Chapter 38
thirty-eight
ELLIE
I couldn’t handle it anymore. With one touch on his bare skin and rippling muscles, I knew that I needed him. I need his hands, his lips, his entire body on me.
“Kiss me.” I look into his eyes, and his lips part.
His beautiful, full lips that I can’t stop thinking about. I had to ask before my heart gave out. If I was going to die right now, I’d make sure I’d get that kiss from him.
His hand is gentle when he caresses my jaw, and I close my eyes. I want to savor his touch. With my eyes still closed, I can feel his thumb brush over my bottom lip, and he pulls down on it. I almost melt onto the floor. How can a touch as simple as that make my knees feel like jelly? It takes everything in me not to put his thumb in my mouth and suck on it.
“If I kiss you,” he whispers, “I won't be able to stop kissing you until I take my very last breath.”
The deepness of his voice, the husk, and—is that desperation I hear? I need him to kiss me now. I nod my head because I can’t get any words out.
He pulls me in, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Standing as tall as I can, meeting him halfway, and the moment our lips touch—my knees buckle, and I see stars. I open my mouth for him and let his tongue dance along mine.
With every movement of his tongue, he follows my lead. He will do what I want now that he has me again. Every gentle bite he gives me on my bottom lip, every caress he makes with his tongue, I press my body into his. Needing more, more, more of him.
His strong hands go down my body and to the backs of my thighs. In one swift movement, he has me in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist. I let myself get lost in him.
I feel my back press against the wall. Every movement he makes, it’s like he’s taking away every wound I’ve carried my entire life. He moves his lips from mine and brushes them across the crook of my neck.
I let out a faint whimper when I feel the scruff on his jaw graze my skin. The tiny, small bites with every kiss. Then his lips meet my ear, and I feel his lips hover. “Ellie, I don’t think you realize how long I’ve wanted this again, wanted you,” he says desperately.
He kisses behind my ear and gives it a flick of his tongue before pulling back and looking at me. Our eyes meet again, and with one look, I can see he wants to devour me. And I’m going to let him.
“Why didn’t you ever come get me?” I ask with each heavy breath I take.
He continues to hold me against the wall and keeps one hand under me while letting the other one gently hold my cheek. He gives me one small kiss on my nose.
“Because you deserved more than I could have ever offered you, El. You deserved someone who could always make the stars shine for you when you needed them most.”
I stare into his sweet, sad eyes.
“I ran away from a place that couldn’t give me stars,” I whisper. “And then I remembered where I can always find them, and that was home. You’re my home. ”
I search his eyes, wondering what he’s thinking, what he wants to say. He could give me everything and more. I need him to realize that. Tell me to stay. Tell me I can be his again.
“And you’re the light that I need to shine away the darkness I’ve lived in for so long,” he whispers back.
I feel the pressure building up in my chest, my eyes starting to prickle. I place my hand on his cheek. “Let me be your light.”
His lips find mine again, and I feel us moving away from the wall and to my bed, where he lays me down. His lips find my jaw, my neck, and my chest. I arch into him, needing him more.
I can feel how hard he is for me.
“You have no idea what you do to me, Ellie,” he says onto my skin.
His lips trail down from my chest to my stomach, going further down while he moves his body. I feel a kiss just below my belly button. I look down at him, his eyes asking me if I want him to keep going. I nod.
He smirks and lifts onto his knees, his fingers trickling down my stomach, making me shudder from the lightness of it. He lands them on the waistband of my shorts and stops.
Looking at my body, he asks quietly, “You sure?”
I nod frantically, practically begging as I lift my hips up.
He lets out a sigh when he pulls down my shorts, leaving on the cotton underwear that matches my bra. If I’d known this would happen, I would have put on something a bit spicier. But I guess this will have to do.
He throws my shorts on the floor, his eyes going up and down every part of my body like he’s trying to memorize every part of me.
“You are so goddamn beautiful,” he rasps. “More beautiful than I remember.”
I calm my breathing down. I decide to move my hand down my stomach, and I almost reach my underwear when he grabs my wrist.
“No.” He looks at me and says, “Keep your hands above your head, and don’t move them.”
I swallow hard as my eyes widen at his demand. I don’t know this side of Rowan, and I am one hundred percent here for it. I do as he says and grip my pillow with both hands. He licks the bottom of his lip slowly, pulling it under his teeth, and rubs a hand over his jaw. I look at his chest, and my eyes go back to the small trail that disappears below his jeans.
“Hey,” he says.
My eyes snap back up to him.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he demands with a rough edge to his voice.
His hands find my waist, and he glides them down to the waistband of the cotton material, hugging my hips. Then slowly, painfully, he tugs them down. I can feel myself becoming more wet by the minute. Rowan slides them off swiftly like he’s done this a million times.
I hate every woman he’s been with after me.
He lowers himself down at the same time my underwear comes off, throwing them on the floor with my shorts, and runs a hand through his hair. Before I can think or say anything, his hands wrap around my thighs, and he pulls me forward, letting himself kneel on the floor.
I let out an unexpected gasp when I feel him aggressively pull my body to him. He desperately wants a taste of me, and I’m letting him have it. He peppers me with kisses on my inner thighs, taking his time to torture me. I push my hips toward him, trying to guide his mouth where I want it, but he pulls his head back.
He clicks his tongue three times, and I bite my lip. I want him to do that again. I smile when I push myself again, but he controls me when he wraps his arms around my thighs entirely. His biceps flex with strength.
“Please, Rowan,” I beg.
His blue-gray eyes look at me, and I stop breathing. His look screams that he is about to claim me again. He dips his head and kisses the inside of my thigh, moving closer to where I need his lips to be. I let out a gasp and moan when I feel the flick of his tongue. My back arches, and my hips thrust. I need more, so I tell him.
“More,” I moan out weakly.
I can feel his lips turn into a smile, and I don’t care how desperate I look by begging. I reach down to grab his hair, and without stopping, he says, “Keep your hands above your head,” in the darkest tone I didn’t know existed in this man.
I do as he says, not wanting him to stop, and grip the pillow again. He licks every inch of me and flicks his tongue where I need it most. I arch my back and moan out every curse word under the sun as he continues. I sit up to look at him, licking and sucking me like he’s never tasted something this good before. I’ve never had a man become so—so—I can’t even think straight once I feel a finger slip into me.
I fall back on the bed. I grip the pillows harder as he starts to pump in and out of me. My moans become longer, and I bite my lip, trying to hold them in. I feel another finger slip in me, thrusting harder, deeper, and faster. My vision goes dark, and I see stars.
He keeps his finger and tongue at the same speed, my toes curling, my legs shaking. Every pump matches every flick of his tongue. I can feel my toes curling tighter, my heels digging into his back. He groans out in pleasure.
Just when I think it can’t get any better, I feel his fingers move, like he’s beckoning me, and hits a spot that I’ve never thought possible. When did he learn this? I hope he learned that little trick just for me.
My arms come down, and I grip the sheets at my sides, squeezing my eyes shut. I see different colors in my vision as my release shoots out of my body. My moan grows louder, and I pray all the windows are closed.
I scream in pleasure while he lets me ride out my orgasm on his face, shouting his name, worshipping him. I can feel and hear the groans that come out of him, and finally, I feel my body fall back onto the bed. My heart is galloping, and his tongue is slowing down along with his fingers. I try to catch my breath and steady it. His fingers slip out of me, and his tongue stops. He kisses the sensitive nerves, and my body jolts.
I watch him stand up—his gaze pinned on me—and he puts both his fingers in his mouth, licking me off him. I stare at him in complete shock. This is a new side of Rowan that I am so happy to see.
“One day, I’m going to let you clean my fingers for me. But tonight, it’s all for me.”
When he’s done savoring me on his fingers, I let my head fall back on the bed and close my eyes. Holy shit.