Chapter 27 #2
Ben is showing Lu something on his phone, and Lu is laughing—with her teeth! Lu never laughs like that, and here she is, giving Ben something no one else deserved.
By the time I get to them, they're talking about nurses' salaries in New York, his project raising it by ten percent, and I'm actually speechless at how well they vibe.
"You're tolerable," she tells him half-grudgingly. "It's probably the champagne, though."
"I'll take tolerable after champagne for now," he says with a nod. "Not for me—for Emma. She'd want us to get along, you know."
Biting at my finger, I give him an impressed smirk.
He's clearly enlisting her—my bestie, the fiercest protector of my heart. Damn, he's good.
"Hey, come here you too!" Lu blurts out of nowhere and points behind me.
I barely turn when a camera flash pops in my face and before I can move, Lucy's claw hooks my arm, dragging me back, into Ben. Into a scandal.
"Lu, bad idea, bad idea," I hiss, but she's already summoning Sophia and Micah, playing the puppet master, and lining us up in front of Eurydice.
Ben's hand finds my waist—not friendly, but gripping, holding me in place.
"Smile!" Lucy calls.
I shoot her a glare just as the camera shutters in rapid fire—clickclickclick—and with each burst Ben presses himself deeper against me.
"I'm glad I came. This outfit should have only one audience," he murmurs in my ear. "And it's not them."
"Ben," I whisper through my teeth. "People are watching. They know me."
"Good. And?" He doesn't move.
"They know I'm married. Some of them know Richard. The photos will end up online."
I hope he'll back off, respect the boundary, but Ben doesn't play by anyone's rules.
His arm locks around my waist like iron, pulling me flush into him, until my knees almost give.
"Good. One thing settled. Our first official couple photo," he says.
I blink. "Are you serious?"
"Dead serious. We'll frame it, hang it over our fireplace."
"You can't just—"
"Watch." His lips brush the slope of my neck deliberately, making me shiver all over my body.
I hear Micah's voice to my right, whispering to Lu. "Is that Richard? Thought he was blonde?"
Ben turns slightly, extending a hand without the other letting go of me. "No, I'm Ben. Emma's boyfriend."
Oh my god. I'll kill him.
Micah frowns at me, confused. "Oh. I didn't know that. Hey."
I whip my head around at Ben just as he shakes hands with Micah.
That's it. I'm done. Completely undone.
"Okay. That's enough," I mutter, wrenching myself free, leaving Ben behind and pushing into the crowd. Gaze glued to the floor, I rush through, even though I can feel the eyes on me.
Oxygen. Now.
I slam the bathroom door and lock it, leaning against the sink. My reflection stares back, wide-eyed, completely lost. What the hell just happened? What the hell am I doing?
Cold water hits my face, dripping down the front of my dress, but it does nothing.
Rita saw me and she would sell me out for a martini with Richard.
I touch my neck where Ben kissed me.
Shit. That photo—his mouth on me, his hands around my waist—that's me officially ruined. God, his temper turns off that mind and makes him just feel. I should hate him for it. I wish I could.
"You're stupid," I spit at myself in the mirror. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."
When I get out, Ben's just across the door, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and instead of the usual smirk, he looks serious. And so do I.
I swallow the shout, and try to steady my voice, but it trembles anyway. "Ben, what you did out there is not okay."
He studies me for a beat, face hard, then drags in a breath. "No. What I'm feeling is not okay."
I arch a brow. "What do you mean? Why are you even here?"
He peels himself from the wall and takes a step toward me. "Because I can't keep waiting."
I swallow hard, because there's something raw in his expression I've never seen before.
"I’ve been patient, but you move so painfully slow. I’ve tried to play it your way, to let you come to me on your terms, but you don’t," he says and his jaw locks. “I want you to leave him. Today. Come home with me.”
My back thuds against the wall as a sharp, stunned breath slips out of me. I can’t believe he’s saying this. Here. Now.
A part of me wants to say yes before I even think, but the other part rears, panicked—and I'm still angry with him.
"And your marriage?" I say, frowning. "Are you just going to walk away from Lisa? I thought your family—"
"It won't be easy," he cuts in. "But I'll take the fallout over this—" his hand slices between us, "—this endless lying to everyone. Aren't you sick of it?"
"I am sick of it, and tired, but it's not the right time to tell Richard. He needs me—" It slips out, and before I can say anything else, Ben gives me a serrated snort.
"Needs you?! So I'm just some fucking sideshow in your parade of obligations?"
"No. That's not what I meant—"
"Then what? I'm supposed to wait until it's convenient?" he bites out.
"No—"
"Don't you see how it rips me apart? Every time you leave me to be someone else's wife?"
I press my hands against his face. "I will leave Richard, I promise. My moral compass might wobble but I know my true north. You are my true north."
He frowns. "Then what's stopping you?"
"I'm just trying to untangle myself from him without being the worst kind of person." And without Richard burning us alive for it, but that has to stay silent.
He pinches his eyes. "Isn't it too late for that?"
I scoff bitterly and fold my arms. "Thanks. That's exactly the line that makes me want to run straight into your arms. I need time."
"You need courage," he cuts in, voice relentless, like he's trying to hammer it into my bloodstream.
I give him an ironic snort. "Do you even know me? Courage isn't in my dictionary. I'm a coward."
"Then stop being one!" he snaps. "Be better, Emma. Be better!"
My hand strikes the wall behind me, so hard it stings. "You think I'm not trying?! I've been trying my whole life, goddamnit. And look at us—" I gesture frantically. "We're constantly fighting. You keep telling me how neurotic I am."
"So what?" He surges closer, closing the space until his breath is on my mouth. "I want you neurotic. I want you the way you are."
That lands right under my skin. I open my mouth even more, flustered and desperate to find the right words.
Ben moves his head closer, nearly brushing my lips before he pulls away.
He runs his hand over his face and exhales. "It's a misery, loving you this much and not being allowed to love you fully. I always knew that once I give in, it will eat me alive."
I blink, my heart skipping a beat. "Did you just say... love?"
A nod. "Yeah, I said love. And it's not the soft kind. It's chewing through my sanity. It's in my blood and bones. Like fever."
I blink again, just as his eyes burn into mine. "If you're not in love with me, say it now. Stop making me believe you are."
My mouth is still stupidly open, but nothing comes out, even though I want to scream, tear myself out of my own skin and let him see it, so I don't have to explain what I feel for him.
He frowns at me. "Say something."
"Ben," I whisper. "You told me to share everything with you, to be honest—what if you only want me this much because it's forbidden?"
His face goes blank. "Oh my god, woman, you still think I'm playing? That I'm some asshole toying with you?"
"I just... I need to know you won't wake up one day bored of me."
"Of course I will," he snaps, and that answer startles me.
"But so will you," he adds. "A year from now, or five, I don't know, but that's life, Emma. We'll fight, we'll slam doors, we'll be bored sometimes, but I'll never leave you. Not for boredom. Not for anything."
I know he means it. I know, I should feel relief, but the panic in my chest doesn't care. It's still coiling, gnawing.
"I'm just scared. We've been through this. I don't want to end up shattered all over again, pretending I didn't see it coming when it's over," I say.
"When it ends?" His eyes cut to mine, brows knitting hard. "The fuck are you talking about? I'm here planning our future and you're talking about our end?"
My laugh is small and nervous, a defense that doesn't defend much and this is probably the one moment I should relog my brain and think before I say anything, but he wanted the truth, didn't he?
"Sometimes I think we're just doomed to repeat the same cycle, only worse this time. I hate that I still half-expect it, half-expect you to wake up one day, pack your things, and disappear, like you used to, but I do," I hurl out.
His face shuts down in an instant, everything sliding behind that brutal quiet he gets.
Then his voice comes out low and flat. "I just told you I'd choose you through decades of ordinary, through monotony, through you being impossible, and you still flinch?
" His eyes go colder. "Then it's on you.
You don't want me. Because if you actually wanted me, you wouldn't keep dangling reasons for me to let go. "
"Ben, that's not—" I try to reach for him, but he backs toward the corner.
"No. I'm done proving myself. And this affair?" He turns and spits over his shoulder, "Over."
He walks away with long strides, swallowed by the crowd before I even have a chance to shake off what he said.
My heart beats a war rhythm against my ribs as I run after him through the main room that morphed into strobe-lit chaos, dancers twirling around.
I push through strangers, watching him edge out.
"Ben! Wait!"
Just then, Lucy's fingers catch my wrist and she yanks me toward her. "Where's he going? Hold up. You have to see—"
"Lu, I have to go—" My voice comes out panicked as I untangle myself.
She sees my face, hears it in my tone. She lets go.
"I'll make it up to you, I swear," I throw over my shoulder, already sprinting for the door.
When I get outside, the cold hits like a slap.
I rush to the telephone booth on the corner, scan every possible street.