Chapter 36 #2
She didn’t want to know the awful details; she already knew too much. She thought that she should probably end this conversation to protect herself from worse heartache. But she still needed facts.
“So what had Sara come to tell you?”
A brief silence, followed by, “I never found out.”
Erik looked away when he answered. Ella couldn’t read him well enough to know if he was telling the truth, but she saw his tortured expression.
“Where was I that night?” she asked.
“I have no idea—I didn’t know she had a baby. I guess you were with Hilda, at home in Oslo.” He leaned forward in his seat and clutched his stomach.
Her hands turned ice-cold as it dawned on her: He didn’t know. Well, she sure wasn’t going to tell him.
She had to clench her teeth to keep them from chattering. She couldn’t stop thinking about poor Sara. Her heart broke for Mormor. And for Leif, who not only lost his father, but lost something else indispensable because Erik had lied to him for so long.
“Did my grandma know the truth about how Sara really died? And if so, why would she keep it from me?”
“I spoke to your mormor after the accident.” Erik winced as the miserable memory returned. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”
“Tell me,” Ella said impatiently.
“OK, here it goes.” He inhaled a deep breath as if drawing the courage to continue.
“Two days after the accident, Hilda called the boatyard in a panic, looking for Sara. At least that’s what my shop tech remembered.
He told Hilda that I’d been in a boat wreck, that I was in critical condition in the hospital.
I think she knew that her daughter was with me in the boat that night and was never coming home.
She called the hospital, but it took some days before I was well enough to talk.
When she came to see me, I thought for sure she’d accuse me of murdering her daughter and turn me in to the police.
But she floored me. She wanted to strike a deal—that neither of us would ever talk about it again.
Not to friends or loved ones either. Not to anyone at all.
Because none of it could bring our Sara back. ”
He scrunched his hat in his lap and struggled to compose himself.
“I was frightened that I’d spend years in prison.
I badly wanted it all to go away, so I agreed with her.
I said it was OK. I believe losing Sara just about killed her.
Everyone handles grief differently and .
. . I think your mormor’s way of dealing with it was to shut herself off from anyone and everything that might remind her of Sara.
I think she locked away her past in Norway and never looked back. I can certainly relate.”
Ella could see the pain in his face. But there was more; he held his hand up.
“Just so you know . . . I let Hilda think that Bjorn was steering. No one knew the whole truth of it, except for Ragnar. He was the one who found me and called a medical helicopter to take me to the hospital. He stayed with me in that room for days—slept in a chair. I was on all types of painkillers, but somehow I told him the truth. He swore he’d keep my secret, and he’s honored that promise all these years.
It’s because of him that I’m still here .
. . I didn’t want to survive that crash, you know.
His loyalty and friendship somehow gave me the courage to live. ”
Ella nodded. “I met him. He seems to have a lot of love for his friends. He warned me that my digging could hurt people . . . now I understand what he meant by that. Do you happen to know why he has my mom’s blanket?”
“Blanket? Oh. Well . . . the summer before the accident, me, Ragnar, and Astrid—that’s his parrot, you know—visited Sara here at Ringpynten.
I do seem to remember Astrid falling in love with a blanket .
. . Ragnar must’ve borrowed it.” Erik said this in a way that conveyed much more.
“He was known to do things like that—plus, he’d do anything for that bird.
I’m guessing he felt like that was that—or, if he ever had any thoughts of returning it .
. . my guess is that he had reservations about making an impromptu visit to Hilda’s house and admitting what he’d done.
Your mormor thought we were a bad influence on Sara .
. . and it turned out she was right.” He let out another sad, hollow chuckle.
“Did my grandma ever bring me here to Lyng?r?”
“Hilda? I don’t think so. After Sara died, your mormor hired the grocery manager to rent out the property, and as far as I know, she never returned. She loved your mother, and I guess she couldn’t bear being at the cottage without her. Lots of memories and too much grief.”
“Did you love Sara too?”
Erik stood up from the rocking chair, rested his hand on the wood frame, tucked his head to his chest, and said simply, “Yes I did.”
“You did.”
“Yes. Well, that’s all I got,” Erik pronounced, as if he’d reached his breaking point. He looked around the room with haunted eyes.
“Go on, then. Leave,” Ella said through gritted teeth. She’d gotten what she wanted, and now she could be done with him. She remained in her chair as he disappeared into the foyer. The floorboards squeaked; she could hear him putting on his shoes. Finally, the door closed behind him.
She looked at Hilda’s urn and said, “You were right, Mormor. He is no good.” Ella knew the value of forgiveness and second chances, but Erik’s lies had been calculated to save his own skin, no matter the damage to anyone else. He was that selfish and she had no patience for it.
Ella tucked her birth certificate between the pages of her mother’s sketchbook to take back to Boulder.
There was no need to tell anyone about Erik, especially since she didn’t want him as a father.
She had no attachment, no history, and no respect for him.
Plus her mind was made up now: She planned on walking away from Leif, and everyone else in Lyng?r, to put her energy and love into her business.
Outside the window, a colony of gulls soared over the sapphire sea. That color was beautiful. It was Leif’s blue, but it was also the blue that stole her mom’s final breath.
Tears blurred Ella’s vision as she picked up the book on knots that Leif had given her.
If it hadn’t been for him, she might never have faced her fear of the water.
His carvings had inspired so many designs by now; the sketches for the Leif Collection filled an entire notebook.
He’d introduced her to Nina, who she hoped would be a part of Little Bird’s success.
Ella reflected that she owed Leif so much gratitude and hadn’t thanked him properly.
But she could do that now—row to his house and give back the boat.
She’d say a final goodbye and wouldn’t let him talk her into staying another day, because the more she was with him, the more painful it would be to leave him. It was time to book her ticket.