You are my happiness
My hands are sweating. If I start to think that I'm standing in front of his door with a travel bag on my shoulder I think I'll have a stroke. I confirm the address for the tenth time. This is it. My knees dance to a Maluma reggaeton. I look to the side. The stairs are close. If he kicks me out, I can run, although seeing as we're on the twenty-fourth floor, it would be more profitable for him to throw me off the balcony.
The doorman, a six-foot-two man with a dark complexion, stands out against the white marble of the floors and walls. He has followed me into the second elevator. He doesn't quite trust that I'm not a thief. Either I give her courage or she calls the police. I'd better go in with Mariam's keys and then I'll explain. On the news they say that Americans carry guns and hate Latinos.
-Oh, shit. These modern key chains that are supported without... ouch. Ouch. Don't kill me. I'm a visitor. Turist. Im turist. Please.
The man stretches out his hand and brings me a package of sweets. How?
-I'm sorry," I say, looking at the gum Karina bought so my ears wouldn't get blocked on the plane. I must have dropped it on the way in.
-Are you ok?
-Yes. Yes. I'm an asshole, but harmless," I say, holding up my hand with the pom-pom keychain.
-What?
-Nothing. Thank you, you. Thank you.
The man puts his hands in his pockets and walks down the hall.
-Calling me an asshole is an understatement. I'm exhausted and I still haven't... eeeehhhhhhh
Straight to the floor with the ass inside the apartment. The door is awesome. The key opens without the need to support it. The pinnacle of modern technology. In my apartment, besides putting it in four times, you need to give it a little kick.
I stand up slowly. The image before me stuns me. I am in a room whose size is bigger than my entire house. In the background, the glass walls reflect the glare of the sun hitting the water of the bay. To my right two huge sofas are lost among so many meters. The decoration is minimalist. Utilitarian. And beautiful. To the left a pristine white kitchen joins the living room in a huge open space. I have never visited a house like this. The closest I ever came to something like this was the decorating show my grandmother and Elvira used to watch on TV.
-Please leave the tray on the table.
Blake's voice appears somewhat drowned out. I mean, Blake's voice and his body. I mean, his body and his voice under a towel covering his head. He's wearing shorts as he shakes out his damp hair. I rest the bag on the floor and close my eyes. I've rehearsed what I was going to say so much that I've forgotten. With her back to me she throws down the towel and reaches for her purse.
-You can keep the change... Sofia?
His strangeness makes me happy. I asked everyone to please not say anything to her. According to her bright hard-boiled egg eyes I see that they have. We are at loggerheads, though hundreds of miles apart. A soccer match could be played in this room without the team stepping on each other's toes.
-I... came to see you.
-Are you okay? Elvira? The girls? You?
-We are all well.
Blake's worried eyes blur. Mine are cowering. I glance sideways. Comparing my forty-meter apartment to this house doesn't help. I'm Cinderella after twelve. My enthusiastically colored travel bag stands out against the duplex's minimalist decor.
-When did you arrive?
-Right now. The door... the doorman... I thought of a shooting... too long a story. Mariam gave me her keys.
I talk trying not to let the space make me feel like an insignificant fly.
-If I had known you were coming, I would have picked you up at the airport.
Blake approaches the door and closes it. He passes me without brushing past me. My heart is a runaway horse. He looks so handsome that confidence leaves me. My small house, my disastrous life, my mediocre jobs....
-Action.
-I beg your pardon?
Elvira, I hope you are right or I will not survive this shame.
-I say I'm here because I love you and I don't want to lose you.
-Sofia...
-I know I'm insecure with a lot of fears. And you were right, the past has not let me trust you. Nor in me. That's why I'm here. To tell you that I want to leave abandonment behind. The abandoned Sofia no longer has a place in this new stage. I am starting to believe in myself and I would like you to be by my side.
-Heaven -his footsteps approach slowly.
-I want to be your happiness and I want you to be mine.
-You are already my happiness.
-I'm a fool with a lot of fears, I know, but I'm getting better. I don't have long legs and I don't have red hair and my floor is a matchbox, and maybe when I sleep too deep I snore a little bit. Although that's not proven.
-He is." He gets so close that his heartbeat collides with mine.
-I know you left because you thought I didn't love you. That's not true. I love you very much. I love you so much that going back to the loneliness of not having you is hell. I just want one chance. Just one chance. I promise to love you a thousand times more than any girl you've ever met before. I want to be your happiness and I want you to...
-Shhh. Honey, didn't you hear what I said?
Strong, rough hands wrap around my face. I think and think, but nothing. Like Blake's words nothing comes to me. My brain is on standby.
-I said that you are already my happiness.
-Does that mean you're not going to leave me? -I sniffle through my nose at the escaping tears.
-Honey, I will never leave you.
-But you are here. You left Madrid. You said you had no reason to come back.
-Did you think I wouldn't come back?
-Elvira told me everything.
-Elvira?
-She told me you were leaving because you couldn't stand living in Madrid without me.
Blake scratches my hair.
-And I can't stand it. I can't stand a minute without you. That's why you're going to stay with me for as long as our whole life. What do you think?
-Yes, but you also have to know a little something else. You'll see...
His lips cling to mine with hundreds of loving words that get lost inside along with my tongue. My mouth opens allowing him to take possession of the inside I always kept hidden. The dark piece of my fears breaks into little pieces that I let go with the wind of oblivion. I stretch to reach my little big place. I curl my hands behind his neck as he crouches down giving me his body. He is me and I am Blake. Two loves learning to surrender. His hand travels down my back stopping at the mountains of my buttocks. He presses hard. His possession is impatient. His need to have me a torment that devours me. I press my body against his. The touch of skin against skin is my arousing urge. Words are not enough for me. To be his is a vital intensity.
-Heaven...
The pasty voice is deep and deep as I raise my arms. The T-shirt flies through the air. The humid heat of the bay hits my breasts. I stretch my neck back. Senses crowd behind my closed eyes. Birds pecking behind the sound of a boat engine that seems to be in no hurry mingle with the heat of an afternoon that begins to wane.
-I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you. I was so afraid you couldn't see me.
His voice is lost between kisses at the base of my throat.
-I've always seen you. I liked you from the first moment you crossed my lane.
The amused voice merges with the excitement of his hand on my bare back.
-I don't mean that.
His body stretches to look into my eyes as he outlines the edge of my bra with his finger.
-I needed you to see me.
-And what exactly did he have to do with it? -The words are cut off as I feel his hand reach between the fabric and caress my eager breasts.
-To a boy you have conquered from the inside. Your blood saved me once, but you save me every day.
The bra fell off before I threw myself into his arms. I want to kiss him until I eat him. His hands clutch at my waist and lift me above the floor.
-I haven't shown you around the house yet. We'll start with my room.
I smile at the air as I look over his shoulder at the brilliant sunset over the bay. The radiant twilight of gold, fiery red and intense orange winks at me, handing me its palette of color.