Chapter 4 #2
My brain went back over all the looks of disdain Cliff Herbaugh had given me over the years.
The amount of times I had heard him muttering about how Lucinda could do better.
How he made sure I felt uncomfortable in my own home—and his.
His disappointment, all those years ago, when I told him I didn’t want to study law anymore.
That I didn’t want to go into practice with him.
That I planned to become a math teacher instead.
Did he really want me out of Lucinda’s life that much? And if so, why make sure no one looked my way all those years ago, only to throw me under the bus now?
Is that why he was leaving me here to deal with this on my own? I had never missed my father-in-law’s domineering presence more.
Family was everything to Cliff Herbaugh, second only to his pride. He had done a lot of things that would be classified as morally, and ethically, questionable to protect me—and Lucinda. Was he now regretting those choices?
Chief Young abruptly turned to the detective. “Can you go check to see if Glynn’s here yet? And who knows, maybe Cliff decided to show up too.” He gave me another broad smile. “We’ll find out where they both are so we can get you back home to that beautiful family of yours as quickly as possible.”
“Th … thank you, I appreciate that,” I said, feeling worse with each passing minute.
Detective Wright stood up and left the room. We were quiet until the door shut, and then the chief reclined back in his chair.
“Sorry about Wright. He’s not much of a talker and can be a bit of a stick in the ass.
But you know what chain of command is like.
It’s all ‘yes, sirs’ and ‘no, sirs.’ I tell you, I’m getting too old for this shit.
Being called ‘sir’ makes me feel like I have one foot in the grave.
” He chuckled, holding my gaze until I laughed along with him, though I didn’t find much of this funny.
“Come on, Rhett, that’s the part where you’re supposed to tell me I’m still young. ”
His features were relaxed, and I felt myself calm down a little. The chief had an easy way about him that invited confidences. It’s why he was so good at his job. I knew I should probably remember that, but I was desperate for someone to have my back.
“Sorry,” I remarked sheepishly, “like I said, it’s been a long night.”
The chief nodded. “I hear that. I’d rather be tucked up in bed listening to Tanya’s snoring than having a late night chat with you. No offense.” There was a pause before he changed the subject completely, and I felt off balance at the abrupt turn. “So, you’re a math teacher, right?”
“Uh, yes, at Fern River High. Not the dream job for most people, but I love it.” I took a slow breath, forcing myself to settle. My heart had been racing for hours and the adrenaline was starting to wear off, leaving me exhausted. Which could be dangerous if I didn’t watch what I was saying.
“Wow, I tip my hat to you,” the chief praised. “There’s no way I could teach high school kids. The things we see at the parties we bust up—crazy stuff, my friend.”
“I bet.” I laughed.
“It feels like kids sometimes get in over their heads through no fault of their own, am I right?” His eyes hardened slightly. “Even good kids make mistakes, Rhett.” There was a long, loaded pause. What was he getting at?
“So, let me get this straight, you and Lucinda started dating in high school, right? What made you decide to get married when you were still wet behind the ears?”
Was I supposed to defend our decision to get married young? We had been together for years. Why was this important now? I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.
“I suppose you two were simply madly in love,” he went on.
“It couldn’t have been a secret pregnancy you wanted to keep hush-hush.
” He considered me closely. “Or maybe it has to do with marital privilege in a courtroom. Because I’m sure Cliff told you two all about that.
” He chuckled when he saw my expression.
Now him asking about our wedding made sense.
“You look like you’re going to pass out there, Rhett. I was only joking.”
The chief was talking quickly, his words melting into one long sentence.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to reply; I was supposed to listen and keep quiet.
I needed to wait for my lawyer. When I didn’t respond, Chief Young continued, filling the silence.
“Let me tell you, I’ve known Cliff Herbaugh a long time, and the day he told me his little girl was getting married at only nineteen was the day he got his first gray hair! ”
Without warning, he let out another booming laugh that seemed far too loud for such a small room. I cringed at both his laughter and the memory of my father-in-law’s face the day I asked him for Lucinda’s hand in marriage.
I swallowed, my throat dry. “Lucinda always knew what she wanted, so there didn’t seem much point in waiting.
She hadn’t wanted to wait, and neither did I.
” It was a romanticized version of how it had really happened.
A rushed ceremony instead of the wedding of the year we had been planning for months.
A quick job to silence all the talk. Because in the end, I owed Lucinda my commitment. In fact, she had demanded it.
And yes, Chief Young was right. Cliff had drilled it into our heads that married couples couldn’t be compelled to testify against each other.
“I can imagine. The Herbaughs are an intimidating family, to say the least, am I right?” The chief picked up his cup and took a sip of what I could only imagine was now cold coffee. “You always knew Lucinda was the one for you, though, huh?”
“Yes, sir.” I stared at the table in front of me and felt my shoulders slump. The lights in the room were too bright, and the spot behind my eyes began to throb.
“I can respect that. You get in with a family like the Herbaughs, you’re set for life, right?”
“Right,” I agreed before looking up sharply. “No, it wasn’t like that.”
Chief Young held up his hands in surrender. “It’s okay, I get it. You loved her—Lucinda that is, right?”
“I did—I do!”
“You were only in a hurry to start your lives together, which is why you had the quickie wedding.”
I nodded furiously, the movement making my brain feel like it was rattling inside my skull.
“You would never hurt Cliff’s little girl—”
“Of course not!”
“You would never do anything to ruin the good thing you had going, and you’d do whatever necessary to keep it—”
“Absolutely!” Then I realized how that might sound. “Wait, that’s not what I meant—”
He was confusing me. I couldn’t even remember the question he had asked. Why did it sound like he was accusing me of something? And while it held some truth, not all of it was accurate. I did love Lucinda. Lord knows I had worked hard to convince myself of that.
Maybe some would say she had trapped me.
But I had wanted the life she offered, hadn’t I?
Even when our mutual fantasy of having a large family of our own was shattered when it took so long to conceive McKenzie.
I stayed during all those childless years because I believed it was what I deserved.
Almost as if our dreams dying, one at a time, was some sort of cosmic karma.
Yet, after that night, I had to admit, I had been scared. I knew better than to go against her and what she wanted.
“Of course, I get it. She was young and beautiful, her family is powerful, nothing could compare to that.”
I stared at him helplessly, not sure how to answer without making it sound worse. The Herbaugh family was powerful and they could, and did, do so much for me and my mom, but that wasn’t the whole story.
It wasn’t our story.
Lucinda’s and mine.
Our story was thick with plot twists and side characters. It was never black and white—before or after Jenn came into our lives.
I had been surprised the first time Lucinda spoke to me.
I had admired her from afar, never daring to approach her.
When she became my girlfriend, I felt like I had won the lottery.
I never really knew why she chose me out of all the boys who would have crawled over broken glass to be by her side, but I had counted myself more than lucky.
But I could admit now that I was forever searching for the high I had felt when she approached me that day in the Fern River High School hallway. The way my heart pounded and my veins fizzled at her nearness. The excitement of having something everyone else wanted.
I was always looking for the endorphin rush I only received when a pretty girl gave me her attention.
Unfortunately, our marriage had extinguished the flame instead of nurturing it.
“Long hair, tan skin, free to come and go as she pleased. Seemed like the kind of woman who took direction from the man in her life. Hard to say no to that, right?”
I nodded, and then shook my head, feeling my brow furrow. Who was he talking about? Lucinda could be described as many things, but she never took direction from anyone, let alone a man.
“You still love her?” he asked suddenly.
“Who?” I croaked.
Chief Young narrowed his eyes, like I was a fish flopping on the end of a hook. “Lucinda, of course. Your wife. Who else would I be talking about?”
I felt like I had messed up somehow. I scrambled to find my footing again.
“Of course.” My voice sounded raspy.
“Even after all this time? It doesn’t get stale? I know me and the missus needed to shake things up after a while, and we haven’t been together since high school like you two.”
I felt my back stiffen at the implication. “No, it’s not stale.”