Chapter 11
Alayah
I’d been in an emotional slump for days now.
First, I was dealing with Mrs. West posting my picture on social media and dragging me for filth.
She and her family called me everything but a child of God, and my mama was right in the comments with her.
The only reason I knew about it was because Kennedy had the nerve to tag my aunt, shaming her for allowing me to live her.
I overheard my aunt and uncle talking about it before I walked into the room.
They tried to keep it on the hush-hush, but it was too late.
Seeing my picture and my name being sullied left a sour taste in my mouth.
My feelings were hurt, and the whole thing pissed me off.
I had my aunt print out the post and the comments in case I needed it at a later date.
Then there was the news from my lawyer.
After Erica and Killian’s visit, I went into my room and cried my eyes out for what felt like hours.
I’d pushed the memory of that miscarriage to the back of my mind for the longest. I wasn’t sure what made me tell her that in the first place.
We were just talking about my history one visit, and it just spilled out like word vomit.
I didn’t think it would do much to help my case anyway, and I’d almost forgotten that I told her about it.
That was until she brought it up. Now it was all I could think about.
That night was so traumatizing. After being in the hospital all those hours, Rodney took me back home.
The drive was so awkward. He kept looking at me like he knew he’d fucked up.
When we pulled into the driveway, he shut off the car and turned to me.
“You know not say anything about this,” he said calmly.
I nodded, avoiding his gaze.
“Good. I’ll get this prescription filled.” He reached out cupped my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “We’ll be careful next time.”
My heart sank.
Next time.
That let me know that his sick, twisted ass had no plans to stop doing what he was doing to me. He didn’t feel like he was wrong at all, and he had no remorse about it. I walked into that house in pain and defeat. After stripping my bed and cleaning the mattress, I put on new sheets and climbed in.
I didn’t sleep. Instead, I lay in the darkness until sunrise, praying for death to just take me from the nightmare.
My mother came home yelling about the wet sheets in the washer. I had to lie and say I got my period during the night. She didn’t care either way. She called me stupid for not knowing when my period was coming on at seventeen. I just had to take it because what else was I supposed to say?
The past few days had been tough on my mental.
I could feel myself slipping into a depressive state.
Uncle Clive let me take a few days to get my mental together, but being cooped up in the house was only making it worse.
He and Aunt Penny had been trying so hard to give me space but also to make sure I was still okay.
They’d done so much for me already, and I hated to burden them with any more than I already had. I was shocked when they handed me a bank card with my name on it.
Apparently, they had been depositing three hundred dollars into the account every month for the last five years.
Uncle Clive told me they always had faith that I would come home, and they wanted me to have something to start me off with.
When they showed me the statement, I was overcome with emotion.
Between their deposits and earned interest, the balance was almost twenty thousand dollars.
I hadn’t spent much on anything because I’d barely left the house if it wasn’t for work.
Today, I decided to finally venture outside.
I told Aunt Penny that I was going to take a walk to clear my head.
She’d offered to walk with me, but I declined, stating I just needed some time alone.
I packed my small crossbody with the phone, bus pass, and bank card she and my uncle had given me and left the house.
I didn’t have a destination. I just walked until my feet carried me to the last place I should have been.
My childhood home.
As I sat on the bench across from the house, I just stared at it, memories flooding my mind.
I could see me chasing my sisters in the front yard as we played tag.
I could see us making snowmen that were melting before we finished because snow in South Carolina never stuck on the off chance we got any.
I remembered those hot summer days when I would spray them down with the water hose as their laughter filled the air.
I missed them so much.
My aunt and uncle had tried to reason with my mother to let me see them a few days after I got home, and she cursed them from here to hell.
She threatened to beat my ass if I ever came anywhere near my sisters, yet here I was.
I wasn’t afraid of her. There wasn’t much that scared me these days about another woman.
I’d been sitting there for a good hour, hoping to get even the smallest glimpse of the girls. There were no cars in the yard, so I wasn’t sure if anybody was home. I felt defeated as I watched the bus rolling to a stop at the corner. It was probably best if I hopped on and made my way home.
Just as I stood to walk to the bus stop, a little red two-door coupe pulled into the yard. I stood frozen as I watched the doors opened, and my sisters got out with their backpacks.
My heart swelled in its cavity.
They’d grown into such beautiful young women.
Adrienne favored me so much when I was her age, and Amiyah looked more like our mother.
They were laughing and talking as they made their way up the front steps.
Their smiles made me smile. Even if it was only a first glance, they seemed to be doing well.
I knew I should have left. I knew I had no business being there, but my feet carried me across the street and into the front yard.
Adrienne was busy trying to open the door while Amiyah was snapping selfies on her phone.
The moment I came into view, her head spun around.
Our gazes met for a moment before she frantically slapped our sister’s arm.
“What, Miyah? Damn.”
Adrienne spun around, and her eyes landed on me. Their stares were piercing as we looked at one another in complete silence. I couldn’t find the words to speak. I’d dreamed of this moment, prayed for it, and now I didn’t know what to say.
“You should leave,” Adrienne said coldly. “Mama is on her way home, and I don’t wanna hear her bitching at us for letting you in.” She tried to open the door, but I stopped her.
“Wait!”
Her hand lingered on the doorknob. Slowly, I made my way up the steps, stopping a few feet shy of them.
“I’ve missed y’all,” I said quietly. “I thought about you every day while I was away.”
Adrienne scoffed. “While you were away? You say that like you just went on vacation. You went to jail. Telling Uncle Clive and Aunt Penny to tell us you love us doesn’t make up for the fact that you abandoned us. You didn’t call. You didn’t write us. You just left us here with Mama.”
I shook my head. “That’s not true. I wrote you, but the letters always came back. I called, and she refused to accept them—”
She cut me off. “It doesn’t matter now. You can’t be here.”
“Adrienne, please,” I begged, tears lacing my voice. “I love you, both of you. Next to Uncle Clive and Aunt Penny, you’re all I have. I did what I did to protect us all. You have no idea what—”
I paused. There was no need to disclose what Rodney had said he’d do to them. I wouldn’t have them bearing any of that guilt.
“I just want to make up for lost time,” I said softly.
Adrienne shook her head. “Mama said we can’t see you. She’s already a bitch most of the time. I’m just trying to survive these last couple of months, and I’m out of this house for good.”
I could see I was fighting a losing battle with her. I turned to my baby sister.
“Miyah?”
She was hesitant, looking between me and Adrienne. I wasn’t sure what she was going to say or if she’d say anything at all.
“Miyah, you already know how Kennedy is,” Adrienne reminded her. “We don’t want no bullshit with her.”
“She’s our sister, Adrienne,” she said softly. She looked back at me. “But she’s right. Mama will have a fit if she finds you here. You know how she likes to go off. I don’t wanna get in trouble.”
Adrienne didn’t say another word, just opened the front door and went inside. Amiyah stood there for a moment, then she did something I didn’t expect. She rushed into my arms and hugged me tightly.
I stood there frozen for a moment before wrapping my arms around her. Tears spilled from my eyes as I cradled her against my body. She would never know how much I needed this.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
“Miyah, get your ass in this house,” Adrienne yelled.
She pulled away from me. Going into her bag, she pulled out a scrap piece of paper and a pencil before scribbling something down on it.
“That’s my number,” she said, thrusting it into my hands. “If you have a phone, text me.”
I looked down at the paper and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Thank you.”
She offered me a light smile. “I’ll work on Adrienne. She’s not the hardass she thinks she is.”
She kissed my cheeks before going into the house and closing the door.
I stood on the porch for a moment, clutching the paper in my hands.
It wasn’t what I hoped for, but it was a start.
After stuffing the number in my crossbody, I hurried down the front steps and back across the street.
Just as I made it to the end of the street, I looked back to see a car pulling in the yard.
I paused in my stride to see my mother getting out.
She still had her youthful look, still as beautiful as ever.
It was a shame she had the looks, but her spirit was so damn evil.
I never understood why she hated me so much.
I tried to be a good daughter. I tried everything I knew to make her proud of me…
to make her love me, and nothing was ever good enough.
It was like my very existence pissed her off.
How could I compete with hate?
If she didn’t want me, I would have preferred she’d gotten an abortion or given me to someone who did want me.
She could have given me to my aunt and uncle for that matter.
Instead, she chose to keep me so she could mistreat me.
I wondered if her hatred of me fueled her denial about Rodney.
There was no way she couldn’t have known.
I wasn’t a mother, but when it came to my sisters, my instincts were always on point. She had to have known something.
I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t realize she was staring at me, squinting.
Anger found its way to her face when she realized who I was.
Throwing her things on the ground, she began storming across the street.
I turned and sped toward the corner where people were getting on the next bus.
I climbed on and quickly swiped my bus pass before taking a seat.
The closer she got, the more anxious I became.
I prayed everybody boarded quickly so we could leave.
I didn’t fear Kennedy. I simply didn’t want an altercation with her right now.
She tried to get on the bus, but the driver stopped her.
“You need a bus pass, ma’am.”
“Fuck you and your bus pass. Come here, bitch,” she yelled at me.
“Ma’am, you need to vacate this vehicle before I call the cops.”
She glared at him before her eyes settled on me. “Stay the fuck away from my house and my kids. If I catch you over here again, your ass is mine.”
She turned and stormed off the bus. Everyone was looking around, trying to figure out who she was talking to.
I relaxed my face, trying to match their concern and hide my guilt.
Settled into my seat, I watched as she made her way back down the street.
I knew in my heart that this wasn’t over. The shit had only just begun.