We are not alone
Laura wisely moves the hair to the left side taking care that the headphones do not spoil the wonderful extensions so well done by our hairdresser Rosi. In front of her, Karina opens the daisy diary. Like every Thursday, the little eyes sparkle, waiting to highlight in red the first of our big day towards success.
Once when I was a little girl I woke up at night and found my grandmother in the living room. When she saw me she rubbed her eyes with the fabric of her plaid apron. The wide-winged sofa enveloped her in such a way that her small body was barely visible. When I asked her why she was suffering, she told me it was tears of happiness to have me in her life. That was a lie. She was also abandoned. My mother was her daughter. She left us both alone.
For years I cried trying to find a reason. Anselmo in his discovery course told me that life is not found in reasons but in desires. And that is why I am here. No woman should ever feel alone. Never.
Anthony in the steering booth positions himself as the grand master of the orchestra. Next to him Blake watches me through the glass. I don't quite understand him. They have become new best friends. Blake has decided to show up at the radio to help him with a networking issue. They both explained it to me as if I had any idea what it meant, for me radio begins and ends at the mike in front of me.
Aying, lucky me. I'm sure if I set up a circus the tightrope walkers would suffer from vertigo. At work we are together, at home we are together. And ta-da, drum roll! As if I didn't have enough with this feeling that strangles me from the inside, he shows up in this, my corner of personal expansion. My nerves are on fire. Feeling him wandering so close to my living space begins to provoke a burning itch in my best guarded body zone. The heart - for heaven's sake! Blake shakes my poorly cemented foundations. No matter what walls he projects at night, mornings when I see him in my kitchen preparing breakfast, the cement turns into heart-shaped cream pancakes.
Anthony's fingers rise pointing to the timeout. Laura taps her pencil on the table. Karina puts on her glasses and I pray for the best. Blake forgets the chair next to Anthony and walks to meet me, picks up my head in his hands and eats my mouth before telling me he's madly in love. Oops, that last one didn't happen, but how nice to imagine it.....
-In three, two, one!
The music plays loudly. The girls release their adrenaline by raising their arms, I cross my fingers looking up at the peeling ceiling tiles. Dear God, don't let Blake see me make a fool of myself.
-Green light. Here we go!
The blaring music bounces off the soundproof walls.
Tonight I'm going out, I'm feeling good, I'm going to leave everything hanging,
I want to make some noise, raise my voice, yes, I want to scream and shout.
Without inhibitions, without setting conditions, going a little off script, I'm not going to act in a politically correct way, I just want to have a good time.
The best thing about being a woman, is the privilege of having a little fun and, oh, going totally crazy, forgetting that I'm a lady....
Man! Feel like a woman!
The sound diminishes. It's my moment.
-And here we are once again in our wonderful program of.... -Karina and Laura join me at the microphone to shout along with me.
-Solas!
-Alone," I repeat this time without an accompanying chorus. .
-Never! -Karina answers, gluing her lips to the microphone.
-From the time we are little, they dress us in pink and put a rag doll in front of us, expecting us to take care of it. Focusing our obligations on conditionalities set by someone one day considered that this was our only value to contribute to society. Why is it so hard for them to understand that we are more than just babysitting bags? We are mothers or not, that will depend on our decision. Ours. Like our body, our thoughts and our intelligence. Characteristics that are ours and that we have the total right to use as and when we feel like it. Part of the world insists that we find the perfect Prince Charming, but what if yellow or orange suits us better? What do you think?
-I love orange. Laura's comment brings a smile to our faces.
-I'm more of a blue person, although I must admit that orange is a very interesting color," Karina joins the conversation.
Anthony raises his right hand in a scissors sign. A call! I'm not surprised, but almost. I posted the program on Instagram, Tik Tok and even on Facebook, which is in the doldrums, but I never stop for efforts, now, the good results that accompany them are already a different kind of cake.
-We have a call.
Laura stands up straight as if she had swallowed a broomstick. Karina picks up the pom-pom pen without batting an eye and I glance sideways. He's too handsome for me to resist. I'm head over heels for those little eyes of one hundred percent pure chocolate.
-Alone. . Who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
-Hello... uh... My name is Mar.
-Hello Mar, we are delighted to hear from you. Tell us about it.
-Yes, I am... Mar. You see, my partner doesn't give me what I need. He's a little bit selfish. But just a little bit, you won't believe that much.
Anthony's ear to the dashboard. The girls twist their chins upward. I don't need to clarify. I know the character perfectly well.
-I have been married for sixty years and I feel that we are no longer the same.
I reach into my backpack and rummage around. Hurried as I am, the IPhone falls to the ground. Another centimeter and my screen doesn't count. I stretch out my fingers and pick it up. I fumble with the keys. Fingers sparkle with fury.
(WhatsApp) Elvira! Cut the call. Now!
-I even thought he had a mistress. Thank God I didn't. Love is a divine feeling that must not be betrayed.
Laura and Karina cover their eyes. Anthony looks at the sky with contained laughter. They have just recognized the fake.
(WhatsApp) Elvira, cut!
-I was wrong in the end. My husband is a good man. We should talk before we judge. And of course thank God for love. He tells us that love is something that goes beyond the material. Dear ones, we get what we give.
(WhatsApp) Either you cut it or I swear I'll tell the neighborhood that the bread you sell is from the Chinese!
-God sees everything, that is why we must always thank him. My best friend taught me that, may God rest her soul. Father in his blessed goodness even helps little girls who threaten poor helpless old ladies.
(WhatsApp) We'll talk to you later...
-Thank you, Elvira. Laura shakes her hand in denial and Karina rectifies instantly-. I want Mar. Thank you Mar. And of course, thank God.
-To you, sweetheart. You are a good girl. I'm sure some good baker is waiting for you this afternoon with violet tea and lemon sponge cake.
-So be it, Elvira. Laura shakes her hand again-Mar. I mean Mar. She rectifies biting her lips to keep from laughing.
-Some music? -Anthony says before hitting the key and popping like a punctured balloon.
Music allows us to speak without thinking about the listeners.
-He did not do it maliciously.
-You know we have few calls. It's a good marketing strategy. Laura expands on Anthony's conclusion.
-It's a big one. The director comments from the booth with his finger pressed on the microphone so we can hear him.
-Who are you talking about? -The little night eyes sparkle with intrigue as he gets up from the floor, but he keeps pressing his foot on the computer socket that seems to have a freedom of its own.
-From no one. What I'm missing. To embarrass me even more.
-The call was from Elvira. She is Sofi's grandmother's best friend. She has a bakery and confectionery on the same street as her house. The lady has spoiled us since we were little.
-Of course," Blake still doesn't understand.
-You see, we adore her. Since Sofia lost her grandmother she doesn't leave her side. Let's say she's like her surrogate grandmother. Anthony responds from his cubicle while I try to bury myself. Every Sunday she waits for us with a table laden with sweet rolls and top-notch coffee.
-And if we don't show up, she prepares a little package for us to take home," Laura adds from her seat, looking into the glass booth where the boys are locked in.
Why did I teach him how to use the Samsung? Shouldn't he be sleeping in front of the TV stroking the cat resting on his lap? I'll give him one tomorrow.
The music begins to fade into the distance and Anthony gives us the pursed-lip signal that translated into radio language means: Silence or I'll skin them!
The music begins to fade out so that another call comes in. I hope this time it's not Do?a Clara, the greengrocer, since my grandmother is no longer here, the neighborhood has decided to adopt me.
-And here we are again in Solas. . Who is on the other side? -I ask with a bit of trepidation.
-Is it me?
As a friend of my grandmother's bingo I commit murder.
-Of course, my friend, what is your name?
-Hi, uh... I'm José, but my friends call me Chechu.
-Hello Chechu. Although this is clearly a female program we are always willing to hear refreshing opinions from a man. Tell us, what prompted you to call us?
-Well, well, yes, you see, I'm calling because I have a girlfriend. Or rather, I had...
-I am so sorry, Chechu.
-Yeah, well, my mother says it's better to lose her than to find her. She's a real bitch.
The girls open their eyes. Me, too. This young man is definitely not my grandmother's friend.
-Chechu, I don't think you should call her that. You see, love is a boomerang with no destination. The law of life sometimes seems unfair, let's not blame anyone for the misfortune of heartbreak. Hearts are not property. Feelings are complements, never press-fitted rivets.
-It's just that I...
-You are hurt, we understand, not being the chosen one hurts deeply. The best thing to do would be to move on with your life. Karina speaks with enviable confidence.
-Yes, I would like a change of scenery, but the very...
-Exactly," Laura cut off Chechu's speech with professional speed while I wiped the sweat from my brow as I imagined the swear word that was coming. Life has thousands of undiscovered destinies. The bad, although at first it may seem impossible, will be, in time, forgotten in a sweet past. A new route with endearing landscapes will knock on your door. I am sure of it.
-Yes, that's why I'm calling you, you'll see?
-Love is like that. Come on, Chechu! No hard feelings. Take your new road because.... -Laura tries hard not to let him speak so that he cuts the call. She doesn't trust this Chechu.
-That's what I'm looking for. The son of a bitch slashed the tires on my Mercedes! Well, not her, the Richard. That for evil they are the same cloth.
-Chechu! This program was not made to insult. Please. Solas is a women's program and...
-And that's why I'm calling you! Yoli! You fucking bitch! Give me back the IPhone fourteen Pro-Max I bought you. And I'm still paying for it! Yoli, I hope you used the condoms I left on the bedside table. They're expired!
-Chechu, that's no way to go. Sweat trickles down my forehead.
-That Yoli! Listen to the hostess. Go ahead with the Richard's dirty and forget me. That is if you can get up off the floor, we know each other too well and we know how much you like to bend your knees to suck the...
-And that's all for today. See you next Saturday at Solas. . Anthony closed the call. And the program.
The triangles with Applejack started blaring at the top of our lungs as we took off our headphones. Blake laughs so hard it makes me think he's never done it before. Anthony, somewhat more discreet, doesn't hide his amusement. The girls and I continue in shock. Blake rises to his feet, coming out of the booth, heading for me. I dodge him. It's not like in my dream. At this moment his comfort would hurt more than the shame that crushes me.