29. Jameson
TWENTY-NINE
Penelope was superhuman.There was no other explanation for it.
Her contractions were so close, there wasn’t time for an epidural, which apparently would have made the entire delivery a bit more bearable. Pen was a champion, not even blinking when the doctor explained that she was going to have to push.
I stayed behind her, gripping her hand the entire time, while kissing her forehead and muttering a thousand words of encouragement to her. Three hours later, most of which was her pushing, the tiniest human I’d ever seen was born.
He was screaming as he entered this world, but the moment they laid him against his mother’s chest, he stopped. His eyes were focused on her as she stroked down his face and arms, her eyes full of emotion and glistening tears, but so much joy. Watching them, seeing her hold him, even knowing he wasn’t mine…something kickstarted in my chest, like a forgotten dream…a deep feral desire to keep them both close to me. To claim them as mine.
“Dad, come over here, want to cut the umbilical cord?” one of the nurses asked.
I swiped at my eyes, realizing my chest felt like a piece of sunlight had been shoved inside it. Dad. They’d said it, maybe didn’t mean it, but it felt right.
My hands were steady and sure as I cut, and then I watched as they cleared his lungs, and then wrapped him up, and then they placed him in my arms.
“Support the head, always,” the nurse said.
The tiny guy was suddenly tucked away in the crook of my arm, and I couldn’t stop staring at him. He looked like Penelope; he had her dark hair and her mouth.
“Hey buddy,” I said, feeling more tears gather. Fuck, he was so perfect.
I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed with Pen. “Look at him, Pen. Look at what you did.”
Her head was resting against the pillows as she stroked my arm.
“He’s ours now, Jamie. If you wan?—”
“I do.” I cut her off, not taking my eyes from him. My heart had already made room for him. Visions of teaching him how to ride, how to fix bikes, how to throw a baseball. All the things my dad had done with me, it all rushed in and seemed to fill in that bright spot in my soul that had recently been made just for him.
“Then he’s yours, what are we calling him?”
I glanced over at her. “You did all the work, you decide.”
She shook her head. “I think the man who’s going to raise him should pick his name.”
The exhilaration pushing through my veins when she said that nearly robbed me of breath.
“Connor.”
Pen hummed, then added, “Connor Mathias King.”
My head snapped over, my eyes searching hers. She nodded. “Your father was a great man, Jamie, and he raised an amazing son. It would be my honor to have our son named after him.”
It was a good thing we were away from the eyes of all our friends because I couldn’t seem to stop crying.
I leaned over and pressed a kiss to Pen’s lips. “I love you, even if you only said it from hormones, I don’t care.”
Her hands came up, gripping my face. “I meant it, Jamie. I meant every word.”
I kissed her again, and then rested my forehead against hers.
“You’re everything to me. You and Connor, we’re a family now.”
I stepped out, leaving Pen and Connor with Natty, Callie and Laura. They were all gushing over him, while Kil and Wes had stood off to the side, smiling kindly but not really knowing what to do.
They followed me as we made our way down the hospital corridor toward the vending machines.
“Luke?” I asked, pushing a dime into the coffee machine and checking the surrounding area.
Killian stepped closer. “Detained.”
That’s all I needed to know.
“We’ll be out day after tomorrow as long as Connor’s tests all go well.”
Wes gave a quick look to Killian, more of that bullshit silent speak.
“He’s with the Roman right now.”
Fuck. “You let Silas have a crack at him first?” My voice raised, and Killian glanced around briefly before pulling me aside.
“Silas freaked the fuck out when he found out Natty was in that hospital room after Luke barged in. She couldn’t leave until we removed him, but apparently that did not go over well with him. He gave us options. He’s either going to be around us twenty-four-fucking-seven, or he’s going to get first crack of finding Fable through Luke.”
I shook my head. “Shit.”
“You gave the order to kill him after we got what we needed; you don’t even need to be involved. You have a new life in there, your wife, new kid. Go claim what’s yours—what that fucker gave up--build something from it. Don’t worry about Luke.”
He was right, but there was still something simmering under my skin that wanted revenge. I wanted to see the look in his eye when he realized I would be the man to raise his son…although the expression he held when he realized I’d married Penelope was sufficient enough.
I walked back to the room and found Penelope being checked by one of the nurses. Natty was waiting there, but once I arrived, she stood and walked over to me. “She’s getting really tired, so we’re all heading out. Please text me if you need anything, okay?”
“Thanks, Natty.” I smiled and moved past her.
The nurse was quick and helped bundle Connor back up, while sliding his rolling crib over to us.
“You guys are going to be left alone tonight, except for a few checkups. Dad, there’s bedding in the cabinet, okay?” She pointed toward a large cupboard.
Pen watched me with a sleepy expression. I followed the nurse out, making sure Brick and Harris were still outside our room.
“Visiting hours are about to end,” the nurse started, and I was about to walk out and beg her to make an exception when Dr. Beckett glanced at the two riders, then back at me.
“They can stay.”
That’s all she said before walking away, but Harris and Brick slid into the cushioned seats and gave me a quick nod before prepping for the night watch.
I shut the door and returned to my little family, feeling that warm sensation in my chest.
“Help me up, Jamie, I want to shower.”
I looked around, nervously. “Uh…should I call the nurse back?”
Pen waved me off. “She said I could get up if I was feeling up to it. By some miracle I didn’t tear, and I didn’t have any anesthesia, so I’m perfectly fine to move around. I feel gross. I just want to rinse off real quick and get in my pajamas.”
“Okay, here.” I helped her all the way to the bathroom, noticing how much she was wincing in pain when not gripping one of the handrails.
She settled in the shower, while we kept the door to the bathroom open, and I watched over Connor. When she was finished, we both laughed over the ice pad she had to wear with her large, gauze underwear.
“It’s not funny, Jamie, this is so humbling. We’re not at the place in our relationship where you can see me like this.”
“I saw you high as a kite when you got your wisdom teeth pulled that summer you turned sixteen, remember?” I held her loose pajama shirt over her head, and then pulled a pair of loose cotton pajama bottoms up over her thighs and around her underwear.
“Being high is not the same.”
We walked back to the bed, very slowly, and once she was inside, I was about to explain how ridiculous she was when she was high, but she put her hand over my mouth.
“Explain why Luke thought I was meeting him.”
Shit.
“It’s a long story…”
She quirked a brow, while pulling Connor’s crib closer. He was sleeping peacefully, all bundled up in a tight swaddle.
“Does it have anything to do with Silas showing up that night at dinner and freaking out about Natty?”
“It does.” I started to explain the entire thing, and when I got to the part about using her phone to text Luke after she’d slipped into the living room, her expression shifted.
“Jameson.” She shook her head, but I leaned forward and kissed her.
Once we broke apart, I kept my face close. “I’m sorry, but there wasn’t a chance you would have ever even known. You told me you were done with him, that you didn’t want to?—”
“It was still my choice, Jamie. You do this all the time…you take the choice from me, and I hate it.”
“I’m sorry, Pen.”
She looked over toward the window, where a closed blind covered the glass.
Her silence was heavy, and I felt it cracking tiny pieces of my soul. Connor began to stir, so I pulled him from his crib and laid him in her arms.
Finally, with her eyes on her son, she responded to me.
“I imagined giving birth a million times. I pictured the room, the way the sun would look outside when it set that first night. I imagined my pajamas and the onesie I’d take for my baby. But in every single scenario I was alone. During the birth, after and every second in-between.” Her pointer finger trailed over her son’s face in a soothing way, her smile was infectious.
“But that’s not how it ended up. I had you.” Blue eyes—starlight trapped in glass—landed on me. “And you were perfect…I don’t like what you did, Jamie but I get it. I understand why you did it.”
Her focus returned to her son. “Thank you for being here, Jamie. Through it all, I can’t thank you enough for not leaving me. Not letting the Chaos Kings have me when they all wanted their pound of flesh. When my mom died, and you could have just left me with Miles. When you could have stood by your vice president, Luke. You chose me, so I’ll forgive this and simply ask that you trust me next time.”
I felt a flicker of shame as I recalled that day her mother begged me to help, and how I had responded. All the times I had left. How I’d not realized how bad things had gotten with Luke because I had abandoned her.
Pen continued, “You deserve happiness, Jamie. In any and every way you can get it.”
Staring down at Connor, snuggled against Penelope’s breast, I let her words sink into me.
Pen was right. I was done backing away from what I wanted.