37. I’m not a burden
37
I’M NOT A BURDEN
HALLE
The stars aren’t as bright here. They’re muted, swallowed by the glow of the streetlamp. Unlike at Asher’s house, where they shine so bright against the dark sky. But the swing at Asher’s is ours, and I can’t bear to be there without him.
The chain rattles with a gust of wind, the sound piercing the quiet night. Pressing my feet into the grainy sand, I push off, letting the swing sway me back and forth. The nights are starting to get cold, and the air bites at my skin, causing a shiver to snake through me, a welcome chill to the burning heat inside my chest from the ache that refuses to leave.
I miss him. Six days without Asher, and with each passing day, a little bit of my hope falls away. The sleepless nights, the forceful smiles, the hollow reassurances—they’re all beginning to weigh me down. The worry gnaws at me and intensifies with every second.
And now Hunter’s gone, too. Three days without a word.
Madi won’t speak. She won’t tell me what’s plaguing her mind. She moves like a shadow and sleeps in Hunter’s bed, working her shifts and hovering by her phone. If it weren’t for Connor and Tessa, we’d be nothing more than two shells, consumed by worry.
I tilt my head back as the swing carries me higher, my gaze catching on a single star, so bright it seems to sparkle against the rest. Something inside me settles, the tight knot in my chest loosening as a small smile pulls at my face. With a sigh, I bring my feet down, dragging them along the sand and slowing the motion of the swing. My eyes don’t leave that star, the one that feels impossibly close and yet so far. Deep in my heart, I can feel it—a whisper of warmth.
Hi, Mom.
Two questions spin inside my mind, the same two every time I feel her with me.
Why aren’t you here? Why did you leave me, Mom?
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, steadying the beat of my heart. But the sadness has a way of sneaking in. It can come out of nowhere. It can come in the quiet moments when you aren’t thinking of anything or anyone, or it can crash over you when you see their favorite color, favorite food, or flower.
That’s grief. It has no routine, no schedule. It’ll creep up on you when you least expect it or even when you are ready for it. And before you know it, your eyes sting with unshed tears, a shiver will slowly move through your body from your head to your toes, and you’ll be free-falling, helpless against the weight of it.
My eyes drift back to the single star, still shining down on me, a quiet reminder that I need to keep holding on, no matter how heavy life becomes. A tear escapes, tracing a slow path down my cheek as I hear her voice whisper through my mind.
“My baby girl, everything will be okay.”
Goosebumps ripple across my arms as my head falls forward. What I wouldn’t give for one last hug—to feel her warmth, to breathe her in just one more time.
“You know, someone once told me that turning it all off with the stars makes more sense.”
My shoulders tense, fingers tightening around the cold chains as a shaky breath slips past parted lips. His voice wraps around me like a tight hug, but I don’t lift my head, too afraid that if I do, he won’t be real.
The crunch of sand under his feet echos into the stillness of the night, and then his boots appear in my line of sight. He kneels in front of me, my pulse beating wildly as his thumb brushes beneath my chin, tilting my face to meet his gaze.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Asher whispers.
The hope I’ve been trying to ignore in fear of it shattering flares to life inside me. My lip begins to quiver when his eyes soften, and I break under the weight of relief that crashes over me. Asher doesn’t hesitate. He moves quickly, pulling me into his arms. He falls back on the sand, holding me to him as I bury my face in the crook of his neck, tears streaming down my face.
My heart slows as every emotion inside me begins to settle. Pulling back, my eyes scan over every inch of him like I need to make sure that he’s really here. Without thinking, my hand flies out, smacking his shoulder with more force than I intended.
“I’m mad that you ran,” I say, and he winces, “but I’m happy you came back.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry, Halle.” His voice cracks.
The apology hangs between us, and his hands find mine, pulling them close to his chest.
“I lost my head,” he continues. “I lost my strength and I needed… I needed to go see him. ”
The vulnerability takes away my lingering frustration, leaving behind a quiet understanding. He did what he had to so he could move forward, and I can’t fault him for that. Not after everything I’ve been through myself.
“Promise me,” I say, my voice soft but commanding. “Promise me you won’t run ever again. That we’ll fight together because I can’t do this without you.”
His grip on my hand tightens as he brings them to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to my fingers. The simple gesture sends a comforting warmth through me.
“When your brother found me, he made me realize something, Halle.” He pauses, searching my eyes like he’s making sure I’m listening.
“He made me understand that we’re a team. You and me. We’re a team against the world of messy emotions and uncontrollable events.”
His hands move to cradle my face. His thumbs sweep across my cheeks, wiping away the lingering tears.
“I promise you, I won’t ever run again. We’ll fight together.”
I get lost in the gold flecks of his green eyes, the way they look like the depths of a forest. I breathe him in—earthy and musky, safe and familiar. My fingers rake through his curls and his promise settles in my soul. The air grows thick with tension, and I seal it with a kiss.
His tongue sweeps out, and I let him in, sighing at the cool minty taste of him. His hand slides around to the nape of my neck, his touch firm yet gentle, and he groans, deepening the kiss.
“Need you, baby,” he murmurs against me.
Heat simmers in my core, and my hips instinctively roll over him. I feel the hard length of him pressing against the rough zipper of his jeans, the friction sending a spark through me. A growl vibrates low in his throat, and his hands fall under my ass, gripping firmly as he stands, lifting me with ease. My legs wrap tightly around his waist as his lips stay fused to mine, devouring me with a desperate need.
He starts walking down the street, his steps matching the pounding of my heart as the cool wind whips my hair around us. I laugh at him, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze.
“Madi and Connor will be back from the bar soon. You don’t have long,” I say, biting down on my lower lip.
His eyes flash with a challenge, a smirk curving at his mouth as I start bouncing, his steps turning into a jog. I gasp, clinging to him as a rush of anticipation and excitement hits me. This is everything I’ve missed, everything I need.
Asher makes it to the door, twisting me in his arms as he reaches for the handle and pushes it open. We step through, and I kick it shut behind us.
“Wait,” I blurt, planting a hand on his chest to stop him, “why the hell is the door red?”
He throws his head back, laughing loud, and smacks my ass, making me squeal.
“I’ll tell you later. Right now,” he says with a mischievous grin, striding straight to my room, “I need you naked and riding my cock.” He throws me down onto the bed.
My thighs clench, and my pussy throbs as I suck in a sharp breath. I watch Asher strip his shirt, his jeans, and black briefs. His dick is so hard, it’s begging for attention.
Pushing to my knees, I crawl toward him, my movements slow and deliberate. His eyes darken, the green deepening as he tracks me like prey, his jaw tight. Reaching out, I wrap my fingers around him, squeezing lightly as I move my hand up and back down. He hisses, his head tipping back slightly as he swallows hard. The vein in his thick neck pulses, and I can’t tear my eyes away.
I brush my thumb over his tip, and his gaze snaps back to mine. His hand tangles through my hair, gripping the back of my head.
“You gonna suck my cock, baby?”
“Mmm,” I hum low, leaning forward and running my tongue along his base.
He curses under his breath, and I can feel his control slipping. I can see it in the way his body tenses, the way his hand flexes at my head. The realization of the power I hold over him right now, the way his body responds to my touch, is intoxicating.
“Halle,” he warns, his voice strained.
I take him in my mouth and suck long and hard without warning.
“Oh fuck,” he groans, pulling at my hair.
His breathing picks up, his hips move forward, and when he hits the back of my throat, I moan around him. My body feels alive, every nerve ignited, and with one touch, I’m needing him like I need air.
His control finally snaps, and he pulls out of me, leaving me whimpering at the sudden loss, but his movements are quick and frantic as he pulls me to my feet, tearing my clothes from me.
“God, Halle,” he sighs, his hand trailing up my side. “You’re beautiful.”
The butterflies in my stomach take flight, and I close the distance between us, my lips crashing into his, urgent and needy. He lifts me, his fingers digging into my thighs as my legs wrap tightly around his waist. My back slams into the door and he thrusts forward, filling me with his cock, stretching me .
I whimper as pleasure spreads through me, my orgasm already building, and I claw at his back and cling to his shoulders as he slams into me, again and again.
“Missed you,” he breaths into my ear, “so fucking much.”
I tilt my head to the side, and he dives in, biting and sucking at my neck. Gasps and moans fall from me, our breathing turns loud and erratic, and the door frame rattles with every thrust. Time seems to stand still as he fucks me, claims me.
“Asher,” I whimper, “please.”
“I got you, baby,” he rasps, his hand snaking between us, his thumb circling my clit.
I cry out as my pussy begins to pulse around him.
“That’s it,” he coaxes, “unravel for me, sweetheart.”
He slams into me one more time, and I shatter around him, my orgasm so forceful I see stars. I scream his name, and he follows me, his body tensing as he spills inside me with a low moan.
His eyes bounce between mine as we stay connected, breathing each other in. He’s everything I didn’t know I needed. His pain meets mine openly, and his love fills every empty part of me.
“Asher,” I whisper, sliding my hands through his hair, “I love you.”
His forehead rests against mine, and he kisses me softly. “I love you,” he murmurs.
A sharp knock sounds at the door, jolting us both, “If you two are about done with the fucking, I’d like to give my boy a hug now.” Connor’s voice thunders from the other side of the door.
My cheeks flame, laughter spilling from my lips as Asher’s head drops to my shoulder, muttering, “Fucking Connor. ”
I laugh harder. “Why is it always him?”
With a sigh, Asher presses one more kiss to my lips before slipping out of me and gently settling me down. We move together, his hands never leaving me as if he needs the contact like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I dig out a pair of his sweats, tossing them to him as I tug one of his worn shirts over my head. The scent of him still clings to the fabric, and I breathe him in.
Turning, I find his gaze fixed on me, and he smirks. “You look sexy as hell in my clothes,” he murmurs.
Before I can respond, another sharp knock shatters the moment and I roll my eyes, stepping over to the door.
The second it swings open, Connor pushes inside with a wide grin on his face.
“Dude, don’t ever leave me with these girls again.” He pulls him into a tight bear hug, slapping him on the back. “Do you know how much girl time I’ve had this week?” Connor throws his arms out dramatically, his voice teasing. “Too much, man, too fucking much.”
I snicker behind Asher, and Connor’s attention snaps to me, his eyes full of mischief as he throws me a wink. The way he’s barreled in here, his words light, over the top. It’s his way of saying, I’ve got you, no matter what.
He doesn’t press, doesn’t get mad. He gives Asher the space he needs to talk about everything when he’s ready, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
“Missed you too, man,” Asher says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Connor grins back at him, turning toward the door. “Come on, love birds,” he calls over his shoulder. “Madi has a movie and popcorn waiting for us.”
I take Asher’s hand, and together we follow Connor out to the living room .
“Asher,” Madi breathes, her voice full of relief, “where’s Hunter?”
She steps forward, wrapping her arms around him. I hear Asher whisper sorry to her, and when they pull apart, the room feels heavy with the weight of her question. We settle onto the couch, and Asher lets out a long weary sigh as he slumps forward, his elbows resting on his knees.
“He didn’t come back with me,” he says to the room, breaking the tense stillness.
The silence is almost suffocating with all the unspoken questions no one dares to voice. Connor shifts in his seat, pulling Ace closer to him. Madi bites down on her thumbnail, her eyes glassing over with unshed tears.
Unable to stay still, I stand, crossing the room and sinking beside Madi, wrapping her in my arms.
“Why?” I finally ask Asher.
He runs his hands through his hair. “He needs time,” he says. “I stayed with him for a few days, but there’s a lot of things he needs to work through, and he needs to do it on his own.”
Madi’s shoulders start to shake, and I tighten my arms, silently telling her she’s not alone.
“It’s okay, Madi,” Asher says gently, “he’ll come home. I promise you. Just trust him.”
She nods slowly, trying to process everything that was said. I glance at Connor, seeing the worry carved into his expression. His jaw flexes, and his eyes flick to Asher, the two of them having a silent conversation I can’t quite seem to understand.
The silence stretches on, and then Ace barks, leaping off the couch and zooming around the house. The tension in the air breaks, and we all let out a quiet laugh.
I move back to Asher, and he grabs my hips, pulling me onto his lap. My gaze flicks to the front door as I’m falling, and my brows pinch in confusion.
“Someone needs to tell me why the door’s red,” I say, my eyes flicking around the room, waiting for someone to tell me.
Connor’s laugh booms through the air as if the question I asked is the funniest thing he’s ever heard, but Madi stares at the door, her expression distant before she looks back to me with a smile.
“Your brother,” Asher starts his shoulders trembling with a silent laugh. “There was a week where we partied a lot, and he somehow would get the houses in the street mixed up.” His laugh comes out loud and uncontrollable now.
“Okay,” I say, still confused but more curious than ever.
“He would wake up in Everlyn’s bed from across the street,” Madi snickers. “Halle, she’s seventy, and he would wake up in nothing but his boxers.”
I blink, trying to picture my brother so drunk that he couldn’t even work out his own house, his own room, or bed.
Connor’s laugh bounces off the walls, and he wipes at his eyes. “After the fifth time, he got so mad he went out and bought red paint. Painted the door so his drunk ass could tell the difference between the houses.”
“Everlyn also had to start hiding her spare key elsewhere,” Asher adds.
The three of them laugh so hard, loud, and carefree that they can’t breathe. Ace bounds over, leaping into my lap, and I can’t help but laugh with them. Leaning back into Asher, I pat Ace behind the ear as his arm slides around me, his thumb brushing at my hip.
My eyes sting, but not with tears that come from the ache that usually lives inside me. These are different tears. They’re tears for the family in front of me, for the laughter that fills the room, and for the love we share. They’re thankful tears, happy tears.
For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like a burden.