18. Penelope
EIGHTEEN
I had imaginedmy wedding day a thousand different times throughout my life. When I was younger, I would dress up in my mother’s high heels and find anything of hers that was white. I’d make a bouquet of wildflowers and even apply her lipstick. My guests were all my stuffed animals, and, on occasion, if I opted for a fairytale wedding, I would usually go into the woods, because most clubs didn’t have yards or grass for kids to play pretend.
Regardless, in every scenario, I was beautiful and happy.
In this one, I was so pregnant that my dress looked like a waterfall of white silk falling from a boulder. Not cute or a little bump, it was a massive, protruding mountain with an imprint of my belly button sticking out. I couldn’t wear high heels, so Laura had found me cute flats that looked like a thousand diamonds had been sewn into them. And my mom wasn’t here.
Natty carefully curled my hair and then went to work with bobby pins and clips for what felt like an hour—until my glossy black hair was in a half updo that mirrored something similar to what a princess would have.
Callie had applied my makeup with precision, creating the perfect smoky eye look, while plumping my lips with pink gloss. For the final touch, Red had found a way to twine sheer fabric in a halo of wildflowers. I nearly cried when I saw it because I had never told anyone of the wildflowers I used to love so much. But then she produced my bouquet and it nearly matched. Flowers that shouldn’t exist due to the cold, dead climate of winter and yet they were so fresh and beautiful.
“Sasha…” Red explained, with a bit of clogged emotion, “she’s Simon’s widow…she has a greenhouse where she grows things year-round. She sends these with all the happiness she can offer someone who is marrying into the club, especially a club president.”
My gaze flicked briefly to Natty.
“Please tell her I said thank you,” I whispered, gripping the gorgeous flowers.
Red took my face in her hands and laid a gentle kiss to my forehead.
“Your mother would be proud, sweet girl. I may not have known her, but I know she would have cried seeing how beautiful you look.”
Burning clogged my throat as tears begged to be freed, but I gripped her wrist affectionally to hold them off. She released me and stepped back. We were in one of the extra activity rooms at the senior center, mercifully no one had mentioned the odd smell, or how outdated the carpet was. I would be walking across laminate tile that had blue tape still laid down for different dance positions. The metal folding chairs did little to add any sort of beauty to the room Natty, Callie and Laura tried so hard to decorate.
There was an arch made of white lattice that had a few paper lanterns and flowers, but otherwise, there weren’t any decorations to speak of. It was fine. This wasn’t even real, and since the night when Jamie had mentioned us using each other being a bad idea, we’d barely spoken. He had to leave for something that next morning and was gone until early dawn. He’d asked me to stay over with Natty and because Killian and Wes were with him, Callie and Laura had come over too.
It ended up being a fun girls’ night. Something the group had dubbed an unofficial bachelorette party. I had rolled my eyes, reminding them that this was fake, but they’d merely waved me off and told me to let them have their fun. Fun we all knew had to be in Natty’s room, or over in Laura’s apartment instead of going into town, or to a bar. With the men gone, we’d be a liability, and with Callie and me being pregnant, staying in sounded perfectly fine to us.
Anytime Laura and Callie got into their own conversation, Natty would pull me into one, so I never felt left out. It was easy, laughing and joking with them. Being myself. They understood the club life, and what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t just a random member. They were kind, loyal and protective. I was honored to watch them precede me down the aisle as my bridesmaids.
I had no money to buy anything for them, but they each found a deep purple dress and wore a few wildflowers in their hair. Soft violins played over the speaker system as I emerged from the activity room, and while I planned to walk down the aisle alone, Harris was suddenly standing there in a black suit. He wasn’t wearing a tie and his beard hadn’t been trimmed in the slightest, but he was there…smiling at me, with those warm brown eyes.
“Penny, it would be my honor to walk you down the aisle…if that’s okay with you.”
I’d had tears near the surface all day, but seeing him there…his kindness, it nearly undid me. With a raspy voice, I agreed and slid my arm into his extended elbow.
He led me down the hall, slow and steady. Like everyone in the world was waiting on us, but time was ours to waste.
“May not be all the things you hoped for, but you look beautiful and this right here, this moment doesn’t determine how your marriage, or your life will look. Plenty of people been together for fifty years and never even say a single vow, others had expensive weddings with all the pricey options and didn’t last a year. Life is what you make of it, Penny. This is your life, that peanut’s and now, Jameson’s,” Harris whispered as we walked then squeezed my arm tight before we came into the ceremony area.
Everyone stood as I approached and turned to face me, but my gaze went to the front.
My heart did a tiny flip, then my baby kicked as if he felt it in his tiny chest too.
There, under the arch stood Jameson in a slate gray, five-piece suit, looking like he’d just stepped out of a magazine. Not dark jeans or a dark shirt, like most club weddings often had…he’d worn something much nicer than this rented space deemed fit.
He dressed like this was real…not like it was a haphazard way of trying to keep me safe.
Those tears glimmered in my eyes as I began walking down the aisle to him. Men and women filled the folding chairs, wearing nice dress shirts, jeans, and cuts. There were flowers brushing against the train of my dress, gliding behind me in a silent whisper.
Jameson’s eyes seemed to grow as I neared, his mouth parted, and then he froze.
His light hair was combed back, his light beard was trimmed nicely, revealing the line of his defined jaw. His amber eyes seemed to darken as he traced every part of me. My hair, face, cleavage, and belly. That jaw seemed to stay unhinged until I was nearly right in front of him.
The officiant, who came free with the rental of the senior center, began reading from his Bible about holy matrimony and vows. Things too pure for the life we lived, and surely for Jameson and me, who were imposters playing pretend. Still, I smiled and let each word soak into my soul, branding it with things I wanted to keep. No one had to ever know that these words weren’t really for me, or that I’d keep them forever as if they were. One day Jameson would walk away from me, but until then, he was mine to keep, and I wanted every single piece of him.
As I stepped across from Jamie, accepting his outstretched hand, I watched his expressions. They were open at first, like mine…hopeful, excited, and then as it came time to say our vows, we’d planned to just say whatever the officiant told us to say, but Jameson stopped him.
“Actually, I have prepared my own vows.” His eyes searched mine as if he were seeking permission.
I waited, resisting the urge to bite down on my trembling lip or look over at the woman sitting in the front row of the groom’s side. Jameson had invited his mother, which seemed so…impossible. If this was fake, then why bring her into this? Her eyes glimmered with tears as she watched, and I had the urge to rest a hand over my stomach as if to ask a silent question of whether or not she knew I had been knocked up by Luke Holloway.
Jameson stepped closer, tightening his hold on me, which had my focus stolen completely by his warm brown eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be outside at night, under the stars, and preferably in a field of wildflowers. Your mom was supposed to be there and my dad…and it was supposed to be years ago when I had you all to myself. I take the blame, Penny. I always will, but you’ll have to agree to take my name and give me time to fix all of it. Because I promise I will, Pen. I promise that I’m in this until the end.”
His words were dusted hope clinging to forgotten places. Dried, smashed wildflowers doused in wishes. Love so blinding and hopeful. My eyes watered, but just as quickly as a smile formed, it fell as Jameson cut a quick glance over to the guests. Specifically, where his Chaos Kings were seated, and my heart gave a pathetic lurch.
This was for them…for show. To keep me safe, he’d stretch this lie and wrap it around our narrative until it convinced people that I was his and under his protection. What better way to sell this ruse than to convince everyone our love story started years ago?
I dipped my face to hide my hurt and let him continue. His finger trapped my chin and I felt it wobble under his warm touch. How could he say things tainted so thick with our past but not mean a single word of it? He said more, but I wasn’t listening, the hurt too vast to allow any more of those sacred vows to crowd the space in my heart the moment had stolen just seconds ago.
When it was my turn to repeat the standard vows from the officiant, I did as Jamie had done and halted him.
“I have my own vows as well,” I lied, squeezing Jamie’s hand.
He didn’t need to know that these words were from the darkest, deepest part of me. I recaptured his gaze and didn’t falter or lie when I said, “It’s always been you, Jameson. Always in the back of my mind at night, in my chest, expanding with my lungs in the morning, when the sun would warm the earth. You were always in my dreams when I thought of forever. However long you give me, I will happily accept.”
His eyes searched mine as if he were silently asking if it were true, or if I was posturing, just like he was for our audience. Members of the Chaos Kings and the Stone Riders. People who needed to believe that this was real. I, like him, gave no implication whatsoever on whether I meant the words or not.
He’d given me the world today, only to remind me it was manufactured and on loan. One day he’d belong to someone else, and I would simply be a fulfilled promise, checked off a list.
Natty knew how to throw a party.
The Drip had been completely renovated with strung-up lights, paper lanterns and a spread of food that had to have taken her hours to prepare. There was a three-tier cake decorated with edible flowers, matching the ones in my bouquet. Callie and Laura were already helping get people moving down an assembly line to eat.
Red was behind the counter too, mixing drinks.
Jamie’s hand was caught tightly in mine as my eyes watered and I waddled forward until I was hugging Natty in a tight embrace.
“You did all this?”
She hugged me back and laughed. “Red, Laura and Callie all helped just as much as me.”
Pulling back, I searched her face in a silent question. Hers softened as she pulled my hand up to her chest.
“Penny, it’s your wedding day. Regardless of your reasons, you’ll remember this one for the rest of your life. It’s worth creating a beautiful memory out of it.”
Jameson’s hand skimmed my back as he stood close. People walked up to him with a handshake and clap on the back, but his grip wouldn’t leave my waist.
More people swarmed us with well wishes and then Margie King was in front of me with tears in her eyes and a warm smile on her face.
“Penelope,” she breathed and then pulled me into a hug. “I can’t tell you how happy this has made me. How badly I needed a little bit of joy in my life, and I am beyond excited to meet this little guy.”
She pulled back and looked down at my stomach.
I didn’t have words or even the ability to breathe.
With a hopeful expression, she asked, “can I feel him?”
I nodded, relishing the warmth of Jameson at my back and the way his mother’s warmth seemed to be soaking into me. I’d always assumed Margie was stern and cold, more like Gene. I had no idea this treasure of a woman was inside. The baby kicked right as her palm shifted, and her grin was instant.
“Jameson, feel this.” She reached around me and grabbed his hand, pulling it over my stomach. It made it so he held my waist with his left hand and reached over me with his right, so I was completely cocooned by him.
I wasn’t prepared for him to feel my son kick. Not that Jamie had ever been mean toward me regarding the pregnancy, but it was Luke’s baby. I didn’t ever anticipate that Jameson would care, even after his statement about raising him that he’d made to his club.
“He’s going to be such a strong kicker,” Margie said, completely beaming.
Jameson’s fingers pressed lightly into the spot his mom had been as if he wanted to feel the kick as well.
“I’m going to have to come back down here once he’s born, so you have some help.”
Jameson removed his hand. “Mom, don’t freak her out.”
“That’s not necessary at all, Margie. I’m so flattered, but we wouldn’t have anywhere to put you, it’s such a small cabin.”
Margie just waved us both off. “Jamie will put me up somewhere, but I’m not missing a single second with my new grandson.”
So many emotions flooded me as I stood there smiling at Margie. It felt like stepping into a dream, one that couldn’t be real no matter how badly I wanted it to be.
How was she just accepting this? There’s no way anyone would just jump on board this fast, knowing their son was going to be stuck raising another man’s child…unless…
The realization cut through me painfully fast.
Margie must be in on the farce and helping Jamie build up the image that we were genuine in our feelings. She was merely part of the play.
Hurt tried to break through the haze of joy that I’d been swept up in all day, but without proof, I just wouldn’t let it. For now, I’d tuck away my assumption and hope for the best. At least until I had the chance to find a wildflower and press it into my journal with a wish.
We danced, ate, and drank for another three hours. By the time the night wound down, I was barefoot and exhausted. Even the flats were becoming too tight with my swollen ankles.
It was close to eight when that steady presence at my back shifted in front of me, tugging my hand into his.
Jameson looked as tired as I felt as he pulled me behind him, pushing through our little celebration. It had started with maybe fifty people from the wedding but had grown significantly as the night went on. I didn’t miss that Jameson took us through the back to where he’d parked his truck. I wondered if that had to do with the still tense relations in town due to the online activists. They’d mostly waned over these last few weeks, from what I understood, but I could sense the clubs were still on alert. I pushed the thoughts away as I took in the tall white truck before me. Someone had decorated his windows with pink and blue markers, the words, “Just Married,” covering every free inch, along with images of wedding bells and…yep, penises.
Jameson helped me into the passenger seat while a few people spilled out of the coffee bistro, clapping and yelling for us. I noticed most of them, surprisingly, were members of the Chaos Kings. It seemed that Jameson’s plan had worked. The second we said I do, his side of the hall had erupted, and then I was hugged, smiled at, and called their new Queen of Chaos.
I felt a warmth begin to glow in my sternum, but I tamped it down. These same men had treated me like garbage mere days before. It shouldn’t have taken a fucking wedding to earn respect or even to just be treated civilly.
With both of his hands on the wheel and a look over his shoulder, Jameson veered us away from Rose Ridge. We passed the city limits and kept going until we’d cleared the neighboring town of Pyle and the farmland surrounding it.
“Where are we going?” I rubbed the silk still covering my stomach. Thankfully my dress was comfortable. I’d found something cheap and easy to alter, with the right paneling—the dress stretched for me while still looking gorgeous.
Jamie flicked a smile over at me. “West Burling.”
My mouth dropped. “Everything there is extremely expensive…it’s where all the people who don’t want to live in Richland go. All the elite upper class with tax brackets that we couldn’t?—”
His hand came over and gripped mine. “I know.”
With a steady gaze on the road, and a gentle hold on my hand, I let his words settle and decided I wouldn’t ask anything more and just let the night unfold.
West Burling crept up nearly forty minutes later, and as much as I hated myself for it, I sat forward in my seat as I took in the tall buildings all lit up and the beautiful moon—white sidewalks all tailored with iron lampposts and twinkle lights. People were walking down the street in and out of shops, holding shopping bags while laughing together. Women wore sleek bobs with glossy hair that shone under the bright signs, their false lashes and perfectly-manicured nails lit up under the soft lighting of their cell phone screens that likely cost more than my whole car.
Top of the line phones and smart watches, purses and shoes. Most of the people I saw were in their late forties to early fifties. They were the wealthy elite who probably thought they were slumming it by not living in Richland. I nearly laughed as I wondered if they called this town small or quaint.
Jameson kept going until we were pulling into a half loop in front of an enormous hotel, several stories high. The entrance was all lit up and the glass door gleamed as someone ran out to greet us. Jameson jumped out of the truck and talked with them, then walked over to my side, opening the door.
“Welcome, Mrs. King, we’re very glad that you chose The Heights as your honeymoon destination.”
My stomach flipped, which resulted in another hard kick from my son.
Mrs. King.
All the words seemed to fly so effortlessly as Jameson held my hand and helped me step down from the truck. I smiled at the man wearing a red velvet blazer, his gold name badge gleaming under the lights.
“Thank you, Kenny.”
He smiled, giving me a blush. “Your suite is all ready for you, please allow me to bring your things up and park your vehicle.”
Kenny handed Jameson a ticket of some kind, while Jamie handed off our keys, and then the valet gestured toward the parting glass doors. I had never been in anything so nice. The marble floors looked like glass under the lights, and there was a fountain in the lobby with ceilings that I had to tip my head back to see. Everywhere I looked, there was more opulence than I had ever dreamed of.
We stopped by a desk only briefly to get our room key, which was on a small circular key fob and then Jameson was guiding me toward a set of elevators. I didn’t dare say anything out loud, not about how nice this place was or how he was able to afford it…or the biggest question of all, why on earth he was treating this like a real honeymoon.
I watched and waited as Jameson pressed the last number on the lit board, thirty-one, right before the letter P. The doors closed and we briskly moved up from the lobby, all thirty floors, until we’d stopped on thirty-one.
Jameson had to swipe his key for the doors to open.
“There are only a few suites on this floor, the top floor is the penthouse and while I did consider it, I ended up going with one of these suites instead.”
My shoes pressed into plush carpet as we walked past one white door with the letter T near the eyehole, then there was nothing for quite a while as we continued to walk. I tipped my head back and took in the chandelier, dripping glass that looked an awful lot like diamonds.
“Here we are,” Jameson whispered, bringing my face level with the white door in front of us. Ours had the letter, M.
With a sexy smile and one that belonged to the Jameson I knew years before, he slid the key fob over the black key pad and pushed the door open.
“I don’t know if you’ll ever have another one, but as far your first goes, I hope this honeymoon makes you happy.”
Nerves had my hands nearly shaking as I walked in, my eyes going round as I took in the soft lighting and lush carpet throughout the open space. A circular, white leather couch faced a glass hearth. Behind it was a kitchenette with a bar littered with glassware, alcohol, and a huge gift basket.
Past the small dining table and deep-set chairs was a massive balcony that looked over the city. I wanted to go out there, but I also wanted to explore more of the room.
Past the living area was a closed door, which led to a massive bedroom. Another gas fireplace was inside, along with another balcony, and the most comfortable looking bed I had ever seen in my life. It was covered in thick, white feather down duvets with at least twelve fluffy pillows, and two robes laid out across the foot of the mattress.
Beyond the room was a bathroom that I wanted to move into.
“Jameson,” I gasped, eyeing the massive soaking tub. There were stairs that led up to it, and down inside, which meant I could get in and out without freaking out over slipping. The shower was encased in glass, with two spigots. Marble, glass, dark iron fixtures. It all blended so perfectly, I itched to grab my phone so I could start snapping photos.
“This is ours for the night?” I spun to Jameson who had tucked his hands into his pockets.
He shrugged. “For the next three nights.”
Three nights in this luxurious hotel…
“You planned a vacation for us?”
He laughed, all smiles and warm sunshine. “No, just a honeymoon.”
That brought me back to the present, which made me tautly aware of how I must look after a full day of being on my feet, and my makeup wearing off, my hair falling flat and my dress wrinkling.
“But why? This is fake, you didn’t owe me a honeymoon.”
He shrugged again, this time scratching at the back of his neck. “I just thought it might be nice…I just wanted you to have something you enjoyed, especially before you have the baby and things get hard. You can have these three days where you do nothing but relax.”
“Jamie.” My voice cracked, and he must have understood what I was thinking. His eyes seemed to glisten like mine, saying more than either of us were brave enough to say out loud. Then there was a knock on our suite door, so Jamie blinked and spun away to answer it.
Kenny was walking in with two bags. One, supposedly belonged to me, but I didn’t own any luggage that nice.
Once Kenny was gone, I met Jamie in the living room. “This is my bag?”
“Laura loaned you a suitcase, because when you arrived, all you had was that big duffle. Figured you’d want something a little smaller to bring here.”
Or a little nicer.
“That was considerate of her,” I said, feeling oddly emotional.
He smiled again. “She packed it with stuff from your closet, and bathroom. Felt confident she knew what you’d need.”
He moved the luggage into the bedroom, all but his. His, he kept right there in the living room.
Message loud and clear.
He was still going to sleep separate from me.
“You hungry?”
My stomach growled right as he asked it.
He smirked, glancing at my abdomen. “Room service it is.”
I watched his back shift under the white dress shirt, wondering when he’d shed his suit jacket. His cuffs came unbuttoned under his gentle touch, and then his collar, all the buttons along his chest, until the shirt gaped. Underneath was a simple white tank top that showed every ab muscle.
“You want to go try that tub?” He smiled at me, taking the cordless phone and placing it to his ear.
I did. I wanted to so bad, but I also wanted to keep looking at him. I wouldn’t tell him that.
“My dress…I can’t?—”
I could barely get into it, much less get out of it.
Pinning the phone to his shoulder, he began speaking while I turned around and his fingers found the buttons at my back. With a gentle touch, he slowly plucked each one free, while seamlessly ordering two burgers, two salads, fries, and milkshakes. My mouth watered, distracting me.
Suddenly the dress came free, and it was pooling at my feet. Which meant I was standing in front of Jamie in just my white lingerie. He’d seen me naked the other night, and I’d swallowed this man’s cum…it wasn’t like he’d make a big deal out of seeing me like this. So, I stepped out of the dress on the floor and turned around, letting him see my lacey bra that matched my lacey underwear and connected garters.
His mouth was open, his eyes ravenous as he stared at every single inch of me. The cordless phone dropped to the carpet and Jamie stepped forward.