26. Summer 19
Lying in the fort, glued at the hip with my head on Andrew’s chest and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, I’m beside myself with just how happy I am right now. Over a month ago, when I was thinking about my summer here, this is not what I pictured. I can’t say this summer has been all sunshine and rainbows, but Andrew has helped make it a thousand times more manageable than I ever could have expected.
“We haven’t talked about that night.”
Instantly, Andrew’s face falters. I don’t need to tell him what I’m talking about for him to know what I mean. There’s only one night. The night that changed our lives forever.
He must feel the difference in me, the tensing in my shoulders, and the way my breaths grow shallower and quicker because he presses me closer to him. I know this was my idea, but I’m already starting to regret it a little.
“I know it’s not exactly a fond memory, but I think it’d be really good for both of us to talk about it.” I laugh casually, trying to lighten the mood, but it does little to remove the suffocating tension that has settled over the entire room.
It”s weird. I’ve talked about that night once before with Dani. It didn’t feel like this. There were tears, and I had to stop here and there to compose myself before continuing, but I didn’t feel like I do now, like I can’t breathe. Somehow, maybe because Andrew was there, this all feels different. Maybe it’s his energy. I can feel this dark cloud emanating off of him, and something tells me not all of it has to do with talking about Rebecca. Maybe part of it just has to do with him talking about how he feels, one of the few areas I’ve found him to be inadequate in. Everyone has their flaws!
“I don’t remember much before or after the accident. Everything feels fuzzy when I try to remember. I do, however, remember her scream, vividly,” he starts.
I burrow my fingers into Andrew’s shirt, grabbing onto him both to show my support and ground myself.
“Going to the hospital is still a blur. I remember waiting for what felt like hours, but it wasn’t long before we received news. I remember the doctor coming out, and I remember the brief pitying glance he gave our family before he leaned into the minister and started explaining what happened so he could break the news to us instead. The doctor couldn’t even do it himself.” I feel Andrew tensing up. I’m stunned to silence. Andrew has been so brave this summer. He’s led me to believe he’s healed, but here’s proof right in front of my eyes that those scars are still there.
He continues, “The minister told our family the news, and I exploded. I grabbed the doctor by the arm before he could leave the room and unleashed all my anger and sadness on him. I can’t even tell you what I said to that man. I regret it now because that poor man was probably just trying to hide his trauma after having seen the state of my sister. I know now he was just letting someone more qualified share the news. It just felt better to be angry than it did to be sad. But it didn’t change anything. I still woke up the next day without my sister.”
A single tear forms in his eye, and I’m desperate to ease his pain.
I press kisses to his jaw, his neck, and his cheeks. He nuzzles into me and gives me a soft smile. “I’m okay, Em. It’s been almost a year. Time has helped.”
I stare into his eyes, assessing. I want to make sure he’s okay. As I stare into the depths of his vibrant blue eyes, I believe him, and it feels good. I press a final kiss to his lips and pull away knowing it’s my turn. He shared a vulnerable piece of him, and now he deserves a piece of me.
I take a deep breath, trying to keep my breathing under control. “My sharpest memory is the vision of you asking me to call 9-1-1. The panic in your voice, the fear in your eyes, it will stick with me forever because I’ve never seen you look so afraid.” I cringe a little as the memory replays in my head.
The tightening in my chest is back, but I power through. I’m stronger now. Andrew is here, holding me closely. I’m okay. “I remember the sound of the sirens in the distance and the feeling of complete helplessness in that moment and then the memories are pretty much gone until your dad called a couple hours later. I had been sitting on my bed, practically curled up in Dani’s lap, and the news just broke me. There was this awful feeling in my chest, like my heart was trying to crawl out of my body because it couldn’t take it anymore, and I sobbed until I didn’t have tears left. My family practically dragged me out of the house the next morning to go home. I was in shock, but when I got to college and couldn’t text her about all the new things I was experiencing, it all settled in. It felt like my life was over.”
Andrew swipes at the tears on my cheeks, gentle tears that I didn’t even know were there. “We’ve made it through it all. Look where we ended up,” he says softly.
I nod and add, “We did. I wish Rebecca were here to see it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m so happy to be with you.”
We sit in silence for a long time. There’s not anything else to say right now. All the feelings that got muddled up from our discussion need to settle back down. But lying with my head on Andrew’s chest and his arms wrapped around me, I feel safe.
After some time, who knows how long it truly is, I feel us both start to relax again, and Andrew takes it as a sign to break the silence.
“I think that was important for us to do.”
I nod in agreement. “Maybe, another time, I can hear more about what things were like for you after everything.”
“Yeah, I think we can arrange that.”
Satisfied, I glance at the clock on my phone.
“I need to go home. It’s almost one, and my parents are going to be asking why I was out so late,” I begin to pull away from his grip.
He immediately pulls me in tighter. “Can’t you stay?”
I laugh at the craziness of his idea. “You may not have parents to watch over you tonight, but I still do. I can’t get away with staying.”
“Do you really think they will notice you’re still gone? It’s got to be well past your parents’ bedtime. I know them, and they are not late-night people.”
“When I’m out with a boy until late hours of the night, they are surprisingly alert.” I scramble to my hands and knees, beginning to crawl out of the fort. “I can come back over tomorrow to help you take this down, but I’m already probably going to be in the doghouse.”
“Okay, we will get you back, but at least let me walk you home. It’s dark out.”
I agree as I fold a blanket up, dying inside just a little bit at the thought of this fort being left overnight without being cleaned up. At least we cleaned the kitchen after our flour fight.
“Come on, Miss Neat Freak. You said we have to get you home.” He chuckles, placing his hand in mine as he guides me toward the front door.
Outside, the rain has stopped. It’s peaceful as water silently drips off the rooves, and the air smells like fresh rain. We walk the hundred feet or so between my house and his, and he turns to kiss me before I walk up the stairs.
Gosh, his lips, the feeling of his taut muscles beneath my hands, him. It all makes it hard to say goodbye, even if it is just to go to sleep.
I pull back first and blow him a quick kiss again as I walk into the house.
Sure enough, my dad is sitting on the couch, asleep. He was waiting for me. I cross the room to shake him awake and let him know I’m home so he can go sleep in his bed.
“Hey, honey. What time is it?” he asks groggily.
“Late. You can sleep in your own bed now.”
“What were you doing out so late?”
I roll my eyes playfully. “Dad, we agreed I didn’t need a curfew this summer. You know I’ve stayed out later than this at school.”
He glances toward the kitchen to check the clock, but he’s out of luck without his glasses. He can’t see that far. Then he adamantly adds, “In my mind, you’re home and in bed by nine pm every night. I’m going to bed, darling. See you in the morning.” He presses a kiss to my cheek and slowly moves toward the staircase leading up to his bedroom.
I turn down the hallway to head to my room. I still feel like I’m walking on clouds, even with this being such a simple date together. We didn’t go out, and we didn’t dress up, but it was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on. That’s a perk of dating your best friend, I guess.
My thoughts remind me of the Tim McGraw song Andrew shared with me earlier today, so I pull my phone out of my pocket and play it on low volume while I change, careful not to wake Dani up in the room next door. She needs her full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, or she gets cranky.
As I’m tugging my pajama shorts on, I hear a tapping sound. I pause the music on my phone, listening. But I don’t hear it anymore. I reach back to play the last minute of the song, but the tapping starts up again. It’s coming from my window.
Peering out into the darkness, I see a light flicker on as Andrew illuminates his face with the flashlight on his phone.
He indicates for me to open the window. Bewildered, I pull the latch and slide the window open.
“Now that you’ve made it home for your parents, you’re coming with me.” That mischievous grin is back.
“Coming with you where?”
“To bed,” he says simply.
I shake my head in disbelief. “You’re going to get me in trouble.”
“No, I won’t. I promise. Your parents already know you came home tonight. If they find you’re not here in the morning, they’ll just assume you went for an early run, which is pretty much your routine all the time now.”
I tilt my head, acknowledging he has a point. I meet his gaze and see the hope filling his eyes. He’s going to convince me with that look alone!
The edges of my mouth turn up just the slightest bit, and he reaches through the window to help me out.
“I don’t even have any shoes or a change of clothes for the morning. My cover story only works if I actually come home in running clothes, not pajamas,” I explain.
“Sorry, I got too excited. I guess you have a point. Hurry up and grab your clothes.”
Then I hear a knock at my door. No mistaking it. My eyes grow wide, and I shove his arm back through the window, closing it quietly behind me before I open my bedroom door.
Dani is standing there, her hair in disarray, squinting hard from the light. There’s a scowl on her face.
“Sorry, Dani! I just got back from my date with Andrew, but he called me because I left something at his place. I’m going to bed now. I’ll be quiet,” I insist, hoping against hope it isn’t obvious I’m lying.
I’ve never been a good liar, and I’m not very quick on my feet when it comes to making up excuses. Good thing I’m not an actor. I would be horrible at improv.
Dani slowly stops squinting as her eyes adjust to the light. She crosses her arms. “I’m not an idiot. I could hear every word you two just said.”
I try to hide my panic as I face her. Maybe I can come up with some cover? No way. She heard everything we just said!
I sigh and shrug. “We only have a few weeks left before we go back to school. I’m trying to soak up my time with him,” I offer, hoping I can get her to sympathize with me and not blab to my parents. Dani is a rule follower, but she’s never been a narc.
To my surprise, she leans against the door jam, her arms still crossed as she asks, “Have you two talked about how you’re going to handle long distance?”
I grimace. “Not really. I’m kind of waiting until the very last minute because things have been going so well.”
“Just make sure you two are on the same page before you leave. Distance can be difficult, even with all the technology we have to stay in touch nowadays. You may expect to text all the time, and he may think you two are only going to check in a few times a week on Facetime.”
I eye her, wondering when she became the expert on relationships. “Fine,” I say. “I’ll talk to him if you cover for me in the event mom or dad notice I’m gone.”
She considers the deal for a moment too long. I know Andrew is still right outside my window, waiting to find out what’s going on.
“Please, Dani. You said you’d be my Rebecca. Rebecca would do it for me.”
I grimace as I process the words that just came out of my mouth. Even if they’re true, I feel dirty using Rebecca like that to get what I want.
“I don’t feel comfortable lying to Mom and Dad, but it’s not a big deal as long as you two aren’t getting into any kind of trouble.” She pins me with a glare. “You’re going right to sleep in your own bed and running in the morning, you say?”
I pause a moment and then nod as I realize what she’s saying. “Yeah, I’m going right to bed and then I’ll probably go run early in the morning with Andrew because he has to lift with Brendan later.”
She nods curtly. “All right then. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I reply as I close my door and then open it right back up again so it doesn’t look weird when I’m gone tomorrow, supposedly on a run.
I immediately rush over to grab running clothes and shoes from my dresser and closet, even making sure I grab my watch off my nightstand before opening my bedroom window again.
Andrew welcomes me into his arms, immediately cuddling me up, and then lifts me off the ground after I quietly shut my window behind me. He struts back to the Martin mansion very casually as if he isn’t carrying around a one hundred twenty-pound weight.
When he swings open the front door, he sets me down but immediately wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a fierce kiss.
What has gotten into him? He’s usually so patient and tender, but now it’s like he can’t get enough of me. I pull back and tease, “I thought you said I was coming over here to sleep?”
He immediately takes a step back, and I can see how flustered he is, conflicted between desire and concern. “You’re right. I said that, and I meant it. You know I would never pressure you into anything, Em. I’m in this relationship for you and everything that comes with you. We don’t need to rush anything. I like the way things are going.” He pulls me in for another kiss but quickly pulls back again.
It”s funny how a man saying he will wait for you somehow makes you not want to wait. I follow him down to his bedroom as if my heart isn’t pounding from that kiss and my body isn’t buzzing with the same desire I saw in his eyes a moment ago.
He laces our hands together as we mosey down the steps, descending into the basement. Instead of heading straight for his bedroom, he stops at the linen closet.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, despite the fact we are the only two people in the entire house.
He turns around, holding a pillow and an extra blanket. “I wanted to make sure you were comfy.”
My heart swells at the extra thought he put into this. I just expected to crawl into bed with him, curl up in his arms, and that would be that.
He flips on his bedroom light and flicks off the light in the hallway, stopping to look at me for a moment. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern filling his face.
“Yes, of course. I don’t want to be anywhere else right now.”
He puts a hand on each of my shoulders, looking me square in the face. “You look flushed.”
I’m sure that only makes more color scatter across my pink cheeks. “That’s because of you.”
His brow furrows. “What did I do? Did I do something wrong?”
I hold one hand up to cup his face, softly moving my thumb back and forth across his cheek. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Andrew. You have been so sweet and thoughtful, the perfect gentleman.” I hesitate before I carefully phrase my next sentence. “Maybe, for tonight, it’d be okay for you not to be.”
He frowns, looking confused. I look up at him through my lashes, and something on my face must finally register with him because the look in his eyes turns animal.
He sweeps me off the ground and lays me on the bed, still gentle Andrew, and it’s the perfect end to an already perfect day.