My girl
-Surprise, it's me... fuck.
-Don't swear.
-You say them too. What happened to you?
Mariam walks through the door without taking her eyes off my face.
-Is it that bad?
-One to ten? One hundred.
-You and your blessed sincerity. Come in and be quiet. Why are you here?
-Freedom day for the incarcerated," she sticks her tongue out at me as I shake my head. I should have been tougher in his tutelage. I'm meeting Sofía to set Madrid on fire with our shopping. I have no clothes.
-Don't you have any clothes? -You?
-Don't be a killjoy. I left most of it in Baltimore. I remind you that I'm a poor girl surviving in a boarding school because her heartless brother has locked her in the tall tower," Mariam walks through the house as if she knows it inside out. Her pink coolness is her sass.
-Like that blonde princess with the ponytail.
-Rapunzel, haven't you learned it yet? -I'll never admit that reading those stories more than once made me turn the pages forward to find out the ending. What the hell has happened to you? -he says, tapping the coffee pot to make sure it's hot.
-Second shelf. And don't say horns -I answer pointing to the hand-painted porcelain tray of intense color-. I have traveled to Barcelona.
Mariam's smile transforms.
-Is he here?
-Yes.
-Did he do that to you?
She is so angry it makes me laugh. My sister is a fighter for lost causes. She loves to raise the flag for the weak. Apparently this morning I am the first evicted person on her list.
-It's been..." -I keep silent until I check that the door to Sofia's room is closed- Raul.
-Raul?!
-Shhh
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she also looks towards the closed door. What does Raul have to do with all this?
-Our uncle doesn't trust me.
-Do you think he knows?
-If I knew, you'd be talking to you on Ouija.
Mariam holds her forehead as she sighs vehemently. Her theater classes are a well-paying expense.
-It can do us a lot of harm.
-I will not allow it.
-Why did you fight with Raul?
-Rather by whom," I replied, looking toward the door of the closed room.
-Raul? Don't say that he and she have...
-I'll slit his throat first.
We were both silent. Mariam is a girl too mature for her age. Behind her wild features hides a prodigious thinking brain. She enjoys proving what she is not. We both grew up creating our own protective barriers. Mine is distance, hers is superficiality.
-Does she know anything?
Half-truths. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better to tell them everything.
-Then you have no doubts.
-What is she from? No. It all fits.
-I can't believe it!
-Shhhh.
-I can't believe it," he murmurs with a low throat clearing. I'm so happy. The short time we saw each other seemed ideal. Blake, our uncle can't get away with this. She could suffer too much. And you could lose the woman you love.
-I know, I know. Time is a time bomb in the back of my head.
-Brother, did you notice what I said?
-I may have a swollen eye and a split lip, but I'm not deaf.
-You're in love, and you recognize it! -Mariam hits the table with the cup and I take it away from her to stop her screaming. In all the years I've known you, that is, all my life, you've never shown anything for any girl. Never!
-It's because now I have something to prove. I return the cup and lean back in my chair, stretching my legs.
Mariam is right. I have never thought about a girl more than the minutes in bed. However, with her I crave what I didn't know before. Last night we talked until she fell asleep on my chest. I have never felt greater pleasure in all my life. I would have covered her with my body so that no one could touch her. I don't care if I come across hundreds or thousands of prettier women, for me Sofia wakes up prettier every morning.
And speaking of pretty...
He opens the door to the room and our gazes lock. He waves to us and points to the toilet. He enters the bathroom and leaves me gawking at the door. All those who have accused me in the past of being cold, heartless and insensitive would like to see me right now. My heart is in my fist and my courage is in my balls. I wake up drenched in cold sweat fearing that on the day of truth I will be unable to understand myself.
-You like her.
Mariam has red hearts in her pupils. She doesn't say it, but she is delighted.
-Like it? I am madly in love.
The greatest denier of all time of Cupid's flirtations, faint with love, and confessing to his little sister. This is a punishment.
-Then we have to move on. For her and for you.
Ring. Ring.
-I'll get it! Go on with your coffee and don't be mean. Fetch something for your poor forlorn sister who hasn't had a bite to eat all morning.
-It will be because of time, because it is not because of money to spend. Poor VISA has called the emergency room.
She sticks her tongue out at me before she opens the door and stares at me. I drop the package of cookies on the table and reach out with my fists. If Raul is looking for a second fight he'll find it. He won't go near Sofia. She's mine.
-Anthony? Is that you? -I look at my sister, who still doesn't move.
-For a long time.
-Good morning, come in. I didn't know you were coming. I move her by the arm to free the entrance. The mute is my sister Mariam.
-Hello, I'm a friend of Sofia's, but what happened to you!
-Difference of opinion," I replied, letting him pass.
-What about the other one?
-With my opinions stamped on my jaw.
-Well done.
-Hello... I'm Mariam...
Anthony accompanies me to the kitchen while my sister moves her hand like a Chinese store kitten. She has lost her voice.
-What about Sofia?
-In the shower. Coffee?
-Yes, thank you.
-I didn't know you had a sister." He looks at Mariam who just shakes her head with a somewhat terrified smile.
-I have brought her to Madrid to finish her studies. I am her legal guardian and responsible for turning her into something useful for humanity.
Mariam ignores me. Apparently she has regained the gift of gab.
-I'm a lovely girl and mankind is delighted to have me. As for being a guardian, I have only a few days left in prison. In a few days I will be eighteen.
-That's nice. We'll have to celebrate," Anthony smiles back and the colors light up my little sister's face. I'd like to know what Paul would think if he were here.
Sofia comes out of the restroom in jeans, a tight shirt that takes the hiccups away and her hair curled up in a towel. She couldn't be more naturally pretty.
-Anthony! I wasn't expecting you." She goes over to give him two kisses.
-He jokes. She hugs him. They are so complicit that jealous ardor burns my esophagus.
-You will always be an expected visitor. Do you know Mariam? She is Blake's sister.
-Yes, we've just organized a party for next week," Anthony winks at her. Mariam doesn't answer. She's still blushing like a summer tomato in the sun.
-A party?
Sofia dries her hair with her head askew and I restrain myself from jumping on her and eating her up. No matter all the caresses I stole from her this morning when I woke up. All the seconds I spend by her side, all the kisses I steal from her lips, infinitely everything turns out to be a source of scarcity that increases when I don't have her by my side. I live in an unbearable feeling of need for her.
-Apparently this young lady is coming of age. Anthony winks again at Mariam. She remains mute.
-I didn't know that! Surely we can do something here at home.
-We can also order the cake and sweets from Elvira.
-Yes, and you're in charge of the music?
-That's done.
Mariam looks at me with watery eyes. I know what she is thinking. Her dreams are starting to come true. Our rickety family begins to grow.
-Did I say something wrong? -Sofia comes closer and Mariam sheds the first tear before hugging her with effervescent feelings.
-Our parents died when she was very young," I need to explain, "she doesn't remember them. When I became her guardian I organized a party or two, although seeing her reaction, it's clear that I wasn't a very good party planner.
-Don't be silly," he replies, wiping his cheeks.
-This time we'll have it. My grandmother taught me how to organize the best parties, remember?
He holds his friend by the arm and the acidity continues to dilate my windpipe. I know I'm stupid to be jealous of his friend. But he didn't have to cross the ocean to meet the love of his life.
-Grandma To?i was the best. Pi?atas, garrapi?adas and music to fall in love with," she answers, focusing on Sofia, who looks down.
-What happened to the music? -I don't hold back from asking.
-Nonsense.
-Oh yes, you say that about foolishness to the na?ve Marco.
-Who is Marco? -And why don't I know anything about him!
-Nonsense," he replies, approaching Mariam, "We'll have the best party ever. We'll have the best party ever. What do you say, Anthony?
-If they say party, I'm there.
-We will order the cake from Mrs. Elvira today. Anthony will bring the music equipment. The girls will be happy to help with the decorations.
-What about Marco? -I asked, choking.
-I was eleven years old," he says quietly as if that justifies everything.
I approach her without resisting the temptation to give her a slow kiss on the cheek. One so calm that she can enjoy my lips and forget Ruben, Marco and any of those idiots who arrived before me. Mariam oozes happiness from her pores. Anthony focuses his eyes on the coffee pot.
-Maybe I need to buy something, too. I'm short of T-shirts," I say with conviction.
-You never want to go shopping. You always ask Matilda to go for you. Today is an all-girls outing.
Sofia asks me with her eyes. I remain silent for a few minutes. Enough to make her suffer as much as I have suffered for Marco. All men know that love at eleven years old is the worst.
-Matilda is our assistant. She's been like a second mother," I replied with a wink.
-And my brother is his right eye.
-Anthony, I'm afraid they don't want to take us. I look resigned as I wonder why he would come so early on a Saturday.
-Exactly, only girls.
She approaches me and I forget about schedules, shopping and whether the sky is up or down.
-And if I say that Madrid has some magnificent restaurants for lunch or a snack, would the ladies allow me to invite them?
I hold my girl by the waist. ... Sounds fucking perfect.
-And you said you'd treat us to a seafood paella? -My sister scratches her chin.
-The best in Madrid.
-And would you pay?
Sofia's lips stretch sweetly and I would bite them before giving her all the paella restaurants in Madrid.
-For you everything.
-Then we accept.
winks at Mariam and the little vermin applauds loudly. If we weren't siblings I'd say she's thrilled to see me caught hand and foot.
I press my hand against her back in an intimate and private act. Her eyes sparkle mischievously. My body emanates tons of pent-up desire.
-If you're not feeling well, you should stay. It's still very swollen. I shiver as I feel the touch of his worried finger on the edge of my eye.
-I will not miss the opportunity to pay for an expensive paella.
-Then say no more, we're leaving. My VISA is ready!
Mariam pulls Sofia, but I don't let go of her waist.
-I think you're forgetting something," I say before giving him a deep kiss, "I'm crazy about your bones, officer.
She accepts me with a certain stiffness. This is our first kiss in front of others. I allow her no hesitation. I hold her waist tightly, pressing her body against mine. A brush of lips that leaves no room for doubt.
-Blake, let her go, we're late.
The colors rise up his neck. Instinctively she looks at Anthony as if she needed his permission. His complicity begins to annoy me.
-Before you leave, I need a few minutes with you. Alone," his friend speaks with such seriousness that my sister stops tugging and heads for the elevator.
I move backwards. Just a few steps. Anthony holds her arm. I still don't like him. She looks at him. And even though there are no words, they're still talking. So much complicity makes me nervous. Our relationship is too fragile to withstand her best friend's hatred.
-I'm fine," I hear her murmur.
-Last night you left in disgust.
Last night? upset? why didn't she say anything? who bothered her? I'm starting to feel my guts twist inside my body.
-Shall we talk about it another time?
Anthony accepts the kiss as a farewell and she leaves after my sister shouts something about having the elevator doors locked so as not to delay. They both say goodbye happily.
-We need to talk. Anthony's back is my interlocutor.
-Whenever you want," I answer as I watch him close the door.
-Now is a good time.
-Coffee? -I ask her back, who continues to be my listener.
-If you suffer, I'll rip your balls off.
-To coffee?
Anthony walks over and sits in the kitchen. I calm down. I don't have the face for any more physical fights.
-She is very important to me. I love her and do not want her to suffer.
I know they're friends, but hearing a six-foot-four, muscle-bound guy say out loud that he loves her chokes my already faint guts a little more.
-You asked if I was still upset. What happened last night?
-You listened to us. You shouldn't have.
-I don't want him to suffer. I brush aside his polite advice and bring him a steaming cup of coffee as I sit across from him waiting for an answer.
-I warned him about you. He answers, lifting his chin to get a better look at me. I'm not sure if I should punch him or give him a wave. He must have them square to drop such a kick on me like that and start drinking without a drop of sweat on his forehead. I've been checking up on him.
I can't blame him. I have no female friends, but if a man like me had been chasing Mariam, I'd take it upon myself to regale him with a few threatening hints before approaching my sister.
-What did you say to him? -I shudder to think about it. My past is not a good letter of recommendation.
-That you slept with an infinite number of models. That you never spent more than one night with any of them.
Now I'm the one who takes a good sip of coffee. I remain silent. I cannot justify myself. At least not to him. She is the only one who deserves my explanations. If I can come up with any halfway reasonable one. The truth is that none of them interested me beyond a good quick fuck without commitment. I had little to no interest in their names, their desires or their lives.
-Sofi is a vivacious girl who harbors an inner self charged with a single fear. She is not like everyone else. She doesn't deserve to be hurt.
-I know. What fear are you talking about?
-Has he told you about his mother?
-Yes.
-Then you know she suffers from the constant fear of being abandoned -ahh that fear- . She doesn't allow anyone to get too close. With Ruben she tried and all she got was that asshole to hurt her even more.
-I would never hurt him.
-Maybe not intentionally. I think despite your bad resume you're a good guy. But if I'm wrong, if she's just one of many on your list of conquests, I want you to pack up your things and disappear from her life today.
-You are no one to demand anything from me.
-I'm the one who picks up its broken pieces. Is that enough for you?
-What Sofia wants regarding us is her decision," I clench my jaw and the pain of my split lip shows me the stars. I'm not going to justify how I feel to you or anyone else. If you don't like it you can chew glass and swallow. And if you try to take her away from me, I warn you, I'll fight you hard.
I have rage to the point of liquid caramel. I'm as annoyed by his meddling as I am to hear that he is her permanent washcloth of tears. Thinking of Anthony as her prop makes me want to scream at her that she is closer to me than her imbecility allows her to know.
-You're busted. He is so amused that he can't contain himself.
-Asshole son of a bitch. Fuck you. I relax too.
-I'm leaving, but you're caught by the balls. You couldn't have found a better girl than Sofi. You're a lucky asshole.
I suck down my coffee and wait for Anthony to leave before I open Mariam's message on my cell phone. It's a picture of both of them sticking out their tongues and showing their bags to the camera.
Disappear from his life? I think about Anthony's suggestion and smile at the best stupid joke of the season. No one will take her away from me. Not anymore.