Chapter 3
THREE
Scarlett arrives at the apartment before Gabriel, just as he predicted.
I didn’t want her to find me on the floor, so I picked myself up, made another coffee to replace the one I’d spilled, and took a bath, letting the water run hot against my skin until the shaking slowed and I felt myself return to my body.
Even though I’m more confident now, more inside my body, I’m still shaking beneath the surface, my heart pumping with adrenaline that came with the possibility—the dangerous, intoxicating possibility—that my daughter might be alive and out there.
The entire mood around me feels like a pressure cooker that’s slowly heating from the inside, ready to explode and destroy everything in its wake.
When I open the door to Scarlett, for a split second I don’t know how to react.
The flowy blue dress and light cream cardigan she’s wearing are meant to make her look fresh and happy, but the new lines on her face tell a different story, and not even makeup can hide them.
Her dark curls are loose around her shoulders, slightly wind-tossed and untamed. Like me, she looks different from how she did six months ago, like she’s added five more years to her forty-three.
We haven’t seen each other in five months, but we’ve talked on the phone at least once a week. Our friendship was not left untouched by the tragedy.
Before Sadie disappeared, we talked pretty much every day. I don’t want to blame her for what happened, but sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that Sadie disappeared under her watch.
Scarlett pulls me into a hug first, and for a few heartbeats I allow my friend to hold me. Her slender arms are warm and familiar. But it doesn’t feel right. Something is off.
Even though I used to love her hugs, even though I’ve received so many of them, since Sadie’s disappearance, my body resists before my mind can catch up.
I’m the first to pull away, my lips curving upward despite the heaviness in my chest.
Suddenly, Coco darts away from the couch, a blur of brown fur racing across the room.
“Hello, gorgeous. I missed you too.” Scarlett catches her in midair and buries her face in Coco’s neck as the dog’s tail wags wildly. They recognize each other.
Coco belonged to Scarlett before she became Sadie’s dog. Scarlett decided to give Coco to Sadie after noticing how sad Sadie always was every time she visited Scarlett and had to leave the pup behind.
I smile at the two old friends as I think of our own friendship.
Every time I see Scarlett, memories flood back.
I know the next days will be hard. I know what’s coming—tears, frustration, that familiar helpless rage at not having been able to keep my daughter safe, and wanting to blame everyone for what happened.
Each month that goes by I press a bandage over the wound, pretend it’s healing. And soon after, I rip it off and feel the blood spill out all over again.
“Are you okay?” Scarlett narrows her hazel eyes as she lowers Coco to the floor.
I blink away tears and nod.
Of all the friends I pushed away, she’s the one who refused to be forgotten. The one I couldn’t completely sever myself from. But there’s distance between us now, an invisible but solid wall that separates who and what we were from what we’ve become.
Still, I will always consider her my friend. And I know she grieves Sadie almost as deeply as I do. She knows the pain of losing a child better than anyone, and I had helped her through her own grief years ago.
Scarlett now looks around the apartment. “It feels strange coming back here.” She pauses, touches my arm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Of course.” I close the door behind her and lead her to the guest room Alice prepared for her.
Standing in the doorway while she perches on the edge of the bed, I consider showing her the photo I was sent. But I’m afraid she’ll react like Gabriel did, that she will dismiss it and shatter the fragile hope I’m holding onto.
“I’ll let you settle in.” I reach for the door handle.
“I’m so sorry, Judy”—the same words she offers every few times we speak on the phone—“I miss her so much. I couldn’t stop thinking about her… on her birthday.”
I nod, biting down on my lip. Sadie’s birthday was six days ago, and it was painful to get through.
“I miss her too.” I leave her in the room with Coco and head to the kitchen, where I wrap my fingers tight around the teardrop garnet pendant—Sadie’s birthstone—that hangs from the fragile silver chain around my neck. I do my best to hold myself together but it doesn’t work.
Unsure what else to do, I step out onto the balcony. Warm air embraces me, heavy with salt and a flowery scent drifting up from the pots on the terrace below. The light breeze lifts the edge of my black silk blouse and caresses my skin.
The sea stretches out in front of me. It’s deceptively peaceful, like it has nothing to hide. But I know it’s hiding secrets in its depths. Only it knows what really happened that night.
Closing the balcony doors, I lean against the railing and call our housekeeper, Alice. She will only be coming back to the apartment tomorrow to do a light cleanup, but I can’t wait till then to ask if she knows anything about the envelope.
“Judy?” Alice says, her voice warm as always but a little out of breath. “Did you arrive all right?”
“Yes, thanks, Alice.” I try not to let my emotions make it through the line. “And everything looks perfect. Thank you for getting the apartment ready for us. It’s spotless, as always.”
“Of course. I aired out the rooms this morning and took care of everything on your list. I also stocked the fridge with your favorite things.”
“You’re amazing.” I swallow. “You always take such good care of our place. We really appreciate you.”
Alice used to take care of more than just our apartment.
Before she became our housekeeper, she was Sadie’s nanny. She started babysitting for us when she was fifteen and Sadie was two.
When Gabriel first suggested keeping her on as a housekeeper once Sadie was older and we no longer needed a nanny, I was against it.
“We can manage our own place,” I’d argued, wincing at the thought of Alice scrubbing our toilets, wiping toothpaste from the sink, gathering our scattered laundry, when she felt like part of the family.
What finally swayed me was knowing she needed the money. She was saving for college.
After high school, her dream was to leave town for the big city and study tourism and hospitality management in Orlando, where she had a boyfriend at the time.
This was how we could support her dreams, I told myself. Even so, I still found myself tidying up before her visits, as if that would make things less awkward between us.
Sadly, the same month she got her acceptance letter, her father was diagnosed with a degenerative neurological condition that slowly took away his mobility and left him housebound. Alice was the only one to care for him. It had been just the two of them since her mother died when Alice was a baby.
In the end, Alice never left the small town, but over time she began managing and maintaining several luxury properties like ours. Now, at twenty-nine, she has keys to many homes along the shoreline and makes a good living. Gabriel and I always make sure she is paid more than the job requires.
We love her like family and do our best to keep her close.
“How is Coco?” Alice asks gently.
“Oh, she’s fine.” My fingers curl around the balcony railing. “When we arrived, she went straight to Sadie’s flip-flops.”
Alice’s breath catches softly. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“I know.” I purse my lips and take a long breath.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you. I’m sure you’re busy, but I wanted to ask you something.
I found an envelope without a name among the mail you brought in.
Was it in the mailbox too, or did someone hand it to you?
It wasn’t postmarked. I’m afraid to open it in case it’s for someone else in the building. ”
I hear a faint rustle on her end, like fabric moving. “No, all the mail I brought in was from the mailbox. Just the usual things, mostly flyers.”
“Right.” I roll the pendant between my fingers. “That’s fine then.”
There’s another small pause. “Is everything okay?”
I look out at the ocean, at the place where the water meets the sky.
“Yes,” I lie. “Thank you again… for everything you did for us and for—”
“You don’t have to thank me,” she says quickly, stopping me before I say Sadie’s name. “You’re my favorite family to work for, always will be.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” I say, knowing that when she joined us, we were a family of three. Now, only two of us are left.
We hang up, and I stay on the balcony a little longer, the phone still warm in my hand.
In the distance, I hear Scarlett’s faint laughter, probably because of something Coco did.
The world continues as if nothing has changed.
But the very ground I’m standing on has shifted. If Sadie is alive, someone has been lying to me. And they know where she is.