Where Secrets Find Solace

Prologue

Ten Years Ago

Alayah Chambers (Age Seventeen)

“Alayah! Get your ass down here right now!”

I sighed heavily at the sound of my mother shouting my name.

She was always yelling at me about something.

No matter what went wrong, I somehow ended up wearing the blame for it.

Closing my calculus book, I stood from my desk and left my bedroom.

Before going downstairs, I stopped to check on my little sisters, Adrienne who was seven and Amiyah who was five.

They were fast asleep in their bunk beds.

My little sisters were my heart. If nobody else in this house loved me, they did. I’d practically been their second mom since the day they both came home from the hospital. For those girls, I’d give my life. They had no idea the shit I endured to protect them.

“Alayah!” my mother screamed.

I quickly closed their door and headed downstairs. I found her walking around in her work uniform and smoking a cigarette.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“You didn’t hear me calling you?”

“I was coming. I was just doing my homework.”

“Whatever. Why does this house look like this?” She waved her hands around for emphasis. “You forgot you have chores?”

“I didn’t forget. I had to help Adrienne and Miyah with their homework, then I had to cook dinner. After we ate, I got them ready for bed so I could do my homework. I—”

“All I’m hearing are excuses. I don’t work like a dog so you can lay around doing nothing.”

I relaxed my face so the frown I felt forming didn’t show.

I’d hardly call my household contributions nothing.

My mother worked as a CNA during the day and when she wasn’t working a double shift, she was a bartender at night.

At home, I was the cook, the maid, the babysitter, and more often than not, a punching bag.

But I didn’t say that. Instead, I nodded.

“I’m sorry. I’ll clean after I finish studying for my exam.”

“No, you’ll clean now. I have to go to work. Rodney will be here in a little bit, and I don’t want him coming home to a dirty house.”

I swallowed hard. I hated Rodney. He was the scum of the earth, yet she worshiped the grass that grew from the ground he walked on.

I never understood why, though. He came from money, yet she was still working two jobs to support us.

He threw her a few dollars here and there or paid a bill or two every so often.

Maybe it was the material things he showered her with.

Whatever it was, in her eyes, he could do no wrong.

I decided to appease her. The quicker I cleaned the house, the quicker I could get back to my room and avoid that bastard.

She snapped her fingers in my face. “Don’t just stand there. Get to cleaning.”

She grabbed her bag and headed out the front door.

I sighed as I grabbed the basket designated for the girls’ toys and began picking everything up.

An hour later, the living room was spotless, and so was the rest of the downstairs area.

I looked at the clock to see that it was almost nine.

I trekked back upstairs and decided to shower so it would be one less thing I had to do when I was done studying.

Grabbing my pajamas and underclothes, I headed into the hall bathroom.

Thirty minutes later, I was out of the shower.

After moisturizing my skin, I slipped into my clothes and left the bathroom.

I placed my school clothes in the hamper in the laundry room, then headed back to my room.

As I neared it, I noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

I swallowed hard as I approached it. Gently pushing it open, I found Rodney sitting on my bed.

He gave that same terrifying smile that always caused me to tremble in fear every time I was alone with him.

“Close the door, and bring your pretty self here,” he said.

I didn’t move.

I couldn’t do this again. I’d been dealing with him coming into my room for three years now.

My mother had been with him for five years, and from the moment I met him, he gave me creep vibes.

It started with the way he showed me affection.

He always wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek or a hug.

His hugs were accompanied with compliments of how pretty I was or how I looked just like my mama.

He graduated to making me sit on his lap when she wasn’t around. I tried to protest, but he’d always grab me and force me. I’d sit there with tears streaming down my face as he stroked my hair and smelled me.

“You’re filling out real nice.”

“You’re gonna be as thick as your mama.”

“You better not be out here giving these young boys a taste of you.”

At one point, he started whispering dirty things in my ear as he touched me and himself. I tried to tell my mother he made me uncomfortable. I tried to tell her what he was doing, but she always cut me off. I remembered the first time he came into my room.

My mother was working the night shift at a bar, and he was here with his friends watching a football game.

My aunt always fussed at my mother about leaving us in the house with a man that wasn’t our father, but she never listened.

Adrienne and Miyah were asleep when I went downstairs for a drink.

I tried to sneak past them, but he caught me.

“Alayah!” he called, stopping me in my tracks.

“Yes?”

“Come here.”

I hesitated before walking over to him. His friends gave me the same creep vibes. They all watched as I entered the living room. Rodney grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto his lap.

“Whatchu doing up, pretty girl?”

I hated when he called me that.

“I was just getting a drink and going back to bed.”

He chuckled as he looked around at his friends. “Ain’t she beautiful?” he asked, stroking my hair.

“Yeah… She’s real pretty,” his friend said, eyeing me.

I tried to get up, but his grip around my waist tightened.

“Where you going? I thought you were thirsty.” He grabbed a red cup from the table and handed it to me. “Drink.”

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“Come on. I won’t tell your mama. You ever had moonshine?”

“I’m fourteen.”

He laughed. “I had my first sip at twelve. It ain’t gon’ hurt you. Take a sip.”

“I just wanna go to bed, Rodney.”

“Then take a sip.”

I looked at his friends for help, thinking one of them would have the decency to speak up. Alas, they all seemed to be waiting. I grabbed the cup and took a small sip. The liquor was strong and burned my chest. I tried to hand the cup back, but he shook his head.

“All of it.”

“I don’t want to.”

He roughly grabbed my face. “Drink it.”

Terrified, I quickly drank the disgusting liquid in the cup.

My chest was burning so bad that I had a coughing fit.

Whatever was in the cup tasted like rubbing alcohol.

He and his friends laughed as I ran upstairs when he finally released me.

I wanted to make myself throw up, but I knew it would burn twice as bad coming back up.

When my coughing finally got under control, I sat on the edge of my bed. All I wanted to do was lay down.

The effects of the liquor hit me quick. I fell back across my bed and stared up at the ceiling feeling like my head was spinning. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been laying there when my door opened. My vision was slightly blurry, and I couldn’t make out the figure, but I knew it was Rodney.

“Damn, baby girl,” he mumbled.

I felt his hands on my body, but I didn’t have the strength or mental capacity to stop him. The next thing I felt was his lips on my neck and face, then finally my lips.

“St-Stop…” I groaned, trying to turn my head.

“Shhh!”

I felt my clothes being removed and then the heaviest weight on me and a sharp pain between my legs. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. Before I knew it, I had passed out.

That night, my innocence was stolen, and it was the beginning of the hell I experienced at the hands of my mother’s boyfriend.

Almost every time my mother went to work and my sisters were in bed, he came to me.

When I threatened to tell, he threatened to go after my little sisters or have one of his boys have their way with them.

That shut me up.

I’d been silent. I’d suffered for so long, and I was tired.

“Come here, Alayah,” he said firmly.

“No.”

He stood from the bed and moved toward me. “What?”

“I said no. You can’t touch me anymore.”

“Who’s gonna stop me? Your mama? She’ll never believe you. She already thinks you be out here fucking these boys from the neighborhood. You really think she’d believe I did anything to you?”

“I don’t care! You will never touch me again!”

He grabbed me and pushed me up against the desk, bringing his face close to mine. I could smell the liquor on his breath. It was nothing new. He was always drinking.

“Don’t make me hurt you, pretty girl,” he said, stroking my cheek. “I just wanna make you feel good.”

He dropped his hand to the string on my pajama bottoms. No was never an answer. It wasn’t a luxury I had with him.

“Stop playing with me, and take these off.”

“No!”

I mustered up every bit of strength I had and pushed him off me.

He stumbled backward, but quickly regained his footing.

His eyes were dark as he glared at me, and I knew if I didn’t protect myself, he would seriously hurt me.

I fumbled around on my desk for something to defend myself with.

My fingers landed on a pair of scissors, and I quickly grabbed them as he charged at me.

As soon as he got close, I raised my hand and stabbed him in the neck.

His eyes widened in surprise as he stumbled and stared at the bloody shears in my hand.

Something came over me. All the anger and rage I felt for this disgusting man filled me, and all I saw was red.

Fueled by anger, I charged at him, stabbing him repeatedly as I screamed like a madwoman.

“You bastard! You’ll never touch me again! Just…fucking…die!”

Over and over, I brought the scissors down on him. I wasn’t even sure where I was stabbing him at this point, I just knew I wanted him dead. His body had long since gone limp, but I kept going. It wasn’t until I heard the screams of my little sisters outside the door.

“Sissy!” Adrienne yelled. “Are you okay?”

“I’m scared!” Amiyah cried.

The knob turned, and I scrambled over to the door to keep them from seeing the horrid sight inside. My pajamas were soaked. When my eyes landed on Rodney’s bloody corpse, I dropped the scissors.

“I’m…I’m okay,” I choked out. “I just had a bad dream. Go back to bed.”

“But—”

“Please go back to bed, girls,” I pleaded. “Please…”

I could hear their little feet retreating down the hall. For the longest time, I sat on the floor, staring at the body with blood pooling around it. What had I done?

I was finally free of the ongoing abuse Rodney had subjected me to, but what was the price I was about to pay?