Chapter 32
Two knocks sounded on the door, and Trap looked up from his father’s desk. His daddy stood there, and he tilted his head. “You’re working here again tonight?”
His father had an office he’d worked out of for as long as Trap could remember, and Trap had been working from his parents’ house for a few days.
Trap nodded. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Daddy said. “I just—don’t you have an office at your house?”
“I’ve outgrown it.” Trap stood and stretched his arms over his head, then leaned to the left and the right. “Will you come in for a second? I want to talk to you about something.”
Daddy straightened from the doorjamb. “Something personal or something business?”
“Business,” Trap said, because he didn’t want to talk about anything to do with Lila Mae.
They’d gone out over the weekend, but it felt like a first date all over again, with Trap picking her up at seven and dropping her off at nine-thirty.
Yes, he’d kissed her and yes, he’d had a reasonably good time at dinner, and then the popcorn bar that he’d set up in his house. He still had all the little bowls stacked up on his counter, and that was just another reason he needed to work out of his father’s home office.
Daddy entered the room and pulled the door closed behind him. Trap sat down at the same time he did, letting a long sigh out of his mouth.
“I thought things were going well,” Daddy said.
“They are.” Trap nodded, not quite sure what the root of his discontent was.
“Then what’s with the sigh?” Daddy asked.
Trap wanted to spin in the chair and look out the window. It showed him the lane leading along the south side of the ranch, and then a whole horizon of fields beyond that.
“I think I tried to grow things too fast.” Trap spoke slowly, because he’d never said these words out loud. “I can’t run MSW from a cowboy cabin here at Seven Sons,” he said. “We have a staff of six now, and we need a central office.”
“Then get a central office,” Daddy said.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What about it?” Daddy asked.
“Do you think I’m stupid for wanting that?”
Daddy tilted his head and watched Trap with those eyes that reminded him so much of a mother eagle sitting on her nest, watching to make sure predators didn’t get too close. “Son, you have a very different vision for MSW than your mother and I had.”
That only made Trap frown deeper. “Well, I don’t want that,” he said. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, Trappy, that you want this to be a thriving, successful construction business.”
“Yeah?” Trap felt like he was guessing. “Isn’t that…isn’t that what you and Momma did?”
Daddy smiled at him, and Trap craved his easy smile.
“Your mother and I wanted it to be something we did because we loved it. We didn’t need the money.
Your momma restores things because she loves it, and I build things because it keeps me busy, and out of your momma’s hair, and brings a great deal of satisfaction to my soul. ”
“I like building things too,” Trap said.
“What’s the last thing you built out of sheer joy for the project?” Daddy asked.
Trap’s eyes dropped to the desk. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.
“I used to find you out in your mother’s workshop on a daily basis.” Daddy chuckled, a new fondness to his tone. “Remember how we set up your own workshop out there, so that you could explore and build with any kind of wood, and whittle, and practice joints?”
“Yeah.” The memories of his childhood and teen years flowed through his mind, quick and slow at the same time.
“What’s the last thing you whittled?” Daddy asked.
Trap looked up and then raised both hands, empty as they were. “I don’t have time for whittling, Daddy.”
“We always have time for the things we love,” Daddy said. “I thought you were trying to get more rest in.”
“I am,” Trap said.
“Seems like maybe you’ve traded your hobbies to have a girlfriend.”
“Yeah,” Trap said, because he couldn’t argue with that either. “Do you think that’s stupid?”
“No,” Daddy said. “Not at all, Trap. And it doesn’t matter what I think anyway.”
“Yes, it does,” Trap said. “You’re my daddy, and you built this business, and I want to honor that.”
“I built the business into what I wanted it to be,” Daddy said. “And you and Jason and Sawyer are going to build it into what you want it to be.” He leaned forward, his expression now more earnest. “Okay?”
Trap nodded, his emotions quivering right on the edge of a knife.
“So tell me what’s really going on in your head,” Daddy said.
“I just feel really overwhelmed,” Trap admitted. “There’s always so much to do at MSW, and I always feel like I’m letting someone down.”
“Me and your momma?” Daddy asked.
Trap picked up a pen and set it back down. “Maybe a little.”
“You don’t need to worry about us, son,” he said. “I’ve known for a couple of years that you would take MSW in a new direction. And it’s not bad, it’s just different.”
Trap nodded.
“Problems with Jason and Sawyer?” Daddy asked. “Working with family is sometimes hard.”
Trap shook his head. “No problems with them.”
“Feeling left out of your friend group again?”
Trap didn’t want to answer the question, because with every question, Daddy got closer and closer to what was really bothering Trap. He once again shook his head, and his father nodded.
“So this is a Lila Mae problem.”
“There’s no problem,” he said.
“Trap, I’ve known you for almost thirty years, my boy, and there’s definitely a problem.”
“I really like her, yeah,” Trap said. “But she’s been….” He paused and pointed at his father. “And I don’t want any of this to be in your permanent memory, because she’s a good person, and I don’t want you thinking badly of her.”
“No, sir,” Daddy said.
“She’s just been really indecisive lately,” he said. “And it’s made the job at her ranch harder than it needs to be. We’ve had to redo a few things, and now it feels like no matter what I do, she’s going to be unhappy.”
“Trappy, I’ve seen your work. There’s no way anyone can be unhappy with it.”
Trap wanted to put his head down on the desk and wallow in his misery, but he didn’t have time for it. “Things are different between us now,” he said. “And I hate it.”
“I’m sorry,” Daddy said, and he sounded like he really meant it.
“I used to be able to go over there and just hang out,” he said. “We’d talk, and eat, and lounge in the hammock. She’s so beautiful, and I really like being with her, but now everything’s back to being formal.”
“What are you going to do about that?” Daddy asked.
“I don’t know,” Trap said. “I’m not sure what I can do about it.”
“Come on,” Daddy said.
“What?” Trap asked. “Come on—what does that mean?”
“What have Momma and I always taught you?”
“The list is too long,” Trap said dryly.
“If you don’t like something, you can change it.”
“But can you really, Daddy?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
“It feels really hard,” Trap said.
“I’m sure it does, but you wouldn’t want it to feel easy, would you?” Daddy’s mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “Hard things help us grow into the people God wants us to be.”
“Another life lesson,” Trap said, his lips also tipping up.
“Have you talked to Lila Mae?” he asked.
Trap shook his head. “We went out on the weekend, but it was—well, it was a little weird. It felt like starting over.”
“Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned,” Daddy said. “It’s that once things change, they don’t just go back to what they were before.”
“But that’s what I want,” Trap said. “I just want to go back to what we were before.”
Daddy smiled and shook his head. “That’s not going to happen, my boy. The only way is to get through it, and while you’re doing that, you make a new you. A new the-two-of-you. A new future.”
Trap ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know how to do any of that.”
“You didn’t know how to build a house either,” Daddy said, and Trap thought he should be a motivational speaker.
“Anyway, you have to build and rebuild your relationship with a woman, Trappy. Things you didn’t like about the previous relationship, you can change.
And then you’ll have the kind of relationship you want. ”
Trap blinked, thinking through his parents’ love story, and how they’d actually had to try twice before things worked between them. Maybe three times, if he counted the fake marriage.
“Dad, I don’t even know how to bring up the things I want to talk to her about.”
“Surely she knows something’s a little bit off with you two,” Daddy said.
“Yeah, I’m sure she does.”
“Then it’s not going to be a surprise,” Daddy said.
“We were getting along so well.” Trap moaned and finally spun away from the room, his father, all of it. The sun shone outside, and Trap’s fingers itched to be holding a knife or a hammer. “I don’t want to ruin what I still have with her.”
“Yeah, sure,” Daddy said. “But you need to know if you can work past problems like this in the future, because this is probably something minor, and you’re going to have a lot bigger issues than a busy schedule and someone who can’t make a decision in a marriage.”
Trap nodded. “I sent Sawyer to deal with the cement today, and I haven’t heard anything from him.”
“That means it’s probably going fine,” Daddy said.
“Yeah.” Trap reached up and ran his hands over his face, then turned back to his father. “I’m not good at talking the way you and Momma are.”
“You get better at it the more you do it,” Daddy said. “You just can’t worry that much about what might come out of your mouth. If it doesn’t land right, you use different words, right?”
Trap couldn’t even bring himself to agree verbally.
Daddy sobered, and he reached up and stroked one hand over his beard.
“I know you’ve spent your whole life trying to please others and make sure that we’re all happy.
You do things, because you think I’ll be happy, or your momma will like it.
” He raised his eyebrows, challenging Trap to contradict him.
Trap couldn’t.
“Trappy, you have to ask yourself—what makes me happy? What do I want?” He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the front edge of the desk. “You deserve to be happy too, son.”
Trap nodded, his emotions swirling through him. “I don’t think I’m unhappy.”
Daddy grinned and chuckled. “I’ve seen you with Lila Mae, and you seem really happy with her.”
He was fishing, but Trap didn’t mind so much. He reached up and wiped his face, cleared his throat, and nodded.
“If Lila Mae makes you happy, then you have to figure out a way past the weird.”
“Yeah,” Trap said.
“There will be things about her that irritate you, and that’s okay.
It’s called life,” Daddy said. “You can love someone and still not get along with them every second of every day.” He grinned from across the desk.
“Your mother still doesn’t close the kitchen cupboards and drawers, and I can always tell exactly what she’s been doing in there, just by what’s open when I walk in.
” Daddy clapped his hands. “Drives. Me. Crazy.”
Trap laughed, because his father was smiling too, though he’d definitely heard his parents disagree. Feeling better, he looked down at his paperwork again and then across the desk to his father.
“I have a call I’m doing with my painter in about an hour,” he said. “I think I’m gonna go sit on my front porch and whittle something until then.”
Daddy grinned at him. “That sounds like a mighty fine idea, son. You always think best when your hands are busy. That’s why I gave you a knife in the first place.”
Trap chuckled. “Momma tells that story a little bit differently.”
Daddy scoffed as he got to his feet. “She does, huh? What does she say?”
“She says I was driving you nuts, so you gave me something to do so I’d be quiet and stay out of your way.”
Daddy chuckled. “Well, it worked, didn’t it? And you love it. Seems like a win for both of us.”
Trap moved into his father and hugged him tight. “Thanks for listening to me just say everything in my head.”
“Of course,” Daddy said. “I want to hear everything in your head.”
Trap stepped back, and Daddy took his face in both hands. “You’re a smart man, Trap, and you have always known what you want. If that’s Lila Mae, then work it out. And if it’s not, don’t be afraid to walk away.”
Trap nodded, though everything inside of him felt shaky. His daddy turned to leave the office, and Trap left his paperwork right where it was, intending to follow him and find a way to figure out what he really wanted, from MSW to Lila Mae, and if he was patient enough and worthy enough to have it.