Chapter 41
forty-one
ROWAN
A wave of excitement pierces through my body when I hear Ellie’s voice on the other end of the phone. But the excitement turns into fear when I hear her on the other end of the line crying. Crying so badly that I can barely hear the words she’s trying to say.
“Ellie,” I say in a panic.
But she continues to cry and continues to drown out any other sound around me.
“Tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you. Please,” I beg.
“I-I’m.” She lets out a breath. “At home.”
I grab the keys off the table in the entryway and run out the door. I don’t hang up on her. “Ellie, stay right there. I’m on my way. Do not hang up the phone,” I plead urgently.
I don’t know why, but I do what my body commands, and I run. Ignoring my car completely, thinking that I’ll get there faster on foot. I run until my lungs are burning, my feet pounding on the concrete. She is five blocks away. That’s it.
Five blocks until I can get to her, hold her, and take her pain away. I jog past her car and up the driveway, opening the wooden fence, not bothering to close it, and run until I see the white doors to the guest house. I don’t bother knocking on the door and run inside, where I see Ellie covering her face with her hands, sitting on the couch.
My chest rises and falls as I try to calm my breathing down. I kneel before her and gently move her hands, cupping her face in mine so I can look at her.
“Ellie, honey, breathe for me. I need you to breathe.”
I search her eyes, trying to find the brightness in her baby blues, but all I see is pain. I brush my thumbs on her cheeks and continue to talk to her.
“El, breathe. Follow my lead, okay? Breathe in.” I take a deep breath, watching her do the same thing. “Breathe out.” I let out a small smile once I notice her breathing has calmed along with her tears. “There you go, that’s it.”
Her breathing starts to slow down, and her eyes start to clear. Red-rimmed eyes, and she’s still the most beautiful person my eyes have ever seen. I start to lift myself up and let go of her face when she grabs onto my wrists.
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m just going to sit down next to you, okay?”
She doesn’t tear her gaze away from me with each movement I make. I sit down next to her and wrap my arm around her shoulder, guiding her to lay on my lap. She rests her head on my leg while she pulls her arms into her chest and lifts her legs onto the couch.
I brush the damp hair off her face and continue to run my fingers through it with each calming breath she takes.
Ten minutes later, I hear Ellie breathing normally, and her body is relaxed. I never stopped brushing her hair with my hand. I wanted her to know that I was here, and I was not going anywhere.
“Today was an exhausting day,” Ellie finally says. Her voice comes out raspy and tired.
I look down at her as she lies on her side. Her arms, once tucked against her chest, are now wrapped just above my knee, clinging to me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly.
I see her shoulders lift and then fall back down. “I talked to my parents about something. Something I should have told them when I first got home. I didn’t tell August until the other day, and he begged me to tell them. If I didn’t, he would have told them.”
I catch my breath and hold on to it. Something this big that she never mentioned to anyone, on top of everything else she was dealing with. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I should ask her to tell me or if I should leave it alone.
“I…I was offered to take over the executive pastry chef role. They offered it to me the night Charlie told me everything. I haven't given them an answer yet.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t know how to answer that. I mean, I know how to answer that, but it’s not something that I think Ellie should hear. We aren’t together. We have our separate lives. Who am I to tell her what to do?
She continues after a beat. “I was trying to forget about it, which I know isn’t right for me to do when it’s the opportunity of a lifetime. I would get to work with chefs I’ve always dreamt of meeting. I would get to travel all over the world. Be a part of curating the menu, which has always been something I’ve wanted to do. To put my own spin on things. Me and Charlie not being together now changes things. I could say yes and just go. I wouldn’t need to worry about what he’s doing or who he’s fucking. I wouldn’t have anything that would hold me back because I’d be by myself. I’d be following my own rules.”
I clench my jaw at the thought of rarely ever seeing Ellie again. I push back the tears I feel building up in my eyes. Sending her off again on a fucking plane, having to say goodbye, again.
“What do you think I should do, Rowan?”
My heart nearly stops at the question she’s just asked me. I take a minute to myself to collect my thoughts. I don’t want to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. I know I need to go about this the right way. But how do I do that?
How do I make sure that what I’m about to tell her is the right thing for her? I want to be selfish, and I want to take control of this situation because I didn’t get to have that with my dad. But I don’t want to lump her in the same world as my dad. He never asked me if I wanted him to stay or if I wanted to go with him.
Right now, I have Ellie asking me what I think she should do. I could be selfish, just this once. I can risk it all with her.
“Do you want the truth, or do you want me to tell you what I always tell you?”
She’s quiet, and I can feel her thumb brushing over the rough fabric of my jeans. “The truth,” she whispers.
Anxiety thrums through my body. I notice her biting her lip and I’m sure she has a million thoughts running through her mind like I do.
“I want you to stay here,” I mutter so quietly that I wonder if she heard me.
Her thumb stops moving, but she doesn’t look at me. “Stay here and do what, Rowan?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Make a life here. Open your dream bakery. Be happy. Wake up in the morning and not dread going to do something that you are supposed to love. Surround yourself with family and friends who will support you through the good and the bad. Stay, Ellie.”
She turns her body and looks up at me. Her face is slightly puffy from crying. But her eyes are bright again and are the bluest I’ve ever seen them. I watch her throat bob and wonder if what I just told her was too much.
Was I being too selfish?
She breaks the silence between us. “What about you? Do you think you should be on that list of why I should stay?”
I look at her and continue to brush my hand through her hair. Her eyes shut momentarily with the comfort. Slowly, she opens them again. Her long lashes flutter when she blinks.
“Rowan,” she says, asking in question.
Before she can continue, before I lose her again, I reach down and kiss her, needing to feel her lips on mine again. I gently cup her cheeks in my hands and keep my lips on hers. I feel her touch on me, in my hair, her fingers running through it.
I tuck my arm under her, lifting her up closer to me. I lock her there. Holding one side of her cheek while my other arm is wrapped around her. I pull her in tighter, not willing myself to let her go.
I feel her tongue on my lips, and I let her in. She’s slow and lazy, just the way I like it. No rush, just enjoying each other, the taste of each other. I feel her fingers against the scruff of my jaw, and it sends electricity through my body.
I let myself bite her lip softly, a moan slipping through her lips and onto mine. I’m going to let myself have her right now. Because I don’t know if I will be lucky enough to have her again like this.
I’m going to make her mine.