36. BACK THEN – February
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
WILLOW MOORE
I ’ve been tasked with “cake” pickup for Daisy’s birthday.
It also happens to be a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.
My first I’ve ever attended, but I’m not covered in a nervous sweat or anything.
It’s supposed to be a super lowkey gathering at Connor and Rose’s mansion. Just the core six, me and…my boyfriend.
A goofy smile expands across my face, just thinking the words. Garrison and I have been dating for months now—since September—but there still hasn’t been a kiss. I’m more comfortable with his touches than I’ve ever been.
Handholding. Hugging. Lying on the same bed together.
It’s been nice, and there’ve been a couple times I could’ve seen myself kissing Garrison. Like during the summer when fireworks lit the sky.
Yet, I was too chicken to make the first move. And he didn’t attempt it.
I realize I’m the one who chose the tortoise-slow pace, and I might have to be the one to initiate a faster one. But I don’t know how to go about that without descending in my head and becoming a mess of nerves.
Anyway, I’m trying to focus on good things. Birthdays. Bachelor/bachelorette parties.
“I can’t believe they ordered a dick cake.” Garrison’s eyes flit to the box on my lap. It indeed has a cake inside. Shaped like a giant penis.
Garrison’s hand tightens on his Mustang’s steering wheel, driving back from the bakery. His eyes meet mine briefly, and his brows rise. “It was a choice.”
We’re both near laughter. “Did you expect anything less from them?”
He shakes his head. “Not really.” He glances from the box to me. “You want me to carry it in?”
“No, I can do it.” Though that does cause a wave of anxiety, but I want to push through it for Daisy. It’s her birthday after all. My eyes flit to the clock. We’re running behind. Traffic near the bakery was a nightmare. Luckily, it’s mostly cleared up now.
Garrison follows my gaze. “Hold on.”
He accelerates, speeding all the way to the gated neighborhood.
* * *
“I don’t know if I can eat that,” Lily says, eyes narrowed as Ryke cuts the head of the…dick cake.
The eight of us pack into Connor and Rose’s enormous kitchen, fit with state-of-the-art appliances. I’ve chosen a nice alcove by the expensive toaster.
It’s the furthest spot from Ryke.
Ever since I found out he’s my brother, I’ve been avoiding him. I haven’t even spoken about Jonathan Hale (AKA my dad) since my conversation with Lo.
Change is hard.
But this change feels monumental, and I know I’m taking the cowardly route by dodging the reality. But we can’t all be Dorothy in the Land of Oz—brave and bold. At least, not all the time.
I’ve let this avoidance fester so long that anytime Ryke tries to talk to me, it’s this big awkward mess. Ryke Meadows is like a brooding, teeth-bared wolf, unapproachable and protectively menacing, and that’s just how I felt before he became my brother.
Now that we’re related, I can barely step a pinky toe in his direction without cowering. It’s ten times worse.
I never saw him filling this brotherly role in my life, and since I’m dating Garrison—that’s two brothers I have with opinions on my very first relationship.
It’s a lot.
Ryke looks to Lily and says, “It’s just a fucking cake.”
I push my glasses up the bridge of my nose.
Garrison’s shoulder presses right next to mine.
It’s nice that anytime I’m invited to something, he’s automatically invited too.
We’re a pair now. And even though I never felt like a seventh wheel with the core six, him being with me brings this sense of completion. Like it was always meant to be eight.
Garrison leans casually against the refrigerator, an unlit cigarette peeking from the pocket of his leather jacket. His eyes are on me. Mine on him. It’s hard to set them anywhere else when I feel the most comfort swallowed up in his orbit.
“Why’d you take so long?” Lo asks accusingly.
Garrison swings his head to my brother. “We pulled over to fuck,” he says dryly.
Oh… God .
I am used to his sarcasm, but not in front of my brothers. Not like this.
Ryke’s jaw hardens. Lo’s sharpens.
I choke on a breath. “We…didn’t.”
“They know that,” Garrison tells me.
Connor makes a pot of coffee. “It’s as though you want them to hate you.” That actually might be true. I think he feels undeserving of their kindness, so he pushes them away.
Garrison pauses before saying, “That’s stupid.”
“You said it, not me,” Connor states.
“Who wants the head?” Daisy asks, raising a plate with a slice of cake. I give her an appreciative look for the interjection and then spin towards the freezer, grabbing a tub of vanilla ice cream.
“I’m trying to remember why I like you,” Lo tells Garrison, ignoring Daisy, “but it’s all clouded by an image of me stabbing you, so be lucky I’m not holding a goddamn knife right now.”
Garrison almost smiles. “You still like me?”
I caught that too. My spirits lift.
Lo enunciates, “ Me stabbing you to death. Value your own life for me, so you can at least be kind of frightened.”
I focus on opening the tub of ice cream—helping out and distracting myself—and then I lean into Daisy’s ear to whisper, “I’m so embarrassed.”
Daisy hugs my side and says even softer, “They love you, you know?”
I glance to Ryke, but the second he turns towards me, I abruptly rotate back to Daisy. My brain is singing a song on a loop. It goes something like: Ryke Meadows is your big brother. He’s your brother. Older brother! He’s Ryke Meadows and you’ve got him as a brother! HE’S YOUR brOTHERRRRR!
My face flames and stomach churns.
I so clearly avoided his gaze, didn’t I? There was nothing smooth about it. I refocus on the ice cream. Tasks are good. Tasks keep me away from thinking about how awkward I am.
After I stick a spoon into the ice cream, I notice Rose handing Lily a middle portion of the cake. Lily shakes her head. “I can’t eat the shaft.”
“Lil.” Lo melds his body behind hers. “It’s cake. ”
“It’s a penis.”
“No, love, this is a penis.” He takes her hand and places it on his crotch.
“Lo!” A smile accompanies her squeal.
I’m used to the overly flirtatious antics and PDA, but I’ve been roasting since I showed up to this party. Today is on a different level. I sidle back to Garrison.
“Daisy!” Ryke calls out, standing near the dick cake. Swiftly, he scoops the chocolate cake into his palm and chucks the hunk at her face. It splats against her nose and mouth and eyes, pink frosting dropping off her chin.
Her smile stretches. “This means war,” she warns.
“Come at me, Calloway.”
Daisy digs her hand into the cake and throws a hunk at Ryke. It hits him square in the cheek.
The food fight erupts, Lily and Lo joining in. Connor and Rose sip coffee by the pot, hand-in-hand, and remain out of the battle.
I back up into Garrison’s chest to avoid being pelted with a flying piece of cake. He wraps his arms over my collarbones, holding me.
Lo and Ryke are doing the most cake throwing, and one chunk finally pelts my shoulder, splattering my top with pink icing.
Garrison spins me around to face him. “You’ve got something on you,” he says, lips inching up.
“That’s because I was shielding you .”
His grin explodes. “And look at that, you did such a good job.” He places his hands on either side of my shoulders, and slowly, we do this dance maneuver. I follow his lead until I realize we’re just walking in a circle. Until his back is in the crossfire of cake.
He tells me, “Now it’s my turn to shield you.”
Warmth ascends. I block everyone else out.
He dips his finger into the icing on my shoulder and then draws on my cheek. I can feel the shape he creates. A heart.
My pulse slows down like it’s drunk. Intoxicated.
I swipe some icing with my finger and reach up to his cheek. He dips his head so that I can reach. I draw a star on his fair skin.
We’re a breath apart, his face closer to mine.
“Willow,” he whispers so softly. “Can I kiss you?”
There is no hesitation. No question.
I know in my heart I’m ready.
“Yes,” I breathe. I feel the sudden flare of anxiety that comes with doing something new, but it fades as his lips draw to mine.
I close my eyes.
He’s soft and gentle, and his palms hold the small of my back, pressing me close. Eagerness zips through my veins. Pulsing in places that have never really been lit up by someone. I lean closer, and he matches the movement, pinning me to the cabinet. Sparks ignite throughout every inch of my body.
But then I remember I have hands.
Those pesky appendages are just dangling like noodles at my sides. My heartbeat speeds up in unease. Where do I put these things?
Garrison must sense my sudden apprehension, and he breaks from my lips for a millisecond. Just long enough for his eyes to caress mine.
Quickly, he just drops his hands off me and takes my palms in his. He guides them to the back of his head, and his baseball hat tumbles to the floor.
Oh…that’s where they should go.
But he doesn’t make me feel silly for not knowing. Instead, he presses a soft hand to my cheek and returns to my lips.
Our eyes close again, and he deepens the kiss, edging my mouth open. A soft noise catches in the back of my throat. One that I don’t even know if he heard. But I cling harder to Garrison all the same. I follow his lead until he breaks away for breath. Forehead pressed to mine.
“That was my first kiss,” I whisper to him.
He smiles. “I know.” His eyes dance around me, trying to read my body language. I wouldn’t even be able to translate it for him. “Did you like it?”
“Yes,” I say, my body heating up from truth. “A lot. I think…I think we should do it again sometime.”
“Definitely. But later,” he agrees. “When we’re not in a room with your brothers.”
My brothers.
Oh shit.
I forgot about them. In fact, I forgot all about the other six people in the kitchen. I glance past Garrison’s chest. Daisy and Ryke are lost in each other’s eyes, swaying to invisible, nonexistent music. Cake stuck in their hair and covering their arms.
Lily and Lo are MIA.
Connor and Rose have migrated to the couch, backs turned to us.
No one was watching us.
I’m not sure if that’s the real truth, but I’m going to the grave believing it.