Ten #3
‘Don’t worry about it.’ She gave him a smile and a little shoulder bump for assurance, which he appreciated. ‘For … various reasons, we decided the next logical step, at least back then anyway, was to get married. Ian was a great guy and would have made a great father.’
Would have … Lachlan didn’t miss the past tense.
She stared out into the night. ‘I was thirteen weeks at our quickie wedding. I lost the baby the following week.’
Lachlan didn’t know what to say. Would she want to hear an I’m sorry from him, or did she hate the triteness of it as much as he did? She hadn’t said it to him at any stage tonight. Not over his parents, or Gabby or Brit.
And he’d heard it so many times after his parents had died, it had become meaningless.
‘That’s late, right?’
‘Uh huh.’ She nodded. ‘Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester. About two per cent happen after week thirteen.’
Lachlan remembered after the condom incident that Rowena had mentioned having a lot of failed IVF, so she obviously had a complicated fertility history that she might not want to talk about. And that was also none of his business.
‘Was it a boy or a girl?’
She glanced at him for long moments before a tentative smile touched her lips. ‘You know … no one ever asks me that.’
Great. Just great. Good one, doofus.
‘I’m sorry. I … didn’t mean to pry.’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s fine.’ Looking at her hands, she said, ‘He was a boy. I called him Archie.’
Lachlan didn’t know what to say to that at all. Or even if he was supposed to. So he waited a beat or two before ploughing on. ‘That was … hard. On your marriage?’
‘Very.’ She nodded. ‘I don’t really think we stood a chance after that. I mean, we liked each other, but we were no love match. And I think, deep down, we were both secretly relieved about the baby.’
She stopped then, like she’d said too much, her gaze dropping to the ground. Did she think he’d judge her for that? Lachlan would have been absolutely bloody terrified at nineteen to become a father. Sure, he would have done the right thing, but it would never have been his choice.
Rowena would get no judgement from him.
‘Which made us both feel shitty and guilty.’ He watched her profile as she lifted her gaze, staring into the dark as if she was trying to locate the horizon. ‘We argued a lot until we both decided it wasn’t working and separated.’
‘Was that a relief, too?’
She gave a humourless half laugh. ‘Oh yes.’
‘Yeah. I get that.’
And then they didn’t say anything for a long time, just stood companionably at the railing alternating between staring at the stars and peering into the bush. The only sounds were the insects and Red, panting as he lay between them, his paws hanging over the edge of the deck.
Lachlan wanted to ask about her second marriage, but he figured this was the perfect opportunity for her to have continued her story and she’d chosen not to.
So that was that.
He didn’t know how long had passed before her sigh broke the silence, which, strangely enough, hadn’t been awkward. ‘It really is gorgeous out here. So peaceful.’
‘Yep.’ Even through the ever-present threats of drought, flood, fire and the volatility of the market, he never wanted to be anywhere else.
It had just taken leaving to know he wanted to stay.
Turning so that her elbows were resting on the railing behind her, she faced the bunkhouse. ‘Was your grandmother serious? About staying here?’
Lachlan inspected her profile, her expression contemplative. ‘Reggie never extends an invitation she doesn’t mean.’ Turning, he mimicked her stance. ‘Tempted?’
‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘I actually am. Would that be weird, though?’ She glanced at him, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. ‘You know … with us?’
Lachlan blinked. ‘Um … no?’
‘I mean … this wouldn’t be … I wouldn’t want you to think me coming out here was a signal to—’
‘Oh, god, no,’ he hastened to assure. ‘Of course not. I know what we had was a one-time thing. I mean it was—’ He grinned. ‘Great. But I absolutely know the deal.’
‘Good.’ She shot him a relieved smile. ‘My life has been a bit of a shit show lately and I just don’t need any of that stupid heart-fluttery stuff.’
‘Gotcha,’ Lachlan agreed even as his heart did a stupid fluttery thing.
But he couldn’t help it. Rowena Murray coming to live at Blairgowrie made him stupidly happy. He didn’t know why her life had been such a shit show. He did know that Blairgowrie was good for whatever ailed you.
God knew it had been his balm over many years.
‘I tell you what,’ Lachlan said as she returned her gaze to the bunkhouse. ‘Why don’t you stay the night here? You’ve got tomorrow off, right?’ She’d mentioned that during dinner. ‘You can get a feel for the place and make up your mind in the morning. Who knows, the quiet might drive you mad.’
She laughed but sobered quickly. ‘Would that be okay?’
‘Of course.’ Reggie would be ecstatic. ‘You can have Red for company, too, if you like.’ The dog thumped his tail against the deck in affirmation. ‘He snores like a train so it’ll probably feel like you’re back in Sydney.’
She glanced down at the dog. ‘That okay by you, Red?’
The dog thumped his tail again and that was that.