was picturing quaint. Cheery. Small-town. Not the teeny-tiny pageant queens with buckets full of sparkly dust!”
“Here,” he offers then, contorting slightly to wiggle his arms out of the sleeves of his heavy blue flannel shirt-jacket. “Take mine.” He winks. “I did a better job of dodging.”
Accepting it willingly now that my hands are beginning to feel like knives, I settle into the smell of Tad and turn fully toward the table as everyone starts to sit down.
Norah and Bennett take the seats directly across from us, Autumn in a snowsuit and high chair in between them, and Josie and Clay, coming out of the house and each carrying a side dish, take the ones at the far end.
Randy walks to the table with a glass of lemonade in his hand, looking pretty neutral about the whole freeze-your-ass-off-and-eat extravaganza.
He was adamant he’d drive himself to this shindig and just arrived at the same time as Logan.
He settles into the seat beside his brother Tad, directly across from Lillian, and Logan gets sequestered to the lone chair at the end.
Gang’s all here, I guess.
I can’t deny I imagined a lot more buffers—possibly Sheriff Peeler and Deputy Rice—but I’m certainly not going to ask any questions.
“Well,” Norah chirps, breaking the awkward silence first. “Thank you so much for coming, everyone. It’s so nice to get everybody together, especially with such amazing news for two of our most-loved people, Breezy and Josie, and the new opportunities to love and be loved they’re bringing to the family. ”
My throat tightens, but to be choked in this way feels astonishingly good. It’s family. It’s support. It’s the exact opposite of how Bennett and Logan and I grew up, and for the first time since Norah suggested this stupid dinner, I can see the reason.
“Thanks, Nor,” I say, smiling and crying a little all at once.
For a woman who just found out she’s nearing month two of pregnancy, I refuse to think about how many more things are going to make me weepy over the next eight months.
Of course, my brain decides now is the perfect time to think about our baby’s first ultrasound in Dr. Rickman’s office and the little heartbeat I saw and heard.
More tears start to fill my lids, and I do my best to swallow back the ball of emotion that’s turning into a boulder inside my throat.
Good grief, Breeze. Cool it on the tears.