IRIS
“All right. Spill the tea.”
Rose and I are bundled up in as much clothing as we could find in the cabin, with snow piled up to our calves, soaking through our shoes and socks, shovels in hand.
We had a big snowfall last night, and the old dirt road that leads to the cabin doesn’t see the likes of snowplows.
So we are the ones who have to dig Sol’s truck out and begin clearing as much of a path for it as we can so that he can drive into town tomorrow.
“Spill the tea about what?”
It’s been a couple of days since my Growth Session where Sol and I discussed the trials and the rules about dating. In that time, I haven’t really hung out with Rose.
Until today, at least, when Violet sent us out to work in the snow.
It’s the first time we’ve been alone together since the night by the fire.
Rose is nearly always with one of the other girls as they show her the ropes or just ensure she’s feeling welcome and comfortable.
The same way Lily had been with me in the first couple months of my time here.
And at night, we’ve been so exhausted by a day of work that we never remained awake past the time when Poppy and Zinnia began to snore.
Part of me is embarrassed and guilty being alone with her, remembering Sol’s awkward warning and the disappointment it left me with. The other part is almost giddy at the prospect of spending time with her. Even if it is while we shovel through two feet of snow.
“About you,” she says. “What’s going on with you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
Rose gives me an incredulous look. “Oh, come on,” she says. “You’ve been all kinds of weird the last few days. Quiet and distracted. Something’s clearly up.”
Heat creeps into my cheeks as I’m faced with the horror of being perceived. “Oh. Have I?”
“You know you have.”
I know she’s right. My mind has been full of anticipation and worry, and it’s made me more distant than usual. Zinnia and Poppy are always willing to fill the silence in the attic, so I’d thought I was getting away with it. But clearly, Rose has noticed.
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” I say.
“Such as?”
I pause in my digging, reaching up to wipe beads of sweat—already half frozen—from my brow with the sleeve of the oversized jacket I found in Lily and Violet’s room.
Rose stops digging, too, and looks at me as she leans on her shovel.
Those big, bright green eyes search my face for a moment before she looks away.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m being nosy. You can just tell me to shut up if I’m being too annoying.”
“No, it’s okay,” I tell her. “It’s just …”
I can’t tell her about the trials. It’s against the rules. But I don’t want to lie to Rose, either. So I take a minute to wrack my brain for a truthful, safe answer.
“I’ve just got stuff coming up with Sol. I can’t really talk about it.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Something to do with your anniversary?”
“Uh, yeah. Kind of.”
“You guys just made such a big deal out of it, I figured there had to be more to it,” she says. “So what’s the deal? What happens after you’ve been here a year?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Ugh. Right. Rules.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ve been told I’m bad with rules.”
I snort. “If you’re so curious, you can ask Sol.”
“Maybe I will.”
“You said you’re nosy. You should ask him things. Not just about this, but other things, too. He’s always happy to answer questions about how things work here.”
“I have.” Rose starts digging again. The truck’s back tires are nearly clear of snow now. “And when he answers, everything he says makes sense. It all seems good and reasonable. But then …”
“But then?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess later, when I think about it again, I can’t always remember what it was he said that made so much sense.”
I adjust my grip on the handle of my shovel before moving just past Rose to start clearing out part of the dirt road that leads out of the hollow. “You just got here,” I remind her. “I know this place and our rules and the way we do things is different. Just give it some time.”
“Ugh. But that involves being patient,” she whines. “And I’m not good at that.”
I laugh. “Might want to talk to Sol about that in one of your Growth Sessions.”
“We have,” she says. “More than once. It’s something I’m supposed to be working on.
But it’s so hard. Especially when I just—I want to feel like one of you.
Like I understand the language and see the same things the rest of you see.
I wanna feel like I’m really part of this, you know?
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt part of something. ”
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, you’re already one of us.
” I stop digging again so I can look at her.
“I know the other girls have been trying to help you get comfortable here. But you can come to me, too.” I fidget with the handle of the shovel, wishing my hands weren’t gloved so I could play with the ends of my hair.
Moments from Christmas, laughing with her by the fire, keep flashing in my mind.
I try to push them away. Family. She’s meant to be like family, no matter how charming I find her.
“I want you to feel like you belong here.”
Rose walks closer to me. The cold has her pale cheeks turning a shade of pink, and the tip of her nose is just a little bit red. Her black hair is a stark contrast to the sheets of white snow on the ground and coating the low, rounded mountains that surround us.
“You mean that?”
“Of course. I like having you around.”
I am keenly aware of how close Rose and I are standing, both of us half leaning on our shovels, eyes on each other. I’m not sure whether it’s the chilling wind or the way her eyes pierce through me that makes me shiver.
She reaches up and takes hold of a strand of my hair that has fallen loose from my braid and tucks it back inside my beanie. I get that same relaxing tingle in my scalp again and pray that I’m not blushing.
And then, with a soft smile, Rose says, “I like having you around, too.”
“Oh.” It comes out as an exhale, her words causing something in my stomach to do a somersault.
“And I am sorry if my nosiness makes me a pain.”
“You’re not a pain.”
She grins. “Like you said, I just got here. Give it time.”
We both laugh. She painted her lips red this morning, the way she always does, and the vivid crimson of her smile makes it impossible not to watch her mouth. It makes me want to make her laugh again.
But before I have the chance, the door to the cabin opens, and Violet calls out to us.
“If y’all are done digging for the day, don’t just stand out there. Get in here and help with lunch.”
“Coming!” I call, almost relieved for the interruption as I stumble away from Rose, putting space between us.
We put the shovels back in the shed before heading inside.
“Hey,” Rose says as I close the shed door on our way out. “Wanna race back to the house?”
I narrow my eyes. “Didn’t you tell me you were a track star?”
“Star might be a strong word, but come on, you played softball.”
“Not for a couple years,” I point out.
“Sounds like a coward’s excuse to me,” she teases.
Maybe that’s why I relent with a heavy sigh. “Fine. Three … two …”
“One!”
Rose takes off, her loose hair flying behind her as her long legs propel her forward with an effortless grace I could not have matched even at the height of my athletic career.
I stumble—out of practice—as I try to run, my wet shoes giving me little traction as I attempt to push through the deep snow.
She beats me, of course, and is leaning against the back door of the cabin with a smirk when I catch up.
“Okay, maybe I was a track star.”
“Remember what I said about you not being a pain?”
“Yeah.”
“I take it back.”
She cackles. The sound echoes through the hollow, like a thousand ghosts laughing from the mountains around us.
I can feel Violet’s eyes on us from the window. She’s there, at the back door, waiting to help us take off our coats and shoes so we won’t track snow into the house.
Except it isn’t us she is watching. It’s Rose.
Even as Violet assists me in removing the many layers of shirts and hoodies I’d put on, her gaze never fully leaves Rose.
Whether Rose notices or not, however, I can’t tell.
She just smiles and says her thank-yous before heading toward the kitchen to help Poppy set the table for lunch.
“Is everything okay?” I ask Violet once Rose has disappeared around the corner.
She doesn’t answer at first, just looks at me for a moment before she says anything.
“You tell me, Iris.”
I don’t know what to make of that response, but before I have time to ponder it for too long, she shoves the layers of clothing Rose and I stripped off at the door into my arms.
“Hang these to dry by the fireplace. Then come eat. Sol says your trials start tonight.”