Chapter Twenty-Seven
Two days later
Luke and I stand outside of the hospital doors as my mom drives the car around to pick us up.
I wish Luke would stay another day or two, but he insists he’s feeling good and wants to go home.
I’m trying to keep a happy attitude even though we spent a lot of yesterday arguing about whether he was really ready to come home.
He’s never been someone who likes medical intervention.
He was raised in a family where going to the doctor was the last resort, so he wanted to leave from the moment he stepped foot in the door.
I think he would have chosen to go straight home if the officers hadn’t insisted that he at least get checked out.
I should feel more grateful that he’s doing this well. His fever completely broke while he was alone at the cabin and his infection is gone. All I can do is take the word of his doctors since I haven't had the chance to see any of his wounds myself yet.
He continues to stay bundled in countless layers which is weird but I’m picking and choosing my battles.
I’m just happy that he agreed to put on new clothes at all.
The doctors say that anxiety and trauma can trigger a feeling of being cold, which in turn, gives him something he can try to control or fix.
It’s only been a couple of days and I’m trying to not let myself spiral about his state of mind.
Not only is it not helpful, but it's not like I’m magically all better either.
I can barely tell what’s real. I see shadows everywhere, behind every person, around every corner.
Also, just like I worried, the doctors say there’s a very real chance that I got a parasite from the water in that stream.
So just to be safe, they gave me some medication for it, but the pills give me the worst nausea and make me extra tired.
I’ve been falling asleep every time I sit down, but then when I go to bed at night, I can't sleep. The shadows keep me up all night, whispering to me in the dark. I know none of it’s real, but I can’t shake the uneasy feeling it gives me.
I think back through all these details while we’re waiting for the car.
I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted so I don’t dwell on the fact that Luke’s having a hard time opening up to me.
He won’t talk about what happened at the cabin and there are parts he doesn't seem to remember at all. Whether or not he thinks to reach for me, he hasn't been. I’ve been taking the first steps to talk to him, hold him and comfort him. He hadn’t even noticed the engagement ring that I had left on until yesterday evening.
I ended up taking it off and sneaking it to my mom for safekeeping.
It doesn’t feel like the right time now, and I don’t want to steal what should be a happy moment.
I feel Luke looking at me and when I look back, he has a big smile on his face and for the first time it feels genuine. “I’m really happy we’re going home, Hanna.”
“Me too. It’s the first step of the rest of our lives–our very normal lives.
” I pause, thinking about what to say next.
“Hey! After we get home and get settled, we should run out for ice cream or something. None of that freeze dried crap, though.” I give him a cheeky smile and stick out my tongue. He chuckles and shakes his head.
“No, none of that, Hanna.” The interaction feels awkward and maybe a little forced but it’s progress. He’s slowly becoming more himself again and that’s all I can ask for.
I look back just in time to see my mom driving up.
She stops and rolls down the window before yelling, “Get in here, you cuties.” Thank God, for my mom.
She dropped everything she was doing and has stayed with me almost the entire time.
I don’t know what I would do without her; she has truly been my backbone through this.
I tried to convince her she should go back home and rest, but she insisted on taking us back to our apartment herself.
Luke climbs into the backseat so I can sit up front with mom. As I get seated, she reaches over and pats my leg before looking back at Luke. “Ready to go?”
I smile back as enthusiastically as I can. “We’re ready.” My mom taps me on the shoulder and points for me to look at the backseat. When I do, Luke already has his eyes closed, his face lightly twitching with the beginnings of sleep. I look back to my mom and smile.
_____
The drive is peaceful as we chat about the weather, what movies are in theaters, and she reminds me that after we get home, we need to run back out to get new phones.
Luke lost his at some point while I was gone and even though I’ve held onto mine, I haven’t had a chance to charge it yet, so I have little hope it will actually work.
Mom doesn’t pry for details about what happened.
I told her I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet and she’s always been good at respecting boundaries.
She’s also good at talking, a true expert at filling silence, and that’s just what I need.
After all the time alone in the woods, I’m relieved to listen to pointless, everyday chatter.
We were able to go to a hospital closer to home, so the drive is relatively short, which is exciting.
I’ve never craved being in my own space as much as I do right now.
When we pull up, my heart starts thundering in my chest as I get a small spike of adrenaline.
I turn back to wake up Luke, but his eyes are already open, staring out the window in silence, and I wonder how long he’s been like that.
Everyone climbs out of the car and I automatically walk to the trunk for our bags before remembering that we don’t have anything.
We were so focused on getting Luke out of the cabin that we forgot about our luggage and Luke’s backpack is still abandoned somewhere in the woods.
The only things that made it out with us are the clothes on our backs, the ring and my phone.
My mom went out and bought us new clothes, so we opted to just throw away the stuff we’d been wearing so we don’t even have a bag from the hospital. I tell myself it’s a fresh start, not bringing any bad energy back from that place.
My mom continues to fill the potentially awkward silence as we ride the elevator up to our floor.
Luke hasn’t said a word since we left the hospital, which is making me nervous, so I keep trying to steal glances at him.
Sometimes he smiles but mostly he looks lost and confused.
I scoot closer to him, slipping my hand into his and squeeze it tight.
For the first time in a long time, he squeezes back.
The silent gesture fills me with hope. There he is.
When we get to our front door, I instinctively go to grab my keys but I don’t have any. My mom steps around me and pulls out her emergency spare before taking it off her key chain and handing it to me with a smile.
“Thanks. I’ll get you another one.” I unlock the door, and as it swings open, the smell of home hits me hard. Tears spring to my eyes at the sight of my space, my safe place, my home–our home.
I watch Luke as he steps inside and looks around.
He walks around the kitchen, looking at the pictures on our fridge before slowly making his way to the big window in the living room.
He stops in front of it and doesn't move, just taking it all in, I guess.
I look over to my mom with a worried expression, but she simply shrugs and mouths, “Let him be,” and shoos me away.
I take a deep breath and nod. She’s right, I just need to be patient. He’s probably overwhelmed. I know I am. I need to be strong; he needs me and the best help I can give right now is just being here.
I walk down the hallway, making my way into our bedroom.
When I see the phone charger, I decide to try and get it to turn on one last time.
I grab the phone out of my jacket pocket and plug it in.
Nothing happens right away, not that I expected it to.
I sit down on the bed and lay back, closing my eyes and breathe in deep.
I take in the feeling and smell of the space around me as I listen to my mom banging around the kitchen.
She’s probably already working on making us a home-cooked meal.
She’ll be disappointed to find out that we basically emptied the kitchen of all its food before leaving.
I smile to myself, imagining her walking in here, arms crossed and asking what we plan on eating with the “whole lotta nothing” we have in the fridge.
I hear a ping and sit up quickly. As I look toward my phone, I see it starting to light up.
Oh my god! I jump off the bed and grab it.
Even with the cracks, it seems to be fully turning on.
It lets me open the screen and as I do, the notifications start pouring in.
I groan as the emails, texts and missed calls pop up endlessly.
I’m not looking at any work shit, so I ignore the emails and start sorting through the texts.
It’s all the normal, mindless stuff, mostly check-ins from my parents, but I freeze when I open the missed calls.
The last one is from Luke’s phone. That’s weird.
It shows that he called me yesterday. How could his phone call me?
Is he hiding his phone from me? I tap the voicemail button and sure enough there’s a message from his phone.
I’m scared to listen to it, letting myself hold back before slowly bringing the phone to my ear.
Luke’s voice comes through the speaker loudly, “Hanna! I don’t know how, but I found service out here.
My phone is about to die… I don’t have a lot of time.
I don’t know where you are… I hope you’re okay.
” There’s shuffling in the background before his voice comes back on, “They’re coming…
I love you, Hanna! I won’t stop un…” The start of a shrill scream reverberates through the speaker before it cuts off.
The phone slips from my shaking hands as I struggle to breathe.
“Hanna…?” It’s barely a whisper coming from the open doorway. I turn slowly toward the dark hallway just as Luke steps out of the shadows. His eyes are glowing with that same yellow that haunts my dreams.