Chapter 22
CHAPTER
Rhett
The Past
“I’M SORRY …”
Her voice infuriated me.
“Jenn, I’m sorry it all turned out like this.
I only wanted you to hear me out. Let me tell my side of the story—” I started to say.
The tension in my shoulders was giving me a headache, and for the first time in days I wished I was sober.
It had been easier to drink and smoke and try to forget the wreckage my life had become.
But seeing her while I was in this state was dangerous. My emotions were all over the place, the most dominant being rage. But I had to play this right. I couldn’t show my hand right away.
Marty snickered in the back seat, and my lip curled in annoyance.
“Is there really another side that matters?” She sounded angry, which surprised me. She never voiced an opinion contrary to mine. It’s why I loved her. Her bitter reply made our situation crystal-clear.
It was too late.
Things had gone too far.
I had lost control, and I didn’t know how to get it back.
I could see that she wasn’t looking at or listening to me. I drove faster, my attention not on the speedometer, but on the turmoil brewing between us.
“Of course it matters!” I shouted, startling us both.
Marty continued to laugh, and I glared at him in the rearview mirror. He wasn’t helping the situation—I could see she wasn’t happy about him being here.
No, she seemed scared.
“Can you shut the fuck up, Marty? Jesus, man! Read the room,” I snapped, wishing I could leave his ass on the side of the road. Then I might have half a chance of getting her to hear me out.
“Maybe you should shut the fuck up, buddy,” Marty retorted, with an edge that was becoming familiar. Jenn flinched when he spoke, and I placed my hand on her knee.
“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about him. Listen, we’ll go to our special place and talk. You’ll see this is all a big mistake,” I tried to reason with her.
I couldn’t stop myself from looking at her, even though my eyes should have been on the road. It had been over a week since I’d held her. I craved her like an addict needing a fix.
“Rhett, I told you, I’m leaving—”
I slammed my hand on the steering wheel, and the car swerved erratically. I overcorrected, the gravel spinning beneath the wheels. “And I told you, we’re going to Jagged Point and you’re going to listen to me. You owe me that much.”
I heard a can crack open in the back of the car and the distinct sound of Marty drinking. He leaned forward and offered me a beer. I knew I should refuse. Getting busted for a DUI was the last thing I needed.
“Should you be drinking and driving?” Jenn asked, her voice small.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I was already three sheets to the wind and driving like a maniac. I could tell I was making Jenn nervous. I knew she wanted to get out.
But why was this all about her?
What about me, and my feelings?
I grabbed the can Marty held out and chugged it. She started crying.
No one spoke for the rest of the car ride. The only sound was Jenn’s soft sobs, which I found strangely comforting. Because if she was crying, then she still cared, right?
And if she still cared, then there was still a chance.
On some level I knew I wasn’t making sense. But the booze and the weed were making me irrational. And the prospect of losing not only Lucinda, but Jenn, too, had me close to losing my sanity completely.
What had been the point of any of this if I didn’t end up with either woman? No future, no girlfriend, only the disappointment on my mom’s face when she saw how much I’d screwed up. I was sick and tired of everyone’s goddamn disappointment.
I pulled off the road at Jagged Point, not caring if my car was in a ditch.
All that mattered was getting Jenn to the overlook.
Then she would remember how good we were together.
And she would remember how amazing it had felt when we’d finally had sex.
It had been special, and more intimate than anytime I had been with Lucinda.
Maybe because Jenn had been so nervous about it.
I pulled the keys from the ignition and got out, then walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for Jenn. Marty had already gotten out, plastic bag of beers in hand, and was walking up the path that led to the cliffs.
“Jenn, come on.” My patience was holding on by a thread.
She stared out the window, refusing to look at me. Her seatbelt was still buckled, and her hands were clasped tightly in her lap, knuckles white.
“Get out of the car, Jenn, please. We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say, Rhett. I’m leaving. Without you.”
I slammed my hand on the roof of the car. Marty stopped and looked back, a grin on his face.
“Watch it, Rhett, otherwise we might think you’ve grown a pair,” he called out, his insulting humor full of barbs.
I ignored him and crouched down by the side of the car. “Jenn, I won’t ask you again. I want you to come with me, and I want you to listen to what I have to say. I’ve blown up my fucking life for you. The least you can do is hear me out.”
When she still didn’t move, I reached in and grabbed her arm. “Unbuckle the seatbelt, now.”
With shaking hands, she did as I asked, then I dragged her out of the car, my fingers digging into her skin.
I barely registered the look of fear on her face. All I was thinking was that I could fix this.
Then tomorrow we could leave town, together.
I would be a teacher and she could maybe go to school, or get a job.
We’d have kids and a dog and we wouldn’t be rich, but we’d be together. And my mom would understand because I was happy. And if she didn’t, who cared.
“Jenn, move!” I barked, giving her arm a little shake.
She seemed scared and I wanted to tell her that she had nothing to fear from me, but I knew how crazy I sounded.
Because I was crazy.
I was madly, dangerously, obsessively in love, and I was willing to do anything to keep her. To stop her from leaving.
I took her hand and we walked to the overlook together. I held onto her tightly, terrified she’d slip away. Her footsteps were slow in the dwindling heat of the day. We didn’t speak, and that was okay, because I would say everything to her once we got there. And then she would forgive me.
Marty was up ahead, and by the time Jenn and I made it to the cliffs, he had opened another beer and was guzzling it while sitting on the trunk of a fallen tree. He watched us closely as we approached. There was something unnerving about the way he followed Jenn’s every movement.
Her gaze flitted to him anxiously, and then back to her feet. I wanted to know what was going on between them. Did she know him? Because she seemed like she did. Jealousy engulfed me. There was an awareness between them that I could only imagine coming from romantic intimacy.
I thought she had been a virgin. Was I wrong? The thought of her being with anyone else made me want to kill someone.
A summer storm was coming in. The air felt heavy and charged, damp and clinging.
I was annoyed that Jenn still hadn’t looked at me. I grabbed both her hands, holding her in place.
“Jenn, I love you, and I want to be with you,” I began.
“Rhett—”
“Just hear me out,” I shouted, because I could hear the rejection in her voice and that enraged me. “God, you act like you’re so high and mighty, like I’m some bad guy, but I’m not. You know me. You know my heart, and you know how much I love you. I showed you right here how much.”
I pointed to the ground where I had made love to her, and she began to cry again. Her face crumpled as the tears flowed freely.
This was going all wrong.
“I’m leaving Lucinda. It’s you I want. It’s you I see a future with. You understand me like no other woman ever has. I want us to leave Fern River … together.”
Jenn finally met my gaze. “Rhett, I’m sorry, but no,” she said, her words barely a whisper.
“Yes, we will!” I hollered, grabbing her arm again, ignoring how she winced in pain.
What did she mean, no? She couldn’t say that. She loved me, and I loved her. Was she trying to punish me or something? Was this her way of making me pay for lying to her? Or did she just need me to show her how much I loved her again?
I pulled her toward me and pressed my mouth to hers. I tasted her tears, and I swallowed her refusal.
I could hear Marty’s horrible laughter and knew he was mocking me. It was humiliating. Jenn pushed against me, trying to free herself.
What did she think I was going to do? Force myself on her or something?
All I wanted to do was kiss her. Jenn beat at my chest, whimpering.
I pulled back, breaking the kiss. I could hardly think through my rage.
I shook her. Her hair flew wildly, covering her tear stained face as I tried to get some sense into her.
“Goddamn it, Jenn, stop it, you’re being ridiculous!” I yelled. “What is wrong with you? I know I lied, but I was trying to decide what to do. Can’t you see that? But I’ve chosen you. Why aren’t you happy about that? Why aren’t you even a little bit grateful?”
What was wrong with the women in my life?
Was I cursed to attract thankless, selfish women?
“Women never are.” Marty snickered from the shadows. I had almost forgotten he was there. “They’re all the same.”
“Shut up, Marty!” Jenn shouted.
Her yell shocked me into letting her go. Her sudden anger seemed to surprise all of us.
Marty skulked toward her. “Don’t talk to me like that, Jennifer. You know better.” Jenn shrank from him as if bracing for a blow. I stared between the two of them as the pieces began to fall together.
“Why are you even here?” she cried, her fear overshadowing her rage.
“For you, of course,” Marty answered, and he wasn’t laughing anymore.
“So, you two do know each other,” I surmised, that ugly jealousy shredding my guts.
I was going to kill him.
Then her.
Where had those awful thoughts come from? I needed to get my head together.