Chapter Thirty-Five Whip
Getting kidnapped and tortured by my fucking brother was something I never thought I would experience in my life.
The torture that they did to me to try and get information was a new form.
I was used to Travis being a fucking asshole, but obviously this was new.
I didn’t know if he wanted to win points with the big boss or not, but the fact is everything was fucked up in that room.
I don’t even remember half of it because I think I passed out after he stabbed me a few times in the legs or maybe it was after that one blow to the head. I don’t know.
Waking up in the hospital and knowing that my actual family saved me, well I think that was the best feeling in the world.
I know that I have a shitload of stuff to make up for with Peyton, but I am glad I get the chance.
I’m also very glad I get the chance to see those three babies grow up and possibly any more I can put in my woman’s belly.
Knox and I are going to have to take turns.
I’m sure Peyton will have something to say about that, but I think we have a way around convincing her to see it our way.
I never thought a family was something that I wanted, never saw that in the cards for me after all the fucked up shit that I went through growing up, but here I am.
I look at Devil and I don’t think I have ever seen this man so nervous before in my entire life. He walks over and sits down on the chair next to the bed.
“I’m really glad you are okay, Cooper. When I couldn’t get in touch with you this morning after we got the results, I don’t think I have ever felt that fear in my life.
Our club has so much shit going on and I didn’t know who the fuck could’ve taken you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you to stay until someone could ride out with you.”
“You know you weren’t going to be able to stop me. I know shit’s going on and I still didn’t give a fuck. I wanted to get back to my home. I thought shit was fine with Acid MC because we haven’t heard from them and I never fucking thought that my brother and his fucking tools of a mafia would come
after me. I had a lot of shit on my mind and I needed to get away. My world had been turned upside down. Tons of what fucking ifs were going through my head. I guess I didn’t even think about what could be going through yours or Chains head.
Since you guys were the only ones to know that I was possibly their kid. It sucks that I know my life could’ve been something totally different if she would’ve told me or even you the truth.”
“I don’t know everything that you’ve gone through and I hate that I don’t. I hate that seeing you grow up happened merely because of the fact you spent time with the Jacobsons. I’m sorry for everything that you’ve gone through and that I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been.”
“You couldn’t have known. None of this is on you. My mother was a bitch and it’s all on her. She did this and she let every bad thing happen to me because she didn’t care about me or doing what was best for me. That’s not on you.”
“Well, Liz and I want to get to know you better as a member of our family. I want to spend some time getting to know you, well getting to know you better than a brother knows other brothers. You’re my boy and we had a lot of time stolen from us and that breaks my heart.”
He says as he pounds his fist on his chest.
“I could just kill that bitch that birthed you. Any of those assholes that laid a hand on you growing up. You’re my boy and even though we just found out I want you to know that I love you. I am so happy you are a part of my family.”
With that he grabs the back of my neck and pulls my head forward placing his forehead against mine. He has tears in his eyes and I’m right there with him, I’ve never felt like I had a family that wanted me until Knox and Peyton let me be a part of theirs.
He straightens up and looks at me, “I’m going to let you rest, then I’ll be bringing your younger siblings to visit you. Also Liz wanted me to tell you, when you get out of here you better make it to our family dinners every Sunday. She doesn’t accept any excuses.”
Shortly after that he got up and left where Knox and Peyton walked in with the three kids.
“Bring me my babies.”
They walked over and put the babies next to me on the bed. I can’t believe they are going to be one in a few months. I know this time is so hard for Peyton being as it’s the first holiday without her mama.
“How you doin’ man?” Knox asks.
“A little sore, but I’ll be fine. I think we need to talk, all of us, about everything that’s happened. I mean I know Peyton deserves to know everything, but you probably should too.
We are going to have this family and I think that it’s important that you all know what I’ve been working with and dealing with. Probably going to be too much bullshit, but it kind of gives I’m sure a nice big understanding of the bullshit I’ve done and put everybody through.
Knox got a little bit of a show of some of it when we went to my folks home.”
“Yeah sure got a show, your mom’s a real fucking piece of work.”
“Yeah, well that isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. My childhood wasn’t fucking pretty and I was glad I got the fuck out of there when I was seventeen even though they still kept at it after. Taking Evan with me didn’t help.”
I look over at Peyton and she kind of looks confused, “You remember Evan?”
“I mean kind of, I remember you having a young boy with you when you came over sometimes after you moved out.”
“Yeah that was my little brother. He moved out with me.
Despite the fact I wasn’t eighteen or the fact that he was younger there was no one stopping me.
I pretty much raised him after that and I think that our parents were okay with it because it was two less mouths to feed and the shit they did to me they never wanted or needed their other children to see all of it.
I guess I never really thought that Ray wasn’t my dad, I mean why would I?
I guess I knew from an early age I was different to them because even when it was just Travis and I before Amber came they treated me differently.
I don’t have memories obviously from when I was super little, but I never felt safe at home.
When I started school it was a relief, finding Thorn was a blessing because that was less time I had to spend with my parents.
Both my parents are drug addicts and alcoholics.
They were extremely abusive, in all the ways you can imagine.
I never understood until this shit came out why.
I guess I still don’t understand how my own mother could treat me the way that they did or say the things that were said to me.
I was told over and over again I was worthless, nothing, that the world would be better if I wasn’t in it.
The amount of beatings I got from my parents for just about anything.
My dad, he used about anything he could unless he was sober. Which never really happened growing up.
I don’t think I had a peaceful day one single day living there.
Once Travis got older and realized that if he treated me the same way that he would get their approval he started with the beatings and the bullying.
The abuse was just non-stop unless I was at Devil’s Chaos.
I felt at home there and wished that they were my family.
Amber came along and she noticed how things went and went along with everything.
As I got older, whenever my parents would have ‘friends’ over they would make sure Amber and Travis weren’t home, but would make sure I was home.
I lost my virginity to one of those ‘friends’.
My dad would basically sell me to whoever would have me.
Anything to get their next fix. I should’ve realized that I didn’t belong to him.
I mean what kind of man does that to their son.” I let out a humourless chuckle.
“I pushed you away because I didn’t want to make you dirty. I felt dirty and unworthy. No one knows everything that I have been through. I haven’t shared the sexual abuse shit with anyone. Tanner doesn’t know more than the physical and verbal abuse. I’m sure he could guess the rest.
But I felt like getting with you soiled you whenever I touched you, I told you it was a mistake because I felt like someone all my darkness and dirtiness would attach itself to you. I know that it makes no sense to you or probably anyone else, but in my mind I was protecting you. Yet,
I couldn’t stay away. I knew I was hurting you, I just couldn’t stop. I’m so sorry for the situation and everything I did to you, more than you would ever know. Tanner knocked some sense into me by telling me that my past didn’t make me someone unworthy of you.
There were plenty of conversations with Tanner where he read me the riot act. I am sorry that it took me so long to show you that I am here for you and want to be with you forever. I am so thankful that you both are willing to have this type of relationship so that I can love you, Peyton.
So that I can love these babies you have brought into the world. I want you to know,” I look towards Knox.
“The next babies are going to be mine. We are going to have to take turns knocking her up because I want something I never thought I would ever want, I want a chance to have babies and a chance to have the family I always wanted. So that is my story, all sunshine and rainbows as you see.
But now I know what I fucking want and I fucking want this.”
Peyton has tears coming down her face and Knox is looking at me with a solemn expression. I have all three babies on my bed with me and I pick up Ronan who is closest to Peyton and move him over and reach for Peyton’s hand, pulling her onto my bed.
“Don’t be sad for me, baby. I’m okay. Look I got myself a beautiful family and I am so glad that I have Knox who knew that we all need each other in different ways. I am glad I got a brand new friend and a man that I can go forward with in the future and share the love of a beautiful woman.”
I look over at Knox and he smiles and grabs Rowan from off the bed because he was trying to climb down anyway.
So he grabbed him and then Rebel and Ronan placing them on the floor to let them run around on the floor.
“I also have a new family that I am so grateful I found now through Devil. I am excited to get to know my new siblings. I have never felt loved until recently and I have never been more grateful for you bringing that into my life.”