34. BACK THEN – September
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
WILLOW MOORE
“S o I need to tell you all something,” I declare to too many people.
I don’t love being the center of attention. Commanding a space like this is my own personal nightmare. Even if I’m just speaking to these six people in Lily and Lo’s living room.
I count the heads: Lily and Lo, Ryke and Daisy, Connor and Rose.
The latter moved out of the house during the summer. They live in this regal mansion down the street, so it’s not as if they’re too far away.
Garrison stuffs his hands in his leather jacket, a backwards baseball cap covers his thick brown hair, and he watches me with silent encouragements in his aquamarine eyes.
Lo swings his head from Garrison to me and back to Garrison. My older brother’s glare is slowly boiling. Eruption imminent.
And he doesn’t even know why Garrison is here yet. Spilling this news might actually make it worse, but there’s no going back.
I push up my black-rimmed glasses and take a steady breath. “I thought it’d be a good idea if Garrison was here too.” I regret speaking the obvious detail. It causes an intense reaction.
Lo abruptly stands from the chair, and Lily clutches his leg like she’s trying to keep him from confronting Garrison or maybe even chasing him out of the house.
“Is he part of your news?” Lo asks hesitantly.
Daisy suddenly wraps an arm around Ryke’s waist, both seated on the couch. It’s hard not to notice Lily and Daisy physically restraining their men.
Well, this is already going terribly.
“Yeah…” I grab onto the strap of my overalls, the motion a nervous tic.
Garrison slides closer to me, and his fingers thread through mine. My pulse accelerates, but I also breathe easier.
“Are you pregnant?” Lo asks me.
“What?” I choke.
“Yeah, what ?” Garrison snaps, his face darkening. He motions to the entire room. “If anyone’s knocking up anyone, it’s one of you, and honestly, what the hell are you wearing?” He grimaces at Ryke.
“Underwear,” Ryke says like it’s just another day of being nearly naked in the living room.
“I see that, thanks,” Garrison says dryly.
Do not look again, Willow. Do. Not. Look.
Since I’ve walked in, I’ve tried hard not to glance at Daisy’s fiancé. (Yes, they’re finally engaged!)
Me avoiding Ryke isn’t just because he barely has a shred of fabric on, though that’s a good reason. Mainly it’s because his single piece of fabric happens to be a tight pair of boxer-briefs that, from a quick glimpse, look like they’re five sizes too small.
Words might also be on the cotton.
I’m not about to do a double-take and stare hard enough to check.
Ryke is intimidating .
I thought since I’ve grown closer to Daisy, it’d lessen that intimidation, but it somehow amplified it.
He’s the fiancé to my best friend and the brother of my half-brother.
Ryke and I don’t have a personal relationship like I have with Lo or Daisy or even Lily who’s my boss at Superheroes & Scones.
But I do live with him. He’s around and helpful and not close to the aggressive jackass that the media likes to paint him as.
Still, Ryke Meadows is and will always be certified intimidating.
If I’m being honest with myself, most of the people in this room carry a hefty amount of intimidation with them. It makes this declaration that much harder.
I swallow a lump in my throat. “So, um…this didn’t really go how we thought it would.”
“Why are you saying we like he’s a part of this?” Lo points an accusatory finger at Garrison.
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” I stumble over my words. This is going so, so badly . “I’m a…” The word is stuck in the back of my throat. How do I do this? Help!
Garrison squeezes my hand, and thankfully, he finishes for me, “Virgin.”
Lily peers over the couch at Garrison. “You’re a virgin?”
Garrison groans. “No, she’s a virgin. Good God, it’s like tuning into five different radio stations at once when I come here. Don’t you all ever get tired of each other?”
“I’m mostly tired of you,” Lo refutes in his serrated tone. Even I flinch.
Garrison’s lips downturn a fraction, and I can tell that missile struck him. “Whatever,” he mutters.
I squeeze his hand this time.
Regret flashes in Lo’s gaze for a quick second before he looks to me. “Your news can’t be that you’re a virgin and your friend isn’t one, so what is it? Because I keep thinking you’re leaving—”
“I’m not leaving,” I say, confidently. “I don’t have plans to move back to Maine. I promise I’d tell you if I was even thinking about it.”
He nods slowly. “Is it…about something else with your parents?”
I shake my head quickly. There’s no change on the parents front. My mom is standoffish whenever I call, and I haven’t spoken to my dad since I moved to Philly.
“Then what?” Lo asks.
“We’re together,” I spit out and then lift up my hand that’s interlaced with Garrison’s. My heart wants to fly out of my ribcage. Breathe, Willow.
I realize I’m dating the same boy that vandalized their house. He was a part of a friend group that caused serious harm. I just hope they’ll give Garrison a chance, so they can see what I see in him.
Lo’s face is all scrunched up. Like he can’t parse out what I just said. “What do you mean together?” he asks.
Connor gives a textbook definition of a boyfriend and girlfriend, and I make a mistake by looking at Ryke. His expression is ten times worse than Lo’s.
Jaw set. Eyes flamed. Muscles in his biceps are ripped. He’s a professional free-solo climber, ascending mountains with his bare hands. He could probably knock Garrison out with one blow.
Ryke fights with his fists, and Lo fights with his words. But I know Ryke wouldn’t hit Garrison. I trust him enough in that regard, but I hate that it already looks like he’s judged my boyfriend.
Written him off.
Whatever conversation I just tuned out, it ends with Lo glowering at Garrison. I have to fix this.
“It’s only been a week,” I explain quickly. “I know it’s not a long time, but I really didn’t want to sneak around, especially since I live with some of you.”
Garrison watches me, still by my side. We feel like a team.
“We have rules,” Lo starts.
“Have fun,” Lily declares, her smile overwhelming. My lips start to lift.
“No, not have fun—what the hell, Lily?” Lo gawks at his wife.
“They’re eighteen.”
“Yeah, we’re eighteen,” Garrison echoes.
Lo glares. “Last I remember, you’re still in high school.” That’s a low blow. I wince.
Garrison sighs heavily. “You’re not her fucking father.” This is true, and also a good point. I’ve tried hard not to burden Lo. I’m just his little sister.
“You’re right,” Lo says, “I’m her brother and the first person she should trust while she’s in Philadelphia.
” He takes a step closer to Garrison. “She’s my responsibility, and while I trust you with a lot of things, I don’t want you upstairs in her room past two a.m.—and two a.m. is more than I’d give any kid of mine.
” Another step. “And keep the door open.”
Surprisingly, I relax at his words. Maybe Lo knows I’d want the rules.
Garrison said he’d be patient and wait for kissing and sex, but I’m more worried about me. That maybe I won’t be able to say no when he asks me if I’m ready when I’m not. That things will go too fast and I won’t know how to slow down. Everything is new for me.
The rules will help give me an excuse to stop things before I’m ready to move forward. I can blame curfew or my overprotective brother. It makes it easier to say no without feeling guilty about it.
I want this relationship to go at my pace. A slow pace. Even if it’s a turtle crawl.
Me staying quiet is putting strain in the air. Both Lo and Ryke look five-seconds away from pushing Garrison out the door.
Before I can say anything, Garrison slowly unlaces his fingers from mine. My stomach drops, but he gives me this reassuring nod. “I’ll text you, okay?”
I nod back. “Will you check my gifs before you go to bed? I want to post them, but I think one isn’t working.”
Garrison nearly smiles. “Yeah. I’ll do it first thing.” He acknowledges the rest of the room with a curt wave and then heads out the door.
“When? Where? How?” Lily blurts out.
Her excitement fuels my smile, and I feel my shoulder dropping in ease. “So you’re all not upset?” I linger on Lo.
“You can do better,” he tells me.
Daisy steps forward. “She knows Garrison in a way that none of us do, so we should really trust her instincts.” I love Daisy Calloway . I’ve never felt what it’s like to have a friend so unwaveringly in my corner until her. We exchange smiles.
“You know what I don’t trust?” Lo says. “An eighteen-year-old horny motherfucking guy’s instincts.”
“Same,” Ryke adds.
“That’s why there are rules, right?” I say.
“So nothing should go wrong?” I hang onto this.
Or else their apprehension will start to seep into me.
I’m heading into uncharted territories here, and I know I’ll turn to people more experienced than me for advice.
I just don’t want their advice to make me more nervous.
Who am I kidding? Garrison Abbey, the practical reincarnation of Jess from Gilmore Girls , is my first boyfriend.
Repeat that a hundred times and maybe it’ll seem true.
He is so out of my league.
Yeah…
I’m nervous.