Chapter 65
Kaed
He guides our steps and makes us wise,
through prayer and study both,
A few days pass without anything that feels like healing.
We send word to the palace that we need time, that there is too much to learn and Cinder is making us jump through hoops for the information.
Such is their reputation. The King accepts it.
Or pretends to. Now that he knows we survived his ambush and have passed it off as a trial, I am curious what his next move will be.
Cinder Cliffs becomes our purgatory while we try to remember how to breathe again.
Aiden locks himself in his bedroom and refuses food or conversation.
He sends for wine instead. Again and again.
Until the servants no longer bother to hide their concern.
He sends for females too. They are silent and gone within the hour.
Eira stands outside his door more than once, calling his name with no reply and I lie awake at night beside Ashley.
Staring at the ceiling. Listening to the distant buzz of magic in the cliffs and wondering how a kingdom survives when its heart has been hollowed out from the inside.
Tossing and turning with the same thoughts on repeat.
How long have I been a pawn? How many of my choices were ever mine?
All memories feel suspect now. Every command, every loyalty, every time I thought I failed, or I was being strong, when really, I was being steered.
Ashley is the only thought I trust now. The only memory untouched by doubt.
She is real. Certain. Mine. When the noise in my mind grows too loud, I reach for her in the darkness beside me just to remind myself there is something true.
But the thoughts keep breaking through anyway.
The King’s voice. His questions. Do you think you can keep them safe?
I remember how certain I was when we journeyed here.
How fiercely I believed I could protect them all.
Protect her. And now I realise he knew exactly what was coming.
Knew an army waited in the shadows with poison meant for Ashley.
He took my hand and planted confidence in me like a weapon, sending me marching straight toward her death.
And what is a life without Ashley, if not another grave for me to crawl into?
I hold her when she fights tears, because she really believed she had finally found someone safe.
Last night, she bolted upright beside me, tears and cold sweat clinging to her skin as she fought for breath in the dark.
She would not tell me what haunted her. But I know it was the attacker she killed during the ambush.
I know because she has not looked at the blade the same way since.
Cook tries to make jokes here and there, but I see the cracks.
He keeps asking why the King would bother controlling him, what use he could possibly have in this grand scheme.
One morning, he announces he’s going to see his mother for a few days.
I know he’s looking for answers we can’t give him, so I tell him to be careful with who he shares intel with.
Eira moves like a storm about to break, though her heart and mine have been settled at least with the update that Nyk still lives.
We know we cannot risk telling him what we’ve learned — not when the King could use Cursewater on him and force it from his mind.
His instinct was right in keeping it from us and sending us here.
So, as I try to adjust to what the world looks like now, I keep coming back to the same question. Who am I?