Chapter Seven #2
“Thank you, that’s very thoughtful. You’ll be happy to know that the crisis is averted.
No one is here. I searched everywhere–this time for real.
I even went back down into the creepy basement.
The only weird thing was, both the door to get down there and the…
other one–you know the one–were open.” I start to open my mouth to say something but before I can, he holds his hands up in defense.
“Don’t freak out! My thought is that this place is old and drafty and most likely I didn’t get the big door closed completely.
In turn, it could have caused both doors up here to pop open.
It’s not that unusual and I can’t remember if we locked the front door before going upstairs.
Can you?” I shake my head, not feeling reassured.
“Well, that must be what happened, but don’t worry, all the doors are locked now so it won’t happen again.
And I’m not telling you what you saw but…
just maybe you saw a deer, or hell, even an actual bear?
” I get defensive and have to stop myself from acting on the feeling.
It’s hard when I know it wasn’t a deer and it was so pale that it couldn’t have been a bear, which leaves me not knowing how to respond.
“I… I don’t know. I didn’t get a good look at it.
It all happened so fast. I don’t think it was an animal, though.
It was tall, like really tall.” I lean back into him, laying my forehead on his chest. I can’t bring myself to wrap my arms around him as the frustration of not being believed sits heavily in my mind.
So, I wrap my arms around myself and only let myself take the comfort of his smell and the sound of his heartbeat.
He pulls me in close. “Bears can get up to 10 feet tall. My point is, we have no reason to assume anyone is out here and we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
Like you said, it’s been a bizarre start to our time here and we both are on edge, especially combined with the spook I gave you earlier.
It's enough to make anyone jumpy. What we need is a hot shower and a long sleep. We will laugh about this tomorrow, I promise.” I sigh and slowly hug him back, letting myself fully sink into his arms.
“Okay, you’re probably right. I guess, let’s get ready for bed,” I say with a forced smile, not that he can see it.
I don’t feel at peace with the situation, but I also know that this isn’t my type of environment in general.
I gave my time, my safety and my peace to Luke this week and I really want to see it through.
Other than my parents, he is the person I trust the most. I rely on him and isn’t that the point of this week anyway, to reconnect and grow our relationship?
If I’m honest with myself, I also agreed to this as a test for myself.
I have always been someone who is scared easily, who never takes risks, and who also looks for things to fall apart.
It’s a miserable, learned trait. I had a great childhood, but I was pampered.
My parents always made sure I had everything I wanted, without a question, and they fixed anything that was wrong, no matter how small.
As safe and cared for as my parents made me feel, I also never learned to stand on my own two feet and I’ve taken that into every adult relationship I’ve had.
I look to be rescued, eternally the damsel in distress.
But this time, in this relationship, I promised myself it would be different.
I’ll let Luke love me, care for me, protect me because I want him to, but I won’t allow myself to need him to.
I’m learning that I can stand on my own two feet.
I have to or I’m afraid I’ll never live up to my full potential.
This mental, emotional side-quest is what really made me agree to this trip.
This feels like the first real time away that is outside my comfort zone, and it’s already proving to be the challenge I was silently calling for.
I take a small step away from Luke and look up at him. “You head up and get showered. I don’t know if you noticed that I broke a glass in the sink but I’m gonna go clean it up so we don’t have to deal with it in the morning and then I’ll meet you up there.”
“I can stay and help.”
“No no, it was my fault and it’ll only take a few minutes, plus it will give me a few moments to calm myself down the rest of the way.”
“Okay… if you're sure?” He pauses when I don’t answer and then continues, “if you aren’t upstairs in 10 minutes, I’m coming back down.” I nod and smile in what I hope is a comforting way. He hesitates for a second longer before turning and walking away.
I need to do better. I don’t want him to feel stressed over how I’m feeling. When he gets stressed, I get more stressed and it becomes a crazy cycle that’s hard to break out of. I quickly rummage around my mind for something to lighten the mood before he is out of my sight.
“Also, I just want to point out, you’ve never showered in under 10 minutes in your life.” He looks back at me, playfully giving me the finger just before he turns the corner.