Chapter 13
thirteen
ELLIE
The night sky is in full effect. I decided to sit on the beach and take in the waves. Everyone else gathered around the stage while the band did a sound check. I look up at the beautiful, dark blue sky, watching the stars twinkle. This is my happy place. The sounds of the waves crashing into the surface, the seagulls flocking above while they call for each other, the calm of everything around me. I didn’t have a towel with me, so I sacrificed my clothes and hair and lay down on the bare sand. With how the night sky looks tonight, it’s worth it.
I tried many times to spot stars in the sky when I was in New York. I could never find them. Only emptiness. I’d go on the rooftop of my apartment, sit in a chair, and just try. When I wasn’t successful, I would stare at the moon. Hoping that Rowan was looking at the moon with me all those miles away.
I’ve gotten used to the chaotic life of the city. The hustle and bustle. The loud noise you can’t escape from.
When I settled my life there, I was enamored by it all. The people, the lights, the energy that folded itself around me. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I thrived in it and felt proud to be part of a beautiful city that millions of people travel to for the experience.
People say that New York is not for the weak. Especially when you weren’t born and raised in it and go there to achieve a dream you have. Those people aren’t wrong.
Three years into my relationship with Charlie, the happiness I once had slipped through my fingers. My mind remembers the day the flicker of excitement was no longer there. I went from waking up in the morning, excited to see what the day was going to bring, to wanting to throw my phone across the room when my alarm would go off.
No one ever knew the dread that would sink in when I woke up in the morning. Because that isn’t how I was supposed to feel. I should have been thankful for being a part of something that so many pastry chefs would kill to have.
I took the negatives and tried to reframe them as positives. Every compliment and praise I received toward my work made me hope that those words would ignite that flame in me again.
It never did.
“Ellie!”
Looking behind me, I see Riley in the distance waving. I get up, brush the sand off my shorts, legs, and hands, and walk toward the sounds of people talking and laughing, along with the echoing sound of the mic check.
“How old do you think the drummer is?” Riley asks.
“Why? You think he’s cute?” My eyes follow hers toward the stage, and I tilt my head.
“I’m going to say twenty-eight,” James butts in. “She’s trying to sleep with the guy.”
“You’re going to have to wait in line.” I point to the group of women staring at him while he twirls his drumsticks in his fingers.
“I’ve always liked a little competition.” Riley wiggles her brows, and as she walks toward the front of the stage, her golden hair stands out in the crowd.
Riley has the type of confidence that sometimes can make a man intimidated. Her type is men who like casual. No relationship, no strings, just fun.
We hear a tapping sound from the stage, and a guy with a guitar strapped to him starts to speak. He introduces the band when my attention is pulled away from a sound behind me.
“Hey, guys.” Hailey walks up to me and James, Beau trailing behind her.
Hailey has this effortlessly cool vibe, with light brown hair and curtain bangs, one section dyed a striking icy blond. Tattoos wind down her arms, and her septum and nose rings glint as she moves. Her winged liner is always on point—sharp enough to cut through anything. Her high-rise jean shorts show off her long legs, and her blue button-up has the first few buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up.
“Hey, Hails.” I pull her into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth, and pull back. “How was your date?”
“It was fine. Not sure if I care to see him again. He did tell me about this cool club thirty minutes from here. We should check it out.”
“Ooh, what’s the name?” I ask.
“Ecstasy,” Hailey says casually.
James laughs. “How the hell do they get away with a name like that?”
Hailey shrugs before replying, “How should I know?”
“I could totally use some dancing in my life right about now,” I whine.
“I’m in,” Beau says from behind Hailey.
Hailey turns to look at Beau, who looms behind us, his tall, broad frame hovering over the two of us. The pair of them look like two peas in a pod. He’s covered in tattoos, even on his neck, with a nose piercing to match Hailey’s. He and James share similar features, making it obvious they’re related.
“Who invited you?” Hailey peers at him.
“Hey, if you say there’s dancing, I’m going. That means a lot of women will be in attendance.” Beau shoves his hands into the pockets of his rugged jean jacket.
“I see your face enough at the tattoo shop,” Hailey responds.
Beau’s brows knit together, and he says, “How is it my fault I like getting tattoos?”
“You don’t see me going to the barber shop and bugging you all the time.”
“Oh, please. You love seeing my handsome face.” Beau takes out his hand and wraps an arm around Hailey, tugging her body into him.
She rolls her eyes and takes a swig of her drink. I hide my smile when I look at James, giving him a look that says, can your brother be more obvious? James shrugs and lets out a quiet chuckle.
The band starts to play, and Hailey grabs my arm, her eyes lighting up as she looks at me. The first chords of Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus starts to play, and excitement thrums through my body.
“I love this song,” Hailey yells out in excitement and starts to sing.
We serenade each other while dancing obnoxiously around the crowd. My arm accidentally bumps into James, his hand holding his beer up.
“Alright, alright, calm down.” James wipes off his drink from his shirt.
I wince. “Sorry.”
“Hi, guys!” Addie yells, running toward us. “I was just up front with Riley, and she’s glaring at the drummer.”
“That checks out,” August says from behind, scaring the shit out of me.
“Where the hell did you come from?” I ask.
He looks at me, pinching his index finger and thumb together, mimicking smoking. I lift my chin up and then nod without saying a word. That simple gesture tells me Rowan was with him, but I don’t see him anywhere.
An hour later, I can feel the sweat accumulating on my body from jumping, singing, and dancing with my friends. Another song ends, and the lead singer bends down to pick up his drink, quickly taking a swig before putting it back down. He says something to his band and turns toward the mic.
“This cover is a little slower, but it’s a good one.”
He starts to play the intro for Sailor Song by Gigi Perez.
My arms and legs start to feel warm and fuzzy inside from the drinks I’ve had all night. I sway back and forth while singing with the band, closing my eyes as my arms sway with me, and once the chorus hits, I start to sing with them.
Letting my thoughts get lost in the music that vibrates through the crowd, I stop thinking about work, Charlie, and feeling alone. The memories of all the times I felt my body start to panic when I would wake up in the morning and think about all the dishes that needed to be done.
Someone warm and solid presses themselves against my back, and I think nothing of it. It’s gotten more crowded since we’ve been here, so I expect people to lose self-awareness when it comes to personal space. But then I feel a hand on my shoulder and immediately look up.
Dark blue eyes framed by thick lashes stare back at me, along with a smirk that showcases a dimple I’m all too familiar with. I smile up at Rowan and look back toward the band, trying to steady my breathing. I go back to what I was doing, swaying to the music, as I feel his hand slide from my shoulder and down to my arm. Stroking my skin.
For a moment, I let myself get lost in his touch. The way it soothes me and helps ground me. The simple act of his touch lets me know that he’s here. That it’s going to be okay.
The song ends, and the crowd erupts with shouting and clapping. The band announces they will be playing one last song for the night. I immediately notice the melody of the music, and I can’t contain my excitement as Adore You by Harry Styles blares from the stage.
My eyes find Rowan again, and I grab his hand, dragging him through the thrum of people and toward the stage.
“What are you doing?” he asks, laughing.
His tall frame helps separate people so we can get through. When we get as close as possible to the band, I turn around, still gripping his hands to steady myself from the spins. My hair whips around this way and that, and my smile beams across my face. Rowan spins me around once and then pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me.
I don’t let go of his hold, mainly because the spin still has me dizzy because I’m drunk. I crane my neck up and start to sing toward Rowan, serenading him until I’m blue in the face.
His smile is beautiful and alluring when he looks down at me. I feel his grip on me tighten, pulling me as close as possible. The heat on my cheeks feels like they’re going to burst into flames from the touch of him. My mouth curves into a smile, and I take in the warmth of his body onto mine.
A feeling of happiness spreads through me, and I make sure to hold on to that feeling while I dance with my best friend to one of my favorite songs. I lock this moment into my memory as we spin in each other’s arms.