CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Emma lay on her bed in her dressing gown and stared at the beautiful cream and gold canopy above her. She was in her own bedchamber now and felt all the more lonely because of it. After being sick on that beautiful carpet – one of the advantages of Jasmine Cottage had been that there’d been nothing nice to ruin – Emma had been whisked upstairs by a worried Deakins, then Gladys had come rushing in to remove her beautiful soiled gown. When Emma had asked for another one, her maid had been most adamant that what Emma needed most was to return to bed and rest. Mrs. Deakins had then brought Emma hot tea with a great deal of honey, as well as two pieces of warm bread. When Emma had set them both aside, Mrs. Deakins told her that Cook had specifically said she was to eat the bread and drink the tea and that she should be as stern as needed to make certain it was done. Out of respect to both Mrs. Deakins and Cook, Emma had forced the bread and the tea down, then lay on her bed, trying not to think of every un-countess-like thing she’d done in the past twelve hours.
It was a dismayingly long list.
There was a knock at the door and Emma’s heart skipped a beat, as she hoped against hope it was Audsley.
“My lady,” said Deakins’s anxious voice on the other side of the door. “Mrs. Lanahan is here to see you.”
Who was Mrs. Lanahan? “I’m not receiving anyone presently. Can you please take her card and tell her I will call on her when I’m feeling better?”
“She isn’t a caller, my lady. My wife sent for her. Please see her.”
Emma was such a bad countess that the servants were now arranging for her callers. She was quite certain Amelia would never stand for such a thing, which is why Emma said, “Please send her in.”
The door opened, and while Deakins stayed in the hall, Mrs. Lanahan entered. She was a grey-haired woman who looked to be in her mid-sixties. She was wearing a dark gown and looked to be of Greek heritage. “My lady,” she said, studying Emma while she curtsied, “I was told my services might be needed and I can see Mrs. Deakins was right.” She turned to Deakins in the hall. “Thank you, Mr. Deakins, I’ll send word if we need anything.” Without waiting for a reply, she shut the door on the man.
Emma looked at the woman in front of her, who was unpacking a small valise. “Who are you, exactly?”
“I’m a midwife,” said Mrs. Lanahan, as she gently sat on the bed next to Emma and looked at her palm. “You need to eat more meat. Nothing to be alarmed about. Most ladies in your condition do.”
“How do you know about my condition? Did my husband tell you?”
“No, dearie. It’s hard to miss when you know what to look for. Mrs. Deakins sent for me after you cast up your accounts. Most toffs don’t want a midwife anywhere near their wives, but once the women have their first babies delivered by men, most of them find a midwife. Mrs. Deakins thought we’d save time and start with me. If that’s what you want, of course.”
Emma thought about the warm bread and sweet tea and knew without a doubt that Mrs. Deakins – and Cook – had her best interests at heart. “I would like that.”
“Good. Especially because I hear your husband is in the custom of paying his bills on time. Not all of them do, you know.” She nodded with approval at the tea and bread. “Sickness in the morning happens more often than it doesn’t in the first few months, though it generally stops. The bread will help with that, though it might not always prevent a bout of it. The tea should help settle your insides, and the honey will give you a bit of pep. When do you think you started increasing?”
Emma turned bright red. Now everyone would know Audsley had been forced to marry her.
Before she could answer, Mrs. Lanahan clasped Emma’s hand. Her hands were soft, the skin thinning. They were hands which had done hard work but were very gentle. “I don’t tell tales and when this babe was conceived is no one’s affair but you and his lordship’s, though it will help me to know when to expect him or her to make an appearance. I should also add there ain’t no shame in it if the date preceded your wedding. It seems that happens more often than it don’t.”
Emma told her when she conceived, blushing madly as she did so. But all Mrs. Lanahan did was nod. “Then you’re right on schedule for having your mornings disrupted. And, I have to warn you, sometimes it’s not just in the mornings. But if I know Mrs. Deakins, she’ll change the menus to accommodate you. I just hope his lordship won’t mind.”
As if he knew he’d been mentioned, the door burst open and Audsley came through out of breath, as if he’d run up the stairs. “Are you all right?”
Fortunately, Mrs. Lanahan was able to move out of the way before Audsley reached the bed. He gently brushed Emma’s hair back as he reached for her hand. “What happened?”
“I’m afraid I embarrassed you once again.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was sick in the dining room in front of the servants. I’m a terrible countess.”
“You’re talking nonsense. Why isn’t the physician here?”
“Mrs. Lanahan is here, instead. Mrs. Deakins called her.”
As if only now realizing someone else was in the room, Audsley spared a glance for the older lady. “I don’t understand.”
“Mrs. Lanahan is the midwife recommended by Mrs. Deakins.”
“But I’ve been getting recommendations for the finest accouter in Mayfair.”
“With all due respect, my lord,” said Mrs. Lanahan. “None of the men who deliver babies have ever had them. I’ve had a half dozen and assisted at the births of a few hundred. No less a personage than the Duke of Lynwood will recommend me since I assisted in the births of his family whenever his sister-in-law was unable to attend. My rules are firm and fast. The mother-to-be isn’t to be bled or take laudanum. She’s to take the air and walk outside whenever possible, eat and drink as much as she’d like and get as much rest as possible. Though I warn you that gets harder toward the end.”
She continued. “You can also have relations until almost the end, though that gets more challenging with time. When it comes to the birth, everything – and I mean everything – is to be boiled in water and the windows are to be open to get fresh air. Anyone coming into the birthing room is to wash their hands and the mother is to be on her feet and walking around as soon as possible and every day thereafter. I know it’s not what the fancy accouters do, but all I know is I can’t walk down a street in Mayfair without seeing a healthy mother I helped deliver of a child or the bairn herself. Is that enough for you, my lord?”
“It’s enough for me,” said Emma, as she looked at her husband.
Audsley considered everything which had been said with as serious of a look as she’d ever seen. Finally, he spoke. “Mrs. Lanahan, nothing is as important to me than the safety and health of my wife and our child. I know there are no guarantees in this world, but I must have your word that you will move heaven and earth to help them.”
She smiled. “I like to see a husband who’s that concerned about his family. It helps a great deal with a successful delivery when the wife knows she is loved that much. I promise they will be safest with me. Now, look after her and make sure she gets her rest. I know toffs are up all night at ton events drinking, dancing and doing whatever else. But for these early months and those at the end, Lady Audsley needs her rest. That doesn’t mean she should remain in bed all day. As I said, I want her out and walking about. But no more of these evening entertainments, at least for a while. And be prepared for more mornings like this one where she’ll cast up her accounts at the most inconvenient times. It’s just the babe’s way of saying hello.”
“It is a rather rude greeting,” said Emma smiling.
Mrs. Lanahan nodded approvingly. “You protect that babe and take care of yourself. His lordship can take care of both of you.”
“That is a duty I will honor,” said Audsley, as he squeezed Emma’s hand. “Please give Deakins the best way to contact you and let him know about your payment. He’ll make certain you are compensated straight away.”
“Thank you, my lord. Now, get some sleep, my lady, but I want you walking in the garden later today. You can also ask Mrs. Deakins for ginger root tea for when the babe makes her presence known again.”
“Or his,” said Emma.
Mrs. Lanahan looked at her, cocking her head to one side. “I suppose it’s a possibility, but I think it’s a girl. I’m sorry, my lord.”
“I do not care about gender. I only want a healthy wife and baby.”
Mrs. Lanahan smiled. “That’s just what I like to hear. Send for me if you need me. I’ll be back in a week to see how well both of you follow instructions.”
“Emma, are you certain you feel well?” asked Audsley, after Mrs. Lanahan had left.
“I’m terribly embarrassed for being sick earlier in such a public manner. How can I face Deakins again?”
“Very easily. He was beside himself with worry and only wants to know you are well. I am sorry I wasn’t here earlier, but I had an appointment.”
Her insides clenched. But this time it wasn’t because of the babe, but the fault of her heart. “Where were you?”
Something passed over his face quickly but was gone so fast she thought she might have imagined it. But as he turned away to pour some tea, she had the distinct impression he didn’t want to face her when he answered. “There were simply some matters I needed to attend to. Here, drink some tea. I would hate to have Mrs. Lanahan return to see you haven’t obeyed her instructions.”
As Emma took a sip of the sweet brew her mind was filled with images of where Audsley might have been that morning and just what matters he’d needed to attend to.
She thought about asking if they could return home to the abbey, but she’d run away from him once in her life. She wouldn’t make that mistake again. She would stay here and find a way to keep her marriage afloat.
* * *
Audsley stayed in a chair next to Emma’s bed until his wife drifted off to sleep. He’d wanted more than anything to lie next to her and had been hoping she’d ask him to join her. But she hadn’t. He hated seeing her ill, though he knew there wasn’t anything truly wrong with her, at least he prayed there wasn’t. But she was likely to feel miserable every day for the next few months. That would hardly make her more pre-disposed to like him.
When he’d returned from seeing his man of business, a frantic Deakins had met him outside and told him what had happened. Audsley cursed himself for having gone out and even considered telling Emma the reason. But he didn’t want her to worry about her parents when she was in such a delicate condition.
He’d run up the stairs, his fear growing with each step. Then when he’d seen her, he’d become even more worried. She’d looked pale, a bit clammy and was actually lying in bed in the middle of the morning without protest. She’d looked nothing like the hale, feisty Emma he’d crossed swords with on so many occasions. It made him think about how vulnerable she’d be when she gave birth.
Since returning to London, he’d spent hours searching his library for any information on childbirth. He hadn’t found much, which wasn’t too surprising since he had a feeling none of the previous earls had given it much thought. All he knew was that a dismayingly large number of women died while giving birth and often the child did not survive, either.
Audsley didn’t know how he would go on if either of those things came to pass.
He needed to keep his mind occupied or he risked going mad worrying during the long months until the birth. It was yet another reason to find Emma’s parents. It would give him a purpose and would lift her spirits tremendously if he were successful. But if something had happened to them her grief would be unimaginable.
As he watched her sleep, he thought about how much he wished he could tell her he loved her. He’d never said those words to another person. No one had ever said them to him. A part of him wanted to tell her, but he was afraid of the look on her face when she was unable to tell him the same thing back.
He already knew there was a good chance his love was unrequited, but he didn’t want to have it confirmed.
So for now, he simply watched his beloved wife sleep, content that she and their baby were safe.