36. Kinleigh
THIRTY-SIX
KINLEIGH
“I only want to know where your head is at,” he says softly, not pressing me the way I deserve. I know my answer, I know what my heart needs, what my soul craves. I shouldn’t have made him wait to hear my response.
But I was mourning.
Grieving the things I’d always believed in my bones that I would have. Experiences I saw myself having, with certainty.
I had to grieve those things, and I’d started years ago. I’ve been processing what he took from me for quite some time. And though technically the doctor gave me good news, the truth remains: becoming a mother naturally, for me, is likely not going to happen.
I should not expect it. That’s what the doctor said.
I’m nowhere near at the point of making peace with it. My mind still battles whether or not I should see another doctor. If I mentioned it to Colton, he’d take me anywhere in a heartbeat. If the best doctor was on the moon, we’d be on a rocket right now. That, I’m sure of.
But the other thing I know with certainty is that I want children with the man I love. No matter what that looks like for our journey.
Recently, in our therapy sessions with Dr. Milovich, we’ve been talking more and more about adopting one of the rescued, trafficked little girls. Colton said he’d be honored and privileged to take on that role for the little girl but also, together.
Forrest’s operation was apparently larger than I realized. The FBI had been in contact in the last week or so, telling us that several more storage units were located. By what means or how they came across the information, I’m not sure. Colton asked, I think, but I didn’t listen. What he did and how he runs his business is not anything I want to be aware of. He was a sick, cruel monster with nothing but evil and hatred in his veins. What I do care about are the little girls that have nowhere to go.
The ones whose mothers had already been sold off, gone to anonymity forever.
There was one down in Colorado, not far from the state line. Apparently part of Forrest’s ring. I’m assuming all those trips with Neely and Garrison to the “bank” were likely out-of-state affairs, as they lasted hours.
But I did hear him tell Colton that a pregnant woman was taken, per request by a client. But when they took her to delivery, he changed his mind. They held her and she gave birth, and she was taken immediately after. Out of country. They weren’t sure if that was part of the plan, or if they had planned to sell off the infant. They just didn’t know. Thank the Lord that the operation was busted before anything more happened to that precious new life.
She needs a home, though. And soon. She’s milked her stay at the hospital—their words—and I think everyone wants to avoid an infant being passed around more than absolutely vital.
I lick my lips and enjoy the way his warm breath cools them. I love the smell of his breath, the taste of his tongue, the way his thick, long erection presses into me as his large body melts against mine. Hulking, his chest heaving, I kiss him before taking his face in my hands, purposely pressing my tits into his chest because he loves the way my nipples feel against him. “I want to try it with you on top,” I breathe, my eyes flicking between him as a nervous heat flutters up my spine. I hope I can do this. I want to do this. “I’m ready.”
“Kin, I wanted to talk,” he says, a smile lifting his lips, his fingers roaming down my belly. My pussy quivers in anticipation. “But now all I can think about is making love to you.”
I melt at that. How could I not?
“I want to talk. I do. I want to adopt that baby with you, I want to bring her into our home together.” I nod, pressing my lips to my favorite spot on his throat, the place where his pulse flutters madly. “But right now, I want you,” I tell him, though no levity comes with the words, so I pick new ones. “I need you.”
He tugs me against him and I’m glad he does, because telling him how much I need him is so freeing, I think I could float away. I reach between us and cup his jaw in my hand, studying his eyes, because I can’t get enough of them. “I have to have you.”
His mouth is on mine, capturing my last syllable, moaning his praise. “God, your mouth sets me on fire,” he groans, hand fishing between us to grab his hard cock. Rolling onto my back, my eyes traverse the beauty of his muscled body, the dark hair on his chest and belly, leading to a trimmed nest of hair above his penis. I love that he has body hair and muscles, I love everything about the way he pumps himself as he aligns his body to enter mine, the way his eyes go hooded at the sight of my cunt open for him. “You are perfect, Kinleigh, and there is no debating that.”
Quickly he sucks my breast into his mouth, sending a jolt of electricity through my belly, down to my pussy. I had no idea I liked my tits sucked. Then again, when it comes to consensual sex, I don’t know what I like except Colton’s cock. In any form. That’s the only thing I know for sure.
Well, and his hands and mouth, too.
“You’re sure?” he questions as a bead of sweat curls his chin, drifting down his throat. I want to press my lips to his skin and lick it up, savor every flavor he has. I lick my lips instead.
“I want to try.” I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to be healed enough to make love… like normal.
He nods. “Okay,” he breathes, dipping his mouth to mine, his kiss languid, igniting my senses. I reach between my legs and find him, guiding him inside.
Something about feeling his hard cock sliding inside of me, using my hands to experience each inch disappearing, is tantalizing. His groin connects with mine, and a tiny breath escapes me at the immediate fullness. Inside me, his erection pulses and throbs as Colton slowly moves his hips, the bed frame tapping the wall as he gains momentum.
He holds himself on one arm, using his other hand to gently stroke my clit. Sticky and swollen, he growls as he strokes and fucks me, his voice so raspy that my insides clench and my orgasm builds. “I would never hurt you,” he says, hollowing me as he strokes out, only to surge forward, filling me again, harder this time while gaining speed. It feels good, hard and fast, and I thought I’d never like it.
I thought it would make me think of being raped.
I thought I wouldn’t survive normal sex again.
I knew Dr. Milovich would help me but I truly wondered if I’d have to ride him locked to the bed for the rest of our lives.
His words offer reassurance, and the gentle way he uses his body to honor them causes my heart to swell. I wrap my arms around his neck, needing him closer, deeper, desperate for more of him in any way I can have it.
“I love you,” he breathes against my lips before rocking to his knees, his thick cock still tight inside me. I clench a little to keep him there, and his eyes flick to mine, a sinister smile on his face. “I felt that.” He glances down at our joined bodies before hooking his hands behind my knees and gently rocking me back. With my body partially curled, I tip my gaze forward as he looks down.
We watch as he pushes every inch deep inside me, then drags his hips back, hollowing me until it’s just his cockhead. “I love you.” He feeds my body with his again. “I love you.” His thumbs sink deeper into my needy flesh as a bead of sweat traverses his torso. Then he holds me there like that, his eyes on mine, his cock buried inside me, our breaths coming in tandem. “I love you,” he utters again before his words fall away, and his body takes over, making love in deep, slow strokes. Every moan that slips free is caught with his loving mouth, with his proclamation of love. He fucks me slowly and beautifully, making my eyes hot and my belly tight, my heart pounding with the overwhelming amount of adoration I have for him.
My release comes unexpected and quick, starting in my curled toes, charging up my legs, swirling around my groin. My clit throbs and my pussy clenches all around him, milking his steely cock. He doesn’t announce that he’s orgasming because he doesn't have to. I recognize the tense set of his shoulders, the way his body slows and his cock thickens and throbs. Heat spreads through me in bursts, abundant and thick, and the feeling of his orgasm breaking free in my body triggers my own release.
Letting my legs fall to the mattress, his arms box me against it as he finds my mouth, our tongues dancing as we come together. His cum spreading through me is so erotic that a second wave of clenching tears through me, and he holds himself deep to let me ride out every ounce of pleasure.
When the pleasure finally wanes, he slides out of me, gathering a small towel from the en-suite bathroom. He presses it to my center, and I become fascinated with his softening cock. Watching him take care of my pussy after making love is something I had no idea would make me so emotional, and watching his bare body move creates an intimacy I never expected.
He glances up, doing a double take to hold my gaze with his, his brow pinched. “Too soon? Did I hurt you?” He balls up the towel and comes to lie next to me on the bed, on his side. “I’m so sor–”
I cut him off. “No, no,” I say, no longer fighting the tears. What’s the point? If I can show them to anyone, it’s Colton. “I just… it was…” I search for the right words but it almost feels silly to voice what I’m thinking.
“What, sweetheart? What is it?” His voice melts over me like velvet, and I can’t deny him. Never again will I deny him.
“I hadn’t expected it to be so intimate, to feel so close to you.”
He nods, listening, stroking his knuckles up and down my bare belly as I tremble.
“It was so bonding. I just… I don’t know. I’ve loved you since I was a little girl and somehow I love you more,” I say, and once I set the truth free, I immediately grow groggy. “Clarity and sex,” I yawn with a smile. “I’m sleepy.”
“Sleep,” he says, kissing the tip of my nose as he rolls me onto my side and gathers me in his arms. His naked chest presses to my back and his words drift over my shoulder, a perfect lullaby to my oncoming nap.
“I’m bonded to you forever, baby.”
Our second nap is as perfect as the first, only I wake up when there’s a gentle knock at the front door. I slip out of bed and pull on my sweats, one of the first things Carsyn helped me buy the morning after I was rescued.
By the time I make my way down the hall on the tips of my toes, as to not disturb Colton, I see the door has been answered. Nash stands in the foyer, arms full of wildflowers wrapped in colorful tissues, tied with twine
“Gen?” I ask when his eyes come to mine over the top of the wild bouquet. He nods.
“Yeah, she’s with the detective right now and I thought maybe it would be stressful or something so…” His words fall away as he looks at the massive bouquet, one that likely has over fifty flowers in it, baby’s breath filling in between, adding size to the already monstrous armful. “It is… I don’t know,” he sighs, walking into the living room to carefully place the flowers on the table. I move through the house, collecting a vase from the hutch adjacent to the fireplace. I slip the bouquet inside and take it to the sink, filling the base before placing them back on the table.
I sit across from Nash on the couch and smile at him. “Don’t overthink it. She’s been through a lot and you just want to make her feel better.” I hold my smile as he fills himself up with the hope in my eyes. “She’ll love them.”
He sighs. “Thanks for making me feel better.”
I smile when I reply, “Of course. Now, tell me, how do you think she’s doing?”
Nash sinks into the couch and lets out a heavy sigh, bringing his hand to the back of his neck, squeezing. “Good. But… sometimes it’s hard to know how someone is really feeling. They can look good. Tell you they’re good. And still it can be a farce.”
My mind veers to the unknown. Colton says Nash has been through things “no man should have to experience” and while I’m curious to know, I don’t want to find out in a gossipy manner. I plan on getting to know Nash, and when he’s ready, he will tell me. And maybe he never will. But his story is his, and I respect him too much to pry.
“It’s good she’s seeing Milovich,” I say instead, because that’s true. I believe that Dr. Milovich will help her. He’s helped me so much already, and Colton, too. “You ever think about making an appointment? Milovich’s brother is in practice at the same office.”
At first he looks taken aback, maybe even startled a little. “Colton didn’t tell me anything, but he did have concerns that going through this could jostle free some of the more trying things from your past.”
Slowly, Nash nods. “Maybe.”
I’ve learned that when it comes to seeing a doctor to talk about your mind, getting a “maybe” is a good response. For now. So I don’t push. Instead, I ask a question that I’ve been asking myself, but not brave enough to point at anyone else in the house. I feel nervous even bringing it up.
“You think Forrest, Garrison and his people will ever come back for us?”
Nash blinks, tipping his head sideways a bit to consider the question. “We tore his operation down but…” He pauses, sorting things out in his head as he watches flames dance in the hearth. “We have no reason to hunt for them. We ought not give them any more of our time or energy.”
“Tell that to Carsyn,” I retort, because of everyone, Carsyn is the only person who brings up the idea of Forrest going to prison on a daily basis.
He shrugs. “She’ll let it go. The fact is, Forrest and his outfit will never show their faces in Buffalo Trails again. Especially now that the sheriff’s office is all under investigation. Anonymity and protection are gone. If he comes back, he’ll be arrested. The FBI is crawling all over this town, and they will be for a while.”
The mention of the FBI circles me back to Nash’s comment, that Gen is out with one of the detectives as we speak.
I glance out the window and see her atop a horse, far off, the detective with her, also on horseback. “What are they doing?” I ask, wondering if they’re riding to make her comfortable or if there’s an agenda.
“I told him not to take her to the holding site unless I go too. I’m not letting some dipshit with a badge drag her back to the place she’s been trying to escape for weeks.” He leans forward, bracing his hands on his knees. “Her body is free now but her head, that’s what I’m concerned about.” His dark eyes come to mine, and the way he worries for Gen is so sweet. I slide closer to him and take his hand in mine.
“I can’t fix her head, Kin. I can only take her to see Milovich and be there for her. If that detective doesn’t think about–”
I stop him, because his boot has begun tapping the floor, clearly anxious and worried and unable to tell himself it’s okay. He needs a voice of reason. “The detective needs to talk to her. Why don’t you ride out to the site to put your mind at ease, hmm? If they aren’t there, you can relax a little. And if they are, you can calmly tell the detective that she isn’t ready. I agree– I don’t think she’s ready to go back. I don’t think there’s any benefit to it.”
He nods, getting to his feet quickly. “I’ll do that.” He glances back at the clock hanging on the wall. “I’ll be back for supper.”
I smile. “Bring Gen and Carsyn with you.”