Chapter 14
CHAPTER
Jenn
The Past
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE able to keep up with me,” Rhett exclaimed, a little out of breath.
“As a kid, I spent as much time as I could outdoors,” I told him.
What I didn’t tell him was that I stayed outside because it was a lot better than what waited for me inside. But Rhett didn’t need to hear all that awful stuff. I didn’t want to burden him with my problems. They were my issues to deal with.
Rhett, however, must have noticed the way my grin faltered. “What’s wrong?” I had come to realize he was incredibly observant. He picked up on all the things I thought I hid so well.
I liked the way he watched me closely and how protective he seemed. Even though I thought I was being Miss Independent by striking out on my own, I had underestimated how much I’d miss someone looking out for me, even if it had been stifling.
This was the first time I had made decisions for myself, and old habits had me turning to this sweet, level-headed man I had only just met. I craved his regard and his attention in a way that should have made me scared, but instead made me feel safe.
I wiped the sweat from my brow and took the bottle of water he held out for me.
“It’s okay, you can tell me, Jenn. You can trust me, remember?”
“My family.” I stopped, took a deep breath, then continued with the ugly truth.
“My home was practically a prison. I wasn’t allowed to do anything they didn’t monitor.
That bowling league I told you about?” Rhett nodded.
“That was the highlight of my childhood. But I was only allowed to go as long as one of them was with me. And then I met someone. And when they found out, they stopped me from going there too. I wasn’t safe there. ”
“God, that’s awful.” He put his hand on my arm and squeezed. “It sounds like you’ve been through a lot.” His eyes were warm.
I turned to face him. We were so close I could smell the mint of his gum. “Tell me about your family,” I urged.
Rhett gazed off into the distance, his expression clouding over slightly.
“Not much to say, really. Growing up, my mom tried her best, I suppose. But she wasn’t really around.
I practically raised myself. The good thing was she was always too busy working to be a strict parent.
” He was trying to sound blasé, yet I could hear the slight tremor as he spoke about his mother.
“What about your dad?” I asked, my voice gentle.
“He left when I was little—just upped and walked out on us. It’s been me and my mom ever since. She always made sure I knew I was loved, but it was hard without a dad.” His face became tender as he spoke, even if there seemed to be anger below the surface.
My eyes welled up, and I hastily wiped away my tears. “Your mom sounds nice. And for the record, I think dads are overrated.” I gave him a weak smile that fell away quickly. “Mine is a hard man—all the men in my family are the same. I’m not even sure he loves me.”
Rhett reached out and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Jenn, I’m so sorry.” And he didn’t let go. His thumb traced slow, even circles on my palm, making me shiver in the hot sun. I appreciated that he didn’t ask for more details.
“It’s okay. I got out, because here I am,” I said, forcing the smile back.
“Here you are,” he repeated softly, his eyes staring into mine and not letting go.
Together we turned to look out over the valley. It was breathtaking. “Wow,” I let out with a sigh. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Yeah,” Rhett agreed, but I felt his eyes on the side of my face and knew he wasn’t looking at the view anymore. He was looking at me.
I had been thinking about our kiss constantly.
I’d replayed it over and over in my head as I fell asleep.
Even now, I could remember the feel of his lips and the way his tongue had invaded my mouth.
Rhett wasn’t my first kiss. Even with my strict upbringing, I was able to sneak a make-out session or two.
But my family had always found out, and it never ended well for me.
The kiss with Rhett was different because it was the first since I had broken free. Because of that, it was a thousand times better than any kiss I’d ever had before. And I wanted to do it again.
I wanted to do a lot more, too, which shocked me. I was a good girl. A chaste girl. But Rhett had me thinking not so chaste thoughts.
Feeling my face flush, I took another drink of water and sat down on the rock, stretching my legs out in front of me. He sank down beside me, sitting close. We had established an intimate rapport in such a short time.
“These hikes have become the highlight of my week,” he said, pulling some protein bars out of his backpack and handing one to me. “Well, that and the late-night texts.” He bumped me playfully with his shoulder.
“Me too. Though you are having an effect on my sleep,” I teased.
His lips quirked mischievously. “I hope it’s worth it.”
I swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous. “More than you know,” I whispered. The tension between us practically sizzled. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could live with the anticipation that seemed to be building. We had crossed one line. How much longer until we crossed another?
I had planned to have moved on by now, but I was finding it hard to say goodbye to Fern River. And I knew it had everything to do with Rhett.
I needed to start thinking seriously about my next steps.
Money was getting tight, and I would have to find work soon.
My stolen savings had gotten me pretty far, but they wouldn’t last forever.
If I stayed, that would mean putting down some roots, and remaining in one place had never really been an option. It couldn’t be.
I knew I had to keep running because the feeling of being followed never left me. I was looking over my shoulder constantly.
Yet, here I was considering the impossible—I was thinking about staying.
The foolishness of the impulse was warring against my better sense.
Because on more than one occasion, I thought I had seen him on the street, in a parked car, in a crowd at the grocery store.
Watching me … He was always watching me.
Yet I dismissed it as paranoia. There was no way he was here. I was being ridiculous.
But the fear was still there, thrumming below my skin. Spending time with Rhett was the only time I didn’t feel hyper-alert. I relished not having to check every shadow and watch my every move. I knew whatever happened, if Rhett was there, he would take care of me.
“Do you want to go bowling with me this Friday? Jeremy told me it’s ladies’ night. Women bowl for free,” I said.
I held my breath and waited for his answer. I had posed this question several times before, and he always turned me down. Because as much time as we were spending together, as much as we messaged and talked on the phone, I felt like he still kept me at a distance.
“Oh, um, I’m not sure.” Rhett looked away, shoving the rest of the protein bar into his mouth.
My shoulders sagged. “If you don’t want to go bowling, maybe we could do something else. Jeremy said he’s throwing a field party on Saturday for the fourth; maybe we could go together. I’d like to meet some new people,” I suggested a little desperately.
He still wouldn’t look at me. “I don’t know. Jeremy’s parties can get pretty wild. Plus, I don’t think you’d like those people.”
“Oh. Okay, if you say so,” I replied hurriedly, feeling silly and hurt.
Finally Rhett turned toward me and must have seen my disappointment. “How about we pack a picnic and come up here instead? Just the two of us. There’s meant to be a meteor shower this weekend. It’ll be a lot more fun than getting drunk in a field.”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” I couldn’t help but sound a little defeated. It felt like it wasn’t simply the party he was avoiding, but going to the party with me. I didn’t bother to ask why. I had learned that pushing for answers to some questions caused Rhett to close up on me entirely.
He could be cold and withholding when he got mad.
His silence was worse than a raised voice.
Though, I saw how hard it was for him to maintain control of his emotions.
Part of me was scared of what would happen should he ever lose it.
At least his anger never lasted long and he was always apologetic—eventually.
He was different from my father, who never said “sorry” for anything he did.
Yet, there was a similarity, too, that I didn’t want to focus on either.
Rhett scooted closer and put his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. “I love spending time with you, Jenn. I don’t have to think about the exams I probably failed or the degree I hate.”
I laid my head on his shoulder. “If you hate pre-law so much, maybe you should drop it.”
I felt his whole body tense. “I’ve told you, you can’t just tell me to change my major when you have no clue what that would mean for me.” He pulled away. I felt the ice form between us immediately. “I have enough people telling me what to do without you adding your voice to the damn choir.”
“I’m not trying to tell you what to do—”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing,” he spat out. I flinched at his reaction.
With trembling fingers, I reached up and turned his face toward me. “I’m not trying to upset you, Rhett, but take it from me, life is too short to be doing something you hate.”
Rhett frowned, his expression conflicted, but then he smiled, revealing that dimple I was coming to love so much. He cradled my face between his palms. “I’m sorry I shouted at you. I know you’re only trying to help.” He kissed my temple. Then my lips. “How did you get so smart at only eighteen?”
I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a genius.” We both laughed, the tension beginning to ease. “I remember you saying you wanted to be a teacher.” I took his hands in mine, holding them tight. “So, why can’t you do that instead?”
He seemed to consider my words. “I wish it was that easy.” He didn’t sound convinced.
I shrugged. “Nothing worth doing is ever easy, Rhett,” I said. I knew I should shut up and stop pushing him. I had been conditioned to do as I was told my whole life. But for once, I wanted to speak up.
“Maybe I could be a teacher,” he said. “No, I’m going to be a teacher.” He grinned, his face bright.
“You’ll be a wonderful one,” I stated emphatically. I believed it too. He’d be amazing at whatever he wanted to do.
Something flickered in his eyes, and then he kissed me again.
And like before, it was one of those movie kisses where the whole world seemed to stop. The sun came out and the birds began to sing all together.
Our arms wrapped around each other as the kiss deepened. I climbed onto his lap, straddling him, and he began to kiss a trail from my mouth to my collarbone.
I felt his hands drift up my shirt. I shuddered and thought briefly about stopping him. I had never let a man touch me like this. I had been raised that you saved this sort of thing for marriage. But I didn’t want to stop Rhett.
So I didn’t.
His mouth became insistent. His hands roamed over my body like it was his to claim. He unzipped my pants and his fingers slipped inside. My body was on fire, but my brain was shouting at me that this was wrong. That I needed to stop and think about what I was doing.
The next thing I knew, Rhett had me on my back and was on top of me, prying my legs apart so he could position himself between them, pebbles digging painfully into my skin.
My shirt had somehow ended up on the ground beside me and I felt the warm air brush my bare skin as he made quick work of removing the rest of my clothes.
I loved kissing him. I really did. But I couldn’t silence the voice of my father in my head berating me. Calling me a slut. An embarrassment.
Just as Rhett started to take off his own shorts, I slithered out from underneath him and gathered my discarded clothes to my naked chest.
“I’m sorry, Rhett, I can’t do this.”
“What? Why?” he demanded roughly.
Was he angry?
I peeked at him through my hair to find him struggling to get his breathing under control.
He grabbed his shirt and yanked it back over his head before turning to me with narrowed eyes.
“I thought you wanted to. You sure acted like you did.” He looked away from me, as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me.
“Should’ve known you were a tease,” he muttered under his breath but loud enough for me to hear.
“I’m not!” I exclaimed, feeling a fresh wave of mortification. “But I’ve never done this before. And I’m scared.”
Rhett’s expression changed instantly. Then he gathered me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. “You don’t have to be scared with me, Jenn. Not ever.” He ran his hands through my hair. “I’ll be gentle. I promise.”
Long moments passed between us with him stroking my hair and kissing me. In between kisses he whispered that he would look after me. That it wouldn’t hurt. That it would be special. I was lost in his words, and the feel of his lips on mine.
I didn’t want to disappoint him.
I was starting to love him and I wanted, more than anything, to be with him. The quiet was finally broken by an alert on his phone. He moved away from me and pulled it out of his pocket. His face darkened, and he jumped to his feet with a near frantic energy.
“I didn’t realize it was so late. I have to get back.”
Then, as if only just remembering I was there, he held out a hand and pulled me to my feet.
I quickly put my shirt and shorts back on with shaky hands. “You’re always in a rush,” I teased, though there was a hint of reproach too. How could he leave me so quickly after what we had almost done? Maybe he was angry, after all.
Rhett looked annoyed. “I told you, Jenn, I have a lot on my plate right now. I thought you understood that.” He began to head toward the gravel path that led to his car, leaving me behind.
“I do!” I jogged to catch up with him and reached for his arm. “I just hate that we keep having to cut our time together short.”
Rhett relaxed marginally and pulled me into his arms again. He buried his nose in my hair. “I know, Jenn. I’m sorry.” I melted into him and lifted my face so he could kiss me once more. But all too soon he moved away from me again. “Come on.”
He led me back to the car, where we would go our separate ways, without saying anything else.
He held my hand the entire time, though, and I let myself be happy about that. A thousand thoughts went through my mind, but the most prominent one was how glad I was that I came to Fern River.
Because this town was going to change my life forever.