16. Summer 19
Ifinish explaining the whole situation to Dani, the day I spent with Andrew, confessing our feelings for one another, and Andrew asking to take me on a date tomorrow night. Dani listened contently the whole way through, but now she looks at me confused.
“This all sounds so exciting! Why are you crying? Did something happen? What’d that idiot do? I’m going to kill him!”
“Woah, there! Settle down.” I laugh. I have to be thankful for her willingness to throw down for me so quickly. That spark of spunk reminds me a little of Rebecca. The thought somehow comforts me. “Nothing happened. Andrew didn’t do anything wrong.”
My phone dings, and I glance at it.
Andrew
Can’t stop thinking about you and our date. I’m so excited!!
I blush a little and hold it out for Dani to see. “In fact, he’s only doing things right so far.” I set my phone back down. “It’s just that I came home and realized how excited I was that everything finally felt like it was falling into place, but the person I wanted to tell all about it isn’t here to listen.”
Dani’s eyes are full of sympathy and understanding. “Remember how hard it was when we lost Grandpa?”
I stiffen. “Way to kick me when I’m down.”
She chuckles a little in exasperation. “No, I’m not finished. I just meant it was really hard after losing him, but you’ve gradually become okay with living life without him here with you.” She adds, “You were way stronger than any of us expected during that time.”
I nod. “Rebecca helped make me feel better.”
She thinks about my response for a moment. “What did she do to help you handle it so well?”
I reflect on that moment nearly six years ago. “We skipped rocks. She talked to me about how it was okay to hurt, and I was lucky to be so sad over his passing because it meant I had someone worth missing. Then we baked cookies,” I say simply.
I watch as her wheels begin to turn. “She’s right. You were lucky to have her, even if it was shorter than expected. It doesn’t make it easy, and obviously, there’s no replacing her, but I hope you know I’m here for you. I can listen to you talk about your journey with Andrew or your memories with Rebecca. I can even go on adventures with you like she used to do if you ever want that.”
I throw my arms around her. “Thank you, Dani!”
She hugs me back. “That’s what sisters are for. Now, let’s do something to honor Rebecca. What should we do?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been trying to do that with Andrew the last week or so, but it hasn’t made me feel better.”
Dani bobs her head with compassion. “You said not being able to talk to her about what’s going on with Andrew triggered your emotions, so maybe it’s not the big things you miss about her, but the little things. We can do something small to honor her.”
An idea immediately comes to mind, and a smile spreads across my face. “Do we have chocolate chips?”
Dani stands up and walks into the kitchen to check the pantry. “It looks like it. What’re you thinking?”
I begin pulling out ingredients like flour, sugar, salt, and cinnamon. Dani’s eyes linger on the cinnamon, knowingly.
“Let’s make some cookies. But this time, can we eat some of the dough first and then eat the baked ones while watching The Parent Trap?”
Dani smiles. “That sounds like a perfect evening. Before we bake, you need to respond to Andrew, though. You can’t leave him hanging.”
I quickly pull my phone out of my pocket again and open the message. A giddiness erupts inside me and spills out as a goofy smile. “What should I say?”
She gives me a nonchalant look. “Clearly, you’ve done things right up to this point. Just be yourself. He’s already told you he adores you for you. This is so cool. You get to start out already knowing each other. You don’t have to worry about what he thinks of you without makeup or if he won’t get your sense of humor. You’re so lucky.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that before.”
“You get to skip past all the awkward getting-to-know-you stuff and jump right into the good parts.”
“That also means there’s more at stake,” I say, growing anxious by the second.
“No, don’t overthink it! That’s exactly what I’m telling you not to do right now. This is exciting! Remember how giddy you were a few minutes ago?”
I smile, feeling a little more at ease. My thumbs start typing, and I don’t let myself overthink it.
Me
Thinking of you too. Can’t wait for our date! I hope your dinner is the best you’ve ever had since you’re making me wait a whole day longer to go on a date with you ;)
He responds right away.
Andrew
The food is great but there’s very little that makes being away from you worth it
A blush rushes to my cheeks and I feel my insides flutter to life. I am so in trouble. This boy is so easy to love. I just need to try not to mess it up.
With a knowing smile, Dani asks, “Ready to make the cookies?”
“Hell yeah! I can taste them already.”
Dani and I slowly slither off the couch as the credits roll, our bellies full of warm, gooey cookies and delicious cookie dough. I glance at my phone for the time. It’s late. Dani’s and my best-laid plans were slightly thrown off when Mom came home not even two minutes after we pulled out all the cookie ingredients, insisting we needed to eat dinner first.
“Thanks for watching with me, sis.” I nuzzle my head onto Dani’s shoulder. I feel her stiffen the slightest bit. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s not you. We just don’t do that much.”
“Yeah, well we don’t hang out much either, but we just binge ate cookies and cookie dough and watched a movie together.”
She smiles softly. “I guess you’re right.”
I reach to flick the light on, and a mere five seconds after it turns on, my phone buzzes.
Dani gives me a knowing smirk. “Someone couldn’t wait till tomorrow,” she teases, drawing out the last word.
“It’s almost midnight. I’m sure it’s just a goodnight text or something.” I wave her off, but she’s already advancing toward me and grabbing my phone from my hand to read the text. She gives me an I told you so look and hands it back.
Andrew
I know it’s late, but would you and Dani be up for milkshakes?
Narrowing my eyes, I turn to Dani. “Why are you giving me that look? He asked if you wanted to come too.”
She shrugs. “Yeah, but he’s only inviting me because he wants to see you, and you told him you were hanging out with me tonight. It’s called being nice. Andrew is like the king of golden boys.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“Tell him yes.”
“We just ate a whole bunch of cookie dough,” I argue.
“So? You can’t tell me you’re going to turn down a milkshake and an opportunity to see Andrew.” My silence is enough to prove her right. “Ask if he wants to drive or if I should grab my keys.”
Me
You and I both know the answer to that
Andrew
Yes but I still had to ask. I’ll drive us
“Andrew says he’ll drive.”
“Great! I think I might hit the hay. You two go without me.” Dani makes a big stretching motion and fake yawns. “I’m really tired from that movie.”
“You liar! Just come.”
Dani shifts nervously. “No, I’m not going to impose.”
“You’re not imposing. Our date is tomorrow. This is just extra. I think it’d be cool to hang out with the three of us. Besides, Andrew and I are used to hanging out in threes.”
I note Dani’s small wince. “Fine, I’ll come, but if the sexual tension gets to be too much, I’m getting out of his truck and walking home!” She waltzes out of the room.
“Oh, shut up!” I yell after her, a huge smile on my face.
She comes back down the hallway wearing shoes and carrying a sweatshirt. She leads the way to the door, and I slip on my flip-flops on the way out.
Outside, I can already hear the sound of Andrew’s engine running. I start walking toward the Martins’ driveway, but he scares the absolute shit out of me when he rushes up to me and swoops me off my feet, planting a kiss on my hairline. I look up at him with my eyes big as saucers, feeling nothing but joy.
I’m not sad about Rebecca. I’m not hung up on what is going to come next for Andrew and me. I’m not anxious about whether or not it will be weird to have Dani tag along with us tonight. I’m just happy. For possibly the first time since I was born, the wheels in my brain aren’t turning so hard that steam is blowing out my ears. I’m actually present.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dani grab her phone and snap a picture of me curled up in Andrew’s arms, and I’m immediately grateful to have a sister who loves photography and has such a good eye for moments that are worth capturing.
Andrew sets me down, with a goofy grin on his face, and I just feel so much warmth inside me as I take him in. He looks just as happy as me, and I know I could get in my head right now about how it isn’t possible for us both to be this truly happy, but something about his presence grounds me. This all just feels right. There’s nothing to question.
“Shall we go get some milkshakes, ladies?”
“I think we shall. I call shotgun!” Dani links arms with Andrew and begins walking him toward his truck, turning back to me and sticking her tongue out teasingly.
I chase after them while Dani unlocks her phone to show Andrew the photo she just took.
“Em, you should come see this.”
I look at the photo and horror fills me. “I look like a horse!”
“You do not.” Dani insists.
“You look happy,” Andrew says. “Look again.”
With another glance, I move past how wide my mouth is and ignore how squinty my eyes are, and instead, I see a girl who has been through a lot but is managing to laugh and experience love and joy, gazing up at a boy she adores with wonder in her eyes. It’s beautiful.