Chapter Twenty-Two
I open my eyes, hearing the birds coming from outside.
It must be morning, I slept so hard I didn't even dream. At any other time, this wouldn't seem like a weird thing, but since I’ve been in these woods, I haven't missed a dream. I wonder what that means. There isn’t any point in obsessing over what I can’t control, so I let myself enjoy the fact that for the first time in days, I feel well rested.
I stretch my arms over my head, feeling oddly relaxed when I should be thinking about the situation I’m still in, but I want to stall being in the real world even for just another few seconds.
I close my eyes and let myself drift into a happy daydream.
The birds feel like they are getting louder.
Why are they so loud? It sounds like they’re inside.
I open my eyes and the first thing I see is my breath in the air.
It’s cold in here. It wasn’t this cold when I went to bed last night, not inside.
Anxiety wiggles into my brain and even though I want to avoid whatever I might see, I sit up.
Sunshine is streaming through the door which is wide open.
I jump out of bed, looking toward the fire, where Abel should be, but he isn’t there.
Frantically, I glance around the room. He isn’t here.
His gun is still sitting above the door on its perch.
I don’t know him very well, but he doesn’t strike me as the type of person that would go outside alone without his gun–especially after everything I told him.
Heedlessly, I run out the door, not even stopping to put on my jacket or shoes.
The same intense, dead smell hits me the moment I step out the door.
It’s so strong outside my eyes water but I continue to stumble forward trying to ignore it so I can keep moving.
“Abel…. Abel? Where are you?” I run around the shack, screaming his name but I don’t hear anything back, so I sprint into the trees.
I’m moving so fast that I’m not paying attention as I run into a small branch.
I’m stunned by the pain that shoots across my face.
I reach up, touching my cheek and it feels like I’ve been cut.
As I pull my hand away and there’s blood on my fingertips.
This only heightens my feelings of wild frustration and desperation.
“Abel?!” I scream into the forest again.
I have to find him. He couldn’t have just disappeared.
I continue to stumble through the forest, calling him louder as the minutes tick by.
I know I’m being reckless, but I don’t care. I can’t be out here alone again.
Unexpectedly, another pain shoots up my leg causing me to fall forward.
I throw my hands out just in time to catch myself before rolling over and crying out.
I slowly sit up, pulling my foot into my lap.
There’s a stick impaled into the bottom of it.
“Fuck! What the fuck…” I smash my fist into the ground next to me, grabbing dirt and leaves and throwing it as frustration pours out of me.
After I calm down, I pick up my foot again, yanking the stick out before I can lose my nerve.
It wasn’t as deep as it felt, but the amount of pain and blood as I pulled it out was enough to make me feel like I might pass out.
“Really great. First my face and now this. What is wrong with me?” I try to stand up but when I attempt to put weight on my foot, I fall back onto my knees.
I look up to the sky and yell for Abel one last time, but I’m only met with horrible silence.
I force myself to stand back up, gritting my teeth with every slow step back to the shack, which thankfully is still in view.
I need to be smarter. It doesn’t help anyone if I can’t keep my head on straight and continue to hurt myself or worse become even more lost. Slowly, I make it back, leaving a bloody trail following me.
As I get to the door, the wind has pushed it closed just enough that I can see long, deep scratches etched into it.
I limp into the shack, trying to bite my fingernails, but I’m disappointed when I don’t have anything left to abuse.
I look around the room but see no signs of a struggle.
All of Abel’s things are here; his boots are still sitting neatly placed next to the stove.
He had to have been taken. How didn’t I hear it?
I should have done more. He felt so safe, like a lifeline back to the world.
I should have been more forceful when I explained the danger we were in.
He is out in these woods enough to have this shack.
I guess I didn’t think they would bother him.
If I’m honest with myself, I know it’s just my mind trying to justify what happened.
The creatures want people to come to them.
They call and scream, trying to lure people into the woods.
They did it to Luke and they’ve tried to do it to me. None of it feels entirely real though.
What is true though is that I didn’t protect Abel.
What if I can’t protect Luke? Anger, resentment and fear course through my body and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve walked over to the table.
In a daze I fling everything on it across the room, shattering anything that can be shattered.
I don’t stop. I’m like a wild animal as I grab the chair and repeatedly slam it against the floor until it's in pieces.
Then I begin to scream–I scream until I crumble into a pile on the floor.
I feel empty, but also in some ways, clear.
I wipe my face before standing up. The pain from my face stings sharply and I’m reminded of the cut.
I slowly hobble over to the mirror, wanting to see how bad it is.
I watch the ground as I walk, trying to avoid the mess I made.
When I finally look up, toward my reflection, I see trees instead.
It’s a window. My breath catches in my throat as I realize, it was never a mirror.
_____
I sit on the bed as I pour some water first on my hands, cleaning the dried blood off the best I can, and then over my injured foot.
I didn’t find any kind of first-aid kit in here, so I have to make do with what I have.
I rip a long piece of fabric off the bottom of one of my extra shirts and use it to wrap my foot, wincing as I pull it tight.
I get dressed as quickly as possible before stopping and searching the floor.
Abel’s items are everywhere after I destroyed the room.
The one thing I really want is his extra water bottle.
When I find it, I open it and see that it's still full, so I stuff it into my bag before shrugging it on.
Before I run to the door, I reach into my jacket pocket, making sure I still have the bullets, but what I feel first is my phone.
I pull it out and press the on button again.
It doesn’t turn on and I consider throwing it on the bed and leaving it, but for whatever reason I shove it back in my pocket before confirming the bullets also made it through the last couple of chaotic days.
As I step outside, I’m relieved to see the sun hasn’t fully risen yet.
The day is still young, and I feel hopeful that this is the day I’m going to find help for Luke…
and for Abel. I’m walking fast, forcing myself to ignore the pain in my foot.
I don’t have time so I can’t think about it.
I have to keep moving no matter what. I can’t slow down.
Each day I’ve tried to keep track of time but after so many days of non-stop walking, time has stopped feeling like something tangible. What I know is that I’ve been walking for a long time. What I don’t know is how far I’ve gone or if I’m making actual progress.
As the sun continues to rise, I turn my face up to the sky, letting the sunbeams warm me.
I bring my hand up to my eyes, shielding them from the bright light as I think I see something.
I step to the side, so the sun moves behind a tree and as my vision clears, up ahead is a tall wooden structure.
Some sort of hunting perch, I think. It’s basically just half a box with a ladder attached to the side, but I’ll take it.
My first thought is clear; Abel. I start yelling his name, running to the ladder.
I fly up the rungs but am disheartened when I get high enough, to see over its walls, it’s empty.
Heavy disappointment weighs on me, my whole body tensing to hold it.
I’m trying so hard and whoever or whatever is supposed to be watching over me isn’t doing shit.
I look up at the sky, screaming, “I need help! Please! Why won't you help me?!”
I take a couple deep breaths before climbing back down, feeling defeated and fragile, but I don’t let myself sink into these emotions.
I just keep walking, putting one foot in front of another.
I’m not going to give up, even if I’m alone here.
I focus on the sounds of my steps, not wanting to let myself sink too deep into thoughts.
The sounds around me eventually lull me into a daydream which is only broken as something lightly bounces off my face.
I blink a couple times, taking a step backward as my eyes focus.
Confusion and anger course through my body as I see the heart shaped locket swaying from a tree branch.
I reach out my hand and grab it, yanking it free.
I grip it tightly in my hand, closing my eyes as I will myself to not fully freak out.
I feel an unexplainable urge to keep this memento of a child long gone, but then I remember who left it for me.
‘They’re tricky.’ I can’t take any gifts from them.
That’s what they’re waiting for. I spin in fast circles, searching for any of them lurking in the trees before chucking the necklace as far from me as I can.