21. Piper
Piper
The way Christian physically recoils crushes me.
It’s like I reached into his chest and tore out his heart with my bare hands.
His body moves backward, just a single step, but it might as well be an entire continent, and I feel like I’m watching something fundamental between us shatter.
His face is unreadable, his jaw locked tight, and his expression is frozen, like he’s doing everything he can not to feel what he’s feeling.
But I see it in his eyes, the warmth that used to live there—the pull, the fire, the depth I could lose myself in—it’s gone, drained away like someone flipped a switch.
No, not someone.
Me.
I’ve done this.
I see the truth of what I mean to him blazing in his eyes.
Christian’s feelings run deeper than desire.
Every glance, every gentle touch screams it, and I know he’ll want to fight for us with everything he has.
He’ll try to hold onto both Travis and me, and no matter how much he wants that to work, it never will.
Travis won’t allow it. He won’t sit back and watch his dad choose me, pretending like it doesn’t destroy what little relationship they have left, and Christian deserves better than that .
He deserves the peace he’s spent years chasing, and if Travis was telling the truth—though it seems unlikely—what if one day he could actually build a relationship with Christian?
Yes, what Travis did to me would require a mountain of forgiveness for Christian to move past, but people have been forgiven for worse.
“You think I’ve been sleeping with you because I can’t control my dick?
Piper, I could walk into any damn bar in this town and find someone like Daisy Warren to spread her legs and scratch that itch if all I wanted was a warm body to lose myself in.
” My breath catches in my throat, and his gaze finally lifts, colliding with mine.
“You really think I’m that stupid? That I’d risk everything for a quick, meaningless fuck? Give me some goddamn credit.”
His fingers twitch at his side like he’s one second away from grabbing me and hauling me into him, and god, I want him to.
“What I feel for you is the kind of thing that makes men burn their whole world down just to taste it twice.” He’s close enough now that I can feel the heat rolling off his skin.
“So don’t you ever reduce this to just sex again.
Because this thing between us is why I can’t sleep.
It’s why I wake up in the middle of the night reaching for you, and why my heart feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of my chest every time you walk into a room. ”
My heart shatters, the pieces falling somewhere near my feet as I force the biggest lie of my life past my lips. “We got swept up in something that was always going to end, Christian. How could this ever work? Just look at us. Look at where we are.”
“You think I haven’t tortured myself with this exact fucking question?
You think I don’t lie awake at night hating myself for betraying my own kid?
” His hands rake through his hair. “Christ, Piper, I’m nearly twenty years older than you.
You’ve got your whole damn life stretched out ahead of you, and by the time you’re my age, I’ll be some worn-out old bastard.
Who in their right fucking mind would sign up for that? ”
His broad shoulders—the ones that carry the weight of his farm, his son’s hatred, and now this thing between us—slump forward.
“Deep down, I know I don’t have anything to offer you, and I know a life with me would be like offering you a cage and asking you to walk right in and throw away the key.
” Tears glass over his eyes, turning them into mirrors that reflect all my own pain.
“But I thought maybe—just maybe—what I feel for you could be worth it. I thought I could bury all the reasons why this was wrong because maybe I deserve something more for once in my life. I thought that maybe I deserve you. Instead, you’re running.
And for what? Because of Travis? Because of the son who’s hated my existence since he took his first breath?
He has no fucking right to dictate what I do to find happiness when he’d rip it away from me without a second thought. ”
This incredible, beautiful man is laying himself bare in front of me, stripped down to the bones of who he is.
No bravado. No walls. Just pain and truth and everything I don’t deserve.
Tears slip down my cheeks unchecked, and then I hear the harsh blare of my sister’s horn out front like the universe couldn’t wait to remind me that I’m leaving.
That I chose to leave.
Christian steps forward and presses his forehead to mine, breathing me in like he’s trying to memorize the way I smell before I disappear.
“I told you before,” he whispers, his voice cracking ever so slightly, “you deserve everything this world has to offer, so when you walk out that door, you better promise me you’ll go out there and get it. Because I refuse to give you up for anything less.”
“Christian, I don’t…” My voice breaks on the words, because how do I say I love you, and I’m sorry, and Please don’t let me go all at once?
“You don’t have to say anything. You made your decision. You packed your bags. Whatever you think you feel for me”—I watch his throat bob as he swallows hard—“it wasn’t enough to make you stay. Wasn’t even enough for a conversation before you decided to run.”
Travis told me if I stayed, I’d be the one holding the match when it all burned. But here I am, flames licking up my spine, and I’m the one turning to ash.And the worst part is that I still managed to hurt him anyway.
“Your sister’s waiting,” he says. “Go, darlin’… before I can’t let you.”
Fuck this.
I yank my coat tight around me, snatch my bags off the floor with shaking hands, and storm out of the house.
The stars mock me from above—bright, smug little bastards—the same ones Christian and I stared at last week from his porch swing, when his hands traced patterns on my skin and he whispered secrets against my neck, and now I’m marching toward my sister’s car like none of that meant a fucking thing.
I catch Violet throwing her hands up through the window the second she sees me.
She’s got thatwhat-the-actual-hellexpression on her face as I drop into the passenger seat with a thud, leaving the door wide open, and my bags scattered across the frozen gravel.
“Um, are you planning on leaving your stuff out here to freeze, or can we shut the door? Because my tits are about to fall off.”
I don’t speak. I just stare straight ahead at the closed front door—the one I just walked out of like the world’s biggest coward.
“Earth to Piper?”
“You know that man in there? He’s never had anyone fight for him a day in his life, not really.”
“Okay, well, can we maybe have this breakdown with the heat on? I can’t feel my face, and I’m starting to wonder if I even have nipples anymore.”
“I mean, yeah, he’s got Callan,” I say, ignoring her completely. “And those two would take a bullet for each other. But when has anyone actually chosen him first? When has someone looked at that gorgeous, selfless man and decided he was worth the fight? Worth proving that he fucking matters?”
“From what I hear, he had great parents, which is more than a lot of people get.”
“He’s so much more than what the world’s given him, and I left. I fucking left.” I blink hard, but it’s no use. My eyes are already burning, and my stubborn tears cling to my lashes.
“His mom died when he was just a kid,” I choke out as rage and grief get caught in my throat. “From that moment on, everyone decided for him—told him that this farm, this place, was his path. And sure, he loves it… but it wasn’t a choice. It was just what he was expected to do.”
I swallow hard, my fingers digging into my thighs like I can hold myself together if I just grip tight enough.
“He made one mistake and ended up with Travis, who really should’ve been swallowed or left in a tissue.
Then they tried to steal his whole future by forcing him into some loveless marriage with that she-devil.
” I wipe my face, but the tears keep coming.
“And that ungrateful little bastard treats Christian like something he scraped off his boot and still expects him to smile through it. All Travis wants is for Christian to be miserable—hell, that’s the only reason he started dating me in the first place.
Like, what kind of fucked-up person do you have to be to use someone just to hurt your own father? ”
I press my hands against my eyes until I see stars, like I can physically push back the tears.
“All Travis does is take and take, and Christian just keeps giving, like maybe if he bleeds himself dry enough times, his son might finally love him. And now, for the first fucking time, he chose himself. He said no to the bullshit and the expectations, and he chose something that made him happy, and what did I do? I threw it back in his face. I practically told him to go fuck himself, Jesus Christ.”
My fist connects with the dashboard hard enough to sting. Violet doesn’t say a word. She just sits there and lets me fall apart, like she knows I need to bleed this out before I can figure out how to fix it.
“I got so caught up in my own head, thinking that by walking away and giving him up, maybe one day Travis might get his head out of his ass long enough to see his father as a human being… and all I’ve done is prove I’m no better than the rest of them.
I’m just another person who didn’t choose him and who left when he needed someone to fucking stay.
” Hot tears stream down my cheeks as reality bitch-slaps me across the face.
“And now I don’t deserve him because I’m doing exactly what everyone else has done.
I’m choosing to walk away just to keep Travis happy, when all he wants is to see his dad miserable. ”
“So why the hell are you still in my car?” Violet asks, side-eyeing me with her usual sass.
“To do this.” I lean over and wrap Violet in a hug so tight it probably hurts, but I need her to feel how much she means to me.
“I definitely don’t tell you enough how grateful I am that you’ve been both a mom and sister to me.
Even now, you’re out here in the cold because I needed you.
” I reach up to brush a tear off my cheek.
“But I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to drive back alone because I’m not walking out on that man. ”
I’ve got to make him understand he’s worth everything. That a life with him isn’t settling. It’s hitting the fucking jackpot.
When I pull back, I catch the shine of tears in Violet’s eyes. In all our years together, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen my sister cry.
“I’m proud of you, you know that?”
“Whatever good is in me exists because of you,” I say, meaning every single word. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Pip. Now get out. I’m fucking freezing, and I want to get back to my hot rabbi.” At my confused look, she lets out a laugh. “It’s this show on Netflix—just go, you idiot.”
I step back into the biting cold, bags in hand, ready to march back to the house because I’m not leaving. Not even if he tries to drive me down this mountain himself.
But just as I reach the door, it swings open, and there he is—my cowboy—standing there in his coat and hat with his truck keys dangling between his fingers.
“Piper… What?—”
“Where are you going?” I ask as I stare up at him, the glow of the porch light haloing his broad shoulders.
“That wasn’t gonna be our last conversation. I refuse to let that be our ending.” My heart stutters at the sight of him standing there, chest heaving, eyes wild like he’s been tearing himself apart over everything that happened. “Fuck, I can’t let you go.”
“You were coming after me?” The tears I thought I’d run dry start falling again because Christian Crawford doesn’t love halfway.
He loves recklessly and with his whole heart.
The way he works.
The way he fights.
The way he fucks.
The way he loves leaves nothing behind, and somehow, I was still ready to walk away from that.
“Ten seconds after you walked out that door, I knew there was no way in hell I was letting you go without a fight.” His eyes move from my face to my bags, and I know Violet’s still sitting in her car because like hell would she miss this show. “Wait, what are you… Did you leave something?”
My heart threatens to burst right out of my chest as I look up at him because, yeah, I left something behind. I left the man who makes me feel more alive in the way he looks at me than I’ve felt in twenty-three years of breathing.
“I left you.” The words scratch my throat on their way out. “And I’m so fucking sorry I walked out that door.”
He catches my wrist and spins me around, backing me up until my spine hits the rough wood of the porch wall. His breath fans across my cheek, while his hands bracket my hips like he’s holding on for dear life.
“You don’t get to say that and leave again. You don’t get to rip me open and walk away a second time.”
The sound of Violet’s car fades into the mountain silence, swallowed by the pine trees and night air, leaving us alone under a sky so full of stars that it looks like the universe has flung fistfuls of diamonds across black velvet.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, searching his eyes that are almost black in the darkness, shining with a heartbreak so deep it nearly undoes me. But I know, right then, that I’m going to heal every fracture with the way I love him. “I promise, Christian. I’m yours if you’ll have me.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before he’s kissing me—desperate and hungry and full of everything we almost lost. I fist my hands in his jacket, pulling him closer and needing more. He presses me harder against the wall, every solid inch of him burning into me.
“You ruined me back there,” he growls against my throat, his lips trailing fire down the line of my jaw. “And now you’re gonna fix it.”