Chapter 30
Alayah
Two Weeks Later
I stepped off the bus and started walking in the familiar direction of my aunt and uncle’s.
It was Saturday, and Killian had gone into the office for a few hours, leaving me to fend for myself.
At first, I thought about taking the short walk down to Bridget’s, but I didn’t want to impose on her time.
Deciding that I wanted to spend the day with my favorite people, I hopped on the bus and made my way over.
I’d been the happiest I’d ever been the last couple of weeks.
It wasn’t just because Killian was blowing my back out, although it added to my good mood.
I was just…happy. When I told Londyn we’d finally taken things to the next level, she was ecstatic.
We were in the break room eating lunch. It was only the two of us, and she was rambling about something when I randomly said it.
“Killian and I had sex.”
She kept talking, and I thought she didn’t hear me until she grew quiet.
“What did you say?”
“Killian and I had sex.”
She squealed and stomped her feet. “Yes, bitch. I’m so damn happy for you. Just tell me, is he carrying around a big ol’ donkey dick? That man walks like he has big dick energy.”
I laughed. “It’s quite impressive.”
“Did you run? You look like a runner.”
I scoffed! “No, I didn’t run! Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. He held me so close to him that I didn’t want to go anywhere.”
She stuck out her lip. “Awwww, pooh! He made love to you.”
I blushed. “It was so beautiful, Londyn. He was so gentle and attentive. It was exactly what I imagined my first time being like.”
“I love that for you, baby.” She reached over and hugged me. “Now you just have to learn how to ride. Men love that shit. You ride him like you’re riding a prize-winning bull, and I bet you’re gonna end up pregnant.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nobody is trying to get pregnant right now. We’re taking precautions.”
“Good. ’Cause I’m not ready to be a godmother quite yet.”
“Godmother?”
“Well what other bestie is going to be the godmother if not moi?”
I laughed. “I can’t with you.”
She’d occupied the rest of our lunch with asking me details and giving me an unsolicited sex talk. I can admit, I made mental notes of a few things. She had way more experience than I did, so I trusted she knew what she was talking about.
As I headed across the street to the house, I noticed that Adrienne’s car wasn’t there. I walked up the front steps and used my key to get in.
“Hello! Aunt Penny! Uncle Clive!”
“We’re in the kitchen, baby girl,” Uncle Clive yelled.
I made my way into the kitchen where they were settled at the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I smiled as I hugged and kissed them.
“I’ve missed you guys,” I said, taking a seat at the table.
Uncle Clive chuckled. “I see you five days a week and on Saturdays.”
“I know, but I don’t live here anymore. It’s different.”
“We miss having you here,” Aunt Penny said. “It’s not the same.”
“Where are the girls?” I asked, picking up the sales papers.
“Adrienne wanted a drink from Coffee-ish, and Miyah rode with her. I think she said they were gonna stop by the house and get the rest of their clothes and whatever else they needed. With Kennedy being locked up, I’m sure it won’t be long until the bank comes to claim the house.”
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t be sad if it burned to the ground.”
And I wouldn’t be. Terrible things happened in that house. It would be a miracle if the bank could get a return on it. That fact that Kennedy continued living there after everything that happened was proof that she was a twisted-ass individual.
According to Killian, she was being held in the protection unit at the same correctional facility I did my time in.
I knew that population was segregated from the rest of the prisoners.
If she ever made it to general population and they found out what she’d done, she wasn’t going to survive.
If by chance she did, she’d never be the same.
Killian also told me that Mrs. West was spending thirty days in county for contempt of court.
I couldn’t feel bad for that old bitch. She had no business at that custody hearing.
What kind of character witness would she have been on Kennedy’s behalf when she raised a rapist and a pedophile? She could go to hell.
I was so lost in the thoughts that I didn’t realize I had zoned out until the front door swung open and Adrienne and Amiyah came running in with panicked looks on their faces. Uncle Clive, Aunt Penny, and I jumped to our feet, all of us asking the same question.
“What’s wrong?”
I noticed the box in Amiyah’s hand. They both looked at me with sorrowed expressions.
“You need to call Killian,” she whispered.
“Amiyah, what is that?” Uncle Clive asked.
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face as she looked at me, and that’s when I knew exactly what it was.
The tapes.
An overwhelming urge to vomit quickly rose from my stomach and up my throat.
I raced for the half bath down the hall, barely making it before I spewed my guts into the porcelain bowl.
Over and over, I threw up everything I’d eaten.
The thought of them seeing what was on those tapes had me heaving until I had nothing left to give.
Flushing the toilet, I collapsed on my knees with my head against the floor. Violent screams erupted from my burning throat as hot tears streamed down my face. My aunt came rushing into the bathroom. She paused momentarily before I heard her open a cabinet then turn on the water.
She knelt in front of me and lifted me from the floor to sit me on the edge of the tub. I sat there crying profusely.
“They saw the tapes. They saw what he did to me…”
She lifted my head to wipe my face with a warm rag. “I know it hurts, baby.”
“I never wanted them to see me like that,” I wailed, falling against her.
She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly as she kissed my temple.
Through my cries, I could hear her praying.
I closed my eyes, just wanting to disappear.
I almost would have preferred if the tapes were never found than to have my little sisters witness what happened. They would never unsee that shit.
“Stand up, baby,” Aunt Penny said, easing me to my feet. “Killian is on his way, and he’s bringing Erica with him. We’re gonna go out there, and we’re gonna handle this as a family. We’re right here with you, baby. Come on.”
I allowed her to guide me out of the bathroom and into the living room. As soon as I appeared, my sisters vacated the comfort of Uncle Clive’s arms and ran to me, hugging me tightly. I fought back the returning tears to be strong for them.
Swallowing hard, I asked the question I’d been dying to know.
“Where were they?”
They both pulled back and looked from each other to me. Miyah was the first to speak.
“I was in Mama’s room looking for a suitcase.
She had this old trunk in the closet, and I thought I could use it to put some stuff in.
It was heavy, and I couldn’t pull it, so I took the stuff out.
When I lifted it from the spot, I noticed some loose floorboards.
At first, I thought nothing of it until something told me to lift them up.
That’s when I found the box. I thought it was just a bunch of old DVDs or something, so I put one in and…
I’m so sorry that happened to you, Alayah. All those tapes…God! I’m so sorry.”
She ran off down the hall, crying profusely. Adrienne followed her. I felt the vile taste of vomit enter by throat again but forced it back down.
“She knew,” I choked out. “She knew the truth all this time, and she protected him.”
“Alayah—”
“No! I want her dead. She deserves to fucking rot right next to that nasty son of a bitch. I’m her daughter. Her fucking daughter. How could she let something like this keep going?”
I wanted to throw something. Bang my head against the wall. Anything to ease the blow of my suspicions being true. She knew those tapes would prove my story. She knew he had them, and she hid them.
I could feel a panic attack coming. Covering my ears, I began pacing like a madwoman, reciting my affirmations.
I am resilient and can overcome any obstacle.
I am becoming the best version of myself.
I deserve success and happiness.
I am in control of my thoughts and emotions.
I choose peace and tranquility in my life.
I am deserving of respect and kindness.
That shit wasn’t working. Aunt Penny was trying to talk to me, but it was just making me angrier.
“Leave me alone,” I screamed.
Anger surged through me at a level I’d never felt. It was overwhelming…consuming. I felt like I was back in that bedroom with those scissors in my hand. I could almost feel them imprinting my palm as I gripped them tightly.
I stopped pacing when I caught sight of a reflection in the mirror, only it wasn’t mine. It was Rodney staring back at me. I could hear his voice in my head.
“Hey, pretty girl. I miss you.”
I frantically shook my head as the image shifted from him to Kennedy. She wore the familiar scowl on her face. Her reflection said nothing. She just looked at me with disgust and hatred.
“How could you?” I whispered.
“Alayah,” Aunt Penny tried.
“How could you?” I screamed.
As though the scissors were in my hand, I raised my arm and struck the mirror repeatedly, asking the same question.
“How could you? How could you?”
I felt a strong pair of arms around me, and my first instinct was to fight back. I thrashed about wildly, trying to break free. In my mind, I was back in that room, pinned to the bed, begging and pleading for mercy.
“Alayah, it’s me,” Killian yelled, putting me in a bear hug. “It’s me, baby.”
I caught sight of his reflection in what was left of the broken mirror. I looked down at my hands, finally realizing that they were cut and bloody. My blood was smeared all over Killian’s shirt and arms from him trying to hold me back. He was breathing heavily as he held on to me.
“Killian, she knew…”
“I need you to calm down. We need to get you to a hospital so they can tend to your hands.”
I shook my head as I went limp in his arms.
“I just wanna die. Please, just let me die.”
That was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.
I felt the heat from the bright lights beating down on my face as I struggled to open my eyes.
My head was pounding, and my body felt heavy as hell.
My eyes finally opened, and I was met with a tiled ceiling.
I could hear the monitor beeping next to me.
Turning my head, I saw Killian next to me with his head resting on his arms, sleeping peacefully.
Across the room sat my aunt, uncle, and sisters, all sleeping as well. I went to reach for Killian to wake him up when I realized my hands were bandaged up to my arms.
“What the hell?” I mumbled.
Beside me, Killian stirred. He looked up at me and smiled softly. He stood and kissed my forehead.
“You’re awake.”
“What happened?”
“You um…you blacked out. Your aunt said you were talking to yourself in the mirror and then you started hitting it. I had to hold you down, and you were fighting hard to get free. You cut up your hands pretty bad.”
Tears sprang to my eyes at the realization that I’d tried to fight him. How could I do that to him?
“I’m sorry—”
He shook his head. “No, baby. There’s nothing to be sorry about. You had a moment.”
“Did I hurt you?”
He chuckled. “Do I look hurt?”
I looked him over, finding him in perfect condition. I sighed heavily as I relaxed into the bed.
“Are they putting me on a seventy-two-hour hold?”
“No. I explained the circumstances. They do want to keep you overnight just for observation, and they recommended you speak to the psychiatrist. You have symptoms of PTSD, which is understandable. The doctor just wants to see if they can prescribe you something.”
I nodded, tears streaming down my face. As he was talking, the memories of what happened came flooding back.
I remembered my sisters walking in with that box and the looks on their faces.
I never wanted them to see that side of my trauma.
I suffered too long to keep it from them for them to see it live in living color.
“Should I wake them up?” Killian asked, following my gaze. “They’re worried about you. You scared them, baby.”
I shook my head. “I’m so fucked up, Killian,” I whispered through my tears. “Maybe you should just get out of this while you can. I can find somewhere else to live—”
“No. We aren’t doing that. You aren’t running from me, and you’re not finding somewhere else to live.
Your home is with me now, Alayah. I love you.
You understand that? I love you, and I’m here with you through everything.
Get that negative thinking out of your head right now.
When they release you, you’re coming home with me, and we are gonna deal with this together. ”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do. You deserve me, you want me, and I want you. That’s it, that’s all. Do I make myself clear?”
All I could do was nod. He stood and kicked off his shoes. Putting down the railing, he climbed into bed with me and pulled me into his arms. After placing a kiss to my temple, he rested against the pillow.
“Get some sleep, love.”
I closed my eyes and settled into the warmth of his body. Before long, I was out.