IRIS
It’s a few days later when Sol finally calls me to his room to discuss my upcoming trials.
We’ve just finished up and Poppy is turning off the tape player when I hear Lily’s voice calling my name from out in the yard.
“I’m in the shed!” I call back.
A second later, Lily appears in the open doorway. She peers inside and grimaces, not crossing the threshold as she says, “Sol’s looking for you, hon. He wants to see you as soon as you got a minute.”
I know immediately what this is about, and my stomach twists with a strange mix of worry and excitement.
“We’re all done,” Poppy says, making her way over to Lily. She stretches her arms over her head and yawns. “And now I’m gonna sneak off for a nap.”
Lily gives her an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid you might not have time for that. Violet wants you and Rose to help her skin the deer she got this morning.”
Poppy wrinkles her nose. “Ughhh.”
“I know, I know. But y’all are the only two who ain’t learned to skin yet.”
Poppy turns and slumps back into the shed, brushing past me as she goes and sits down in a metal folding chair in a corner. “Might as well wait here for them, then,” she says.
I walk toward the shed door. “Is Sol in his room?” I ask.
Lily doesn’t answer. Her eyes are on Poppy. Or maybe on the chair Poppy has sat down on. Her brown skin has gone a bit pale. It’s not the first time I’ve seen that expression on her face out in this shed. I’ve always assumed it’s a claustrophobia response.
“Lily?” I say, touching her arm gently.
She jumps and whips her head around to look at me. “Huh? Oh. Sorry, hon. What did you say?” She’s backing away from the open door as she speaks.
“I asked if Sol’s waiting for me in his room?”
“Yeah, he is.”
“All right. I’ll head back to the cabin with you, then.” I look over my shoulder at Poppy, whose eyes are drooping. “See you later. Good luck with the deer skinning.”
Poppy grumbles and waves to Lily and me as I step out of the shed and we begin to walk away.
Lily lets out a sigh of relief as we put some space between us and the shed. Then she puts that sweet smile back on her face and bumps my shoulder with hers. “You ready?”
“Ready?”
“For your trials? I’m guessing that’s what Sol’s gonna talk to you about.”
“Oh.” I let out a breath. “I think so? I don’t know. I don’t know what to expect, so it’s hard to be ready. But it’ll be good to get started so I’m not waiting.” I cock my head and raise an eyebrow at her. “Maybe I’ll feel more ready if you can give me a hint … ?”
Lily shakes her head. “Can’t do it, hon. We ain’t allowed to talk about it.”
I sigh. “Worth a shot.”
“I wish I could say more. I do. But Sol’s got rules about these for a reason. I know you, though, and I know you’re gonna do great.”
“Thanks.” I fidget with the hem of my shirt as we walk toward the cabin’s back door, passing Violet and Rose, who are carrying the deer carcass to the shed. “It’s just … what happens if I fail?”
“You won’t.”
“But what if I do?”
Lily’s smile turns to a much sterner look. She reaches up to grasp my elbow, giving it a firm squeeze. “You won’t fail, Iris. Don’t even let yourself think of it as a possibility, all right? You gotta finish all three trials. You gotta. And I know you will.”
I’m sure this is meant to be reassuring, but the seriousness of the way she says it and the tightness of her grip on my arm just serve to make me more nervous.
Because the way she says, “You won’t,” feels a lot more like, “You can’t.
” And the emphasis on the fact that I have to succeed just makes me more concerned about what happens if I mess up.
But I don’t want to worry Lily, so I just smile and nod and say a quiet, “Thanks,” as we step through the back door.
“Now go on,” she says as I kick off my shoes. “When you’re all done, I’ll braid your hair, if you want.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
I give her a little wave before heading down the hall toward Sol’s room.
“Iris! Come on in,” Sol says cheerfully when I knock on his open door. “I hope your day is going well?”
“It’s been all right.” I gesture to the door. “Should I shut this?”
“Yes, please.” He sits down on the edge of his bed and gestures to the wooden chair across from him. “Have a seat. I assume you’ve guessed what I want to speak to you about?”
I close the door and move to sit as instructed. “The trials?”
“Bingo.” He smiles, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’m not going to be giving you your first trial today. I just want to take some time to check in, touch base, that sort of thing. Make sure you feel comfortable and ready for what’s to come.”
“Cool.” I reach up to pull my hair over my shoulder and start running my fingers through the ends.
Sol must notice my restlessness because his tone turns reassuring.
“Don’t be nervous, Iris. I promise, I’m not going to challenge you to do anything I don’t feel confident you can handle.
Which isn’t to say the trials will be easy.
They wouldn’t be trials then, would they?
But they’re all designed to help you in the long run.
To put all the tools from your Growth Sessions over the past year into practice.
” He tilts his head to the side, expression thoughtful, before asking, “Do you want to know how I came up with the idea of these trials?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“So, several years ago, I was in a band,” Sol explains. “We weren’t well known, but we had a couple songs that made it to local radio stations. We got picked up by a record label, and they sent us on tour. By all accounts, things were looking up for us. I thought I was going to be a rock star.”
“I thought you worked in finance?”
“I did. This was before all that. I’ve lived many lives.”
I nod and find myself leaning forward, eager to learn more about his past.
“I was traveling all over the country with my three closest friends, playing music, and since I was the front man, I had women throwing themselves at me everywhere I went. I was living the dream! But then we hit a bump in the road.”
“What happened?”
“First,” Sol says, ticking off one finger, “our guitarist left the band without warning. The road just wasn’t for him.
But that meant we had no guitarist. I was the lead singer, so everyone expected me to pick up the slack.
I had to learn to play a whole new instrument in a very short amount of time.
It was stressful, it was humiliating because I had to perform—badly—in front of crowds, but I stuck it out.
My fingers bled every night on that tour bus.
And, ultimately, it made me a much more versatile artist. It made me better. ”
I’ve heard Sol play his guitar plenty of times, and he sounds good to my ears. “All the effort paid off.”
“You’re a sweetheart for saying so,” he says.
“But that was just the start. That wasn’t the end of our troubles.
Our bus broke down on our way to Chicago, and the record label told us we had to make our own way there because it would take a while to fix it.
We had to walk and hitchhike sixty miles.
And then one of the people we hitched a ride with stole my wallet with all my money in it. ”
“Are you sure you’re not the main character in a horror movie?” I ask.
“You joke, but it did get pretty dicey there. One guy who offered to pick us up had a chainsaw in his back seat for no apparent reason.”
“Yikes. But you made it to Chicago?”
“We did, and we put on a heck of a show when we got there,” he says.
“But it was a harrowing experience. It made me realize how much I was taking for granted. How I needed to learn to rely on myself more than others. Especially when, not long after that, the label dropped us. I was devastated, but later, I had an epiphany.”
“What?”
Sol leans forward with a smile. “I got exactly what I needed from that experience. I didn’t need fame or money.
What I needed was to challenge myself, to learn who I was and what I was capable of through some hardship.
And that’s what I’m trying to offer all of you girls with these trials.
To show you what you’re capable of. To push you to a limit I know you can handle and let you see how powerful you are. ”
When he puts it like that, it does sound kind of nice. I don’t know when the last time I felt powerful was. I don’t know if I ever really have.
“So while it won’t be easy,” he continues, “you don’t need to be nervous, either, because I know you very well by now, Iris. Don’t you agree?”
“Better than anyone.”
“Exactly. I know you better than anyone. I know what you need to challenge you, to help you blossom and make you see exactly how strong you are. I just need you to trust me.”
“I do.”
I trust him with everything. If it wasn’t for Sol, I don’t know if I’d even be alive right now.
“Good.” He reaches out and gives me a playful little punch on the arm. “You’ve got this.”
I’m grinning back at him now, feeling much lighter than when I walked in here a few minutes ago. “So when do we get started?” I ask.
“Soon,” he says. “Part of the challenge is that you’ll never know exactly when your next trial is coming.”
“I guess that makes sense,” I say. “In real life, you can’t prepare for unexpected setbacks.”
“Exactly!”
“I do have questions, though.”
“Ask away. I’ll answer as best I can without compromising the trials.”
“So … why can’t I talk to the others about this? Not even the older girls?”