Chapter 17
CHAPTER
Rhett
The Past
“I’M NOT GOING to Jeremy’s party. I don’t feel like taking care of you while you get wasted and end up vomiting in a field,” Lucy said.
She was sitting in front of her vanity applying lip gloss.
“I don’t know why you still go to those things.
You always get sick and have a hangover for two days afterward. Doesn’t seem worth it.”
I was irritated that, once again, she was judging how I chose to spend my time.
She never seemed able to relax or want to be around my friends.
I used to never want her to be the kind of girlfriend Alison Schaffer was, someone who liked to hang out and drink with the guys.
Because that wasn’t Lucy and she never tried to change, which now bothered me.
I began to notice the things I once found endearing about Lucy were now obnoxious. The way she always seemed to think she knew what was best for me. The way only she could initiate anything intimate between us. The way she was so singularly focused on the wedding and nothing else. It was annoying.
Lucy’s interests were her own, which was a startling contrast to Jenn, who was more interested in what I liked.
“Fine. Well, I’m going,” I bit out.
She stared at me in the mirror, examining me like I was on the witness stand in her father’s courtroom.
Lately I found it harder and harder to have a conversation with her. As my heart drifted away from her, I became less interested in anything she had to say, anyway.
She shrugged, but I could see the hurt that was always in her eyes these days. “Go, then. I don’t care.”
I knew she wanted me to say I’d stay.
But she wasn’t the one I wanted to spend my evening with.
I felt my phone vibrate against my leg. I knew it would be Jenn without even looking. She was always there when I needed her, as if she could somehow sense when I was upset, or angry, or anxious. Marty said that’s how a woman should be—wanting and waiting. He was right.
I hated that Lucy made me feel less than a man. I didn’t want a woman who didn’t need me. I knew that if I wasn’t in the picture, Lucy Herbaugh would be just fine.
That bothered me—a lot.
“I’ve got to go,” I said, turning from Lucy. Her disappointed anger irritated me.
She stood up and walked toward me. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but I hope you get it out of your system before the wedding.” She brushed past me, storming from the room, leaving me annoyed and tired.
My phone vibrated in my pocket again and I pulled it out, smiling automatically.
Jenn: Hey, are we still on for the meteor shower? I’m missing you.:-*
I looked to the bedroom door and knew I needed to make a choice. Follow my fiancée or follow my heart? When did those become different things?
Me: Absolutely. I’m missing you too.
Lucy’s words echoed in my head. “I hope you get it out of your system before the wedding.”
I was getting married soon.
Jesus, what was wrong with me?
Lucy held my life in her hand.
“And your balls in the other,” Marty would say.
I knew now that I didn’t want to get married.
I didn’t even want to stay in Fern River.
Yet I wasn’t ready to entirely give up on the idea of a future with Lucy, even if I was getting closer and closer to going razed earth on the entire plan.
And if we didn’t work out … I would still have Jenn. I knew she’d always wait for me.
Jenn: I can head up now if you’re not doing anything. I know you’re probably busy. No pressure. I can wait until later.
How did Jenn get it so easily when Lucy didn’t? She understood that I had a life. That I had commitments.
I wondered what it would be like if Jenn was my commitment and not Lucy.
Me: I can make time for you.:-D
Jenn: <3
Me: I’m on my way.
Jenn: Heading there now!
I looked at Lucy’s jewelry box on her vanity, knowing that my class ring was inside. I had given it to her when we were juniors, and all she had done was put it away in a box.
Glancing over my shoulder, I opened the box and rummaged around until I found the ring I had saved up four whole paychecks from my part-time job at the movie theater to pay for. And here it was, discarded underneath Lucy’s pageant costume jewelry.
It pissed me off.
I snatched it up, shoved it in my pocket, and then in a burst of rage, I emptied the contents on the floor. Let her pick it up. Then I hurried out of Lucy’s room before she saw me.
I drove to Jagged Point, eager to see Jenn. I felt things for Jenn, more than I should for a woman who wasn’t my fiancée.
My mom would be ashamed of me if she knew. She’d say I was just like my dad.
And maybe I was.
But then, what did my mom’s opinion really matter? Ever since Marty had suggested I think about what she had done to drive my dad away, it had lingered in the back of my mind like a bad taste.
I looked at her differently and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn’t only Lucy holding me back.
My plans for my future were as much about my mother as they were about Lucy and her father.
Why couldn’t Mom be the adult for once and provide for herself?
Why did she need me to have a better life?
It didn’t seem fair when all I wanted was to simply worry about myself.
Maybe it was in my DNA to not want to be tied down. To not have my life dictated by a woman. That was what Marty had said so many times now. That men were the gods of their own universe.
I turned the corner, the gravel crunching underfoot, and saw that Jenn was already there waiting for me. She was always waiting for me. Always ready when I needed her. I smiled my first genuine smile of the day.
“Hey, you,” she said as I drew closer. I reached for her and pulled her close, breathing her in.
“I brought some snacks. And I found a pair of binoculars at the B&B. I’ve never seen a meteor shower before.” She sounded excited. But I didn’t care about the meteor shower. I knew what I needed, and it wasn’t to look at the sky.
I held her face between my hands and pressed my mouth to hers, kissing her, softly at first, then roughly as the urgency and desire took over.
“I’ve needed to see you all day,” I said between kisses, my hands running up and down her back.
She laughed, trying to pull away. “Come on, let’s get ready. I don’t want to miss it—”
I grabbed her and wrapped my arms around her, covering her mouth with mine so she couldn’t say anything else. She made a noise in the back of her throat that sounded like a gasp. I felt starved for affection. Starved for Jenn. I needed her now more than I had ever needed anyone in my life.
I pulled her down to the ground with me, feeling her hesitance but knowing that with me, Jenn would be okay.
I would look after her.
I would take care of her.
I would provide for her.
God, that was a rush.
I lay Jenn down, my hands fumbling with the buttons of her shirt. She gasped as I palmed her breast a little too roughly. I felt her stiffen and vaguely noticed she wasn’t kissing me back.
“Rhett, can we please wait?” There was a hitch in her voice, but I was too far gone.
I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, wanting to feel my skin against hers. Her hands were by her sides as I kissed her stomach, undoing her jeans and sliding them down her legs.
“Rhett, I’m not sure about this,” she said, but when I looked into her eyes, I could tell she didn’t mean it.
She wanted this as much as I did. It’s why she had been meeting me up here for weeks, all alone, and wearing those tiny little shorts that drove me wild. She knew what she was doing.
She wanted to, even if she was too scared to admit it.
“Shh, you’ll enjoy it. I promise,” I murmured as I positioned myself on top of her, unbuttoning my shorts and kicking them away as I stared down into her beautiful face.
She was biting her lip and wouldn’t quite meet my eyes. I grabbed her chin and held her in place. I wouldn’t let her look away from me. Not now. “Do you trust me?” She nodded, her mouth quivering slightly. I knew she was as eager for this as I was. “I’ll look after you, Jenn.”
I kissed her again, pushing her legs apart with my knee, not caring about the rocks scraping her skin as I pressed her into the ground. Heat rolled off me, desire thrumming through my veins like I’d never felt before.
“Rhett,” she said my name again, her eyes fluttering closed. A tear slid out from beneath her lashes and I kissed it away.
“Please,” she let out in a ragged whisper, and I smiled with satisfaction.
“You belong to me, Jenn. Always,” I said, knowing that this moment would define my life.
Jenn had been quiet since we got back to the car. I wondered shamefully if we should have waited. I had thought she wanted it as much as I did, but looking at her now, I was second-guessing myself, which ignited my guilty anger.
“Are you okay?” I asked, sounding short. She nodded.
Her shirt was torn from the rough gravel. I stroked her shoulder and she shivered, almost as if she didn’t want me to touch her.
I didn’t like that. And I didn’t like that she wouldn’t look me in the eye. What the hell was wrong with her?
I forced myself to calm down. It wasn’t really her I was annoyed with.
“I have something for you.” I was glad when she finally turned her face toward mine.
Her cheeks were still flushed, her long hair full of twigs. I pulled them out, chuckling as they snagged. She winced and pulled away to take care of it herself.
Before I pulled out onto the road, I fished my class ring from my pocket and held it out to her.
“Jennifer Moore, will you wear my class ring?”
Her eyes lit up, the spark returning to them. “Oh my God, really?” Her mood changed entirely.
I nodded and slid it onto her finger. We both laughed at how big it was on her.
“Wait, let me …” She reached around her neck and unhooked her necklace. She slipped my ring on the slim gold chain. She pulled down the visor to admire the ring nestled in the hollow of her throat in the mirror.